


Kirkwall Sparks

by HeroMaggie



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Anders is flirty, Cranky Hawke is Cranky, Deviation From Canon, Deviation from Plot, F/M, Fenris and Anders coexisting - what?, Fenris is flirty, Foul Language, Isabela is wonderful bestie, Kick Ass Anders for sure, Masturbation in Shower, Modern AU, POV First Person, Rinnie Hawke talks to herself, Smut, Toppy Anders, dom/sub tones, magical mischief, sex toys and other exciting things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 08:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 110,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirkwall is a wonky city. It's built on old Magister ruins. It's an old slave pit. It's covered in stairs. And when the wind blows just right, the Haze thickens and magic sparks dangerously calling out demons and abominations.</p><p>Catherine "Rinnie" Hawke is a mage merc working for Tethras Detective Services to save up money to join the Tethras Expedition into the Spawn-Filled Depths. Gifted with the ability call forth Fire and Ice, Rinnie has the rare ability to see the Haze. </p><p>She's spent the last year staying under the radar. But one job during a strong Haze-filled night leads to new friends, new opportunities, and perhaps more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a snippet of a dream I woke up from - I bought Anders a cup of coffee. That was it. The whole dream. The story morphed from there. Where is this going? I have no clue. 
> 
> Should be a fun ride, though.

“I’ll have a latte with skim milk please.” I waved my hand at the barista and sighed as the fatigue crept up to strangle me. It had been a long day. A freakishly long day of meetings and blather, boss fits and work piles. I just really wanted that cup of coffee and milk and to go sit down someplace that didn’t include meetings, bosses, risky endeavors, or discussion about crazy new jobs.

The hand waving from behind me made me sigh and duck my head. The fingers were long, slender, and well-formed. I turned a bit and met hazelnut eyes set in a pale face framed by longish blond hair. The man was tall, just as tired looking as I was, and had shadows under his eyes. I wouldn’t have thought two thoughts about him except I noted the white doctor’s jacket and the stethoscope that had been hastily shoved in a shirt pocket. Poor guy was on a break and needed coffee.

“Yo!” I yelled at the Barista. “He needs something too.”

The man shot me a grateful smile and rattled off an order for espresso. When he started patting at his pockets I sighed again and shook my head. “Throw it on my tab and give him a sandwich too. What do you want? Turkey? I don’t recommend the ham.”

“Oh…ahh…no. I couldn’t. You needn’t…” he babbled at me and I sighed again.

“Turkey on wheat, double the meat. He looks like he could use it. All on my tab.” I pulled a few silver from my wallet, slapped it on the counter, nabbed my coffee and started to wander towards the table near the window calling my name.

“Hey! No…wait!” The man went to nab me and found a small cup of espresso shoved at him along with a plate. He fumbled and I made my escape to my table.

The coffee was hot, milky, with that bite on my tongue that heralded a slightly burned batch. Even with the charred bitter notes it was heavenly. The milk smoothed out the worst of it and frothed on the top, a pretty layer of white foam that I blew on in an attempt to cool down the brew. I still managed to burn my tongue.

I was about to start cursing quietly at that when Mr Tall Blond Doctor Man sat down at my table, the sandwich settling between us. He sipped at his espresso, let out a sound perilously close to a purr, leaned back in the chair, and looked me over. I sipped my latte and watched him, wondered a bit about him. He was handsome, for sure. Even with the dark circles and hollow cheeks, he was too handsome by half.

He cocked his head, his eyes following my cup from my lips to the table. He watched my fingers for a minute and then gave me a tentative smile. “So, when somebody buys me a meal, I try to thank them.”

“You don’t need to. You looked as tired as I feel and twice as hungry.” I toyed with my cup, my fingers playing with the napkin that wrapped around the base. “Never hurts to build up good Karma.”

“Still, most people pay me no mind. And while I usually prefer that, I still want to thank you for noticing.” His hand reached out to nab one of mine and I was struck, again, by how pretty his hands were. I shook my head, I didn’t have the time or luxury to indulge in this.

“Well…” I swallowed what I wanted to say and shoved out my manners, “You’re welcome. I had…I had best go. Watch the Haze tonight. Looks…dense.” I stood, stretched.

“You can see it?” His voice was suspicious, his eyes narrowing on my face. For a moment, the good doctor looked dangerous and then the shimmer of violence past by and I was staring into a too-handsome face one more.

I could feel my lips quirk up into a smile, “Have a good night, Doctor. Watch the Haze.”

I could feel his eyes on me as I left the café.

***

  
The world around me was quiet, night having fallen while I was getting my coffee. Life in Kirkwall was…strange…on the best of days. Perilous on the worst. Snugged up on the Wounded Coast, the city was a pit – literally. Way back in the great beyond, the wild magic shimmered over the land and Magisters used it to shape reality to their whims. Demons were chained, slavery was allowed, and the Imperium stretched across the world like a dark cloud. Back then, the city had been a slave holding. A quarry run by the Dark Lords and populated by despairing slaves. All that hatred, all that anger and pain had settled into the city, rose up and was sparked by magic use.

Turned into the Haze.

It rose above the city, a malignant cloud of violence that nipped at anybody with even a hint of magic in their blood. Most people felt it as a cold drift against their skin, their hindbrains picking up the evil inherent in the twisting eddies of power. People like that were just prey for those who used the Haze, those who found power in the concentrated pain and suffering that had accumulated here.

I sighed and tightened my jacket around me. Despite the heat and moist air, it wasn’t a night to go around with too much bare skin. The jacket was reinforced with tight rings sewn into the leather. A good jacket to go up against a demon in. The rest of me was covered in tight pants and boots – my ass-kicking outfit. I had to meet with the group tonight. A thick Haze usually meant a troll through the Darktown corridor and possible a blood mage or three. We had a job tonight but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be demons or blood mages or a mix of both.

I’m Catherine, “Rinnie”, Hawke. Rinnie to most of my friends and associates, or Hawke when they got upset with me. During the day I work for one Varric Tethras – finder, manager, mercenary, and all around ok guy if he’s not dealing with his brother. We run a detective agency together – specializing in finding people and things your normal guard can’t handle. If the Guard couldn’t do it and you didn’t want to drag the Chantry into your business, you came to us. Wedding rings, lost kids, apostates fleeing the authorities, your auntie becoming possessed…we’d seen it all.

I hadn’t meant to get into this line of work. I just sorta…fell into it. My brother and I had spent a year working our asses off to get our mother into the city. When our home had been invaded with the Spawn, when the Wardens who guarded the land from things that go bump in the night declared our home country infected, we ran. Almost didn’t make it. How we did, well, that’s how I got the job with Varric.

Varric Tethras is a man about town, so to speak. The younger brother of a dwarven merchant family, he deals in information. And he uses that information to either solve problems or create problems – depending on the payment method. Beardless, perpetually dressed in open-necked shirts to show off his golden chest hair, and always wearing a smirk, Varric was a handsome, funny, smart-ass of a dwarf who could lie you into buying Kirkwall’s front gates. 

Which I heard he did once to a couple of travelers.

He had heard rumors of the Hawke kids. A hard-ass fighter and his sister the mystic. People talk such shit. Carver’s nothing more than a giant kid with a big-ass sword and his thumb up his butt. And I’m no mystic. Sure, I got magic…but I’m not a mystical reader of bones. I can’t tell the future but I can call down a flaming torrent and freeze people into place.

And see the Haze.

The minute Varric heard I could see the Haze was the minute he hired me. Work for him, save up some cash, go into the spawn-filled breach with him and his brother to find the ultimate in lost magical treasures, come out rich. Mother would be set up for life. Carver would get off my back. And I…I would finally be able to thumb my nose at the magical trackers and maybe quit setting shitheads on fire.

Today’s meetings had been about an upcoming job. Flow charts aside, we take the Haze seriously. You go casting in the Haze and you could find yourself swamped with demons and possessed. Kirkwall…city of fucking blood mage abominations skulking through half the city. Gun-toting, magic-sparking, dust-snorting shit-brains operated the rest of it. And tonight we were going hunting for some nutjob named Anso who had lost something.

It was always something.

The face of the handsome blond man swum up through my consciousness and I sighed. I didn’t have time for that. I didn’t have time for good looking men with bruised eyes, pretty fingers, and quirky smiles. I had to meet with Varric and Carver, get my staff, and get my ass out on the streets to talk to this Anso fellow.

And I needed to do it in the Haze.

If we were lucky, I wouldn’t have to spark my magic tonight. Maybe this would be a simple fetch job. Maybe he just lost his cat.

Who was I kidding? I was going to have to spark tonight in the fucking haze. With my luck, he’d lost a barrel of lyrium on the black market.

***

“What do you mean you lost a shipment of black-market lyrium?” Carver’s voice was rough and angry. He crowded close to the quivering dwarf, a one Anso and hirer of us, “You daft bastard. The templars’ll hear about this and we’ll all be thrown in the Gallows.”

Now, Carver’s a big brute of a guy. He’s tall with big shoulders and a thick neck. He’s cute too – with his black hair falling into his eyes, a baby-face, and a flustered manner that a lot of big guys seem to possess. His big blue eyes seemed to either laugh at the world or radiate anger. Right now, they were sparking with annoyance and he was looming over the unfortunate dwarf.

“Back off Carver. You’ll get strung up, I’m the one that’ll get lobotomized for my own good. Now you, where did you lose this stash?” I held up my hand, flames dancing over my fingers. The Haze nipped at my power and I could feel everything wanting to flare and flash. The fire flamed a hot blue for a second and then danced purple. “We’re going out on a limb for you.”

“Look…I didn’t know…it was just supposed to be a delivery. Nobody said anything about templars or bandits or anything. Please…” The dwarf cowered and I sighed.

My nose twitched and I glanced at Varric, “What do you say?”

“We go get the stash. Get paid. Go home.” Varric cocked Bianca, his gorgeous one-of-a-kind crossbow. Guaranteed to work whether the Haze was up or not, it wouldn’t spark, it wouldn’t jam, and one bolt from it would pin a 200 pound man to the wall. You didn't bring a gun into the Haze. Guns worked normal about forty percent of the time. It was the sixty percent that was worrisome. Sixty percent of the time the Haze magic warped the ammo and set fire to buildings, summoned rage demons, or blew your face off. Varric liked the predictability of Bianca. That and the fact that it had a fucking bayonet attached to her. Anso took one look at the crossbow and paled.

“Alienage,” he gasped. “It’s in the Alienage.”

I frowned and glanced back at Varric, “Alright. Let’s go. If this turns out to be a bust we’ll be back.”

Anso nodded, “It’s there, I swear. Get it for me and I’ll pay you handsomely.”

“That’s what they all say,” I muttered as we turned to stalk off towards the Alienage.

***

An hour later and I found myself pinned-down by three Teventer slavers. Their knives flashed in the gloom as they circled me, eyes maddened from haze-sickness and whatever crap they had snorted before coming out on this job. “She’s a right pretty one. Fetch us a good price, then?” One of them leered.

“Who talks like that?” I muttered, calling forth a torrent of ice to sweep over the group. To a man, they froze in place. Carver let out a yell and smashed into the slaver-cicles, the men shattering into gooey, blood-red chunks as he hit them with an excessive amount of force. I grumbled and wiped blood from my face, frowning as it ran in ice-cold rivulets down my neck. “Thanks you rat-bastard. Now I have blood in my jacket.”

“You’re welcome, Sister. Anything to keep you alive. Wouldn’t want to have to tell Mom I let a handful of slavers shank you or worse…take your virtue.” Carver balanced his sword on his shoulder and laughed at me.

“My what? Virtue? You been reading those harebrained romance novels Merrill loves so much?” I gave him a disgusted look. “Wait? Doesn’t she live around here?”

“Yeah, over there. You and your directionally challenged ways. I swear, you get lost walking out of Uncle’s hovel.”

“I’m not lost. I’m just not where I want to be. Varric! You ok?”

“Fine, fine. Blasted mage tried to flame Bianca. Snagged the finish.” Varric was polishing at the stock of his crossbow. “Blast these slavers and their lack of finesse. When I find Anso I’m going to shove Bianca so far up his ass I’ll be able to shoot him to Starkhaven.”

“Now that’s a mental image there, boss.” I leaned on my staff and laughed. “How bout I freeze him in place and let Carver have a go at him. Save Bianca from seeing sights that’ll cause her wood to warp.”

Varric just muttered. “Whatever. We’d better be paid.”

We had made it to the stairs leading out of the Alienage when a man stepped from the shadows. Mean looking and wearing good-quality leathers, he frowned and then pulled his sword. “You all made a terrible mistake. Terrible. Lieutenant! Bring the men out!”

Silence followed his yelling and I found myself snickering a bit, “You sure he didn’t wander off for a bit of yank and fun with Dotty the Doxy?”

Carver looked at me, “Dotty the Doxy? Now who’s been reading stupid books?”

“That’s her name, moron. She’s…a bit off. And who am I to judge what a street walker wants to call herself, huh? You got a problem, take it up with her pimp. I can introduce you. He hangs out at the Rose same as you do.”

“Not anymore,”Carver mumbled. “Merrill doesn’t like it.”

“You better not be cheating on Daisy,” Varric smacked the back of Carver’s head – a feat considering the height difference. “Don’t make me and Bianca take you off to chat.”

“I swear, Varric!” Carver started, stopping when the man in front of us turned the most interesting shade of red. “Er…sorry man. Forgot you were there.”

“Lieutenant!” The man bellowed again, this time blinking when his man came staggering out from the shadows. Behind him strode a tall, slender man, hand covered in blood.

What happened next was either the most amazing thing ever or I’d finally started the long slide towards insanity. They said it could happen here. Spark your magic in the Haze too often and the demons would eat your brain. It was either the blossoming of insanity or Mr Cool had just slid his hand into the angry man’s chest and crushed his heart.

Sadly, it didn’t appear I would be ready for the Quiet Lawns Rest Home anytime soon. Not only did Mr Cool possess some sort of heart-crushing, ethereal hand powers, but he was hot. As in tall, dark, and white-haired with tattoos hot.

And about as friendly as the current Haze swirling around me.

“So…Should I call you Mr Cool or you got a name?” I leaned on my staff and watched his black eyebrows beetle together before a smile creaked up his face. “I’m Rinnie. Or Hawke. Depends on who you ask. That there’s Carver, my ass of a brother. Shorter one is Varric Tethras and the brains of the operation.”

“You can call me Fenris,” The man said. His voice made my whole body come to attention. I gripped my staff and arched an eyebrow at him. When in doubt, play it cool. “Thank you for helping.”

“Oh. No problem. None at all. You work for this Anso fellow then?”

“I hired Anso to find me help. That would be you. And very capable help at that.”

Was he flirting with me? I was covered in blood, my scalp itched, I had a stab wound under one arm, and the hot elf was flirting with me. Two hot men in one day was a new record and it had been years since I had done more than snarl at a man…so I was a bit curious as to what was so important about tonight. Was in a new moon? A full one? Haze extra thick? Were they…Maker take me…demons come to entice me?

I stood there frowning slightly and squinting at the elf. The more I frowned, the bigger his smile grew, till we were pretty much performing some sort of mad comedy routine while blood puddled around us. “Look, I appreciate the help. And I hate to do this but…”

I could feel it coming…could feel the question burgeoning in him. “Yeah…look…yeah. Whatever. Can we chalk this up to charity, Varric?”

“Hawke,” He said on a warning.

“Come on Varric. Where’s your heart?”

“Bartrand shit on it and kicked it out the door.” He looked at my face and sighed, “FINE! But this one’s on you.”

“Got it. I’ll just go take a merc job for Aveline. You know the Guard always have some crap job that needs doing.”

Fenris watched the bi-play and then raised an eyebrow at me. “We ok?”

“Yeah…lead on. You got us for the night.”

I really need to start rethinking the jobs I take. Especially if it involves hot men.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ow. Fucking Ow. My Ow has an Ow” I was moaning at Carver as we staggered through Darktown. “Remind me again why we helped Fenris Fussypants?”

“He smiled at you,” Carver responded. “And you melted into a puddle of goo.”

“I did not melt. OW! Quit tugging you turd. He looked like he could use the help. How did I know he would be so against magic?” I gripped my side and winced, looking at my blood-covered hand. It was my blood and it was flowing out of me at a pretty decent rate. “We almost there?”

“Yeah. Just up those stairs. See the lights? He puts out lanterns when he’s in.” Carver hoisted me up the stairs and shook his head, “Quit whining.”

“Who is this guy?” I grabbed at my side and hobbled up the stairs. “Maker, I should learn some healing incantations.”

“Right. The day you learn how to do anything but set fire to things is the day the Maker will return. All I know is that this guy heals for free and runs a clinic. Merrill heard of him. We could go see the sawbones…”

“Shut up, Carver. Oh thank the Maker, there are the doors.” I lurched forward to lean on the door. It swung open and tipped me into a room. I saw lights, space, some seats against the wall, and then everything started spinning. There was a shout and then the floor was rushing up to meet me. And then nothing.

***

  
Consciousness returned to me pretty sluggishly. I was aware of not being on the floor anymore. It was quiet. The air smelled sharp – like herbs and lightning blended together. I was floaty, felt high, the high that came from some quality healing potions and magics being poured over and into me. I pondered the wisdom of opening my eyes. On the one hand, I was curious about where I was at. On the other, I was pretty sure the light was going to make me hate life.

I settled for cracking my eyes open half-way and peering around the room. The light did not reach out to murder me. I was in a little cubby formed from a few sad looking partitions and a curtain. The cot I was on was clean and sturdy but the blanket was a bit thin. I was not wearing any clothing other than my smalls – a fact that had me wrapping the thin blanket around me tightly. I was alone. No Varric. No Carver. No anything.

I was just about to swing my legs over the bed and force myself up when the curtain was flung open and a tall, blond, tired-looking doctor came walking in. He skidded to a stop when he saw me sitting up. My mouth dropped open. We both stared at each other for a moment and then a smile blossomed on his face. I wondered if it was too late to play dead.

“Hey. You’re up. Good that you’re awake, bad that you’re sitting. Come on now, lie back and let me examine you. That was a nasty wound on your side. I think I got it closed but I want to be sure.” He reached for me, his hands grabbing my shoulders to gently ease me back. The palms of his hands were calloused, like mine. Mage hands. The tips were smooth and blue light started flickering around his fingers. Healing Mage. “Shhh…it’ll be alright.”

His voice was soothing, warm and comforting. His hands were on my bare shoulders, the tips gently rubbing my skin. I could feel the flush starting to bloom somewhere near my feet and start to slide up my legs. Yeah, the big bad merc mage blushed. Sue me. I opened my mouth to say something typical Rinnie – something caustic and biting, and let out a rather breathy moan instead.

Stupid healing mages and their stupid magic hands with the stupid feel-good spells.

Ever nerve came alive as his magic slid over and down my body. He kept the spell active as he tugged the sheet free and pulled a corner back. I tried to grab for the edge but was too slow, the healing magic making my muscles lax and warm and my reflexes take a nap. I was half-naked, and by half-naked I meant he had folded the blanket between my breasts and was busy running his hand down my body.

I prayed to the Maker that I didn’t embarrass myself.

Now, I don’t pay much attention to how I look normally. During the day I sit in an office at a desk looking at crime reports and hounding my best bud, Aveline – who happens to also be the new Captain of the Guard, for any info she can leak about guard business. The only time I’m out “in public” in a work capacity is during the afternoons and at night – when I’m chasing down leads and setting other mercs on fire.

Otherwise, I’m home or at the tavern. I don’t think about it because there’s nothing to think about. I’m short. I’m lanky. My hair is carroty-red and possesses a mind of its own. My eyes are a singularly unimpressive brown. I have freckles…everywhere. Stick me in my ass-kicking gear and I look like a gangly boy of sixteen. Stick in me in a dress and a look like an uncomfortable girl of twenty. I may be twenty-four. I may carry the weight of the family fortunes on my back. But I am just incapable of looking like anything but a kid.

The good doctor’s hands past an inch over my small breast and I was mortified to see my nipple pucker. I tried blaming it on the cold but sadly…I wasn’t cold. The furnace of my blush had hit my entire body and I was burning up from being near Dr. Hot Pants. I tried to ignore him and ended up squawking when he pressed those hands of his against my side and let loose a strong blast of healing magic. Pleasure curled over my body from the point of contact and the squawk turned into another moan.

My only saving grace was that Carver, that dung-heap who had dragged me here, was not in the room to see my complete melt-down in the face of one good looking man. Maker take that ass for not letting me bleed out on the cobbles. I was tired of the city, tired of the work and death would have allowed me a nap.

The doctor seemed to realize I was suffering from acute embarrassment and offered me a wide smile. His eyes stayed on my face but his finger tips swirled light circles on my abdomen. Something flashed in the depths of those eyes, something that screamed power, and then he was just a good-looking man.

“So, you’re healed but not ready to leave. You lost a lot of blood. I have your body regenerating that lost blood and you’ll be dizzy and weak for at least twenty-four hours.”

“So…what. I’m stuck here?” I could not keep the snot out of my voice. I sounded peevish. This man had saved my bacon and I was snarking him. Delightful. Good job Rinnie.

“Well. Your brother went home. Something about your mother and a Merrill? Your employer had a meeting. So yes…you are stuck here with me.” He reached for the blanket and drew it back over my body, smoothing a hand over the cloth. “Is that a problem?”

“Ahh…” His hand passed under my breast and for a moment words deserted me and instead my brain offered me up a rather convincing fantasy where he got naked and then showed me just what those long fingers of his could do. My mouth gaped open like a fish and I mentally slugged myself. My libido screamed and ran from the assault. “Yeah. I mean no. I mean, I guess that’s alright.” Yep, smooth talker. That’s me.

He laughed softly, his eyes twinkling. “I’m Anders. If I’m not mistaken, you bought me dinner tonight. We’re doing everything backwards here.” He held out a hand and winked at me. “Usually, when I meet a beautiful woman, I get to know her before dinner. Or at least know her name.”

Maker, he was flirting. Was it a full moon? Did he have Haze sickness? No, silly questions. I felt my lips returning his smile and sighed internally. “I’m Catherine Hawke. Most people call me either Rinnie or Hawke.” I reached out and took his hand and shook it, dropping it quickly and sliding the hand under the blanket. No touching, I told myself.

“Rinnie? They don’t call you Cat?” He perched on the edge of the bed. “You seem particularly cat-like. Spitting and hissing until trust is earned.”

“I do NOT spit. Or hiss.” I sat up, stopped at his look, and lay back down.

“I bet you growl too.” He was laughing at me, his face so self-satisfied that I couldn’t help it, I growled. He laughed. I grumbled and sat up again, nabbing at the blanket as it slid down. “See…you do. Now quit that. You should be resting.” His hands gently pushed me back and he brushed at my hair.

“I’m not very good at resting. Or taking orders. Or being sick.” I told him, a pout forming on my face. “I’m sure I’m fine to go home.”

“So eager to run from me, then?” He looked a little saddened and I realized I did seem rather ungrateful. “I…really wanted to thank you for the dinner. The sandwich was very good.”

“You look like you could use several more. Sandwiches I mean. “ Pull it together Rin. He’s lonely and tired and would it hurt for you to be social for once? No wonder Mother despairs. When your tit of a brother has a better social life than you, you should reconsider your social responses. My brain was lecturing me. I watched Anders sigh and hunch as if to stand and reached out and snagged his hand. “I…am not a good patient. Never have been. Thank you for healing me.”

He looked down at my hand and then back to my face, his eyes wary, “It was the least I could do. You said something earlier that I remember. Can you really see the Haze?”

His eyes bore into me and I squirmed slighty, “Er. Yeah. I can.”

“Are you a mage, then?” He turned my hand over and ran a finger over the calluses on my palms. His finger traced the long swath of thicker skin that handling my staff daily had left on my hands. Then his finger slid up my finger and rubbed at the pad. He glanced at me, “Elemental?”

“You’re good. Fire and ice mainly.” His touch tickled a little, his fingertip tracing back down to my palm. I flexed my hand and then nabbed his hand, held it as I called up a wisp of my power. Warmth flowed from my hand to his and he smiled.

“A duality there. Both fire and ice. Do you run hot and cold too? I bet you do. Icy until you warm up to a person.” He entwined his fingers with mine and I watched as his longer fingers fit over mind, blinked at the sudden companionship. “Whereas I’m all healing and electricity.”

My breath was starting to strangle me, his closeness a warm presence I wasn’t sure I was ready for. It had been a confusing night of bad leads, blood, fights, disgruntled elves, and handsome doctors. My body was tired, worn and sore from the fights, weak from the blood loss. I figured that was the only reason why I let him hold my hand, let him sit so close. I was weak from blood loss. Not attracted.

He noticed the paleness of my complexion and let my hand go. “I had best let you rest. Get some sleep, Cat. I’ll check on you in a few hours.”

I mumbled something about my name being Rin and him laughing. Then I felt the soothing warmth of his healing magic once more and I gave up and slid into sleep.

***

  
When I woke again the sun was shining through the single window in my cubby and Anders was asleep in the chair next to my cot. I blinked blearily at the light, sorta squinted at Anders, and pondered the fact that I now had two threadbare blankets draped over me instead of one.

Anders’ head was tipped back and cushioned against the wall, his long frame draped over the rather sad chair. Arms tucked around him, legs crossed at the ankles, the man looked like hell. Adorable hell. I watched his nose scrunch up as he slept and sighed at myself before sitting up and swinging my legs over the cot.

I took one step, tugging the blankets around me, and staggered forward as my legs gave out. I was caught by Anders who had woken up the minute my feet hit the floor. I found myself being held up under my arms, pressed against Anders’ lanky frame, and the blankets sagging around me.

The man needed to eat more.

I wrapped my arms around him and tried to steady my legs – which refused to act like legs and instead did a great imitation of limp noodles. We were standing there next to the cot, the blankets sliding down my nearly-naked body, my breasts shoved against the good doctor’s chest, his hands flat against my naked back, when Carver walked in.

I swear to all that’s holy, the universe hates me.

Carver took one look at us and burst out laughing, his laughter turning into some weird snort-chuckle as he was smacked by Merrill. The little elf came up to barely his chest, but she had a mean right hook. She swung and Carver yelped. Anders heard the noise and picked me up.

He picked. Me. Up.

The blanket finished its slide to the floor and I found myself pressed against Anders’ chest with an arm under my ass and another one around my shoulders. One of his hands rested just above one of my breasts. He blinked at Carver and then realized he was holding me.

I am not sure which one of us flamed red more. Me or him.

“Er…hi. You’re her brother, yes?”

“Swooning like a damsel in distress now? Rinnie, have you no shame?” Carver nabbed Merrill’s fist and ducked his head, “Er, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. And if this…this…” I growled, causing Anders’ face to light up in a smile, “Don’t you even start. Put me down!” I would have stomped but I was currently in the doctor’s arms. “Now.” I grated.

He laughed lightly, “Cat. You’re a cat for sure.” He turned to put me down on the bed when a gruff voice filtered from near the curtain.

“Is this Hawke’s room?”

I craned my head around Anders’ shoulders and saw the elf from last night…Fenris…standing at the door and looking very uncomfortable. Anders moved away and I was left trying to shield my naked breasts for a moment while Anders grabbed the blankets. Fenris took one look at all of my freckled-speckled skin and lit up like a blasted Wintersend Tree. Carver cackled a bit. Merrill hit Carver.

“Maker’s Breath. Is this a doctor’s office or a strip show?” Varric shoved the elf aside and sauntered into the room. “Hawke, your tits are exposed.”

“Thanks boss. Thank you. Thank you for saying what we were all trying to ignore.”

“What? Too bad you aren’t a dwarf.” He grinned and sat down on the cot and patted one naked leg. “You’d be adorable as a dwarf. Almost short enough to be one now. Just need…you know…more meat on you.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Anders finally draped the blankets over me and brushed my hair back, “she’s lovely as is.”

“If you say so. Never was one to be attracted to humans. Anyway, I’m Varric Tethras. You her doctor?”

“I am. I’m Anders. “ Anders held out his hand and found himself the victim of one of Varric’s more energetic handshakes. “And before you ask, she’s fine but still weak. She can go home tonight or tomorrow morning.”

“Hmm…”

“I would like to settle any debts she has incurred. She was injured due to me.” Fenris slid into the room and then began a slow, methodical swaying.

“Thought I wouldn’t see you again. What with me being a mage and all that.” I could feel the snark rising in my voice, cut off just barely by Varric’s sharp look.

“I was ungrateful last night. You suffered a wound due to me and I apologize. Please, allow me to make it right.”

“He’s offered to do some pro-bono work for us.” Varric beamed at Fenris. “So calm your tits, Hawke.”

“Maker, how I hate that statement. You know what – you say it again and I’m freezing Bianca.” I poked at Varric, growling at Anders when he wrestled me back. “For the love…get off me.”

Anders just smiled and laid a soothing hand on my forehead. There was a burst of warmth, a tip of vertigo, and then fatigue hazed over me. The doctor had just flashied me sleepy. Blast the man. Blast both of them. Fenris was staring at Anders’ hand on my forehead. What was going on here? “Carver, what do you want?”

“To tell Mother you’ll live. Now that I see that you’re being well taken care of, I’m off. Merrill has invited me out to a picnic. Do try to not droop all over the men, sister.”

“You are such an ass, Carver. When I get up…”

“Gotta catch me first. Love to you too, sister. And we’re off!” He nabbed Merrill’s hand and walked from the room, Merrill waving cheerily at me as she trotted after Carver.

“Varric…” I gave him a look and he shrugged.

“Nope, sorry princess. If the doctor man says you have to rest, you have to rest. I’ll be back later to check on you. Now, I’ll take Broody here to the office to explain what’s what.” Varric glanced at Anders. “What’s her bill?”

“She doesn’t have one. I run a free clinic. I operate on charity.” Anders was watching Fenris with narrowed eyes. “She can stay here as long as she needs.”

“You a healer?” Varric asked.

“Might be,” Was Anders’ noncommittal reply.

Varric squinted at him. “Hmph. Well, come on Broody. Let’s let Hawke here sleep. See ya later Hawke.”

I could do nothing more than grunt at them, the sleepiness overtaking me. I heard Varric leave, heard Fenris shift and follow, and then I was alone in the room with Anders.

He moved to sit on the cot and his hand encircled one of my ankles and squeezed, “Sorry.”

“Hmm?” I was the soul of verbal eloquence.

“For picking you up. I was startled and I didn’t want you to fall. I didn’t think about your…lack of clothing.” His hand rubbed light circles over my ankle. “Cat…”

“Names Rin…”I mumbled sleepily.

The smile in his voice was warm, “No, trust me on this. Cat is a better name for you. Cat…you can stay here however long you need. You’re safe.”

“No worries. I’ll just…sleep…and go when I wake up.” I yawned and let myself drift off. His hand was still gripping my ankle as I slid into the Fade.


	3. Chapter 3

I would love to say that I woke up rested and perky and ready to kick the day in the teeth. Sadly, that was not the case. I woke up, yes. Alive and healthy and mostly rested. And starving. However, it was not day. At least, not the same day that it had been when Anders had swung me up into his arms.

It was the next day. Early. The sun just peeking over the horizon.

Dr. Fancy Britches was back to sleeping in the chair. Did the man not have a bed? I watched him sleep – I am not ashamed of that. He was in my room. Sleeping. So I watched him. It had nothing to do with his hair falling into his face or the way his fingers twitched or the heat that I felt roiling around in my nether bits.

Not. At. All.

When I finally decided to brave standing again, I went slow. No need to have a repeat of Noodle Legs. I slid to the ground, tested my leg strength, and let go of the bed. Maker Be Praised, I stayed upright. Clinging to the sheet, I looked around for my clothing and saw…nothing. Not even a shirt. Seeing as how I couldn’t go tramping through Darktown in just a sheet, I settled for prodding Dr. Man awake.

Bad Idea. Big. Bad. Idea.

I mean, I’m not a joy to wake either. I have frozen Carver’s eyebrows on three separate occasions and that’s just here in Kirkwall. But this wasn’t a stray lightning bolt. No, no I was pretty sure we were experiencing some sort of personality shift because Anders’ eyes popped open a searing blue and his hands closed over my arms and I found myself tugged quite firmly against his chest, held in place, and examined.

I could smell the Fade - that ozone smell that always heralded a shift from reality to Fade walking. I glanced around and noted, with relief, a low amount of Haze. Still, this wasn’t Anders. This was…something else. The blue eyes took me in and then retreated, eyes closing and Anders shaking his head. When his eyes re-opened, they were hazelnut brown again and filled with fear and worry.

I was, damn it all to hell and back, sprawled across his lap in my smalls with my boobs shoved against his chest and my face inches from his. His brown eyes stared into my brown eyes with some sort of confusion, his hands flexed on my arms, and for a moment – a brief moment – I felt like we were going to cross that line that took me from patient and shoved me firmly into make-out partner. Everything tingled as he looked at me, my nipples tightening and my smalls going wet from the sudden spike of arousal. If he had leaned up and kissed me right then, well, I am slightly ashamed to admit I would have had my wicked way with him.

But he didn’t. He carefully pushed me back and sat up, his eyes taking in my obviously aroused state and his own face turning red. I pondered my options and then as nonchalantly as possible asked him, “Do you know where my clothes wandered off to?”

That’s right, I thought as his eyes met mine with relief, we’ll just all pretend like that embarrassing moment didn’t happen. Just give me some pants so I can go home and take care of the sudden heat that seemed to be building around me. It had been too long since my last lover and this man seemed to push every button I had – pushed some buttons I didn’t know I had.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and stood, “Ah, yes. Let me just go get what your brother left. He took your leathers home to be washed and mended.” At my nod he stretched and moved to the curtain, stopped, “Cat…”

I grumbled at his new nickname for me. It was so…so…intimate. The heat flared again at the thought of anything intimate and I started the mental punching that always seemed to help. Sadly, it wasn’t helping. “Yeah?” I sighed when I heard how breathy my voice was.

“Ah…did I hurt you?” He didn’t turn around, his voice hesitant.

“No. I wouldn’t categorize anything you’ve done as hurting me.” His head swiveled at that and I offered him a shit-eating grin. “Nope, no hurting.” Maker, I waggled my eyebrows at him.

He let his eyes slide from my face and down my body. It was torturous standing there under his gaze, especially as his eyes were going dark when they skimmed over my breasts on the way back up. Everything tightened under his gaze, my breasts nearly painful from my libido currently throwing the biggest Horny Party ever in the history of Rinnie Horny Parties.

Fucking doctor gave me a lazy smile before he walked out. I was left standing there wearing wet smalls and needing about five minutes of privacy. I actually thought about seeing if I could cum before he came back but with my luck he’d walk in just as I was about to and well…I rather liked him so it would be a shame to murder him.

So I was sitting all prim-like on the bed when he came back in holding what appeared to be a robe. And some leggings. But no breastband. I cast my eyes up to the ceiling and counted to ten, trying to remember that Carver was a tit and an ass and perhaps even other body parts. Like an elbow. Useful but…no…not a good choice. He was a spleen. You knew you needed it but you weren’t exactly sure why and if it got punctured…oh. No…

I realized Anders was watching me with a bemused expression on his face and I blushed, “Er, trying to decide what body part my brother is.”

I got a laugh for my effort. “He didn’t leave any undergarments. So I’m sorry about that.”

“Not at all. Can I get some water to wash in?” I wasn’t sure if he had running water down here.

He grinned, “I can do one better. Just wrap that sheet around you and follow me. The place is empty and I haven’t lit the lanterns yet.”

***

  
He had a shower. The room was decent sized with a shower on one side and a toilet stall and some shelving and a sink on the other side. I took one look at the shower and hugged him. Alright, so I am shameless and get super excited about being clean.

Anders, for his part, looked surprised and then returned the hug. About a minute into the hug I realized we were both standing in the bathroom, hugging, me wearing just a blanket and he was giving me that dark-eyed look again.

My brain screamed ABORT! ABORT! And I quickly moved away and started fussing with the water. He cleared his throat, “I’ll just, ah, leave you here to shower. I’ll be back in about ten minutes to check on you. Ok?”

I nodded, kept my eyes firmly on the shower, and waited till he was gone. Maker be praised! There was soap!

***

  
Hot water is a blessing after a fight. Anders had obviously sponged me down…and no, we weren’t going to think of those long fingers rubbing anywhere on my body…because I was blood-free. But still, I felt grimy. So off went the smalls and I hopped under the water and let out a deliciously loud moan. The water pressure was pretty decent for Darktown and the heat from the water was luscious.

Seeing as I was alone, in the bathroom, and it only took me a minute to soap up and rinse off, I took the opportunity to let off some steam.

So to speak.

Go ahead and call me brazen. I’ve been calling myself that for years. Yes, I stood under Anders’ shower, using Anders’ soap, and thought about the Doctor as my fingers slid between my thighs and stroked over my already-swollen clit. My other hand cupped one breast and squeezed lightly. Just picturing Anders in the shower with me, his head between my legs while I leaned against the wall…his tongue plunging inside of me while I tugged on his hair…well…it only took a few minutes before my fingers were inside of me, my palm was grinding against my clit, and I was whimpering his name as I shuddered in pleasure.

Did you know that rooms composed of mostly hard surfaces echo? Yeah…loudly. I am pretty sure Anders wasn’t IN the room when I came, but as I spasmed around my fingers I winced at how loud that last whimper/wail had been. I hoped he was near the front of the clinic and not near the door listening to me call his name like I was.

I didn’t waste any time in cleaning myself up and getting out of the shower and into my clothes. My smalls were still damp and I tucked them into a pocket – no way was I putting them back on. Freshly dressed and clean, I left the shower to find Anders, get checked out, and get out.

I had work to do.

***

  
My first stop had been home to change and get some food in me. No way was I going into the office in a robe. It screamed “I’m a Mage” a little too loudly. I only had the blasted thing because it had been a gift from my father. Back then, we had lived in a small community and wearing robes had been alright for being home. It was enchanted and heightened my contact with the Fade and my powers.

I didn’t need it in Kirkwall. The Haze did that for me.

Wearing slacks and a tank, I slouched my way to the office where I found Fenris sitting with Varric, the two of them looking for ideas for the expedition. Varric looked up as I came in and gave me a satisfied smile. “There you are.”

“Yeah. Sorry. Had to go change. Carver brought me a robe but nothing to go under it. I love you, Varric, but not enough to freeball my way through the day.” Varric snorted and Fenris turned red. I winced when I saw the elf. “Ahh…Fenris. Sorry. Used to it just being Varric and I.”

“It is…not problem.” He said as he cleared his throat and stood. “I am pleased that you look better. I was worried about leaving you alone with that healer.”

“Who? Anders? Why?” I blinked when Fenris came to stand in front of me, his green eyes searching my face before relaxing. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Other than him being a mage?” Fenris started and then stopped when he remembered who and what I was. “He is not just that, however.”

“What? He have some deep, dark secrets?” I went to sit at my desk, grumbling at the pile of papers left next to my keyboard.

Varric glanced at me, “He’s a Warden.”

“What?” I had just picked up a paper with a request for help at the Bone Pit. I read through it quickly, my eyebrows rising at the sight of the payment, “Hey Varric, this guy here is willing to pay almost ten sovereigns for somebody to clean out the Bone Pit. I bet we could do this.”

“That’s a bit of gold. You’re already more than half-way to your fifty. Look, we’ll take the job if…” He made sure he had my attention, “If you talk to this Anders fellow about his time in the Wardens and if he has a map of the Deeps. We need that map. I’ve been running into dead ends on entrances and Bartrand is going insane.”

I thought about this morning, about my response to the good Doctor, and sighed. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt…” my voice petered out as the door to the office opened and the man in question stuck his head in and glanced around, his eyes finding me and lighting up. “Oh…Maker…”

“Cat! Found you. There are two Tethras offices in town and I didn’t think you were in the Merchant quarter.” He walked in and smiled at Varric, his smiling toning down a hair at Fenris. “So, ah…hah. Do you have a private place we can talk?”

“Er…yes. Conference room.” I stood and tried to keep my legs from going noodle again. He looked good. Hair brushed, pants a little baggy and worn but still…good. I swallowed a bit, shot Varric a look, and motioned Anders to follow me. “This way.”

“Do you need me to sit in?” Fenris was looking at me closely, his eyes seeming to nearly beg to be included. He was a very good looking man with a voice that screamed sex. He also was anti-magic and seemed to have it in for Anders. I wasn’t sure about all the undercurrents but I figured I might be able to get what we needed without antagonizing anybody.

“Naw, I’m good. Thank you Fenris.” I offered him a bright smile and watched as he smiled back at me. Maker take all good looking men.

I led Anders into the conference room, closed the door, gave him a look, and pressed my hand against the wood. There was a pop of power and then a thin membrane sealed the room. “I figured out how to take a shield spell and spread it through the wood. Now we’re all cozy and nobody can barge in. Useful when you have a nosy boss.” I smiled at Anders, “What has you chasing me down?”

“Well,” Anders held out his hand to me, “I came by to see how you were holding up.” I took his hand and he pulled me to him. I could have pulled away but I was just curious enough to let him pull me around. His power flared for a second and he closed his eyes, opening them with a smile. “And you’re fine. Good. I also brought these by. I think they fell out of your pocket.” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out my smalls.

The world shrank down and heat flared up my body. He stood there, one hand holding mine and the other holding my smalls and I thought to myself that I had never been one for swooning but today…today looked good for a swoon. Or maybe to self-immolate . Anything to keep from having to look into his face. He let go of my hand and tilted my face up to his and I closed my eyes, stubbornly convinced that this wouldn’t be happening if I couldn’t see him or my smalls.

“Cat…” His voice was very close to me and my eyes popped open to see him hovering over my face. I swallowed. “We should talk.”

“Yeah…”I said, my voice cracking.

His lips curved into a smile and my eyes flicked from his face to my smalls. His smile widened and he tucked them into my pants pocket. The feeling of his hand brushing over my thigh made me inhale slightly and he caught the motion, his eyes zeroing in on my lips. I admit it, I panicked. “You’re a Warden?” I just blurted it out. Just…spewed it at him in desperation.

His eyes flashed blue for a second and then he stepped back, “How did you find out?”

“Er…Varric did. He…he…” I sighed, “Damn it! Fucking Maker Dammit!” I tugged at my hair. “We’re planning an expedition. Into the Deeps. We’re going after one specific Thaig. We know where it’s at. We know what we’re looking for. But we need an entrance and all the ones looked at have been bad. We need maps. I’m willing to do anything to get them.”

His eyes followed me as I started pacing, “Anything? Including seducing me?”

That had me stopping, “Whoa…back ‘er up there bud. I’m seducing nobody. I don’t…I don’t fuck for information.” Anger coursed through me at his question. “What? I’m a girl and a mage so I must be some whore who has no problem…no problem…” I spun and my magic flashed. I saw the Haze responding to my anger and my magic flash was stronger than I thought, flared purple blue around my body.

I felt hands on my shoulders, him touching me despite the magic swirling over my skin. “Alright. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. That’s not what I wanted to talk about.” I stood there and closed my eyes, exhaled when he tugged me back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me, “that’s some hissing and spitting you do, Cat.”

“Names Rin,” I mumbled, trying to ignore how good he felt behind me. I barely knew the guy, but he knew how to calm me down pretty quick.

“And I say Cat is a better nickname for you, Catherine.”I winced at the use of my full name. “Listen to what I have to say and after that…we’ll see.”

I nodded but didn’t move. He didn’t seem inclined to let me go, either. “Look. I’m…not a safe man. A normal mage. I’m not an abomination. I just want to say that now. I knew a Spirit of the Fade who got trapped here. It was back when I was a Warden. He got trapped in a dead body, a corpse. The corpse was failing him and he either needed a new host or he would…well, die I suppose. I offered him my body.”

I turned and blinked up at him. “You merged with a Fade Spirit?”

“A Spirit of Justice, yes. It’s not quite what we were expecting. And the Haze…it’s played havoc with our joining. All the little petty parts of me are stronger here in Kirkwall. And his need for Justice is harder to control.”

“How merged?”

“Totally and completely. When I get angry, his power courses through me. I lose connection to the here and now. Time gaps. That sort of thing. The part of me that identifies the most with him, it’s…” His hand cupped my cheek and I stilled further, caught up in his eyes and touch. “You are special, Cat. Nobody else ever notices me. You bought me dinner on a whim. And…well…there’s the sudden attraction. And your magic. I want you to know that I find you fascinating. It’s probably best if I give you my maps and walk out of your life, but I’m telling you right now, I really don’t want to.”

“What?” My brain was seizing at the feeling of his hand, at the heat flaring in his eyes. “What?”

“I want to have dinner with you. Get to know you. But I wanted to be upfront.” His fingers flexed against my cheek. “I thought perhaps…well…” He smiled. This time it wasn’t teasing but was slow, seductive, “It’s been a while for me. Since I joined with Justice. I’m a workaholic, compulsive about my goals, hardheaded…and I don’t enjoy the banter and games of dating. I used to. I used to be pretty frivolous. But Justice changed me, changed that about me. I sometimes miss it. But you aren’t frivolous. You aren’t into games. I can tell. Say the word, and I’ll back off.”

I’m not sure what possessed me to grab his shirt and tug him into a kiss. My thought process went something like “If he kisses well then why the hell not.” But that could have been the arousal talking. Maker knows, I should have said no. I should have taken the maps, told him he was a nice guy, and then seen him out.

Instead I did what I had wanted to do this morning and gripped his hair and pulled his mouth to mine and bit down on his lower lip. I had a moment to control the kiss, to press against him and pry his mouth open and kitten lick over his lower lip and then I found myself spun and pressed back over the table and then he was grinding against me. He may have been slender but it was all wiry strength and sparking power. There was a low buzz, a low-grade energy leak from him and me and then just heat from his mouth and hands.

He didn’t tear himself away. I had half expected him to. Instead he gentled the kiss and I found myself acquiescing, softening against him. I felt his fingers stroking my cheek and I purred, I actually purred into his mouth. That had him laughing against my lips and finally pulling away. He took me in, his eyes traveling from my kiss-swollen lips down my body. I could feel myself responding to that look, everything tightening in anticipation. I had told him I wouldn’t fuck him for the maps. But after that kiss I was starting to reconsider just on the general merits of Dear Maker he could KISS.

But he just slid a hand under my tank to feel along my side – the part of me that had been injured. Seemingly satisfied at what he found, he gave my side a quick squeeze and then pulled me up, “That was…unexpected…Cat.” He said the name as if daring me to argue and…I couldn’t.

“Yeah well…um.” I toyed with my tank for a moment and then threw my hands in the air. “Fine, it’s been a while and yeah, you push the right buttons. Fine. Dinner. Maker knows, my Mother will love that I’m dating. But she’ll hate that I’m dating a mage.”

“Mm...” Anders slid fingers into the waistband of my pants and tugged me to him, “Too bad for her. Tonight. I’ll take you out tonight. I’ll give you the maps. And I’ll help you out. I’m disinclined to let somebody I’m getting to know get injured when I can be there. I can handle myself in a fight.”

“You’re bossy,” my eyes narrowed.

“I’m being honest and blunt with you. I’m a possessed mage who works under the radar in Darktown. I may have to ask your help with something. I’ll let you know.”

“What is this to you? This…” My hands moved between us. “Convenience then?”

His face tightened for a moment and I found myself pulled to him and into another kiss, this one nearly brutal. I clung to him and gave back as good as I got. His lips looked bruised when we parted and his eyes were sparking blue. “This is not convenience, Cat. I can already tell you’ll be a pain, difficult. But worth it. Tonight. Sevenish. I’ll pick you up. I know where you live.” He grinned at my gawk and turned to leave, tapping the barrier.

I dropped it. As he went to leave I spoke up, “How do you know where I live?”

His eyes gleamed with amusement, “Your brother.” He winked at me and left me punching at the table and cursing Carver for meddling.


	4. Chapter 4

I frowned into the mirror, turned, and frowned again. Mother had gotten wind of my impending date and had nixed my outfit plans. According to her, I should be in a dress. Hair brushed and everything. I had pulled out a pair of pants and a clean tank to go under my jacket. The Haze was building tonight and I would have rather have the comfort of my leather to the sex appeal of a dress.

Sex appeal doesn’t stop bullets or blood mages. A good leather jacket might just keep your heart where it belongs.

Sadly, Merrill was over and chimed in. Then Carver started. Then Uncle. And so I was in the dress. I owned exactly two dresses. One was pink. It had a ruffle on the hem. The other was green. It also had a ruffle of the hem. And a bit of lace up near my nearly non-existent bosoms.

I detest ruffles.

I went with the green because pink makes me feel itchy and the green was a good deep color. If I had to light up some jerkwad high on the Haze, I didn’t want to ruin my frock. I finished tugging the neckline up about the time the doorbell tinkled. I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled…noted my hair had managed to come out of the ponytail, and sighed in defeat. This was as good as it was going to get.

Now, we live with my Uncle Gamlen in the Lowtown district. He owns a two bedroom, one bath condo. I share a room with my brother. Yes. That’s right. I am a grown woman and I sleep in a bunk bed. This should explain why I am so hell-bent on getting on that expedition. He isn’t home a lot anymore because he sleeps at Merrill’s – so the room is mine most of the time. The entire condo has two bedrooms, a combination eating room/ family room, the bathroom, and the kitchen. It takes me about two seconds to go from the bedroom to the family area.

By the time I opened my door, Anders was being licked by Rufus, my mabari, and being grilled by my mother – who turned when my bedroom door opened and gave me a thumbs up. In front of Anders. I pondered the wisdom of leaving my room but figured it was mean to leave him with my family.

Anders, blast the man, was handsome and gracious. He had one of my mother’s hands in his and was smiling at her in delight. When I came out something crossed over his face, some shadow that seemed to make his entire face darker. Then he lit up and beamed at me, dropped my mother’s hand, and moved to take mine. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I stood there awkwardly for a moment – until he huffed a little laugh and tugged me into a hug.

“You guys have fun. Rinnie, you aren’t taking that staff with you? Are you? Really? On a date?” My mother fussed at me.

“Mother. The Haze is up and half of Kirkwall’s bandit brigade hates me on sight. The staff goes. Anders understands. Right?” I glanced at him and then moved to the door. “I’ll be back sometime.”

“Well, don’t fight. You’re in a dress.” I got a quick hug and a pat on the cheek from her before she went to curl up on the couch, Rufus settling next to her. “And don’t stay out all night. You have work.”

“Like I’m a fucking kid,” I muttered under my breath, much to Anders’ amusement. “Right. Night mother. I’ll try to not set anything on fire.”

All I got was a “hmm” and the tv being turned on. I shrugged at Anders and he smiled, took my hand, and gently pulled me from the condo.

***

  
“So,” I stood on the front stoop and shuffled a bit, “Ah…that was my mother.”

“You look beautiful,” he had moved to the lower step and was smiling at me, nearly face-to-face with me. “In a dress and everything. I thought for sure you’d be in pants and a tank.”

“I…” I swallowed when he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to the edge of the stoop, “ah…was going to wear that but was nagged into this.” He had me pressed against his chest and his eyes seemed to shimmer in the weak porch light. I swallowed again, suddenly aware of how dry my throat had gone.

“You could have worn the pants and a tank, but I have to admit…I like the dress.” He flattened a hand against my back and dragged it up to my neck and pressed me forward a hair more, just enough for him to touch his lips to mine. He didn’t do much more than brush against me but it was enough to have my hands fisting on his shoulders. He laughed lightly, “Let’s eat. Talk. Get to know each other.”

“I could eat,” I rasped, cleared my throat. “I mean, that sounds nice.”

He laughed again and took my hand and led me off into the night.

***

  
We ended up at a little Antivan bistro located in midtown – somewhere between the upper reaches of Lowtown and the marketplace of Hightown. It was in a district that sat close enough to the dock area that they could get fresh fish, but far enough away to attract a decent clientele. The tables had checkered tablecloths on them, the waiters all talked with outrageous Antivan accents, the wine was pretty good, and the fish chowder was fresh.

We sat at a small table snugged in the back corner and I scanned the crowd as we ate. I was sort of paying attention to Anders and mainly paying attention to the Haze that was curling through the room. I realized, belatedly, that Anders had quit talking and was now smiling at me in amusement. “What?”

“You’re distracted. Bored already with me?” He nabbed one of my hands and toyed with my fingers. I watched him stroke down my middle finger to the palm, his fingertip tracing light patterns over my skin. He slid his fingertip to my wrist and scrapped his nail just over my pulse. Something sparked over me and I inhaled.

“Ah…was watching the Haze.” I blinked at him, at the sudden snap of awareness skittering up my arm. He gave me a lazy smile and sat back, “It’s thick tonight.”

“I still can’t believe you can see it. I can feel it, sense it. But I can’t see it.” He waved a hand around the room. “How?”

“I don’t know. My mother said that Papa could see the Haze too. I wish I could ask him but…” I toyed with my wine glass and took another bite of chowder. “He died. Years ago. From a wasting sickness.”

“I’m sorry.” Anders reached for my hand again, this time cradling it in his. “That must have been terrible.”

“It was hard. Bethy was so young and still needed training. So it fell to me. Carver, the big ass, was no help. He blamed me. Said I should have found a way to fix it. We’ve come to terms with it, with what happened. And then the Spawn got Bethy.” I looked away, blinked rapidly to clear my gaze, “It was so sudden. No time to stop and get her body. No time…to…”

“They’re vicious. And evil.” Anders' hand squeezed mine. “I envy you, you know. Your family. Being taught by your father. I was a circle mage before the Wardens took me in.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “Just another type of prison.”

“I thought the Wardens were heroes.” I watched his face darken and then clear, vestiges of blue sparking around the hazelnut of his eyes.

“The Joining is for life, Cat. I can’t undo it. And the Commander…well…She's a good woman. Was a good leader. But she got orders to move on and the new Commander…he was an ass. Brought in templars just to watch the mage Wardens. We’re outside of Chantry rule once we Join. I couldn’t stay once I realized he would have me sent back. To return to the Circle…only now tainted…I couldn’t stay.”

It was my turn to squeeze his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Mm…don’t be. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t be on a date with a beautiful woman.” His eyes twinkled and he winked at me. I shook my head. “Indulge me, I don’t get to flirt often anymore.”

“Hmmm…” was the best I could come up with, much to his amusement.

“We’re getting a little…serious.” He pulled my hand across the table and pressed a kiss to each fingertip. “Why don’t we finish up and go for a walk?”

“In the Haze?” I was watching his lips touch each fingertip and the feeling made me shiver, made my stomach tighten.

“We could go back to my clinic, if you would rather sit and talk.” When he reached the pinky, he nipped the tip of the finger and my breath caught. “I’d understand, though, if you don’t want to be alone with me. It is only a first date. I don’t expect anything beyond talking and maybe a kiss good night.”

I met his eyes, saw the sincerity there. He was serious. That, more than anything, made my stomach flutter. I wasn’t used to men like this – who smoldered but seemed to know how to hold back. My last date had included a bottle of cheap wine and some hamfisted groping. This one already one-upped it by having decent wine and the slow burn of seduction. It wouldn’t hurt, I supposed, to go talk. To just sit and talk. “Alright…” I found myself flushing a bit under his pleased smile, “I think I would like that.”

***

  
So the only kink in our plan, and one I should have thought about but didn’t due to wine, finger kisses, and lazy smiles from Anders, was that his clinic sat in Darktown. It was late, the Haze had settled over the city, and Darktown was like some fucking magnet for every loony in the city. I should have suggested coffee. I should have suggested going to my place. Or hell, the office. I have the office key. We coulda sat in the conference room, drank bad coffee, and talked.

But I hadn’t thought. I had allowed myself to float along, buoyed by my libido and booze. Which was why we were within spitting distance of the clinic when the maleficar made an appearance.

Haggard, dirty, smelly, wearing old sacks and rags, and carrying a knife and a staff, I knew we were looking at some seriously crack-pot magic. His eyes were already blood-shot red. The sight of me in a dress – all that skin exposed – well, a blood mage gets a hard-on when they see clean skin. He gave some sort of scream to some demon or other, and raised his hands.

Fucking sparked his magic in the Haze.

The blood-red cloud spewed towards us and I had exactly no time to decide the best way to handle it. To my surprise, a large buffer appeared before me. It hung there, shimmered against the tide of red hate, and blocked us from the worst of the spell. I still felt some blood leak from my pores, but not enough to stop me. Not enough once my rage hit. I was on a date and this…this…fucking moron sparks in the Haze in Darktown.

I had already pulled my staff free of my back harness and I could feel the Haze fueling my magic, my anger. I summoned a ball of flame, the fire twisting incandescently together in reds and blues, and threw it at the maleficar. I knew it wouldn’t be enough, blood mages can be notoriously hard to kill, so I followed it up with a yell and ran straight for the guy.

Anders had not been expecting that and he called my name frantically as I slashed down with my staff, the curved blade on the end catching the blood mage under his arm as he raised it to cast a spell. The spell, luckily, didn’t go off. But I was hit with a spray of arterial blood. I followed up my slash with a spray of ice to his face. And then I punched him for good measure.

That hurt. Stupid ice spells.

The blood mage went down in a heap. Just to be safe, I set his corpse on fire. Then kicked it. You never knew – I’d seen them go straight abomination and stand up missing limbs and still flaming. This one, though, this one stayed down. I was panting over the flaming corpse, peeved to see that my dress was, indeed, blood covered, when Anders grabbed my arm and shook me.

“What was that?!” His voice was deathly quiet. “What in the hell was that, Cat?”

“Blood mage?” I answered as I pointed at the moldering flames. “You can’t just set them on fire. They’ll go abomination. You gotta hit them too. Usually I have Carver but…you know…I know how to swing my staff. Sorta.”

He looked down at the corpse and then back to me. I offered him a smile and he just sighed and shook his head, “I knew you would be an adventure. Come on, we’ll need to soak your dress so the blood comes out. And now I don’t know if I should let you go home. It’s not safe, obviously.” I waved my hands and made some “pft” noises at him. That had him sighing and herding me into his clinic.

He didn’t stop at the front but instead lead me through the clinic to a door set in the back wall. He unlocked it and gently nudged me through, flipping the light switch before closing and locking us in. The light illuminated a small efficiency – meager in decoration but clean and tidy. A bed was pushed against the far wall and covered in multi-hued blankets and pillows. A small tv hung out in the kitchen nook. A door opened into a bathroom. A window sat high on the wall over the bed and let in moonlight. It was nearly cozy.

Anders leaned his staff against the wall near the door and gently took mine from me, placing it with his. He stopped for a moment and touched both staves, looked at them leaning against each other, and then turned to smile at me. “I’ve never dated a mage. Well, outside of the Circle that is. In the Circle, well, we were all a little…”

“I’ve heard there isn’t much to do in there but read books and screw each other.” I moved into the efficiency and stood awkwardly in the open space, not wanting to sit in my blood-splattered dress.

Anders laughed at me, at my words. “You could say that. Here, let me get you something to put on and we’ll get that soaking. If…if it’s too uncomfortable in here, we can go into the clinic portion. I mean, you could sleep there till morning…”

“Anders,” I caught his gaze, “I trust you. I mean, if you say you aren’t going to jump on me, then you aren’t.”

“You don’t know me. I could be lying.” He went to a chest of drawers and rummaged for a moment, came up with a clean shirt and took it to the bathroom.

“No, I trust you.” I peeked into the bathroom and offered him a smile. “You should be wary of me, though. I have boundary issues.” I walked into the bathroom and started to close the door.

“Well, I’ll consider myself warned, then.” He said on a laugh.

***

  
The shirt was long enough to cover all the important bits. I waffled over keeping on my breastband and then figured he’d seen my boobs already and I was wearing a shirt. So I filled the sink with cold water and shoved my dress in it to soak and then left the bathroom.

Anders had brewed tea in a little pot in his kitchen and was setting out mugs. He looked up when I stepped out and slowly put down the mug he was holding. For a moment, his face was blank and I looked behind me – just in case. What if a demon had shown up? But nothing was back there and when I turned back around he was moving towards me with a rather determined look on his face.

One hand slid around my waist and the other moved up to brush my cheek. He rubbed at a smudge under my eye, a little spot of blood I had missed, and then just looked at me. I wanted to squirm. I wanted to tug him into another kiss. Instead I stood still and let him look, let his finger rub lightly over my cheek. He finally closed his eyes and stepped away.

“You ok?” I reached out to touch his shoulder and watched him still.

“Sorry. A moment of weakness on my part. I keep forgetting we’ve just met. It feels like I’ve known you forever.” He went to pour the tea, his hands shaking a bit, “You’re tempting.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “I’m what? I’m a mess. Not tempting.” I went and curled up on his bed, let him hand me a cup of tea and inhaled the sharp tang of the brew. “I know what I look like.”

“Do you really, then?” He sat opposite me and sipped at his tea, “I don’t think you do, Cat. But that’s neither here nor there. Did you get injured? Are you ok?”

“Lost a tiny bit of blood to his spell but nothing major. Nothing a nap won’t fix.” I stopped and flushed at Anders, “Er…I mean…not here…”

“You can sleep here. I can sleep in the clinic.” Anders lips were tilting up into a smile at my obvious distress.

“I’m not taking your bed.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I insist.” His smile crept up a little higher, now his eyes were crinkling up in amusement.

“No…I insist.” My lips thinned and I tried my hardest to not flush as his eyes laughed at me.

“It’s my bed, my apartment. I make the rules.” One of his eyebrows slid up his forehead. Maker's breath, he was downright smirking at me now.

“I’ll just walk home if it’s going to be that way.” I wiggled to the end of the bed and glared at him

We looked at each other for a moment and then he laughed. “You are such a cat. Fine. But you are to hit me if I get handsy.”

“Will do Sparky. Will do.” He laughed at my nickname for him and took another sip of tea.

***

  
We talked. We talked for hours. The tea ran cold and then disappeared. I ended up with my head on his thigh, his hand brushing over my hair as I told him about my Papa and Bethany, about Ferelden, about moving around, about the Mage Hunters and us always staying one step ahead. I told him about studying magic and practicing outside, about how we avoided the Chantry and their brand of charity in favor of hard work.

I told him about the Blight and our run. About the ogre and Bethy, how she threw herself in front of Mother. How Mother blamed herself. And about how we were Amells – used to be big deals in the City with a Hightown Manor house and everything – but Uncle Gamlen pissed it away at the Rose and Hanged Man.

He listened, asked some questions, and just ran his fingers through my hair as I talked. When I quieted, he smiled. “You’re chatty,” his said, his voice full of amusement. “I know all about you now.”

“Sorry…I…guess all the wine and excitement…” I stopped talking and closed my eyes, “No, it’s not that. It’s…terribly awkward.”

“What is? Being here?” He slid a finger down my nose. “My touch? Your responses to it?” He grinned at my blush. “My teasing?”

“Yes…and…” I blew out a breath. “The last guy I saw seriously for any length of time was back in Ferelden. He was…a kid. Quick in the sack, messy kisser, sweet. I mean, not much older than me and all that…”

“And you’re what? Twenty?” His grin was teasing. “Twenty-four. You’re twenty-four. Your brother again. He’s a talker.”

“He’s a shithead.” I grumbled.

“I’m older than you.” His fingers stilled in my hair for a moment and then went back to slowly stroking, “Twenty-nine. Is that a problem?” My headshake had him humming softly. “We should sleep. Morning comes soon and I’ll have patients and I’ll want to walk you home.”

I sat up and scooted away before rolling off the bed to help pull open the blankets. We both contemplated the bed for a moment and then he gently pushed me to crawl in. I huffed a bit as I settled. “I’ve never slept with a guy…”

“You mean you’ve never spent the night or you’re a virgin?” Anders pulled off his boots and socks and went to his chest to pull out sleep clothes.

“Ah…never spent the night.” I ducked my head at his chuckle. He went into the bathroom for a minute. I heard the water in the sink. He wasn’t in there long, just a quick change of pants. He came out with no shirt, his trousers folded over his arm, loose cotton sleep pants pulled on.

Bare-chested. He had more muscle than I had anticipated, but was as skinny as I figured. He winked at me and draped his pants over a chair, went back in to the bathroom to hang my dress in the shower, and then he was sliding into the bed with me.

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, it was tight quarters and I didn’t know if I trusted myself to touch his skin, to feel his chest hair. But he just settled and then tugged me against him and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I lay stiffly for a moment before relaxing, nuzzling my head on his arm.

“Sleep well, Cat” he whispered. I was aware of his lips brushing over my forehead and then there was a burst of healing warmth and I was drifting to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I’d never woken up next to somebody before. Well, I mean, I used to share a bed with Bethy but that was different. We were sisters and it was…different. I’d never slept all night next to a man not related by blood to me. All of my previous lovers had been sorta…tumble in the hay and head home after. Waking up next to Anders was…something.

I lifted and turned my head to see him still sleeping. We had shifted during the night, me rolling to face the wall and him curling up around me. His arm was draped over me, curled to keep me tucked snuggly against his chest. The shirt had ridden up and his hand was on my bare stomach, my ass pressed tightly against what I was guessing was his morning wood. The covers were tucked over us and I was warm, limp and relaxed, comfortable.

Aroused.

I guess sleeping all wrapped up in his arms didn’t help the rampant attraction I had going on. It was…it was something. Like Anders was. I didn’t know him. We hadn’t spoken about him at all. I knew he was a Warden, used to be a Circle mage, was twenty-nine, a healer, and was possessed by a Spirit of Justice. I knew he liked his tea black, didn’t drink more than a glass of wine with dinner, and was bossy.

And stubborn. And attractive.

I felt his hand flex on my stomach, the fingers curling in and then raking lightly over my skin. The sensations made me press back against him. I’m not sure if that woke him up or if he was dreaming, but his hand slid up my body to cup my bare breast and squeeze lightly. That did it. That finished waking me up. I let out a gasp and shivered at the sudden feeling of his palm cupping over my nipple. If he hadn’t been awake before, my gasp brought him fully awake.

Part of me had expected him to leap from the bed. I mean, isn’t that what typically happens in situations like this? The guy wakes up, finds himself fondling his new…whatever I was to him…and leaps from the bed to apologize. That didn’t happen.

Part of me expected him to maul me. To roll me over, shuck my smalls off, and just…I don’t know…have his not-quite-so-wicked ways with me. I’m not sure what I would have done if he had chosen that route. He didn’t. It didn’t happen.

What happened was him stretching against my back, his hand tightening slightly over my breast as his muscles flexed, and then his lips trailing over the back of my neck as he hummed a good morning at me. I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting his fingers to stroke over the top of my breast, rub over the nipple, and go back to cupping. I didn’t expect to feel him press against my back and exhale a shaky breath against my neck. I really hadn’t expected him to whisper the word “Cat” as he stroked his hand back down my stomach.

I could have stopped him. He was moving slow enough, his hand grazing over my skin and raising goose-flesh. But it felt good and most of me figured that we were ok with sex and we were a big girl and an adult and were allowed to indulge if everybody said yes and we felt safe. His hand reached my smalls and I held my breath, waiting to see if he was going to chicken out or if I was going to.

He slid his leg against the back of my thigh and I lifted mine, let him fit his thigh under my thigh. Then, slowly, his hand drifted down to cup over my cunt and just…he just stopped moving for a moment. I exhaled noisily and he kissed my neck at the noise, huffed a soft laugh, and pressed a finger between my folds but still over my smalls and firmly drew it up my slit and Maker help me, I think I just about came from the sensation.

He whispered something against my neck and drew my smalls to the side and touched me…my bare skin…and I had, on some level, known he would know what to do with his long, sensitive fingers but I didn't think I really had KNOWN. You follow? Because he was doing something with them, stroking and rubbing and then sliding two inside of me and I’m pretty sure I was not making any coherent noise at that point. Just wantonly rubbing against his hand saying the word “please” over and over again.

Something flashed through me, a spark of power that lit my nerve endings up and I screamed, actually screamed his name, as I came. The pleasure rolled up my body and everything sizzled, seized, jittered and shivered as I writhed against him. He let out a hoarse moan against me and I felt warmth against my ass and then I was panting and twitching. I felt turned inside out, limp and fuzzy. His fingers still moved in me, still rubbing over my now too-sensitive clit. I made a sound of discontent that turned into a surprised squeak when that sensation jolted through me again and I felt a secondary orgasm roll through me – this one lighter but still enough to daze me.

I lay pressed against him, my brain and body working to come to terms with the orgasm, with him, when he moved, laid me flat, and pressed over me. My legs spread on their own, my body recognizing what my mind was still coming to terms with – that he had touched me and I had orgasmed and now we wanted more. His eyes met mine and time slowed as he pressed against me, lowered his head, and kissed me.

If sleeping next to Anders meant mind-numbing orgasms, sweet kisses, and cuddles well – sign me up . This was better than stinky Rufus breath and the sound of my Uncle snoring loudly on the couch. His lips sipped at mine, hesitated, and then sank into a deep kiss that resulted in his entire body weight pressing me into his mattress and his hands cupping my face while his tongue stroked into my mouth.

When we surfaced, I found myself staring into worried eyes. Anders’ worried eyes. He didn’t move, just propped himself up a bit and looked at me. I could feel him between my thighs, his cock already hard again, and that made me blink a bit, “I, ah, thought you came.”

He blinked at me and then smiled, that lazy smile that slowly tipped his lips up into something wicked, and said “Warden stamina.” He pressed forward a bit and I could feel the shape of him sliding over my opening. My hips jittered under him, encouraged him and he did it again, this time working a moan from me. “I touched you without asking. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. Not after…Maker’s floating city, what was that?” I reached up to smooth his hair, tugging lightly on the ends. “What did you do with your fingers?”

He gave me another lazy smile and then bent down to nip at my chin, “For me to know and you to guess.” He hummed and nuzzled under my chin till I tilted my head back. He hummed again in appreciation and kissed my neck. “This is going faster than I had planned.”

“It’s just sex…just…been a while. I’m sure that once I…you know.” I laid my hands on his back, flexed my fingers, and then ran them over his skin. He purred a bit at the touch. “I mean…I don’t usually go home with strange men and let them pleasure me…” I frowned and he laughed.

“Cat, sweetheart, this isn’t just sex. Attraction, yes. But I like you. I had fun last night. I meant to take you home and then surprise you with a visit today. Not slip my fingers into your wetness and make you scream my name in pleasure.” He watched as the flush stained my cheeks and he laughed, a low, rough sound that had me wiggling. “I want to pull your smalls off, spread you wide, and taste you.”

The thought made something in me snap and I pulled his head back down to mine to bite at his lips. I moved under him, my hips grinding up against his. I was sure I’d think about this later on in the day and feel mortified. But at the moment I felt terribly aroused again. Perhaps THIS was that slow slide into insanity? Did insanity start with rabbit-like mating with strange healer mages who run charity clinics in Darktown?

Maybe…oh Maker…maybe this was a horrid dream. I’m lying on the cobbles bleeding out and my last dying thoughts are of a handsome man with wicked eyes and talented fingers. What a way to go, I thought muzzily as he knelt between my legs and started unbuttoning the shirt I was wearing. Sure, I may be dying but at least my last thoughts were happy? I lay there puzzling out the conundrum of how I ended up in this bed and if I was really dying, my mind trying to come to terms with such out-of-character behavior for me when Anders got the last button undone, spread the shirt, bent down and licked over a breast.

That brought me back to the present pretty damn quickly. I came back to myself and I was clutching at the sheets and tossing my head while Anders bit my nipples and I am pretty sure my brain waved a white flag of surrender, shut off, and handed control over to my libido because I didn’t let out a single word of complaint or stop or “I thought we weren’t doing this.” What I did was arch my back and reach above me and grab at the pillow and just moaned a lot while he dragged his scruff over my skin, licked my neck and down between my breasts and finally settled on laying over me while suckling at one breast, his hand gently pinching and tugging the nipple of the other.

I don’t know how long he stayed there. Long enough for me to start using colorful language. Long enough for him to mark bruises on the white skin of my breasts. Then he was kissing down my body and my smalls went flying and he was saying something that sounded like a mixture of praying and cursing and then…my brain came back online to offer up that naughty fantasy of Anders licking me in the shower and then shut back down again at the feeling of his tongue delving into me.

My hands fisted in his hair and I ground my cunt against his face and just…just…there were stars and he bit my thigh and I think my clit and then his fingers were in me and I was screaming again as he pumped his fingers and his tongue dragged with the most frustrating slowness over my clit, the rasp of his tongue keeping me right on the edge, the sudden press and curl of his fingers pushing me off the cliff. I’m pretty sure I blacked out for a moment.

It had been a long time since my last lover. My body was currently singing a praise line from the Chant and offering up a benediction for the three orgasms I’d had this morning.

I came back to myself slowly, Anders stroking my cheek and murmuring soft words, nonsense words. He was still between my thighs, still in his sleep pants. I was splayed open and limp. When I opened my eyes he sighed softly and I knew why. I could tell why. I could tell him no. I could push him off me and let him suffer. I could…my mind offered up a vision that had me grinning and pushing him over. He sprawled on the bed next to me, his eyes wide, and I sat up and pounced – so to speak.

More sorta rolled and pinned him. I rubbed my wetness over his stomach and watched in delight as his eyes darkened. I shucked off the shirt and then shimmied down his body, tugging his sleep pants down and fighting to get them off. When they were removed and had been chucked over my shoulder, I looked at him. I started as his toes – his very long and slightly knobby toes – and moved up from there.

He was skinny, sure, but he had some muscle there. Probably from the Wardens. His stomach was flat and I could see his ribs, his hips bones were visible and rather enticing. He lay on the bed and watched my eyes slide over his body and finally settle on his cock. It was, I thought, a very pretty one. Uncut and aroused. He reached for me, his hand grazing over my shoulder, and I shrugged it off, stretched out between his legs, and wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft.

I thought he was going to leap off the bed. Hah. He had no problems touching me but I touch him and it’s squirm city.

I pressed him back, gave him a look, and bent my head to taste him. It had been a while since I had done this too. Well…I mean, not that I did this often. Let’s be honest here, most of the guys I had been with were young and didn’t have any sort of stamina built up. Anders, though, Anders had stamina and patience and some kind of personal fortitude. He let me taste him, get comfortable with how he felt in my mouth, and didn’t press down on my head. He did arch his hips a lot, and when my fingers slid over his balls and dipped behind them, he spread his legs more and moaned long and loud.

He was panting when he sat up and resolutely pulled me away from sucking on him and instead rolled us so that he was on top and back between my thighs. I poked his chest, a frown forming, “I wanted to make you come.”

“I know.” He kissed me lightly. “But I want…I want to be in you. Are you on anything? Are you on protection?” He rubbed the head of his cock over my wetness and I bit my lip. “I always have condoms around – free clinic…but if you don’t want to…I can stop. I won’t push it.”

“I’m not…you know…it’s been about two years since I even touched a man. But, ah, I don’t want to stop.” My hips were arching up to press closer to him and I wrapped one leg over his.

He sighed, “You are so… unexpected.” He shook his head and kissed me, rolling away to go get a condom from the nightstand. He worked it on, slid back over me, and cupped my face in his hands - sliding into me as his tongue slid into my mouth.

There was that sudden feeling of fullness, that stretch and burn from a first thrust, and then it was all slow movements and radiating pleasure. He pressed his forehead to mine as he moved and I wrapped my arms around him, struck by how not-what-I am-used-to this was. There was no frantic pumping followed by hoarse bellowing. There was a lot of holding and slow hip movements and this gliding sensation that had my eyes closing and my breath catching. When I came, when I shook under him, he actually cradled me closer. And when he came, he didn’t pull away but settled over me and then rolled us into a cuddle and stroked his hands over my back while he shivered against me.

***

We had ended up falling back asleep. I woke to him rubbing my back and kissing my nose. It was…it was pleasant and odd and surprisingly not as embarrassing as I had thought. He looked at me and the look was tender. I felt a strange twist and tug in my gut and chocked it up to hunger. I mean, I just met the guy. We slept together – ok. I’m not…I’m not attached.

Nope. Not attached.

I kept up that line of thought, that determination that I could go home and we could, you know, remain comfortable friends. I chanted it as we got up, as he started the shower…the chant was nice and steady until he joined me in the shower and started washing my back. Then…my gut had that twisty feeling again and I realized that perhaps I’m a big, fat liar.

He was quiet in the shower, his hands gentle on me, but he was quiet. It occurred to me that it was because I was quiet. He was worried I was about to just disappear on him.

Fuck that.

I wrapped my arms around him, the water sluicing over us, and sighed, “I can tell you’re worried. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Hmm…reading minds now? Blood magic is wrong, Cat.” He said, his tone of voice wry. “I am. I am an intense man and I should have slept in the clinic last night. I could say that you are too tempting but you know, merging with a Justice spirit sort of highlights all of your personal failings. I am intense and I wanted you and I knew better. Now I’m worried you’re going to walk out of here and I won’t see you again. I’m also worried that I’ll just end up…dragging you down with me. I’m…”

“A possessed mage. Yes, I know. And an apostate. Let me shiver in my…I was going to say socks but I’m naked. Anders, I’m an apostate too. I may not have a spirit living in me but my brother would tell you that my temper is horrible, I have a tendency to rush into battle, and my mouth is filthy.” I shook my head at him. “I wanted you, ok? I could have said no and I didn’t. I enjoyed ever moment of you touching me. I…um…hope this isn’t a one-time deal.”

He rested his chin on my head and squeezed me against his chest, “Well, but not just for sex…right?”

“No…also for Warden maps.” I poked his side and laughed when he dug his fingers into the ticklish parts of my back. “Maker! Hah…I’m joking! No, I had fun having dinner with you. And…I could use a healer, too. Yes. I get banged up a lot. And you’re nice and sweet and…” I sighed. “I like you too.”

“Well then, I suppose I’ll have to plan another date.” He hummed as he turned the water off and started rubbing a slightly ragged towel over me. “We fought a blood mage last night. Want to fight mage hunters tonight?”

I laughed and snagged the towel, starting to pat him dry. “Hah…no. Wait…are you serious?”

“Maybe…I do need some help with something. There may be mage hunters.” He gave me a sheepish smile.

I grumbled and rolled my eyes, “Fine. Can you come by the office this afternoon so we can plan it out?”

He grinned and tugged me back against his chest, dipping to kiss me, “Mm…I would love to.”


	6. Chapter 6

Anders walked me home. I was still trying to wrap my mind around him holding my hand through Kirkwall when he kissed me. It started out light and sweet and then deepened into a kiss that left my knees knocking together and my head spinning. He tapped my lips with one of his fingers, gave me a wicked smile, and headed back to his clinic to work. At least till the afternoon.

I changed and headed to the office. To do work. Or that’s what I told myself. Go to work. Get work done. Going to work had turned into mooning at my desk, my mind deconstructing last night and this morning. Fitting and refitting every word, every touch, every glance until I was flushed and antsy.

The afternoon couldn’t come fast enough.

Varric watched me sit lump-like at my desk, my fingers listlessly typing on my computer, and finally chucked a wad of paper at me. “Whatcha doing over there? You look lovesick.”

“What?” My head popped up at that. “Lovesick? What?”

“Mm…mooning. Who you mooning over? Is it that new elf…Broody? No, I can tell by the sudden frown that it’s not Broody. Is it…oh ho. It’s the good Doctor, then? Jackpot!” He burst into laughter at my face. “He was looking pretty pleased with himself when he came out of the conference room yesterday. And you were looking a little disheveled. What happened?”

“I went on a date,” I muttered, ducking my head, “With Anders.”

“You went on a date with him!” Varric leaned back in his chair and eyed me, “I told you to get the Warden maps. Either you are doing it undercover or you, my dear Hawke, have a weakness for skinny apostates.”

“I…” I tried to think of a decent come-back but my brain stuttered out at the mental image of Anders’ lying on his bed, naked, aroused, and gasping my name. The flush filled my cheeks and I sighed, “have a weakness for skinny apostates. Maker’s Breath, Varric, just shut up about it. Ok? He’s coming by this afternoon. He needs help on a job and then he’ll give us the maps.”

“You gonna keep seeing him?” Varric asked, his eyes gentling. “I don’t want you hurt, Rinnie. I know I’m your boss, but I’m also your friend. I wouldn’t have taken you and Junior on if I hadn’t liked you.”

I sighed, “Yeah Varric, yeah. I’m going to keep seeing him. Shit…he’s gotten under my skin.” I gave Varric a morose smile. “Much like you.”

“Aww…sweet talk over work. Bunch of idiots right here. Fine, we’ll talk about the job. Those maps are more than enough payment. You know what he needs done?”

“Er…no. But it has to do with mage hunters.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Varric muttered. “You pick the good ones, Hawke. Every time.”

“Shut up, Varric,” I grumbled and stared at the clock, willing time to go faster.

***

It was mid-afternoon before Anders showed up and I was pretty much climbing the walls. Varric had ceased working in order to watch me pace, his eyes placid as I frantically jittered. Why was I so damn nervous? So what if I slept with him? Did I expect him to change his mind suddenly? Come in here and tell me that he had rethought last night and it had been a mistake?

I mean…yeah, I did expect that. Sorta. Ok, a lot.

So I was a nervous wreck when the door opened and Anders walked in. He took one look at my face and gestured at the conference room. I gave Varric a pleading look and he just rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, but I sit in when you talk about the job. And no screwing on the conference table. Leaves smears and shit.” He grumbled something about Carver and Merrill under his breath that had me nabbing Anders’ hand and pulling him into the conference room.

I closed the door and activated my shielding spell, Anders moving to lean against the table to watch me pace. For a moment, the silence was deafening. His not talking was slowly breaking me down, and I was afraid I’d either burst into tears or start screaming – both ideas clearly shunting me into “crazy woman” territory. I finally stopped, pressed my hands over my eyes, and just stood there, my brain whirring through things to say and discarding them all as trite or nutters or just too me.

Finally, Anders reached out and tugged me to him. I sighed and let him, relaxing momentarily against his chest as his hands soothed over my back. I realized he was letting me relax before questioning me and felt oddly annoyed. Why hadn’t he just nagged this out of me? His voice wormed into my internal worrying, “So, what’s all this then?”

“Me being a loony,” I muttered.

“Cat…” he warned, “what is it?”

“I thought you were a figment of my imagination, ok? I thought you were going to have changed your mind about me. That you regretted last night.” To my mortification, I sniffled.

“What?” His voice was shocked, “What? No. No…if anything you should be the one regretting…not me. Oh sweetheart. No, never.” He slid one of his hands into my hair and tugged my head back so that he could look into my eyes. “The only thing I regret is that we’re here in the conference room and not back in my apartment. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and the morning has been torture.” He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me, opened my mouth with his and tasted me.

I admit it, I sighed into his mouth and maybe even purred just a bit. A tiny part of me pulled back to watch as he plundered my mouth and I thought perhaps, just perhaps, he had fried me during sex this morning. Because I have never…ever…worried over a guy.

Of course, remembering my past sexual partners, well…what was there to worry over? Broad-faced farmer boys who were always up for a little romp and tickle in the hay, that one mage hunter who had been easy to subdue once I got his pants around his knees…and a merc I met in Lothering who had this tattoo and scars – he had actually been one of my better lovers, but not exactly keeper material. No, my past lovers had either been necessities – seduce them till we can get the family away, or quick ways to fuck out the stresses of hiding who and what I was.

Anders was the first mage I’d slept with. The first time my lover knew I was a mage – except for that merc and he sorta worried I could control him after we had done it more than twice. Something about body fluid exchanges and old wives tales. I don’t know.

So while Anders’ tongue curled around mine and my body gave in and started rubbing against him, a tiny part of my mind picked it apart and worried over each touch because this…this never happened to me. I never got the good looking sweet guy. I got the sweet guy’s moronic best friend.

Anders must have realized I was still fretting because he turned us, sat down in a chair, and tugged me onto his lap. He pulled me against his chest, tilted my face to his and returned to kissing me, his hand sliding down the back of my pants and into my smalls. Two fingers slid down the cleft of my ass and pressed against the very sensitive, never-before-touched pucker and I slid forward and over his hard-on with a sudden gasp. He leaned back to watch me, his fingers gently rubbing up and down, teasing over that entrance. I wasn’t sure what to do or what to think. Nobody had ever touched me there and I had to admit, it was making me flush and grow wet the longer he did it.

“You look…” He laughed when he lightly pressed against me again before he resumed rubbing, “Hah. Your hair is standing on end. Like a startled kitten.”

“Andraste’s flaming crotch, what…what?” I gibbered a bit and rocked over the bulge in his pants. “What?” Oh yeah, Rinnie. Keep gibbering. That’ll help.

Anders gave another chuckle and slowly pulled his hand out of my pants. “Never been touched there, then?”

My brain stuttered and my mouth gaped a bit and I finally wheezed “No” at him. That made him laugh more so I tried to pull it together with an erudite question. Sadly, all I could get out was, “You?”

“Mm…sweetheart, you have no idea what I’ve done. It is very boring in the Circle. Not much to do but try out new sexual positions and read dusty books. Which I suppose is a good segue into talking about tonight. Before you bring your boss in I want to tell you about the man I am trying to help.” He was back to running his hands over my back. “It’s very personal for me.”

“Ok…” I wasn’t sure what he was going on about, but the back rub was lovely. I arched into it a bit and made a pleased noise. “Mm…ok. I’m listening.”

He caught my gaze and held it, sighed slightly, and toyed with my tank. “His name is Karl. Karl Thekla. We were in the Circle together in Ferelden. He was…” He licked his lips and sighed again, pulled me tightly against his chest and held me, “He was my first, Cat.”

“You’re first…oh.” The light bulb went off over my head and I pushed against his chest. He let me go and I gazed down into his face. “Lover?”

“Mm. He’s a bit older than me. And was a good friend. Yes, I loved…do love him. But we haven’t been together for years now. Partly because I kept getting into trouble and partly because I joined the Wardens.”

I dropped my eyes to his chin, my hands twisting slightly, “So…are you…me and you…I mean, I’m…” I drooped, disappointment twining around my gut. “Are we rescuing him so you two can be together?”

“What? Maker, No!” Anders slid a finger under my chin and tilted my face to his. “No. We’re rescuing him because the Gallows is horrible and he’s been threatened. We’ve been exchanging notes and he’ll be in the Chantry tonight. I was going to go alone but…I could use help. Something feels…off. I’m scared. Worried.”

“And when we get him out?” I bit my lip and glanced away from him. “What then?”

“He walks free. And we go home. Together, if I’m lucky.” His lips quirked up. “For the night if I’m very, very lucky. Cat…Catherine…I think you underestimate how much I want to strip you naked, drape you over this very large conference table, and make you scream my name five or six times.”

“Only five or six?” I had flushed and was wiggling on his lap, the mental images settling into my imagination to torture me.

He slid his hand into my hair and held my head still, leaning forward to brush his lips over mine, “Cat…Sweetheart…you have no idea the things I want to do with you.” He pressed his lips against mine, bit down on my lower lip, and then pulled away. “Trust me, last night was tame compared to some of my fantasies. We were incredibly bored in the tower. A bunch of bored, magic-wielding, horny mages.” He slid his hand from my hair, moved it around to the front of my neck, and wrapped his fingers lightly around me. “We got creative. Had to. The mage hunters…ahh…they spent a lot of time trying to keep us all locked down, apart. Unless, of course, you bribed them.” He met my eyes and stroked fingers over my pulse.

I watched him, my hips grinding lightly over his erection, “So…ahh…we should discuss that later. Much…much…later…”

“Mm…” was his only response. His eyes had a ring of bright blue around them, his power swelling slightly as his hand pressed over my pulse. I wondered if any of that adrenalin jittery heat fluttering through my stomach was fear or if it was arousal or maybe both. Both would be ok, I decided as I bit my lip and rocked over him. I'd never had a lover who felt secure enough around me to even attempt to control sex. Anders was watching me closely, some sort of satisfaction flashing in his eyes before they returned to that lovely honey-brown.

I licked my lips and slowly pulled away, “What happened to going slow and all that? You’re…”

“Intense.” He relaxed back against the chair, his breathing even but his eyes sparking. “I know. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah I am. Ah...you know, maybe you should tell me more about yourself. Um...” I swallowed and sighed. “I mean, the sex last night was great but I barely know you and...and...” I watched him smile at me, “Can we date before we get crazy sex serious?”

He laughed at that and brushed a hand over my hair, “Yeah, Cat, we can. That's a good idea. And you should tell me when I get too...anything. Tell me. Please. Don't...don't let me scare you.”

I watched him worry for a bit and then leaned forward and kissed him, just a gentle press of lips. “I will. I promise. Now, let me get Varric so we can plan out tonight and get Karl free. Then…then I’ll go home with you.” I let a smile play over my mouth as I slipped from his lap and cocked a hip. “I’m not as easy as you think I am, Ser Mage.”

He watched me sass him, his own lips curling up into that slow, sexy smile he seemed to be able to pull out on demand. “Never thought you were, Cat. I’m ready to plan tonight. Go get Varric.”

I rolled my eyes at his bossy tone.

***

“Maker’s Breath,” Varric had said those exact words at least ten times now. Anders had finished talking and I tapped my pen against the conference room table while watching my boss just stare at Anders.

“Can you do it?” Anders asked, a faint smile ghosting over his lips. “Cat here seems to think it can be done.”

“Cat?” Varric’s eyes landed on me and I flushed. He watched the embarrassment swell on my face and he barked a laugh, “I like it. Yeah, we can do it. We should call in Broody. And Rivaini.”

“You want to bring Broody? He HATES mages, Varric. We can bring Carver…”

“No can do, Cat.” His eyes twinkled at my growl, “Why have I never seen this part of you? You are rather cat-like. But to answer your questions, we’ll need heavy-duty output here. Broody can stick is hand in a guy’s chest and those tattoos make him stronger and faster. Carver can hit things. Which do you think will be more useful.”

“Fine. As long as he doesn’t make commentary. Why Rivaini?”

“She’s quick. She’ll be able to dash around the tight corners and hamstring. I want you far away from them, you understand me Hawke? We even get a whiff of mage hunters and you get behind me. None of your normal shenanigans. These guys can hurt you and hurt you bad. If you can’t promise me this I’m leaving you home.”

“I got it Mother.” I raised my hands in surrender as I rolled my eyes. “I've gone up against them before.”

“She’ll stay with me during any combat,” Anders said. “In exchange for helping me with this, you’ll get the Warden maps and my assistance with any jobs you may need. I’m not willing to let Cat throw her life away.” He didn’t look at me but I could feel his interest in me from across the table. He kept that slight smile on his face, his eyes on Varric. “Help me with this and you’ll get my Warden expertise for your expedition as well. I’m assuming she’s not a silent partner in this? You are actually planning on bringing her with you? Is that safe?”

“I’m sitting right here,” I grated. “And if you two don’t quite acting like my keepers I’ll leave.”

“You need the expedition, Hawke. Where ya going to go? You’re stuck doing things my way.” Varric leaned back in his chair and watched me. I narrowed my eyes. I knew he was yanking my chain. But I also knew he was setting Anders up, making him see that I wasn't some wilting flower. He'd pulled this before with clients, winding me up so that I'd show just enough of my grit to settle the client down about dealing with an unknown. Still, this was Anders and I was decidedly unhappy with the direction this entire conversation was going. I dug my fingers into my thighs and exhaled, tried to calm the rage that was starting to spiral around me.

“Back to the Red Iron if necessary. They’ll take me back in a heartbeat. They have no reliable mercs and I’m the best mage in the city for their jobs. I’ll raise the funds that way. Portion out my needs, invest the rest with Worthy, and move the family myself. Fuck your expedition if I gotta listen to this.” I pushed my chair away from the table, locking my knees to keep them from shaking. I hated when he pushed back at me like this and he knew it.

“Calm down, Hawke. I was just proving a point and you know it. She’s my partner, 50-50, Anders. She’s capable, a hard-ass, stubborn, and willing to do what's needed to get a job done. Don’t coddle her. She’s a better fighter than most fighters I know.”

I met Anders eyes and he nodded, his lips quirking up higher and into that lazy grin. I realized he’d been bating me a bit to see if I’d bite back and I had. “Fucking hell,” I muttered as I collapsed in my chair.

“Thank you for proving me right. You are a cat through and through.” Anders laughed. “I happen to agree with you, Varric. You should have seen her take out a blood mage last night. Cat’s special. Plus, she bought me dinner. How could anybody refuse a person who treats them to dinner?” He traced my face with his eyes and his entire look softened, “Listen to Varric on this job, please. I’m not worth you sacrificing your life over.”

I snorted, my temper still flying high. Varric saw that I was still peevish and shook his head. “I’ll go call the team, get them together. How about we meet you two at the Chantry around…what do you think…nine?”

Anders stood and moved to my chair, one of his hands falling to my shoulder, “Ten should be good.” He gave my shoulder a tight squeeze.

I sighed, “I’ll see you tonight, Varric.”

“Yeah, Hawke. We’ll get this done. It’s already in the bag.”

“Tied up and ready to be dropped in the harbor,” I agreed, standing and allowing Anders to take my hand, my cheeks reddening under the amused smile of Varric. “Ah…I’d appreciate it if you didn’t gossip about this.”

“Oh don’t you worry, Hawke. I won’t need to. They’ll take one look at the way he looks at you and know he’s seen you naked and I don’t mean for healing.” He laughed as I started cursing. “Get going. I’ll see you tonight. It’ll be a quick job and then we can all go get a drink.”

Those are famous last words. Varric always says those words before a job that's guaranteed to make us cranky, a job that we all knew was going to head south. I sighed at him, nodded, and just followed Anders from the room.


	7. Chapter 7

I glanced at Anders as we walked to his clinic. I found it mildly amusing that we were going back there. We had just been there. We walked in silence, my hand secure in his. It was companionable, calming. Better than the emotional wreck I had been back at the office.

Which was worrisome. If being in Anders' presence calmed me down then either I was going to have to have him around all the time or...or...huh. Or what, I wondered. And did I do anything for him? Was my presence a distraction? A welcome intrusion? Did I bring him a measure of peace? Was it too early to know? We'd only known each other for two days and one of those days I'd been loopy from healing. We'd been on one date. One. Only one. And I'd slept with him.

And already I was having mental breakdowns and wondering if I could spend more time with him. Obviously, I'd gone nutters. I'd lost my independence. I'd fallen off the docks. Started living in the Fade. Started sniffing lyrium? I realized Anders was grinning at me and I squinted at him, “What?”

“You’re a very loud thinker.” He laughed, tucking my hand against him as he unlocked the clinic. “You're worried you've gone insane.”

“What?” Maker dammit Rinnie! Get a grip on your vocabulary. “I mean, what do you mean by that?” I facepalmed. When I peeked through my fingers it was to see him leaning against the door and smiling. “Fine. Yes. Yes...I feel like I've gone insane.”

He chuckled under his breath, opened the clinic door and raised an eyebrow at me. I huffed and went in, watched him close and lock the door, and then motion for me to head back to the apartment. “I'm going to put my sign up. Here's a key to the apartment, go on and go in.”

“Key?” I waved it at him. “A key. Not your key?”

“No,” He was busy at the front desk, not looking at me, “Your key. Go on. I'll be back there in a moment.”

I believe I gaped at him and then turned and shuffled back to his apartment. I glared at the key. How dare he give me a key, I thought. As if we're...serious...oh. I stopped glaring and looked at the key again, this time with respect and a little fear. Oh no, my mind thought as it started raising red flags and doing the danger dance.

I wondered if I needed to get a toothbrush or something for his place. Did sleeping together constitute a sudden monogamous relationship? Wait...would I be ok if he said no and wanted to sleep with other people? No, my sudden flash of anger told me that would be a not ok. And some part of me knew he wasn't a sharer. So...key.

I let myself into the apartment and looked around, put my staff in the corner like last night, and then went to figure out how his tea pot worked. I had to admit that knowing I could come over here was a big deal. Sharing a room with Carver, living with my Uncle...it sucked. If anything, the clinic could give me some personal Rinnie time – something I hadn't had in a long while.

I had just figured out the ins and outs of his tea kettle and the little tiny stove he had in the kitchen when he came in. He closed the door, put his staff with mine, and watched me with wide eyes. Something about the look on his face, the wonder and shy happiness, had my stomach clenching. It tightened further when he joined me in the tiny kitchen nook, his arms wrapping around me.

“What ever are you doing?” he asked as he tucked me against his chest and rested his chin on my head.

“Making us a cup of tea?” I replied, surprise in my voice. “Is that ok?”

“I've never had anybody else in here. It was surreal coming in and seeing you in the kitchen. Are you ok with me giving you a key? It'll open the clinic as well. So, you know, if you need some privacy... I noticed you don't get that at home. It’s…it’s not to, you know…it’s not to bind you to me or anything. I just thought…you’re helping me and I’m helping you and the expedition and you could use some privacy.”

“Ah…” I pondered how to respond and then forged ahead, “Um, the home situation is temporary. Until I get done with the expedition. I’m hoping to get enough money to buy the old family estate. Move my Mom and Carver there.”

“Where will you be?” He released me when the kettle started singing. He nudged me out of the way and began to put the tea together, measuring leaves into the strainer and warming the pot before leaving it to steep. “Hmm?”

“Oh, probably there. I guess. I don't know. Getting Mom out of Lowtown is my priority. And giving Carver the space to be himself. I...I just want a buffer between me and the Gallows.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “What's the Circle really like? Papa, he wouldn't tell me.”

Anders gave me a look and joined me, sighed and leaned back on his elbows. “When you first get there, it's scary. You don't know anybody and the mage hunters are all big and wearing armor. The First Enchanter gives you a speech about magic and then the Chantry Mother gives you a speech about magic. And then you're put in with the other kids. Then you start lessons and that isn't too bad. Until you realize you can't go home. And as you get older, you hear stories about apprentices disappearing after their Harrowing. As you reach maturity, you start to notice the mage hunters' eyes following you more. Then, if you pass your Harrowing, you realize that your entire life will be spent in that tower. Always watched. Always suspected. You either surrender to that realization and immerse yourself in circle politics, trying to not see the abuses, or you fight against it and either start to hate yourself or end up tranquil.”

“Which way did you go?” I pressed him down on the bed and curled up against his chest, my hand rubbing over his abdomen in light circles.

“I tried to escape.” He grabbed my hand and held it in a tight grip, his voice quiet. “Nearly a dozen times. Second to last time they...” He sat up suddenly and went to pour the tea. He kept his back to me, his shoulders hunched, “they put me in solitary for a year.”

“What?” I sat up and blinked at him. “What? Why?”

“It was my last chance to straighten up, they said. The Warden Commander...she conscripted me out from under their noses. I had escaped again, was caught again, and this time there would be no punishment. It would be either tranquility or death – same thing really. But she conscripted me and I survived the Joining and well, here I am.” He turned, his face relaxed but his eyes turbulent. He handed me my tea and returned to sitting on the bed, this time with his back pressed against the wall.

I took a sip, watched him, and then put my mug on the floor. “Anders. That's...I'm...sorry.” I didn't know what to say. He was gripping his mug tightly, his hands shaking lightly. Gently, slowly, I pried it from his hands and put both mugs in the kitchen. When I crawled onto the bed and held my arms open to him he slid up and against me, gathered me close, and just clung. I held on to him and waited for him to break.

He didn't. He just clung to me, dry-eyed and shaking, before gradually relaxing. “That's why tonight is so important. That was in Ferelden. The Kirkwall circle is so much worse. Now you know why I want to help Karl.”

“I would have helped him regardless. I'm not fond of the Chantry or the Circle. Unrepentent do-gooders who judge everybody.” I smiled and pushed against him lightly, forced him to roll to his back. I straddled him and looked down into his face, “I won't let them take you back, you know that. Right? They can't have you. I've decided to keep you.”

“Oh?” He watched me with wary eyes, his hands wrapping around my hips to hold me steady. “You've decided to keep me?”

“Yeah. I mean, just now. The thought just hit, but there you go. They can't have you, I've claimed you. They can go find another apostate to lock up.” I grinned down at him and traced his jaw with a finger. “Unless you don't agree...”

“To being kept by you?” He squeezed my hips and then slid his hands up my back to gently press me down to him, “I think I'm alright with that.”

“I mean, I claimed Merrill pretty much right off the bat. And Varric is one of mine. So is Isabela. And I suppose Fenris...I'm getting a crowd... ” I murmured, my eyes crossing slightly as he tangled his hands in my hair. He grunted and pulled me into a kiss. I settled over him and stroked his cheek while I nibbled at his lips. He tasted good, like tea and Anders – a good combination. A combination I was starting to want to taste frequently. The kiss ended slowly and I cuddled against his chest, surprised at both of us.

“I think I'm going to just stop thinking about it. Us. Whatever that means.” I declared, feeling rather victorious for making up my mind. “What happens with us, happens.”

His chuckle jostled me and he fluttered his fingers over my sides, tickling me. “Well, that's good to know then. I can relax, secure in the knowledge that you won't over-think your emotions.”

“Wretch,” I muttered. “Now I'm going to have to pick this entire day apart and put it back together. You do realize that, right? Then, when I'm cranky from doing that, I'll have to go set some idiot on fire just to remind myself that I'm not a wilting...wilting...” I scrunched my nose up and thought about the general flora in the area. “Wilting embrium.”

“Hmm....how about setting mage hunters on fire and letting the idiots sort themselves out?” Anders dragged a hand down my back and smiled at me.

“Well,” I said as I purred a bit, “aren't they the same thing?”

***

  
Ten O'clock found us on the steps of the Chantry and off to the side in the shadows. I was in my all-black ass-kicking gear – much to Anders' amusement. He had taken one look at my leather pants and asked me if I was in a biker gang. I had kicked him for that, his laughter wrapping around me and making my lips twitch. He was in some feathered coat get up that had me snorting in amusement.

He looked like a tall, ruffled, angry magpie.

Varric waved us over to the shadows and I did the introductions, watching as Isabela eyed Anders with great interest. I squinted at her and she winked and gave me a thumbs-up. Maker help me, either Varric had been talking or I'm as clear as a windowpane in Hightown. I pointedly ignored her and then blinked at the glare Fenris was giving Anders.

What the hell was that about? I made a mental note to bother Ser Fussypants about it later.

I glanced at the group, “We get in, let Anders do the talking, and get out. If the mage hunters show, we take them down fast. No dawdling. No fancy stuff.” I glanced around, noted the Haze levels, “Moderate Haze tonight. I can control it but…mage hunters…they may nullify that. So we’ll be quick, quiet, in and out fast. Any questions?”

Fenris pushed away from the wall he was leaning against and frowned at Anders. “Why are we doing this again? Fighting against mage hunters? Helping apostates?”

“Getting the warden maps of the depths? Gaining a healer? Helping a poor guy who is in a jam?” My gaze settled on Fenris. “We got a problem?”

“Yes. Yes We do.” He leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed and his eyes on me.

I grumbled and glanced at Varric. “ Take Izzy and Anders. Scout out the front door. Fenris and I need to chat for two seconds. We’ll join you.” I watched Varric nod and wrangle the other two away, Anders shooting me a worried look. I rolled my eyes at him and then turned to face Fenris, “Alright. What is it?”

“I do not like this plan.” He grated, pushing off of the wall and crowding up into my space. “I do not like the looks of him. I do not like the way he looks at you. I do not like the fact that we are fighting hunters. Why are we doing this? To free a mage?"

“Ah…” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I inhaled, scratched at my nose, and exhaled noisily. “Why is it your business?”

Fenris sighed, “I do not wish to see you hurt, Rin. He took advantage of you while you were injured. Now he has  you fighting his fights.”

“I did your dirty work.” I pointed out, my hand flying out to stop his forward progression. “What’s the difference?”

He looked down at my hand that was touching his chest, “I…I do not know.” He stopped and sighed, looked away. “I upset you by ranting about magic. I am sorry for that. I screwed up and let my anger do the talking."

“What are we talking about here?” I watched him shift and then look at me again.

“Rinnie. I… “He sighed. “I just wish a chance to get to know you. When I saw you casting magic, well...it was a shock. A slave on the run from a Tevinter Magister tends to be leery of those with magic. I was harsh and you were injured. Instead of attacking you, I should have noticed your injury. I should not have left you alone in the clinic.I should have apologized more. Now, I see how that apostate looks at you. How you let his hands linger on you.” He nabbed my wrist, “It upsets me.”

“Fenris…I…wow. Ok. Look. You want to grab coffee or something, talk, I’m game. We can be friends.” I offered him a smile.

“Friends…” Fenris watched me. “Hmm.” He smiled, a brief thing but amazing nonetheless for the apparent rarity of the act.

I patted his shoulder with my free hand and then stepped back. “Ok. Let’s go fry some mage hunters. Enough of this mushy stuff.”

***

  
They were waiting for us, hidden in the deep shadows that lined the Chantry's balcony. The Mage Hunters were a part of The Chantry and a subset of the Templar order. Tasked with the strict job of hunting down mages and maintaining security in the Circles, the hunters attracted the most fervent in the Templar order. The templars themselves had turned from focusing strictly on mages and now hunted out heretics from all walks of life. Both spelled annoyance for an apostate, but the hunters were much more ruthless in bringing down the apostate. They were fanatics and Chantry-ordained to bring in mages in whatever manner they thought best. But for all their pious talk, they were just men in armor. And men could be corrupted, bargained with...bribed...if the mage knew what buttons to push. And they could die - if you were determined enough.

They had left Karl out in the open – tempting bait for a bunch of mooks looking to squirrel away a mage and make him an apostate. We made it to Karl unhindered and all would have gone the mage hunters' way if Anders hadn't seen the brand, if Karl hadn't talked.

But he had.

The hunters swarmed us. More than a half-dozen by the looks of it. They came from the shadows, a Lieutenant leading the charge. Fucking Lieutenants have extra oomph in the “mage suppression” ability so I dodged clear of him and yelled at Fenris to take him out. There were several archers sporting crossbows, all armed with bolts dipped in mage bane. I knew because one grazed over my jacket and the sickly sweet smell hit my nose. Ass-hats weren't even taking chances.

Anders had taken one look at the hunters and lost it. His eyes had shot straight blue and his entire body began to sing with power. I watched the Haze nip at all the magic flowing from him and dissipate. Whatever kind of magic that Fade spirit of his cast, the Haze did not like it.

Which was fine, because my magic loved it. I flung ice left and right and trying to avoid any fire spells. Didn’t want to inadvertently burn down the Chantry with us inside it. Once they saw Anders and I, once Anders flashed blue and I lit up my magic, they screamed “apostates” and tried to focus fire on us. Which sucked ass. The archers were my primary focus – take them out and they were stuck having to hack at us with their unwieldy swords. So I was calling down an ice storm when that annoying Lieutenant tried to drain my mana. I felt the world tilt and spin, gasping as my spell wavered. Anders noticed and shoved me back, out of the ability's influence, grew even more angry, and charged.

Maker-Dammit, I thought as I chased him down and tackled him, dodging bolts and finding myself a lot closer to the hunters' swords than I had wanted. I screamed then, angry at the entire situation, angry at the hunters, angry that Karl was tranquil, angry that there were swords headed for me, opened myself up and pulled down a fire storm.

Right in front of Andraste's statue.

Barbecued those fuckers right up. I felt it a nice touch. She was killed via fire so her little hunters could perish the same way. I didn't stop to ponder my dim view of Andraste, figuring I had more important things to worry about right then. The archers missed out on the flambe attack, but had been subjected to Izzy's dizzying daggers, Varric's bolts, and Fenris' sword.

I watched as Fenris pinned the last hunter to the wall. Two bolts flew over his shoulder and slammed into the hapless guy. The shiny-suited man gave a gargle and went limp. Fenris moved back and looked around, checking for more movement. I slowly lowered my staff and bent over to catch my breath.

The man we had come to rescue was...well...tranquil. Lobotomized. Cut off from the Fade. A mere shadow of himself. A walking zombie that followed orders exactly and felt nothing – no fear, no love, no regret...nothing. The tranquil rite was used to nullify mages. It cut us off from the touch of the Fade, excised that part of us that could harness Fade powers. But it also removed our emotions, our ability to dream...the spark that made us human. It turned us into efficient, cold, docile workers - just the type of people the Chantry wanted.

But maybe Karl wasn't fully tranquil...

“Anders...what did you do? It's like...a veil has been pulled from my eyes. Like a piece of the Fade burns brightly in you.” Karl gripped his head and groaned. “Maker, you have no idea what it's like.”

“I...Karl...what happened?” Anders reached for him, my heart lurching at the agony on Anders' face. “Karl...I was too late.”

“They found a note. After that, well. I don't remember much. Look...it's fading. Whatever you did is ending. Please. Don't leave me like this. I'd rather be dead.” Karl gripped Anders' shoulders tightly. “You must. If you ever loved me...please. End it.”

“Karl...I can't...I...” Anders turned agonized eyes to me. He shook his head, his face nearly grey with grief.

I gripped his arm, “Anders, I'd rather be dead than tranquil. Please. Put him out of his misery. Or move and allow me to.”

He closed his eyes and gathered himself, the blue flaring around him briefly. When he opened his eyes, they were dead. He cupped a hand behind Karl's neck, pulled him into a kiss, and whispered, “I am sorry, love.” Karl took a gasping breath as the knife was thrust into his heart. Anders watched him slide to the floor in a heap, slowly re-sheathed the knife and turned, “I...let's just go. I need to be away from this place.”


	8. Chapter 8

I turned the light on in the apartment. It hadn't been that long ago that we had been here snuggling and drinking tea. It had just been this morning that I had woken up here with Anders, his hands roaming my body. Now I was taking care of him.

Anders had been quiet since we left the Chantry. His face waxy and his skin clammy, he had followed me meekly through the city to his apartment. It worried me, the way his face had closed down, the way he had automatically taken my hand, his lack of emotion.

Now we were back at the clinic and I was struck by how odd it seemed that I was the one doing the caretaking. I pondered the apartment for a moment, pondered Anders just standing in the middle of the space, unmoving and unresponsive, and went to start the shower. I figured a good, hot shower would help solve some of it.

While the water heated I attacked his coat. It didn't have normal buckles or buttons or zippers. No, this had belts. Belts that belted around loops. I fought with each one until I could peel the coat from him. Then I tugged off his shirt and shoved him down on the bed to pull off his boots. When his pants, smalls, and socks had joined the pile, I undressed – an act that took considerably less time. He was just standing there shivering slightly, his grief nearly palpable. It hurt to look at him, to know that I had been the one to push the issue of his lover's death.

Even if it had been a kindness, it was still death. Still a loss.

He let me lead him to the shower and under the spray. As the water beat over his hair and ran down his face, he hunched in on himself and I tightly wrapped my arms around him, held him close, and whispered nonsense words to him as he slowly cracked and then broke. The flood of his tears, the strength of his grief, bore us to the floor of the shower and I cradled him against me as he sobbed out his pain, his anger, and his loss.

As he quieted, he moved to sit on the floor, pulling me with him so that I sat between his legs and pressed against his chest. While his hands rubbed slow circles over my stomach I wondered if he'd blame me. If I had effectively ended our relationship before it could even fully start. But he pressed me back against his chest and whispered, “thank you” against my hair.

We stayed like that until the water started to cool. Then I moved, turned the water off, and pulled Anders up – well, tugged on him till he stood. He stopped me when I went to dry him off, however. He took the towel and rubbed himself down. Then he nabbed mine and gently patted me dry. His hand cupped my cheek and he rubbed a finger tenderly against my skin. “You’ve probably got questions, huh? About…about me? About what happened?”

“I figure your Fade Spirit took umbrage at your lover being lobotomized.” I smoothed my hand over his chest hair. “The Haze doesn’t like your magic.”

“No. It wouldn’t. Justice is the opposite of what the Haze is. The Haze is a miasma of anger and grief made nearly sentient by the magic used by the Magisters. It’s almost like a demon preying on the city. That’s why most mages have such trouble controlling their magic and why blood mages turn abomination so quickly. But Justice, well, he’s not a demon. He’s one of the good spirits. And the Haze and his magic don’t mesh.” His fingers smoothed over my cheek and cupped the back of my head. “Did I scare you? I…I would understand if I did.”

“No. You pissed me off when you ran straight into the combat. I was afraid you’d be hurt. Can’t you control it at all?” I gazed into his eyes and felt caught by the swirling blue and brown. It was beautiful, his magic twining and twisting with Justice’s, a nearly perfect meshing. The blue flared slightly, seemed to look inside of me, and then settled.

“No, like I told you before, we’re one. His thoughts are my thoughts and vice versa. When I am angry, though, my control slips and he gains an advantage. My desire for vengeance takes over. Hunters bring it out more. I loathe them and the Circle, what they’ve done to mages – all in the name of safety and protection. It…it…”His eyes flared straight blue and for a moment I felt fear, deep fear. But the blue didn’t snap at me and his voice deepened, “It’s Unjust.”

“I agree.” I whispered, my mouth dry. “It’s wrong. I’ve spent my life hiding because of them. Because I ended up born a mage.”

Anders looked at me with those electric-blue eyes and slowly relaxed, shuddered, his hand flexing in my hair, “You…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Justice may not approve of obsessions, but he understands human love. His last host had a wife and Justice puzzled over those feelings of love and companionship. She helped him understand a bit…and…well. He’s as fascinated with you as I am. And no, it isn’t like I hear his thoughts. It’s just a feeling, an intuition. He is me and I am him, please…please Cat. I’m sorry.”

“Oh…” I pulled away so I could take his hand in mine, “No, it’s ok. It was a little scary just then but…it’s just you, isn’t it. You feeling his needs more. That’s…amazing. Amazing. I can work with this. I can. It’ll be ok, Anders. I’m not leaving because of this.”

He blinked at me, “You’re…so unexpected, Cat. Such a gift.”

“No,” I murmured, shy and embarrassed, “No. I made you put the knife to Karl. I'm no gift.”

“But you are. You saw what needed to be done. You didn't let me waver. And then you brought me home and took care of me. You didn’t even flinch when Justice took over.” He stepped closer, his eyes holding mine with an intensity that was knee-knocking. “You are a treasure. A wonder. And I don't deserve any of it. But Maker knows, that doesn't mean I won't bask in every moment I have with you.” He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me with a sweetness that belied the smoldering heat in his gaze.

Sometimes after a fight, a good drink and some gambling helps settle the nerves. Sometimes more than a good drink – several drinks and laughing with your friends while everybody tells raunchy jokes helps. Or a rousing bar fight and then some food. And sometimes...sometimes you need something more physically intimate to settle you. To remind you that you're alive, to connect you with something other than battle and death and fear.

So when the kiss started to turn from sweet to hot, when his tongue entwined with mine and his fingers pressed with nearly bruising force against my back, I didn't argue or fight. Instead I shoved him back against the bathroom wall, fisted my hands into his hair, and kissed him back with a single-minded intensity. I tugged on his hair as he tore his mouth from mine, tipped my head back, and bit at my pulse. Maker, but I love a man who has no problems being a little rough. It lets me let go, lets me know they don't mind the magic skittering over my skin or the bruises left from my fingers.

It's rough being a mage sometimes with non-mage partners. They get iffy about the random sparks and crackles.

Anders, though, Anders liked it. He liked that his mouth was making my skin shimmer with heat. I could feel my magic shifting through me, flaring around me like a corona. He laughed, a raw sound, and bit my neck again, sucking hard enough to make me wheeze and moan. I felt his hand slid over my hip and ass and then between my thighs. He dragged a finger down my cunt and pressed over my clit, sparked his magic, and made me see stars. I bit his shoulder to muffle my scream, my legs going limp from the shock of pleasure. He huffed with laughter at me, at my muffled moans, and spun us so that I was pressed to the wall.

Wall sex in the bathroom. Maker be still my heart.

I wrapped a leg around him, tugged him back into a rough kiss, and groaned as he slid up into me. It was fast, fast and sweaty and filled with a lot of moaned “fuck me” from my end and “Maker yes” from his. When I came again, I smashed my head back against the wall as I gasped. I never even felt it, my body lighting up like holiday lights. He buried his face against my neck, thrust hard into me, and came.

I am not sure how we made it to the bed. I vaguely remember Anders touching my neck and healing the bruises he had left and smoothing his hand over my head and healing that too. I sorta remember him leading me from the bathroom. But then nothing. I don’t even remember him tucking us under the covers. One minute I was shuddering with pleasure in the bathroom and the next I was wrapped up in the bed with Anders curled around me and asleep.

My brain and my body gave each other high-fives for the sex and then promptly shut down. I gave in and went to sleep. No sense fighting the inevitable.

***

  
I woke disoriented. It was light outside, the sun filling the room. I was still blinking the sleep from my eyes when the apartment door opened to admit Anders carrying a bag under one arm and a drink carrier in his hand. He saw that I was awake, waved the drink carrier at me, and closed the door behind him.

I watched him put everything down and start pulling off his clothes – a loose t-shirt and some jeans that sat just right on his hips. Maker help me, he wasn’t wearing smalls. Just the jeans. He pulled them off and I may have gawked a bit at him, swallowed the drool starting to pool in my mouth, and tried to look comfortable and nonchalant.

I’m pretty sure I looked flushed and mussed from sleeping.

Anders slid back into bed, pressed himself against me, and kissed my nose. “Morning, sweetheart. I got us breakfast.”

My brain jittered. My heart did a strange ba-thump and started galloping in my chest. I was staring at him with my mouth hanging open, not sure what to say. There was a whole lot of tingly-happy-twisty feelings going on along with a rousing chorus of “OH NO RINNIE!” The Oh No choir was performing in four-part harmony and dancing across my mind. While I lay there in a daze, he rolled me to my back and captured my lips in a kiss.

The litany of Oh No was loud enough to almost drown out the pleasure from the kiss. My brain was having a spectacular argument with my heart about crushes and statistics and the smartness of falling for possessed mages and “you've only known him for three days, Rinnie” and that part in my mother's voice. My internal argument really ramped up when I realized I had expected him to be a tad peeved about last night and Karl and instead he had gone to buy me coffee.

The kiss ended and I blinked, unsure of what to say. He just smiled and smoothed a hand down my side, moving so he could drag it back up to cup a breast and squeeze. “So…” he watched my face when he pinched and tugged the nipple, “You are so very sensitive. I love it.” My gargled response had him laughing and tugging my nipple again. “I did it again last night.”

“Did…did what?” Maker, what was he doing with his fingers? Something…he was doing something that involved a lot of nipple rolling and some sparks and I am pretty sure he was talking but I wasn’t listening. He hadn’t done anything but toyed with one breast and I was on the edge of coming undone.

Anders realized it and sighed, smoothed his hand over my breast and gave me a sheepish smile. “I took you up against the bathroom wall without asking and without protection. And now…now I’m fondling you. I’m sorry. I’m a very physical person. I like touch, I like to touch. And sex has always been…you know…it’s always been my way to show affection. I really don’t want to scare you away.”

“What?” My vocabulary had obviously taken a hit since I started dating Anders. “You’re always so concerned about that.” I blinked as he rolled over and tugged me on top of him.

“Well yes. I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re so…tempting. I think I already told you. Tempting and sexy and…I am very attracted to you.” He was looking at me, his expression intense. “I don’t want to push my luck.”

I laughed at him, at us, and sat up. “Push your luck? You nearly had me begging and all you did was pinch a nipple. Maker help me if you ever really get going.” I grinned down at him, squeaking in surprise when he slid me forward over his stomach and chest. “Anders…”

“Mm…just…just let me, Cat. Hearing you is amazing.” He pulled me to his face, braced me with his hands, and tasted me. There was a roaring in my ears as his tongue slid between my lips and into me. My entire body caught fire and I rubbed my cunt over his face, gasped his name, and just felt. Felt his tongue scraping over me, his fingers digging into my hips, my own hands cupping and squeezing my breasts. I just felt and teetered on the edge of orgasm. He kept me there, right there on the edge, and pulled back before I could tilt over it. “Cat…” he blew against my clit and his breath was cold and tingly.

“Yes, Maker yes. Don’t you even think of moving. Just…yes. Whatever you want. For the love of the Divine, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” I was begging. He had reduced me to begging. Nobody had ever made me beg. I didn’t even wait for him to move, I just slid down his body, leaned forward to grab his shoulders, and slid myself down on his cock.

And I didn’t stop. Anders was gripping at my hips but I wasn’t interested in going slow or romance or anything at that moment. I was burning up, the tension spiraling higher. He finally realized I wasn’t open to any sort of alternative positions or even letting him take over and instead stroked his hands over me, over my breasts, between my thighs, and finally up my ass to press back there. I felt one finger, wet and slippery with my arousal, glide over that pucker and then slowly press in and that…that made me tilt over the edge.

What is it with Anders and orgasms that make me lose track of time and locations and my senses?

I came to lying sprawled on him, his cock twitching inside of me, and his hands gently rubbing over my back. I should have really been concerned with my “take no prisoners, we will not stop for condoms” approach to sex but honestly I was so lax I didn’t care one way or the other. His hands were soothing over me and I nuzzled against him, opened my mouth, and then promptly closed it and bit my tongue.

I was not. NOT. Going to call him sweetheart or love or dearest or…or…oh NO. The warm fuzzy feelings were slowly being overtaken the panicky internal screaming and I just mumbled incoherently and slid off of him to cuddle against his side.

So...” He rolled to his side to look at me, one of his hands still sliding over me. “Just out of curiosity. And I’m not asking because that wasn’t amazing. It was. It’s more because of that face you just made right now. How many boyfriends have you had?”

I kept my eyes glued on his chest hair, “Ah...as in more than one-night stands?”

I could see him nodding at me, “Yes. Though how many of those have you had?”

“Oh...er...” I flushed. “I've slept with four men...wait. You make five. There was the Wicker's son...what was his name? Tad? And then the farmhand, Jack. Ah...I had to bribe a mage hunter. I didn't get his name. And all I did was give him head.” I flushed when Anders' narrowed his eyes at me, “What? He saw Bethy and I didn't want him to tell. I did it and then told Papa and we moved that night. No biggie.” I swallowed slightly as his eyes lit blue, “And there was Tarker...but he was...ah. He was a merc that did some business around Lothering. Knew I was an apostate. Was fine with it but thought maybe I could steal his soul through sex? So we only did it like, twice...” I smoothed a hand over his chest hair and offered him a brief smile.

“You gave a blowjob to a hunter to give you all time to move?” His voice was quiet.

“Er...” I swallowed, “Ah. Yes?”

“Maker's Breath...” he sighed. “He didn't know you were a mage?”

“Naw, just Bethy. Was too busy staring at my tits. I mean, the minute I saw him staring at Bethy, I pulled my shirt off.” I slid my finger over a scar on his collarbone. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

Anders nabbed my hand and rolled me over, pinned me to the bed, and stared at me, “And how old were you?”

“What? Oh...um. Let me think...seventeen? Eighteen? Somewhere around there. Papa caught the illness while we were running and...well...” I bit my lip and looked away, “If I had slept with the guy, we could have stayed. But I had to have standards.”

Anders exhaled and pressed his forehead to mine. “Dear Maker. So...no solid relationships? No long-term lovers? Just a bunch of quick ones and…the hunter?” His voice deepened near the end, worry sparking in his eyes.

“Jack lasted a few months. Then the Blight hit. But how was I to have anything long term?” I asked. “We moved a lot. We had to, to keep ahead of the hunters. No, I had no time for romance. And I’m telling you, it was super easy to negotiate with the hunter once his pants were down and his cock in my mouth. Why all the questions?”

He sighed and squeezed me tightly, “Well, that explains an awful lot about you.”

“A lot of what?” I wiggled against him, managing to get an arm free and patting at him. I was hungry, the conversation was uncomfortable, and there was coffee over on the counter calling my name.

“It's just something for me to keep in mind.” He grabbed my arm and tucked it back under him. “I thought maybe I was moving too fast or you were unhappy with me but you're just,” and he drew his thumb over my lower lip and smiled, “inexperienced. I can see you worrying. You seem happy and then the worry pops up.”

“Er...” I flushed. “I'm...not. Inexperienced. At...stuff.” I glanced over at the coffee, “You bought coffee? And what’s in the bag? Pastries? Muffins? I don’t…know what you’re talking about. Worried about…what? What?”

He shook his head, “You're adorable when you're flustered.”

That had me gawking at him. “I am not whatever you just said! Flustered. I'm just...I'm...” I frowned, screwed up my face and huffed in annoyance. “Alright, I'm flustered. And no, I don't know what I'm doing. And yes, you confound me and make my middle feel twisty and I'm not sure what that means but there you go. Can I have my coffee?”

That made Anders laugh, “Yes, yes you can.” He kissed my nose, causing me to scrunch it up and go cross-eyed.

“I'm...I'm going to go to work. I've got this job to plan out and I'm sure mail to handle.” I watched Anders for a moment. “Ah...would you be interested in, um, coming with me to the Bone Pit? I mean, not just the two of us cause I think this is a full group type of a job but you know...healing and...” I glared over his shoulder at the coffee. “I'd prefer if you could come with me.”

Anders slid a hand over my cheek, gently turning my face to him. He just looked at me for a moment, his eyes looking happy and satisfied, “You're asking me to help?”

“Ah...yes. Yes I am.” I nuzzled against his hand. Shameless, that's me.

Anders smiled at my expression, “Because I can heal?”

I sighed and looked disgruntled, “No...well, yes. And because I want you there and we'll have to camp out and tent sex sounds kinky and fun.” I flushed.

He huffed a laugh and bent down to press a kiss to my lips, “I'll go help you with your job. And then I'm going to strip you naked, pull you onto your knees, and lick you from the top of your ass all the way down to your clit until you scream so loudly your friends will have no doubt about what we're doing.”

My mouth dropped open, my entire body went beet red, and I believe I started sweating just a tiny bit. Just a bit. Maker's mother...I had no response to that. Anders seemed to realize that, tapped my nose and rolled off of me and out of bed, an incredibly pleased look on his face. “Ah...” That was it, that was the best I could come up with.

I followed, standing on noodle legs and staggered towards the bathroom door, swallowing when I saw his eyes trail down my body. “Cat,” his voice had me stopping, a hand on the door.

I cleared my throat, “Yeah?”

“I might make you beg just a bit, just a tiny bit, to let you orgasm.” He moved to stand behind me and I could feel the heat shimmering off him. He placed a hand over mine on the door, bent down and nuzzled my neck, “And this time I won’t let you just take over. Would you like that?”

I stiffened and closed my eyes, the mental image making me wish I could stay here instead of going in to work. Perhaps he could give me a demonstration if I could. Instead, I was stuck swallowing and reminding myself that I had bills to pay and a family to move. So I nodded, squeaked out a “Yes” and fled into the bathroom.

I am a big, strong, independent merc. I am a big...strong...independent and incredibly horny merc.

Dammit Anders!


	9. Chapter 9

Planning for the Bone Pit took two days. It wouldn't have taken that long but I had to pin down everybody. And I mean everybody. I wasn't going out to some mining operation charmingly named Bone Pit with just two or three hands. No...I needed all the firepower I could get. That included Aveline, who bitched about the time off work until I organized us to go during her days off. So we planned for two days and then had a whole extra day to organize. Yippee.

I stayed busy while we planned. I had meetings with Varric. Long, drawn-out meetings that involved maps and plans and tactics and history lessons on that part of Kirkwall – really boring shit. By day two, I was tearing at my hair and Fenris was watching me with wide eyes as I slapped at the table and bitched at Varric – who, quite frankly, gave as good as he got. So when Varric and I finished clawing at each other, Fenris dragged me out to the coffee shop.

Yes. Fenris, the mage-hating broody hunky elf forced me out of the office for coffee. I didn’t even realize he knew how to socialize. Silly me. Oh silly, silly me.

We sat at the coffee house down the street from the office, me staring into my latte and Fenris sipping on a cup of good old black joe. It was sweltering outside and I had little hope of our trip being pleasant, not with us having to walk. It wasn't a long walk. And if were in a part of Thedas that had normal streets and roads we would have taken a car or rented a bus or some shit. But Kirkwall was filled with stairs. Fucking things are everywhere. And the surrounding countryside is either sheer mountains, craggy coastlines, or giant monster-filled pits. And don’t get me started on the Haze and combustion engines. They tried that once. The fires took two months to put out.

We were going to hike it.

Fenris watched me toy with my coffee and finally leaned forward and snagged my hand. I blinked at the contact. He wasn’t much on contact. But he took my hand and just looked at me and I sighed. “Ok…what?”

“You seem on edge, anxious. What has distressed you so?” His eyes traveled over my face and he dipped his head, his expression damn near puppy-dog.

“It’s just this whole trip. The maps, the planning, Varric’s mother routine. Merrill wants to bring knives. Carver is being a bitch. Isabela is wondering if we can all share a communal tent.” I groused, trying to ignore how adorable he looked. Dammit Rinnie, Anders…Anders…think of Anders.

“And the abomination?” One of Fenris’ eyebrows slowly lifted up his forehead. I choked on my latte at the question. “The healer,” He clarified.

I was coughing and just gave him a helpless look. He took pity on me and stood up, coming around to slap my back with enough force to have me wheezing. “What?” Dear Maker, my vocabulary has suffered greatly since sleeping with Anders. “Anders?”

“Yes. Will he be joining the group?” He stood there looking down at me, his face placid. “Did you invite him?”

“Er…yes?” I nabbed a napkin and patted at the table, mopping up spilt coffee. “Why?”

Fenris pulled a chair close to mine and sat down, leaned forward, and gave me a very serious look, “How important is he to you?”

I turned my head and immediately wished I hadn’t. He was right there, so close I could see each individual eyelash framing his lovely eyes. I swallowed. I admit it, I’ve never had more than one guy interested in me and I was at a loss as to what to do or think. “Look, Fenris. I…why? Why do you need to know?”

“Perhaps I am interested in pursuing you. Perhaps I wish to invite you to dinner. I need to know now if there is competition.” He leaned forward a tiny bit more and I watched with wide eyes as he smiled. Oh Maker.

“I thought…you know…mage here. And you don’t…like us?” I swallowed and his eyes slid down to look at my lips. I started blushing – because you can always count on a good blush when the situation gets sticky.

“Rinnie.” He cleared his throat, his eyes tracing over my face, “As a general rule, I do not like mages. Why should I? My master, soon to be former Master, is one of them. But you, Rinnie, you are not simply a mage. And perhaps…just perhaps…I wish to get better acquainted. I apologize, again, for being so rude when we first met.”

“Fenris…”I opened my mouth and he tipped forward and kissed me. My eyes went wide, I could feel them widen. Time slowed as he moved his lips over mine. I tightened my grip on the chair, a low buzz of pleasure spiraling up my body as Fenris tentatively opened my mouth and tasted me. He was a hum of energy against my lips and I could feel my magic shift and respond. But as his lips moved over mine and as I slowly kissed him back, I couldn’t stop thinking about Anders. Seeing Anders’ face.

All I could think was that Fenris was kissing me and Anders might try to kill him.

He pulled back and looked at me, his eyes large and blown with arousal. I wasn’t sure what to do so I fell back on the tried and true form of babbling. “Er…” I gaped a bit at him. “You kissed me.”

He smiled a pretty sexy and self-satisfied smile. I sat there and just watched him grin and settle back in his chair. “I did.”

“You can’t just…kiss…what? What?” I flailed my hands at him and he chuckled. “Maker-dammit. I’m not cute!”

“You are, but that is beside the point. Rinnie, I need to know. Are you two serious?”He stood and looked down at me, back to being serious elf.

“Fenris…” I just threw my hands up. “I slept with him. A few times. And…and…I do have some feelings brewing. We’re dating.”

“Dating.” He let the word hover there for a moment and then he smiled faintly, “I am not quite ready to give up yet. I think I will return to the office to help Varric. Think about what I said, please.”

I watched him walk out and then slumped in my chair, tilted forward, and let my head thump on the table. Delightful, I thought. Now how do I tell Anders about this lovely interlude? Maker’s Breath, I should have turned Fenris’ job down or punched him or something.

ARGH!

***

I returned to the office and threw myself back into work. Since we had to hike to the Bone Pit, I needed to organize the camping. Camping meant tents. Which meant the sticky question of where I was going to sleep: in my tent or in Anders’ tent? I fussed over the question, dancing around it before finally calling Anders and telling him I needed to know what was going on with the camping and the tents and Maker just tell me. He didn’t. He had patients.

On day three of planning Anders came by the office to drop off his pack and let me know he had found a tent big enough for the two of us. I guess he had to track one down or borrow one because it looked fairly new. Varric watched with great interest as I turned about thirty shades of red. I wasn’t blushing at the tent, I was blushing because Anders had bent down to whisper in my ear something filthy and naughty. Something that involved me being naked and splayed open for him in the tent. I just about had an orgasm listening to him whisper to me.

Then he patted my bum...he PATTED MY BUM...and left. I didn't even see him till the next morning when we left. He said he had work, patients to help, and he'd be there. I got dirty talk in my ear in front of my boss and an ass patting. That was it.

I didn’t even get to tell him about Fenris.

Luckily, I was so busy I was able to shove that entire episode to the back of my mind. Fenris still needed gear. Isabela was flirting with Fenris – and I kinda hoped she could distract him. Merrill still wanted to know if she could bring her knives – Maker save me from recovering blood mages. I didn't care how cute she was, how big and lovely her jade eyes were or how adorable her hair was in all those little black braids, she wasn’t bringing knives. To cap off my fun planning session, Carver was being his usual ass of a self and Varric was trying to weasel out of me what Anders had suggested.

So by the time the morning dawned on the day to leave, I was irritable. Cranky. Horny. And really ready to set things on fire. I wasn't quite ready for the slogging walk out to the Bone Pit – and I didn't lead us there. Maker, no. No. I handed the map to Varric and took my place behind him.

Because the last time I lead us anywhere we were stuck out in the wilds for two days going in circles. I am not good with directions.

***

“So…” Aveline was walking next to me. And by walking I mean practically marching. She had been an officer in the Ferelden army and old habits were hard to break. She could punch harder than any man I had ever met, had the prettiest red hair I had ever seen, and was like a big sister to me. I just loved her. She was currently giving me her raised-eyebrows-what-the-fuck-Rinnie look, and I was trying hard not to squirm. “You and the apostate?”

“Oh hell, Aveline. You too?” I kicked at a rock and tucked my hands in my pockets. We both watched Anders talk with Varric, the two of them pouring over the map and discussing routes and possible obstacles. The man was surprising. He could heal, he could read maps, he could follow directions, he could fight…he was amazing in bed. My brain offered up “out of bed as well” and I mentally punched myself.

“Rinnie,” The warning tone in Aveline’s voice had me flushing, “I deserve an answer.”

I muttered, “Yes mother.” I ducked my head and dodged a punch, “Hey! No hitting! Yes…yes. Anders and I. Yes. Look, I’m dating.”

“Hmmm,” Aveline replied. “I’m not sure I approve.”

“What? What?” I sighed, now I was doing it to Aveline. “He’s a doctor. He runs a clinic. A clinic for the poor and needy. What more could you possibly want?”

“For him to not be an apostate.” Aveline’s glanced at me. “You need stability, Rinnie. Not more craziness.”

“But I’m an apostate!” I poked my own chest and frowned at Aveline.

She sighed in response, “I know. And I worry for you. People are starting to notice, Rinnie. You’ve done work for a lot of higher ups. It’s getting around that there’s a very capable merc working for one of the Tethras brothers and she might be a mage. I can’t protect you from the Chantry, Rinnie. And I don’t want to see you in the Gallows.”

“You’d think you’d prefer it, what with having been married to a hunter and all,” I grumped next to her.

“Rinnie!” Her tone filled with hurt, “Wesley was a man. A good and kind man.” Aveline grew quiet and I knew I had crossed a line. The line. The big no no.

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Oh Aveline. I’m sorry. I know better than to bring up Wesley. I’m so sorry about his death to the spawn. I’m just…I’m just all twisted up. I need to finish getting the money for the expedition. And I know I’m gaining a rep out there. And then I meet Anders and…and…” I clung to Aveline’s hand, “I’m attached. And I don’t know what to do about it. And now Fenris…he’s all interested. But I really am attached to Anders…and I don’t know how I feel about any of it.”

“You don’t get to choose, Rinnie. You can’t force yourself to fall in love and you can’t choose who you do love. If Anders is it…well…he’s it. Just…be careful, ok? You’re family. And I love you. I’d hate to see you hurt because you let a pretty face snare you.” Aveline’s voice was quiet and sincere. Serious.

I sighed and squinted at Anders’ back, “He’s amazing in the sack,” I added. “And very pretty naked.”

Aveline bit her lip and chuckled, a throaty noise that had me grinning, “Oh really?”

“Mm…it’s a good thing we’re both apostates because I don’t know if I could explain spontaneous combustion to a regular person. At least he can put out the flames and whatnot.”

The snort laugh from Aveline made me titter and we both burst into full-on giggles, Aveline grabbing me as I teetered and tripped over a rock. Anders glanced back at the two of us and waggled his eyebrows. I think he had heard me talking. I flamed bright red and tripped again, causing Aveline to snicker. “You’ve got it bad, Rinnie. I just hope you two can be quiet in your tent tonight. We’ll all be tired and I don’t want to have to interrupt anything.”

“No promises, Aveline. I promise nothing.” I watched Anders turn and look at me again. A slow smile slid up his face and he winked at me before turning back to Varric. I had a feeling that tonight was not going to be a quiet night of cuddling.

***

  
It was a little after noon when we hit the campsite or the area Varric and I had agreed would make a good campsite. It was just down the path from the mining operation – far enough away so that we weren't sleeping in the grit and dirt but close enough to make it easy to get to after we had all been beaten on. It was a bonus that the camp had a small stream with fresh water and a few trees.

I had brought Rufus. And after everybody set up their tents, I tasked him with guarding the camp. He'd be enough to discourage the worst of the beasties, and unless an ogre made an appearance, he'd probably just nap until we got back. Tents up, gear hung in the trees for safety, and everybody armored, I had Varric lay out the mine's map so we could go over strategy.

“Izzy, I want you to go down first. Don't poke too far ahead, just get in, look around, get out.” I was pointing to the mine entrance. “If you see something big, definitely get out.”

Isabela was our resident sneaking expert. A pirate by trade, she had lost her ship in a freak storm and ended up in Kirkwall. I’d helped her out of a jam and now she did odd jobs for us – jobs that either required stealth or some fast knife work. I’d never seen her sail a ship, but I could believe she was a pirate. She just had that…aura of freedom and don’t-give-a-nug’s-ass about her. She also had a body to die for, wore thigh-high leather boots, and a face that caused bar fights on a regular basis at the Hanged Man – our tavern of choice.

“No problem. You want me to go now?” She popped some gum in her mouth, flicked back her black hair, and grinned at me. “I can hit it up and be back in no time.”

“Yeah. I think you know how Varric and I operate. In and out. No weird shit.”

“Gotcha sweet cheeks.” She winked at me, pinched my ass, and slipped away. I shook my head, ignored Anders' frown, and went back to explaining our strategy.

“This place had slave labor back in the day. History books show it was the site of some seriously fucked up shit. So we all know what that means, right? Extra thick Haze. Don’t touch anything that will spark unless you’re a mage, got it? Merrill, you keep your knife in your sheath. It isn't to leave it unless we're all dying. You got me? Promise me, Merrill. Promise me. You'll go straight abomination if you so much as nick yourself.” I watched the little elf nod, her black hair bobbing with the action.

“I'll try, Hawke. But I can already hear it. I want...I need...” Merrill's hands shook for a moment and she fumbled at her belt, a small knife sheathed on her hip. Carver saw and laid a hand over hers and tugged her against him, pressed her tightly to his chest.

“No. You think you can't handle it, you stay here. I'm not risking you.” I watched Carver whisper to her and then meet my eyes.

“She's got this, Sister. We've been working on it, right love? You can do this. I know you can.” His voice went from harsh to soothing. My brother may be an ass, but he loves Merrill to pieces. I could trust him to look out for her.

“Alright. I'll go in first. Assess the Haze, keep us out of the eddies. Aveline and Fenris, you're behind me. Then Carver and Izzy. Varric, you and Merrill will be behind them with Anders. Shit hits the fan, I'll move back and you guys with the swords move up. Any questions?”

Anders had been standing in the back of the group just watching me order people around. The longer I went on, the bigger his smile grew till he was practically beaming at me. I glanced at him once, lost my train of thought, found the tail end of it, and shook my head. “No? Ok. Once Izzy is back we go. Get ready.”

The group broke. I watched Carver lead Merrill off to their tent, their heads bent together. Fenris was being corralled by Aveline who wanted to know about his fighting styles. Varric was polishing Bianca...again. Because Maker help us if we go into combat with a smudge on her.

Anders came up to me and pulled me into his arms. I flushed. We were out in the open with my friends all around us and he was wrapping his arms around me. “That was pretty amazing.”

“What?” I sighed, I needed to find a new word to use when talking to him. “I mean, ah, how was I amazing?”

He rested his chin on my head, “How efficient you were. How take charge. I admit that it turned me on a little.”

I huffed a laugh, “Everything turns you on.”

“Mmm...not everything. Mainly you. It's been a long time, sweetheart. Justice and I...our merger...I'm not as free with my emotions any more. Not as free with the physical stuff either.” His hands were stroking over my back as he talked but tension vibrated in his voice.

“I don't know about that. You seem pretty insatiable to me.” I arched a bit and purred.

He chuckled, “It's just you. Something about you. You're special, Cat. And wonderful. And sexy. When I'm with you, something in me quiets. Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“No,” I sighed, “No, it sounds familiar.” A little too familiar, if I was being serious. “Ah…Anders?” He hummed at me and I just figured I’d get it over with. “Ah…Fenris…he…um.”

“Wants you. I know.” Anders’ hands kept smoothing up and down my back.

“Talk about mind reading. Didn’t you tell me blood magic was wrong?” I tugged against his hold but he didn’t let me go. “Anders…”

“Varric might have mentioned the broody elf mooning over you. Why bring it up?” He started walking me backwards towards our tent and I grumbled about nosy employers and their big mouths.

“Ah…he um, he kissed me.” I was sweating a bit and not from the heat. I didn’t want a fight right before we hit the mines, but I didn’t want to go down there without clearing the air.

“Mm…did he? And?” He had reached the tent and released me long enough to shove me in it. I tripped and landed on the sleeping bags, squawking slightly at the contact. Anders moved in to the tent, knelt beside me, and put his hands on my arms, focused, and checked for injuries. “Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”

“No…no. Just tripped. It was nothing, Anders. The kiss with Fenris? It was…it was…he’s a good kisser. I mean, I couldn’t stop thinking about you but it felt nice.” I flushed, my hands twisting.

Anders just looked at me for a moment and then leaned down and kissed me. Heat roared through my veins and I clutched at him. He pressed me back, followed me down, and kissed me until I was limp and moaning under him. Then he raised his head and smiled down at me, “I think I’m secure in how you feel about me. But if he does it again, I can’t promise to not hurt him. Do you understand, Rinnie? It wasn’t you – you did nothing. Unless you tell me otherwise, I won’t believe it. But he touches you again and I will have it out with him. You’re mine.”

“I’m nobody’s” I whispered.

Anders chuckled. “No, sweetheart. You’re as much mine as I am yours. You told me yourself, you were claiming me. Well, that goes both ways. Besides, I’m the one that’s going to get to make you writhe with pleasure tonight. My fingers are the ones that are going to touch your skin, press into your wet heat and make you scream and moan and shiver. Make you call my name. Not his.”

Hell, I was just about to start moaning now. I narrowed my eyes at him and he just cupped me, actually cupped a hand over my mound and squeezed and yeah…ok. He had a point. Fiery kisses of flaming doom? Check. Wicked, wicked fingers? Check. Ability to make me nearly orgasm from words and over-the-clothing touches? Check.

I arched against his hand and then smiled. “Fine. I’m yours. I expect you to follow through.” I grabbed his coat, that ridiculously feather-strewn coat of his, and tugged him back down to kiss. I whispered against his lips, “Maybe I’ll make you scream and moan tonight.”

Anders chuckled against my lips. “Then let’s get this expedition over so I can get you out of these leather pants, hmm?”

Agreed.


	10. Chapter 10

We hadn’t been in the cave for five minutes when I tripped over a rock and stubbed my toe. Even with the electric lights running along the walls, the mine was gloomy. The Haze hung thick and nearly crawled up the walls it was so active, and it was keeping me preoccupied. I passed by a small door into a side room, thought about going in, and changed my mind when I saw the Haze swirl and eyes peek out at me. Nope, not going into the room of doom. Nope.

We advanced slowly. Not only did we have the Haze to contend with but there were...creatures. Large, icky spiders and dragonlings – which were cuter than the spiders but bit and clawed and screamed when they died.. Each room we entered had to be cleared of them. They were everywhere and it had me glancing back in confusion.

“Aren't those baby dragons?” I finally asked, shaking my boot to get blood and guts off of it. “And for the love of all that's holy, don't make them explode on me.”

“Excuse me, Sister. Just trying to...” Carver snarked at me.

“I know. Keep me alive. Thank you Carver. You're a helper. A real helper.” I rolled my eyes. “Back to my question. Baby dragons?”

“Yes. So we can reasonably expect larger dragons.” Anders voice piped up from the back.

Fenris scoffed, “When have you seen a dragon?”

“Which one do you want to hear about? The undead bone dragon that came alive in the middle of the Blackmarsh or the High Dragon we had to take down in the Dragonbone Wastes. That one was a real joy to fight.” Anders looked mildly upset at the memory before shaking his head. “The point is, these are little dragons. There's bound to be a bigger one somewhere.”

“Oh goodie,” I muttered as I moved to a door that led to the next room. “I've always wanted to see a dragon – well, that one that turned into Flemeth doesn't count, right? Cause that was Flemeth.”

“You met Flemeth?” Isabela looked up from a chest she had been plundering, “Even I've heard of Flemeth.”

“Long story, Izzy. I'll tell it to you later.” I stopped next to the door and waved at the group. I inhaled and stepped through the doorway, my eyes taking in the Haze. I was so caught up in sighting the Haze that I almost didn't see the man run into me.

“Oh! Oh! You're...you're here. And real!” He gasped, grabbing at his chest. On his head was a helmet holding a small light bulb, the bulb burnt out. He was dirt and sweat covered, his face ashen under the smears. Hands shaking, he reached for me. “Don't. Don't go that way.”

“It's ok. You're safe.” I steadied the man and glanced back at the group. “Why shouldn't we go that way?”

“It's that way. It'll eat you! It ate Francis and James. I got so scared, I must have gotten turned around. First, the little ones showed up. Then...then the big one.” He pressed against the wall and covered his face with his hands. “The walls, they came through the walls. And we couldn't stop them. Please, so many dead. Don't go that way.”

“Alright. Look, it's safe the way we came. Just stay on the main path and you'll find the exit. Ok? We've killed everything.” I pulled him from the wall and gently pushed him through the doorway. I watched as the Haze gathered around him and pulsed, feeding off of his fear and anguish. The lights along the wall waivered and sparked, the Haze messing with the electrical current. Whatever was ahead, it would be mired in the stuff. Fighting was going to be a lot more difficult.

The man gasped and took off running, the group watching him stagger towards the entrance. They all turned and looked at me and I sighed. “The contract was to clear the mines. We clear the mines. Stick together and watch where you step. The Haze is thickening. Whatever he was fleeing, it's just up ahead.”

***

  
It was a dragon.

Not a High Dragon, according to Anders. Just a dragon. Just. What a nightmare. We came through an arch and found ourselves outside on some large platform. The wind whistled eerily over the rocks and we all had just enough time to blink at the sunlight before the beast landed.

It was big. Fucking huge. Big teeth, large claws, rancid breath, and breathed fire. It took one look at the group, inhaled, and let her go. Anders threw up a shield and blocked the worst of it. We immediately fell into combat formation, most of us having worked together before and the rest following our lead.

“Split! Split! Mages and Varric to the sides!” I yelled. “Aveline, get in there and put it down! Fenris, Carver, Isabela – with her. Go!” I dodged to the left and rolled to a relatively clear spot. As long as we didn't bunch, the dragon couldn't flame us all. Anders had taken up a spot near the arch and next to Varric. Merrill stood opposite me.

“No knives, Merril. You hear me!” I yelled at the little elf. “The Haze is so thick here I can taste it!”

“Got it, Rinnie!” she yelled back, waved her arms, and summoned vines to wrap around the dragon. I followed up with a wave of ice, timing it to hit in between attacks. Then it was basic attacks – orbs of power focused through our staves and thrown at the dragon.

Anders gave a yell and splayed out his arms, summoning a lightning storm. He concentrated and the bolts focused on the dragon, annoying the crap out of it. He followed up with an ice wave of his own and then started spot healing on the melee fighters.

Varric was peppering the thing with bolts. Bianca sang in harmony with him, his voice rising and falling over the sounds of battle. The twang/whistle of the bolts combined with the static hiss of our magic and over that he sang: songs of dwarves, songs of fighting, songs of love. Varric sang and we all fought to the beat of his music.

Carver and Aveline danced around the dragon, Aveline's shield smashing into the head repeatedly to keep it from biting. Carver attacked the flanks, dodging feet and tail attacks and slowly slicing into the hide. Fenris weaved on the other side of the dragon, his attacks fluid and precise. And in between each attack, Isabela wove a deadly dance with her daggers, each attack designed to harass and annoy the dragon.

It was going well, we were bring it down slowly, when Fenris misjudged an attack rolling under the dragon’s feet and over to Carver's side to avoid being crushed. Carver bumped into him and fell, just as Aveline smacked the dragon's face with her shield. The dragon screamed, saw Carver on the ground, and snapped him up in its jaws.

My world narrowed down to a single point. All I saw was my baby brother being bitten into, heard his heart-wrenching scream of pain. I inhaled and ran forward. I don't know what I was thinking, I'm not a melee fighter. I just knew I needed to save Carver. He might be an ass, but Maker-dammit, he's MY ass of a brother! I was still screaming when I lunged at the dragon and hit it with my staff, a flash of ice flaring. The dragon roared, dropping Carver and I leapt to cover his unmoving body with mine, summoning a shield over us.

I heard another scream, one of pure pain, and saw Merrill staring at Carver. Her hand wavered and then the knife was there. I tried to yell no but it was too late. She sliced across her hand and her blood flowed out. And her eyes went solid red.

Maker, the power. The power she was pulling. It would kill us all. End us. She was shaking, holding it all in, her eyes wide on Carver's limp form. With another scream, she gestured at the dragon. The dragon stood stock still for a moment and then was torn apart. Ripped to pieces by the force of Merrill's pain and the demon she had summoned.

I lay there staring up at the demon. I could feel its hunger, hear Merrill’s frantic curses as she fought for control, and closed my eyes, opened myself to the fade, and summoned every last bit of mana in my body. The firestorm split the sky above us. When I opened my eyes, a solid sheet of flame decended on the demon, scorching it. Merrill screamed, I screamed, the demon screamed. And then it went black.

***

  
When I opened my eyes, I was in the tent and on the air mattress we had brought. I was also naked and under one of the covers. The sleeping bags had been opened and spread out on top of the mattress and it was more comfortable than I had anticipated. Huh. So not only was I not dead, I was relatively comfortable.

I turned my head and saw Anders. He was sitting next to me, his head drooping on his neck. Sometime between me blacking out and now he had changed and was in his sleep pants. His face was haggard, pale, with dark circles under his eyes. I reached out slowly and touched his hand, just tucked my fingers against the palm of his hand, and he opened his eyes to look at me.

“Hey,” My voice was rough and scratchy. Come to think of it, I felt scraped raw and empty. I knew that feeling. I had used almost every last bit of mana to power a spell. I glanced at Anders' eyes and winced.

He was mad. The blue roiling and twisting through the brown. I swallowed, wondering if I was about to get smacked down, and blinked when he just squeezed my fingers and then reached out to smooth back my hair. “You scared me,” was all he said.

I inhaled, closed my eyes, and then opened them, fear filling me. “Carver?”

“He's fine. He had a collapsed lung, a lot of bruising, and cracked ribs. But his armor protected him and I was able to heal him up fine. Merrill is with him, by the way. The crack pot only suffered some minor burns and a wicked headache from using blood magic. I didn't realize you actually were friends with a blood mage.” His voice was mild. Too mild. I panicked.

“I met her shortly after I got to Kirkwall. She's recovering and has been doing so good. Carver...he loves her. And she loves him. I know it was the shock of seeing him hurt.” I pleaded at him, afraid of his quiet voice, his calm demeanor.

He closed his eyes. “Cat, I don't care a fig about Merrill. Or Carver. To be frank, I'm quite mad at you. You drained yourself almost dry. Your heart nearly gave out. You almost died. Carver was fine. Merrill panicked. But you...you knew better. And you opened yourself up anyways. We were all there, we could have taken down the demon.” His voice was still even, so...even and mild. My heart started racing.

“Is this...is this it? Are you leaving me?” I pressed back against the mattress and thought about how much of a fuck-up this entire job had been. I had planned and planned and not planned enough. And now people were hurt and Anders was mad at me. Stupid, Rinnie. Stupid. Should’ve sent Isabela in first to scout. Rookie mistake. Almost got Carver killed.

I was so caught up in my self-loathing that I didn't even realized Anders had moved until he was shoving me over and sliding under the covers. He wrapped me up in his arms, tucked me close against him, and then started shaking. “I almost lost you, Cat. I've just found you. I can't...I can't lose you. Not yet. Not...not ever.” He pressed his face to my hair and started crying. Quiet tears that seemed nearly squeezed from him.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, my own eyes tearing up. I sniffled, “I just...Carver's my brother. I watched Bethy die and I couldn't...I couldn't watch it happen to Carver. I couldn't.”

Anders sighed and pressed a kiss to my forehead, to my nose, and a gentle one to my lips. “I know. I'm trying to not be so mad but it's hard. So hard. I...I just. You mean a lot to me, Cat. More than I can express right now. And watching you get injured, watching you fall, it hurt.”

I cuddled against him, turning to press against his chest and sighed, “Thank you for healing Carver.”

“You're welcome,” he murmured back. “Cat, sweetheart...I should let you sleep.”

“Stay with me? Please?” I yawned and nuzzled against his chest. “I like the way you feel.”

“Well...” he tucked me a little closer and relaxed, “When you ask so nicely...”

“Wretch,” I mumbled, drifting to sleep.

His voice was whisper soft, just a breath against my ear, “Mine.”

***

  
It was early morning when I woke again. The tent was dim, the sun’s rays just starting to hit the fabric. Anders was on his back, one arm thrown over his head and the other wrapped around me. He had finally relaxed, was no longer so pale and the dark circles had faded. One of his hands twitched as he slept, the fingers curling and uncurling. But other than the finger movements, he was still.

And so beautiful.

My heart clenched. I had scared him yesterday. I hadn’t meant to, hadn’t even really thought about what I was doing or why. I could still see Carver hanging from the dragon’s mouth, I could still hear his screams. But as I replayed the moment, I realized it wasn’t just Carver screaming. In the background, Anders was screaming at me as I rushed head-long into danger.

I had scared him and I hadn't even realized it. I was so used to being the one in charge, being alone, that it never even occurred to me that he would freak out at my devil-may-care attitude. I really did have a nasty tendency to just run head-long into danger and then patch myself up later on. But Anders' reaction to yesterday showed me that perhaps, just perhaps, I should rethink the suicide-flaming-mage tactic. At least if I wanted to have a relationship.

He stirred, his face scrunching up as he yawned. It was...it was adorable. I struggled with myself for a moment and finally gave in to the urge to kiss his whiskered jaw. I scraped my teeth over his scruff and nuzzled at his neck, humming when his arm tightened around me. I was still tired from yesterday, my mana slowly coming back.

Mana isn't some nebulous bodily fluid that mages have. It's not a mystical idea. It's our life power, the energy in our bodies. Every beat of the heart, every electrical spark in the brain, is fuel to feed our magic. We harness ourselves to tap into the Fade. Once the connection is made, once a mage has tapped into their magical ability, well, it doesn't take much to summon a ball of fire or a lightning bolt. A heart beat's worth of energy and concentration to pull the thread of the element through the Fade. The more nebulous magical studies – nightmares, horrors, curses – they actually feed off of the victim's life force. That's why you can kill a person with a strong enough nightmare. You'll literally scare them dead.

What I did...well...it's not recommended. I had lost control and opened my entire self to the Fade. When I pulled on my fire spell, when I connected with that thread, I didn't use a heart-beat's worth of energy. No, I just let my entire life force pour into the connection. It's how I could summon that sheet of fire strong enough to melt a demon back to the Void. But that kind of power output, done all at once, there's a cost.

And the cost could be a mage's life.

My heart had nearly stopped. My muscles had cramped. I had drained myself of nutrients. I could have burst my brain or dislocated my joints. I'd heard of mages draining their magic and their magic rebounding on them – setting them ablaze or sealing them in ice. The point is, I could have died. Almost died. And I did it in front of Anders.

So when he turned his head to smile at me, and my heart twisted and tugged and my stomach fizzed, I didn't argue. I smiled back, happy to be alive and here with him. They say near-death experiences can make a person re-evaluate their life. It certainly made me take a look at my burgeoning feelings for a certain possessed apostate.

I must have looked incredibly thoughtful because his smile quirked up a little higher and he flexed his fingers against my side, “Hey there. What's got you so worried this morning?”

“I'm sorry.” That's not all I wanted to say, but it was the best thing I could think of right then. “I am. I didn't think. I just acted and…and...I need to admit that I'm not alone anymore and...” I fretted a bit, worried that I was screwing this up. “If I'm going to have people around me, then I need to stop acting like a kid. My actions have consequences now.”

Anders sat up at that and stared down at me, “Who are you and what have you done with Cat?”

I rolled my eyes, “Haha, very funny. Thank you for that.” I frowned and sighed, annoyed to find myself getting a bit teary eyed. “I need to let Carver make his own mistakes.”

“To be fair, yesterday was more of an accident. But yes, you do. Cat. Catherine. It is obvious that everybody in this camp is here because they love you.” I squirmed at the “L” word, “And if you're going to lead them, you need to keep your head when it gets touchy.”

“I know.” I sighed, sniffled and wiped at my eyes. “I just keep thinking it's my fault.”

“Nobody could have predicted the dragon. Or your brother tripping.” He leaned over me and pressed his forehead to mine, “Just...don't do it again. Ok? Please?”

I wrapped my arms around his back and tugged him closer so that he lay over me and nuzzled against the junction of his neck and shoulder, “Ok.” I gently kissed his neck and sighed, “Did I say thank you?”

“You did.” He shifted and moved so that he wasn't directly on top of me and instead cuddled against my side. “A couple times.”

“Well...ok.” I smiled a little when he squeezed me. “Want to get dinner tonight when we're back in town?”

“Mmm...I'd love to.” He sighed, the sound happy, “This is nice. Think we could do this after dinner?”

“What? Cuddle in a tent?” I teased him, giggling when he tickled me, “Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. I know a great place in Lowtown run by some Ferelden refuges. They make a great roast.”

“With slightly mushy potatoes?” Anders' sounded deeply interested.

“Mm....and these fat yeast rolls. And brown gravy. They stew these little pearl onions in the gravy and then pour it over the roast and potatoes. Well, they really serve that gravy with anything you. You just have to ask.” My stomach burbled at the thought of roast and potatoes. “And they have a decent ale selection.”

“You had me at roast. Should we get up and pack so we can get back?” Anders' stomach was now joining mine in the hungry-song sing-along. “Maybe get some breakfast?”

“Maker yes. Anything's better than being near the crap pit.” I giggled as he tickled me again and then started to get up. “Hey...”

“Yeah?” Anders was poking in his sack and pulling out clothes.

“We ok?” I watched him stop and look at me, his face lighting up. “I mean...are we?”

“Cat...” He shook his head and then smiled, “We weren't not ok. Ok?”

“Yeah...” I fidgeted for a moment and then went to find pants. Maker, I thought, I have it bad for this guy.


	11. Chapter 11

That afternoon saw me in the office just shaking my head. I sat at my desk and just looked at Varric. Just...stared at him. I was mildly confused as to what had just happened. “Varric...what just happened?”

Varric looked up from the newspaper he was reading and shrugged.“We got paid and you are now the proud part-owner of a mine full of dead dragons.” Varric shook his head at me and went back to looking through the newspaper. “I don't know how it happened and I sat in on the meeting.”

“We did get paid though, right? That smarmy man gave us gold. Right?” I was tapping my pen against the desk and looking confused. “I saw gold. And then I signed some paperwork that says...I am part owner? In the Bone Pit?”

“I read the paperwork. You'll get monthly dividends. That's pretty sweet.” Varric frowned at the paper, turned to his computer, and started typing. “That'll go a long way towards giving you a solid monthly income. I mean, beyond what you make here.”

“Right...right.” I sighed and picked up my copy of the paper, squinting at the Crimes report.

We had made it back to Kirkwall from the Bone Pit pretty quickly. Nobody had been willing to sit around camp and just relax. Not after the dragon fight. So it was a quick breakfast, camp breakdown, and then the hike back. The hike back had been unremarkable except for Carver and Merrill both apologizing. I told Carver he had done nothing wrong and then just sighed at Merrill. The little elf had drooped for a bit – until I had hugged her gently and told her to please, PLEASE leave her knives at home from now on.

My heart couldn't take another relapse. At least not right away.

Varric and I had cleaned up at the office – something that happens on occasion when we want to get paid same-day. I had some clean clothes stashed at work – nothing fancy, just jeans and tanks – but cleaner than my leathers. So after a quick scrub and change, we called up the client and told him to come pay us. Or we'd set his mine on fire.

I mean, I already did that but ignorance can be bliss.

The client showed up – and let me tell you, dealing with Orlesians is an exercise in patience. Hubert, the client, was needy, whiny, moaning, and told me to my face he had punched a worker for lying about seeing a dragon. I had been more than happy to set him straight on that score. Somehow though, during the course of our report and payment, I got snookered into taking a smaller cut in favor of gaining part of the mine's ownership. Which meant dividends. Assuming, of course, the workers weren't eaten by anything else in the mines.

This was why I was sitting at my desk frowning at the newspaper. The man was supposed to pay us seven gold a piece for this job plus the retainer fee. I got three and the part ownership deal. I was put-out. I had almost died, Carver had gotten chomped on, Merrill had had a relapse and now I was missing four gold. It was enough to make me start muttering.

The muttering continued until Varric gave a low whistle, “Hey Hawke, look on page two of the Crime Reports.”

I turned the page and scanned the paper, skimming over the usual lost jewelry claims. The article in question was near the bottom. A man was looking for help to avenge his family. According to the article, they had been killed execution-style and by a paid mercenary group. The man said he had information to share and interested parties should contact him. The contact number was for...The Chantry?

I scrunched up my nose and glanced at Varric, “That's a Chantry number, Varric. We don't want a piece of that.”

“Oh yes we do, Hawke. I did some digging – this is the man who is looking for hired help.” He motioned me over to the computer. He had the Kirkwall Society’s website pulled up and it had a picture of a handsome man with thick reddish hair, piercing blue eyes, and a rather pretty face. “Take a look at the new Prince of Starkhaven, a one Sebastian Vael. A Prince, Hawke. Think of the possibilities.”

“Says here he's a Brother in the Chantry. I'm trying to avoid those types, Varric. Apostate...remember? Plus, didn't I just kill a bunch of hunters in the Chantry? Do you really think I should push my luck and try to work for one of their members?” I stared at the picture, my mind conjuring up gold payments and favors versus the annoyance of working for anybody who was even remotely associated with the Chantry.

“Says he might give up the brotherhood. Come on Hawke, it wouldn't hurt to contact him and dig a little. If the job looks dodgy, we just won't take it.” Varric looked at my face and knew he had me hooked. “Where's your sense of adventure?”

“I left it out at the Bone Pit. Fine. Call him and set up a meet. But I want a guarantee on a payment. And you do the meet. I don't want to out myself by accident.” I stepped back and sighed, “Besides, I have a date tonight.”

“With Anders?” Varric wrote down the number and opened a new file for the Vael job.

“Yeah. I'm taking him to Johnna's place for roast.” My stomach gave a burble. I had eaten but the thought of roast made my stomach dance a bit. “You alright with that, Dad?”

Varric glanced at me, “You shoulda seen his face when you dropped, Hawke. Look...Rinnie...the man, he's alright. Ok? So maybe I was wrong about him. But still...just be careful. For me.”

I gave a sigh and short laugh and draped my arm over Varric's shoulder, “I can't promise anything, Varric. But...I'll try.” I squeezed his shoulder and then went back to my desk. “Now, did you see this add put up by a dwarf named Javaris?”

***

I managed to make it out of the house without wearing a dress this time. Perhaps it was because I neglected to tell my mother that I was going on another date with Anders. The woman had already played twenty-questions with me and I didn't want to start that up again. He seemed nice. He was a doctor? He ran a free clinic? He's from Ferelden? All the answers got gold stars. When she asked what kind of doctor and I said “apostate type” she had scrunched up her nose and sighed, muttering something about how she thought she had raised me better.

Thanks mom.

Mother was supposed to have married the Count de Launcet. Just the name made my skin itch, so I'm not surprised my mother chose to run away with Dad. Dad had been...well...he had been everything I thought a girl should look for in a man. Handsome, funny...really funny...like fall on the floor laughing funny. And full of wisdom about the world and magic. He wasn't afraid of magic, wasn't ashamed of his talent, and seemed to love teaching Bethy and I. It had only been when I got older that I realized a lot of that had been a front to keep us from seeing his worry.

We were three apostates living on the run. He was constantly afraid we'd be found and Bethy and I locked up. I think...I really think...he would have killed himself rather than go back. Now that I was older...and after talking to Anders...the face my Dad had made every time I asked about the Circle mirrored the one Anders had made.

And that made me wonder just what all went on in the Circle.

But that was pondering for another time. Anders was on time and being chatted at by my mother – who was throwing me dagger eyes for not wearing one of my dresses. I had pulled on tight jeans and a tunic top instead, the fabric of the tunic loose and draping. My mother didn't think much of the outfit but Anders' eyes lit up when I moved over to stand by him and I preened just a teeny bit.

The preening lasted till we got to the front stoop and Anders pulled me into a kiss. His hands pressed against my back, flexed, and then rubbed up and down my spine. The kiss deepened and seemed to edge from light into intense. It ended with Anders biting down on my lower lip and sucking, causing sparks to travel over my skin and my knees to weaken. I looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of what was going on.

“Hi Sweetheart,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I missed you.”

“I was only at work this afternoon and…I…” I sighed and huffed a short laugh, “I missed you too. How sappy is that?”

“Mm…what are my chances of bringing you back home with me tonight?” He was trailing kisses over my forehead and down my nose. I scrunched my nose and he just smiled and tipped my head back to nuzzle at my neck. “Pretty decent? Not looking good?”

“Ahh…very good. Do I need to get a toothbrush to keep at your place?” I clutched his shoulders as he licked up my neck to nibble behind my ear, “Oh…my…”

“Mm…you can. Might be smart. Might be smart to keep some clothes over there so you don’t have to run home the next morning. Not that I’m pushing, mind you. You asked. I just want to eat dinner with you and then take you home with me to cuddle and neck.” He stepped down the stoop stair and reached for my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. “We don’t always have to have sex. There are a lot of other things to do. And I do enjoy holding you when I sleep…so if I can have that opportunity, well…”

I realized he was slowing down for me. That he was taking a step back to court me properly. Dinner out. Snuggling at his place. Long kisses and caresses that didn’t necessarily lead to hot sex but were just as satisfying. Things I had read about in romance novels or heard about on tv – dating things. Normal things. Things I hadn’t had because we had moved a lot when I was growing up and my idea of a date had been a bottle of home brew and a quick fuck. I didn’t know how to respond to him. I had just thought…had honestly thought we’d just screw each other till our eyes bled and then he’d be done with it.

Funny how I had assumed he would be done with it and not me. But this twist, this willingness on Anders’ part to romance me…well…I guess he wasn’t going to be as casual about this whole relationship thing as I had thought.

I looked up from our joined hands and saw Anders still smiling at me. His eyes had gone soft and he looked…tender…which made me shift and shuffle. “You done worrying over everything?” I opened my mouth to argue with him, closed it, and then nodded. “Good. Now, show me this amazing restaurant you told me about. I want to eat, talk, and just enjoy looking at you for a bit. Ok?”

“Yeah…”I managed to get out, my face flaming and my stomach twisting with warm tingles. “Yeah…this way.”

***

So Johnna’s is really called The Dog Lord’s Café – a tongue in cheek reference to the slur Marchers, well everybody, like to throw at Fereldens. Because, haha, we really like our dogs. Not that Mabari are some kind of fluffy breed. No, we like our War Dogs – which somehow made being called a Dog Lord a little more amusing.

Let me show you my puppy. Watch how he eats your foot off. Yeah. That’s right. I am a Dog Lord. I am Lord to a hairy, drooling, farting death machine.

I had stumbled on this place shortly after we had arrived. I had only walked in because the name had pissed me off and I had thought to give the owner a piece of my mind. Then I had met Johnna. She’s the sweetest woman in all of Kirkwall with the biggest, sweetest lug of a husband, Brian. The two of them had fled to Kirkwall like the rest of us, from the Blight, but had managed to bring over copious savings and a keen business sense. Noting that there were no good eateries for the refugees, they had set out to make a café that served Ferelden food and ale in a comfortable environment.

They had succeeded wonderfully. Big, juicy pork roasts; crispy roast chicken; rabbit stew; roast mutton; and don’t get me started on their amazing meat pies. All served with these boiled potatoes – just mushy enough to mash with a fork and covered in their savory gravy with pearl onions. Maker take me now, their food was heavenly.

Johnna waved at me when I came in with Anders, checked Anders’ out, gave me a wink, and then showed us to a table near the windows. “Hey Rin, you on a date? Good for you, sweetie. Does he eat pork roast? I just pulled one from the oven and it’s gorgeous. All fat marbled and tender.”

“Oh Maker,” Anders breathed a prayer, “I would love some. And some potatoes…they are a little mushy, right?”

“Sweetie, I cook for Fereldens. The potato mush is just right. Two ales?” Johnna was beaming at Anders like a proud mother. Her glance at me told me she approved. “And I have bread pudding for dessert with currents and a whiskey sauce.”

Anders looked like he was about to swoon, which made me laugh. “We want it all, Johnna. Roast, potatoes, gravy, your big yeast rolls, the ale, and yeah…bread pudding.”

“You got it. I’ll bring out extra rolls. Your lover here looks like he could use some extra meat. Oh…let me get some gravy for dipping and some butter…” she bustled away, mumbling to herself.

I grinned at Anders, watched as his face lit up even more when Johnna plunked down a basket filled with giant, buttery yeast rolls; a bowl of dark brown gravy; and a saucer of butter. “Go ahead and try one. You’re going to cock up your toes and die, they are that good.” She pushed the basket a little closer to Anders and gave him a smile.

Anders broke into a roll, the fragrant smell of yeasty bread filling the air. He slathered one half with butter, dipped it in the gravy, and took a bite. The face he made was damn near orgasmic. I chuckled and helped myself to a roll, following his lead and making happy eating noises. Johnna beamed at the both of us and rushed off to slice roast and deliver food.

***

“No…no…I’m telling you. The cave was filled with skeletons. And then these giant spiders showed up. They spit poison. I’m telling you, scariest thing ever. I mean, other than the darkspawn we fled from. They were pretty scary.” I was pressed back in my chair, my pants undone, and trying desperately to shovel another bite of bread pudding into my mouth while simultaneously arguing with Anders and trying not to vomit. I was so full and I hadn’t even finished my roast. Anders had finished my roast, and my potatoes, and looked on point to finish the bread pudding. He was shaking his head at me, his spoon waving in the air as I spoke. “I’m telling you, scariest thing. They fell on my head.”

“I can beat that…and are you done? You look done. You look like I may need to carry you home.” Anders laughed at my face and took another big bite of bread pudding. “We need to come here all the time. Mm…ok. Scariest thing in the world is a talking darkspawn. Followed up by a broodmother.” He frowned slightly and then took the last big bite of bread pudding, licking the spoon clean. “Mm…but the talking darkspawn wins.”

“Why?” I watched him settle back in his chair. He looked full for once, a little flushed from the heat in the building, and relaxed, even with the slight flare of tension.

“Mm…think of a mage turned into a darkspawn. All that magical potential. Now make the darkspawn intelligent like us.”

I shivered. Just the thought made my skin crawl, “Ew…you win. Hands down. And now I may have nightmares.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s why you’re coming home with me. Right?” He eyed me, his gaze lingering on my face before sliding down my body. “Tell me I’m not going home alone.”

“Yeah…” I blushed and fidgeted, “What can I say? You promised me cuddle and necking. I’m not turning that down, even if I am so full I can’t breathe.”

“I feel full. It's wonderful. Thank you for dinner.” He smiled and watched me wave at Johnna and ask for the check. “Seriously. You've bought me dinner now twice. I'm going to have to think of a way to repay you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Eat more?” I laughed when he shot me a peeved face and looked up at Johnna, “Where's the check?”

“Sweetie, you know this is on the house.” Johnna just patted my head.

“No...I brought Bottomless Pit Man here to eat. I should pay. How much?” I started rummaging for my wallet and felt Johnna's hand press on my shoulder.

“Sweetie, you've done so much for the community already. You've taken care of the thugs, you've donated, you support my business, and I heard you're now part-owner at the Bone Pit and saved some of our men. Please, dinner is the least I can do and you know it.” Her eyes had gone teary and she was smiling at me.

I just sighed and tried to not fidget, “Ok, fine. Fine. But the next time I come in, I pay. You're not charity and I want you to succeed. Alright?”

Johnna just laughed and patted my back. She gave Anders a smile, “And you, Anders, yes yes, I know who you are. You're always welcome to stop in for a meal. I know you've delivered almost every baby on this block and for free. Come by and grab dinner or lunch when you can. And treat her right, ok? This one works hard. Her dimwit of a brother doesn't work nearly so hard. Pardon my frankness, Rin. But you know it. He spends all his time with that little elf. But you, you're always out there keeping us safe. You and your man get meals. And no, don't even make that face, I'm not spilling the beans to any of the hunters.” Johnna plopped a paper bag down in front of Anders, “Take this with you, ok? You run on charity. Eat it or share it. But I know we'll just have to toss a lot of the leftover food tonight. I'd rather some go to help your clinic.”

“You...how do you even know me?” Anders was peeking into the bag and trying to not look nervous.

“Oh well...I feed most of the Ferelden refugees. They come in for home cooking and then share news. We quietly pass on information to those who need it – how to find jobs, how to find healthcare, where to find a place to live. And I'm a good friend of Lirene and we talk about who's who in the Ferelden social circles. She knows I'm safe. I've got a sister who's a mage and Maker take those hunters, they found her and dragged her to the Gallows.” Johnna stopped talking for a moment, her hands shaking, “We saw her last week in the courtyard. Tranquil. Sweetest woman in the world now hawks potions for the Chantry. Oh...I'm sorry.” She wiped her face and offered us both a watery smile. “I'm ruining your date.”

“No,” I said quietly, my eyes on Anders, “No. We're sorry. Johnna...if there's every anything you need, you let me know. Alright? Anything.” I stood and gave her a hug, closing my eyes when she hugged me back. “Your're a good woman. Your sister deserved better.”

Anders just nodded, his face sober. He stood and touched Johnna's shoulder. “You ever need me, just look for my lantern. Or tell Cat here, ok? And I'll be here to help. Anything. Thank you for dinner. It was amazing. I will be back.”

Johnna sniffled a bit and then smiled, “You two go have fun.” She patted my cheek and then Anders' shoulder. “I expect to see you in again soon.”

“Oh...we will be back,” Anders said fervently. “Most certainly.”


	12. Chapter 12

A hand sliding down my spine woke me. I was on my stomach, my face buried in the pillows, and a hand was gliding up and down my back with long, slow strokes. I mumbled about it being early and tried to pull the pillow over my head. The hand was replaced with the glide of lips and I picked my head up, twisted to look around, and blinked with sleepy eyes.

Anders was behind me, kneeling and smiling. His hair was falling around his face and sleep tousled. He was criminally handsome, too handsome for first thing in the morning for sure. I watched him bend down and then felt his lips traveling over my lower back. He licked just at the swell of my hips, a quick flick of his tongue, and gave a happy hum. “Morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?”

I wiggled a bit at the endearment. I could feel myself flush and pressed my face back into the pillows to mumble yes at him. He chuckled and toyed with the waistband of my smalls. “We should get up. I have patients and you have work.”

That made me roll to my side and look at him. My sigh was heartfelt. “I really don't want to see Varric today. He'll want to talk about our newest job and I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with it.”

Anders’ eyes slid up my torso, paused at my breasts, and then finally reached my face. I grinned at the heat currently sparking in his eyes and stretched a bit. I had gone to bed in just my smalls. I had started the evening in one of his shirts but sometime during necking the shirt had gone missing and the necking sort of edged into heavy petting territory. I had never put the shirt back on, just fell asleep as is.

Anders pushed me to my back and stretched out on top of me. I gasped a bit at the feeling of his chest hair brushing over my breasts and bit my lip. I countered his move by wrapping one leg around his and pulling him a little closer to me, his hips fitting tightly between my thighs. He gave a chuckle and propped himself up on his arms. “What's the job? Why does it have you so worried?”

“Er...it's a standard track down mercenaries and kick their asses type job. That's not the worrying part. The worrying part is that it's for a Brother in the Chantry.” I watched Anders' eyes start to swirl with blue and winced a bit. “He's, ah, probably not going to be a Brother for much longer. His family was murdered by hired mercs. He's looking for somebody to take out the mercs, which is pretty blood-thirsty for a Chantry boy but what do I know?”

“So why did Varric want the job? Can't be much money in Chantry work.” Anders bent and started nuzzling under my chin, his tongue tracing light patterns over my skin. I swallowed and arched my neck for him, gasping when he bit down lightly.

“Ahh...the guy's family is royalty. Our employer is the Prince of Starkhaven.” I let out a moan and rolled my hips under him when he sucked on my neck. He bit me again, this time hard enough to mark, and I shivered at the pain/pleasure that sparked over me.

Anders lifted his head and looked at me. His eyes were nearly half-blue now and his gaze was heavy, intense. His lips pressed together tightly and he seemed to fight with himself, the blue sparking a little brighter. His hips pressed against mine, pinned mine to the bed. He swallowed and closed his eyes. “I don't like it.” His voice was rough, harsh, a hair deeper. “You're mine.” That in a deeper tone. “They'll take you from me.”

“No.” I cupped his cheek. It had taken me a moment to realize it was fear roiling through him, not anger. He wasn't angry at me. He was scared. His lips were nearly white and he shook. “Anders, no. Varric is going to contact the guy, not me. The only time this Vael guy will meet me is when we get paid. And I'll be in the office and my staff nowhere in sight. He won't know who I am except that I'm the partner. I just don't like doing jobs for Chantry types. It galls me.”

Anders exhaled and relaxed, the blue receding. It was still there, a thin line at the very tip of the brown, but not sparking or angry. “I'm sorry. I slow down so I can court your properly and then make it sound like I own you. I'm sorry, Cat.”

My arms were wrapping around him before I could even think of what to say. I held him there for a moment and then sighed, “It's alright.” I thought about it a bit more and then nodded, “Yeah, it's alright. Look, I'll get this job done and over with. It'll put more money towards the expedition. Sooner we get that treasure, the sooner I can get the family out of Lowtown.” I smiled and pressed my face against his shoulder, “I could fund part of your clinic.”

“From what Johnna said last night, you're already donating quite a bit to the refugees.” Anders said, slowly rolling off of me and standing. He was smiling, his eyes back to complete brown. He looked...pleased. It made me squirm. That made him smile wider. “You're a big softy.”

“Am not.” I muttered as I crawled from the bed and started pulling on my breastband. “I'm just helping my countrymen. That's it.” I started looking for my socks, finding them in the kitchen area. I think I may have thrown them last night. Anders may have been tickling me.

“It's ok to be compassionate, Cat. It doesn't make you weak.” He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “Why are you so hell-bent on being such a hard-ass?”

I stiffened slightly in his arms and then relaxed, “Because compassion couldn't save Dad. And it got Bethy killed. If I can't do this, if I can't get the money to buy back the estate and get the family secure, then I might as well give myself to the Gallows. There's nowhere for us to run to now. We're broke, in a foreign country, and my mother refuses to leave Kirkwall. If the hunters find me, I'll have no choice this time. So I work, I save, and I squash the squishy feelings down. They won't keep me safe.”

Anders stayed quiet for a moment, his arms tightening around me. “You aren't doing this alone. Not anymore, Cat. You hear me? You're not alone in this anymore.” He turned me and I sighed and nodded. “And I promise you, if the hunters come anywhere near you, I'll be there. They won't take you. I know people who can get you out. Get you someplace safe.” He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, “It shouldn't be this way. Mages shouldn't be so afraid to exist. I swear that one day I will find a way to change it.”

I stood there in his arms and believed him. I did.

***

  
I was still mulling over my discussion with Anders when I walked into the office and found Varric shaking hands with a tall man wearing very white armor. The armor wasn’t just white, it was gleaming white. A longbow and quiver hung on his back, the stock of the bow well-worn but polished to a shine. The man turned, saw me, and smiled. I skidded to a stop and schooled my features into something I hoped was more along the lines of pleasant and less a distasteful grimace. I had a brief moment to thank the Maker I had gone home to change and then the man was offering me his hand.

“Good morning Serah,” The man had that Starkhaven burr alright. His blue eyes were crinkled at the corner, his smile reflected in his eyes as much as on his face. He was good looking, too: broad shoulders with narrow hips and long, athletic legs. I blinked a bit at his belt buckle, the face of Andraste sitting just over his crotch, and let my eyes wander away before Mr. Shiny could notice my gawk. Maker take him, nobody who worked for the Chantry should be so damn handsome.

I realized I was just standing there gripping his hand, most likely with my mouth hanging open, and coughed a bit, “Ah, yes. Morning. I'm Catherine Hawke. Please feel free to call me Rinnie. Or Hawke.”

“And I'm Sebastian Vael, Prince of Starkhaven,” He smiled a little wider at me, probably because the flush had hit my cheeks. “A pleasure. So you're the partner. I told Serah Tethras that I had to meet you before we could shake on the job.”

Maker-dammit. I worked to not shoot Varric a pissy look and delved into my brain for my manners. I found them, shook them out, and tried to remember how not to snarl, “Well, here I am. The partner, haha.” I slowly pulled my hand from the Prince's and stepped back. “Sorry I'm late, Varric. The barista was dealing with an issue this morning. The Haze ate one of their coffee machines.”

“Can it do that?” The Prince gave me an appraising look and I tried to not grimace. “Do you know much about the Haze, then?”

“Oh, well. Yeah, if it’s a high Haze day it’ll eat things like coffee pots and computers and light bulbs. Knowing about it is part of the job.” I skirted around the Prince and then had the awkward realization that I needed to pull off my staff and the man was staring at me. Delightful. Maybe it could just be a walking stick? Right? I prefer polearms instead of swords? I glared at Varric for a moment and Varric just shrugged at me. I sighed, swung the staff off my back, and tried to not make eye-contact with the Prince.

“Rumor is that one of you is a mage.” The man was looking between the two of us, his eyes taking in my staff. I coughed again and gritted my teeth. “I'm not here to judge, I'm just letting you know what is floating around. Officially, this isn't a Chantry job. I am on shaky ground with them right now. With my family dead, the throne in Starkhaven sits empty. I will most likely be leaving the Brotherhood to take up the mantle of Prince.”

“Ah,” Was the most I could come up with.

The blasted man smiled at me again, his eyes taking in my discomfort. I wished to all that's holy – and maybe even unholy – that I could hide my emotions. “My point is I'm not interested in what the rumors say. I need to know if you can take care of these mercenaries.”

Oh thank the Maker, yes let’s talk about the job, I thought. “Varric? Whatcha got?” I leaned against my desk and thought about what Anders had told me this morning. I tell him that this Prince guy knows about my magic and well, we may be short a Prince. Still, the knowledge that I could run to Anders made me feel a little bit better. It would leave my family in the lurch, but let's be honest here; they put me in this position when they forced me to take over the family fortune.

Varric picked up a file folder and opened it, “The Mercs are part of the Flint Company Mercenary group. They are a pretty respectable group, well-organized, well-funded, small. Looks like they sent in a small group to take out the Vael family. They were fast and professional.”

I scratched at my nose and thought, “Respectable as in actually proficient or respectable as in able to get jobs done?”

“The second. So standard for us. Looks like there are three main cells, all in the Kirkwall area. My sources point to them having a base at the docks, one out on the Wounded Coast, and one at the base of Sundermount.”

I grumbled to myself a bit and then moved around to sit at my desk. I tapped my pen on the hard surface as I thought. “Ok, we'll need fast and dirty fighters. We'll bring Izzy and Fenris. I'm not taking Carver out again so soon. He's still got bruising from the dragon. Merrill is useless right now. I don't think we'll need Anders' brand of help either. Fast and hard. We go in, take them, get out. We'll need coordinates of where they are and all entrances and exits. With the need to hit up the Coast and Sundermount, I'd give this job three days to accommodate travel time.”

The Prince blinked at me and Varric laughed. “Sounds good. I'll put it together. I’ve already got the maps, pulled them last night. I’ll call in the team for a meet before lunch. When do you want to hit them?”

“The ones at the docks? Tonight. Fast and quiet like. I'll inform Aveline so she'll not have us arrested.” I glanced up at the Prince. “Payment is due at the time of the job being finished. Do you require a token to show completion? A piece of armor or something?”

“Ahh...no. Your word is good enough. How will I know when this is handled?” He was still staring at me, his eyes appraising.

“Varric will call you. We'll meet for payment.” I leaned back in my chair and smiled, “This will be handled within three days.”

“You're very confident about that,” He watched me grin at him and he smiled back, his eyes sparkling. “I like that. It makes me feel confident in your work.”

“We aim to please.” I stood up and went to shake his hand. “We'll be in touch, Messere.”

“Please, call me Sebastian,” He gave my hand a brief squeeze and I blushed.

“Er, then please call me Rinnie. Good day, Sebastian.” I watched him shake Varric's hand and leave. As soon as the door closed, I collapsed against my desk. “Fuck me. That was stressful.”

“You did great, Rin. The man was falling over himself by the time you were done. If he hadn't taken vows, well, I daresay you'd have found yourself on the receiving end of some romance.” Varric waggled his eyebrows at me, “And a Prince no less.”

“Don't want a Prince, Varric. I got me a doctor. I think I've done well for myself. Now...you make the calls and I'm going to go put my head down and get my heart to stop racing. I thought I was about to be found out.” I moved to my chair and drooped in it.

***

  
“Alright, so we’ll meet back here around eightish. Plan to pack camping gear for the Coast and Sundermount. We’ll hit up the merc band in town and then leave for the Wounded Coast in the morning. Any questions?” I sat back in my seat and looked at Fenris and Izzy. Fenris shook his head, flashing me a smile. Izzy raised her hand.

“Are you busy this afternoon?” She cocked her head at me and grinned. “Cause if not, I want to take you to lunch.”

“Maker… fine. Yes. Food. Ok. Any questions Fenris?” I glanced at the elf and raised an eyebrow.

“Is it just the four of us going to the Coast?” He watched me closely. When I nodded yes, he gave me a very enigmatic smile. “Then no, no further questions. I will see you at eight, Rinnie.”

The statement sounded a little intimate and I squinted at him. He just smiled serenely, stood, and flowed from the room. I glanced at Varric and shrugged, “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“He wants you,” Varric said matter-of-factly. “And you’re bringing him with us with no Anders. You just made his whole day.” He laughed at my face. “But we’re bringing Rivaini so chances are good she’ll try to snog him.”

“I wish. He’s ignored my come-ons for a few days now. Which is really too bad. A man that can brood like that is probably a beast in the sack.” Isabela shivered in delight. “And my bed’s been pretty empty. If Rinnie here would just agree to a little visit…” She eyed me and leered a bit.

“I find you incredibly attractive, Izzy, but I’m dating. Remember? And I’ll…take care of Fenris. Maker. What Izzy?” I sighed and gave in, looking at my friend with slightly wild eyes. “What?”

“Been meaning to ask you something. Does Anders do an electricity trick in the sack?” Izzy was leaning forward, her chin resting on her hand.

“Electricity…trick…oh.” My brain connected her words with that jolt of energy I always felt when Anders was touching me and my face flamed red. I could feel it. The heat was enough to cook a steak on. “Er…” I couldn’t seem to form words. How did he do it? Modified spell? I never felt the bite of electricity…just the tingle. Could I do something similar with my fire spell? I remembered his cold breath hitting my skin and realized that yes…yes I could. Huh…interesting.

Izzy was grinning at me, probably because my face was contorted into a sorta “Huh” mixed with a “Dear Maker Why” and a bit of “Fuck Me.” She laughed in delight. “I thought he looked familiar. Ask him about the Pearl in Denerim. I remember him. Mm. That was a fun night.”

My mouthed dropped open. “You…you slept with Anders?”

“Oh sweet thing, it was years ago. He was younger. I was younger. But yes. Am I going to now? No. It’s obvious he has eyes for you. And I don’t blame him, sweet thing. You’re a prize.” She stood. “Let me take you for food and a little shopping. Then we’ll go kill your big, bad mercs.”

“I…well…ok. I guess. Food? I could eat, yes.” I stood and glanced at Varric, “You need anything?”

“Naw, I’m good. Maybe for you to spill that story when you know it.” Varric laughed at my face. “Oh go on and have some fun. We’ll be beating people up tonight. Which is also fun but of a different kind.”


	13. Chapter 13

“So,” Izzy leaned back in her chair and smiled at me. “Anders.”

I watched her for a moment, my eyes searching her face for any clue as to what was coming, and then gave in and answered her, “Yes, Anders.”

“Why?” She looked up when our waitress dropped off our sandwiches and fresh drinks and then looked back to me. “You do realize Fenris is interested. Deeply interested. You met him first, didn't you?”

“Mmm,” I took a bite of my sandwich to give me time to formulate an answer. “No. No I didn't. I met Anders first.”

Izzy sat forward at that, “Oh? Do tell.”

“Maker, Izzy. You sound like a societal biddy. I sorta met him at the coffee shop. The one just down from work? With the cranky barista and the tasty lattes?” I took another bite of my sandwich. It was good. I was hungry. It had turkey. It wasn't asking me questions about Anders.

“Wait...oh. Yes. They make a lovely Chai. But anyway, Anders. Coffee.” Izzy picked up her own sandwich, roast beef, and took a bite.

I sighed again, “He was behind me. I made sure he got his coffee, bought him a sandwich, and then sat down. He followed me and joined me. Flirted a little. And then I had to leave for the job.”

“And then the next time you saw him was when you woke up at his clinic? Were you really in just your smalls?” Izzy was grinning. I could only imagine who told her that.

“Carver is going to die. Yes, Maker yes. I woke up and there he was. And...he was nice. Sweet. And it was awkward. And later he stopped by the office and asked me on a date. I said yes. I know you’re about to ask why. Because he is handsome and sweet and is an amazing kisser. There. Are you happy?” I bit into a chip and frowned at her.

“Have you slept with him?”

The chip went down wrong and I choked. Izzy grinned as I wheezed and grabbed for my drink. The quick sip of iced tea sort of helped. Sort of. When I could breathe again, I sputtered at her, “None of your business!”

Izzy laughed and clapped, “You have! And?”

“And?” I growled at her, “What do you want me to say? Yes? A few times now? He's amazing in the sack too? He has magic fingers? If he showed up now and wanted to do it on the table I'd probably say yes?”

Izzy just laughed, “Eat your lunch, Rin. I've got a surprise for you.”

***

“We are not going in there,” my voice was cracking, I was blushing furiously, and trying to pull Izzy away from the door to a shop called The Pleasured Pearl. Izzy was laughing at me and ignoring me, and since she was taller and stronger, winning.

She gave me a firm shove and I found myself falling through the door and into the shop. The tinkle of the doorbell drew even more attention to my rather embarrassing entrance. I straightened, swallowed, and tried to look like I had meant to fall head-first into a sex store.

Izzy joined me, grabbed my upper arm, and pulled me to a display. “Ok, sweetie. Now you just let me help. I happen to know that Anders has a very...varied...history. And you...don't.” She was smiling at me and Maker help me, I think she meant this to be some of kind of intervention or something.

“Isabela...Izzy... I am perfectly comfortable with my sex history. I don't...need...why are you looking at me like that?” I blanched a bit – which really just helped to even out my skin tone at this point – and watched her move closer to me.

“Sweetie. How many lovers have you had? Excluding our very sexy apostate healer, hmm? Three? Four? All of them strapping Ferelden youths?” She patted my cheek.

“It was four. And one was a merc. And one was a hunter...sort of...”I muttered and sighed. “Alright, so what? So what? Anders can teach me whatever...right? I don't need...toys...” I babbled a bit at her.

Izzy wrapped an arm around my shoulder and turned me to a display of...things...I tried to figure out what they were, my eyes widening when I saw one of the boxes. Oh. My brain actually shut down for a moment and then rebooted. It didn't help. “Look, Rinnie. There's nothing wrong with you. Alright? There's nothing in here to be ashamed of. But there is a lot of stuff in here guaranteed to spice up the bedroom. Like these. I know Anders has been with men. He likes anal sex. Or he did...” Izzy's eyes went hazy with whatever memory she was reliving.

“Er...so butt plugs? To spice up the bedroom?” I picked one up. It was rubbery and firm. And, I thought, kind of large. It was also a little terrifying, so I put it back down and tried to not blanch.

She watched me and then turned me, took my hands, and squeezed them. “Ok, so maybe this was a bad idea. It's obvious you're uncomfortable. I'm sorry.”

I looked at Izzy and then back to the display. I let my eyes roam around the store and then thought of Anders. I thought of how he looked at me. I thought of what he had said about having fantasies. “So, these butt plug things. Are they just for him?”

“No. Why?” Izzy was watching me closely.

“Oh, well...because...he may have, um, hinted that he would like to do that. With me. But I haven't...” my voice drifted off, my mouth dry. “Er...you know.”

Izzy perked up a bit, “I see. Well then, why don't you tell your Auntie Izzy all about it. And we'll figure out what will work, hmm? My treat. I'm just happy to see you happy, alright? Your brother, he's a handsome bastard but a real tit to you. And you work hard. I'm glad to see you with somebody. Even if it's not me.” The last sentence was said with much pouting.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. “Izzy, if I was to ever date a woman, you would be it. You're, like, the perfect woman alright? How could I ever compare?”

“Oh sweet thing, you completely underestimate how tempting you are.” Izzy kissed my cheek and went to get a shopping basket. I stood there in silence and watched her. Those were almost the exact words Anders had said about me. Maybe I was giving myself too little credit?

***

  
I stood outside of the clinic door and pondered the wisdom of going in. In my hand was a plain paper bag filled with tissue paper and all manner of toys. Things that had made me flame red and babble at Izzy. She had picked out a variety of items. Some of them seemed pretty innocuous and some of them were, well, for the more adventurous minded lover.

I wasn’t even sure what Anders would think of all this. Would it be too…pushy? He had backed off some. He told me he wanted to give me time and space to get used to us. A relationship. Whatever that meant. Which I guess was the whole point of backing off. The bag full of sex toys seemed to be pushing us forward.

I finally huffed and went through the clinic door and found myself in the sights of a receptionist. The woman was older and friendly, her smile welcoming. “Afternoon. What do you need to be seen for? The doctor is in today, but is with a patient.”

“Oh…ah…” I fumbled a bit. I hadn’t expected there to be anybody at the desk. He had a receptionist? I didn’t remember seeing one when I passed out in the small lobby. I gave the woman a sheepish smile, “I’m, um, Rinnie…Cat…and I am just here to drop something off for…”

“Oh!” The woman’s smile seemed to grow even bigger, “Dr. Anders told me about you. Yes, go on ahead and go back, dear. I’ll let him know you’re in the apartment. I’m so happy he’s found somebody. He works non-stop. It’s good for him to be out, you know? And a nice Ferelden girl, too.” The woman hummed. “Oh! I’m Anna. Don’t mind me. I volunteer here most days. I’ll have to leave a note for Claire. She handles my off time. So you can come and go when you want to.”

My eyes were glazing over at her speech. I had a nasty feeling that this entire incident was going to be gossiped about among the refugees. Worse, some of them knew me. I glanced around the waiting room and saw a couple people looking at me and I gave them a weak smile. They offered tired smiles and nods of hello. “Ah…it’s nice to meet you Anna.”

“A shy little thing, hmm? No matter. Go on back. Go on.” She stood and opened the door to the rest of the clinic and shooed me through. “And don’t worry I’ll let Dr. Anders know you’re waiting on him.”

I raised my hand to tell her that it was no problem and she closed the door and went back to her desk. I stood there with my hand up and sighed. I glanced back down at the bag and was just thankful that the bag was plain paper and didn’t have tiny dicks emblazoned on it or something. I finally decided that standing in the doorway was bad manners in general and headed back to the apartment to wait.

***

  
I may have dozed off while waiting for Anders. The bed smelled like him and I had given in, toed off my shoes, and just curled up in the blankets. I was comfortable, warm, and relaxed. The finger that was running over my cheek was cool. The temperature difference woke me and I blinked up at Anders, my mind confused as to why I was here and not at work.

Then my memory kicked in and I blushed. Maker, I hadn’t even said hello. I was just all wrapped up in Anders’ blankets and blushing at him. He raised an eyebrow at that, “So, this is a nice surprise. Are you naked under all those blankets?”

“Er…no?” I sat up and patted at my hair, my blush deepening. “Your, ah, receptionist said I could come back. I hope you don’t mind…”

He unwrapped the blankets from around me and tugged me to him, settling me on his lap with a happy smile, “Not at all. I liked hearing you were visiting me. I liked seeing you asleep in here. You feel safe here, don’t you? That’s good.” He wrapped his arms around me and sighed happily. “What brings you over?”

“Um, well. I have a job and will be out of town for a couple of nights. And I, er…went shopping…” I just sort of pointed at the bag and got quiet. I pressed my face against Anders’ chest and just stayed there.

“Huh. Is this the Chantry brother job? Do you need me to go with you?” He gently moved me back to the bed and then stood. I collapsed face-first onto the blankets and listened to him pick up the paper bag.

“No. I don’t want you found out. I’m bringing Izzy and Fenris and Varric. It’s just mercs. We have potions. We should be fine.” I heard him open the bag and pressed my face harder against the bed.

Anders’ grunt turned into a sharp inhale. The room was quiet except for the sound of paper being unwrapped and Anders’ rough breathing. I was, frankly, afraid to look up. What if he hated everything? What if I had crossed some line?

The silence lasted for another minute and then I felt Anders sit next to me, his hand smoothing over my hair, “So,” his voice was casual, “What prompted this shopping excursion?”

“Izzy,” my voice was muffled. “She said she slept with you and you liked to be freaky in the bedroom.” I was nearly suffocating myself on his blankets. My face was going to have permanent blanket marks. That should make for interesting conversation during camping.

Anders’ hand slid down my back, over the swell of my ass, and just rested there. I didn’t move. I didn’t even breathe. I was waiting for him to say something snarky or horrible about my bedroom experience. Instead, he simply squeezed me and gave my ass a gentle pat. “Do you think I’m bored with you, Cat?”

That had me lifting my head and looking at him. His face was…oh Maker, he was giving me that tender look he had. The one that made my heart turn over and go all warm and fuzzy. “No…well, maybe a little. I…I don’t want you to change for me. If you, you know, want to do…things…with me. Then we can…you know…try them out. And stuff.”

My babbling made Anders chuckle. “You bought some pretty racy toys, sweetheart.” He stood back up and went back to the bag. He looked over the small pile of sex toys and picked up a box and waved it at me, “Why did she think I would want bondage things?”

“Oh…ah. That was my fault. You…you…my neck…and I thought…” my eyes followed the waving box that held wrist restraints and I flushed.

“That explains a few of these things.” He moved the restraints to the side and added the nipple clamps, the small flogger, the collar…why did I buy that?

Oh right, Izzy had been going on and on and ON about this one lover she had had and a collar and I had just put it in the cart to get her to shut up. I glanced at Anders’ face and he had a funny little smile going, an amused little grin that had me squirming. He picked up a paddle and chuckled, placing it in the pile with the other bondage stuff. “I do like some bondage, yes. But that’s not a game to bring into the bedroom with a new lover. Unless, of course, you picked them up at a club for bondage. Which no, I have not done.”

“Ahh…” I wasn’t sure how to even respond to that. How did he even know this…oh…the Wardens. Right. I stayed quiet and blushed harder when his hand hovered over a harness.

“What’s this for?” He picked it up and glanced at me.

I swore silently that Izzy was dead and mumbled, “She said you liked…liked…um.” I gave up, I just gave up. I could curse out mercs and take on blood mages and deal with scum and low-lifes and my brother, but I could not look at Anders tell him I bought a harness and dildo in case he wanted me to fuck his ass. I couldn’t. I couldn’t get the words to come up. I tried. The best I got was a sputter and me falling face down on the bed in humiliation.

Isabela was a dead woman.

I was in the middle of my own personal misery party when I felt the bed dip and Anders stretch out next to me. He tugged on me, gently of course, until I rolled and was pressing my heated face against his chest. He wasn’t laughing. And I didn’t sense Justice, so he wasn’t mad. I wasn’t sure what he was. At least until he rolled us both over so I was under him, pinned my shoulders down on the bed, and levered himself up to look at me.

I closed my eyes. Cause I’m a coward like that.

“Let me get this straight. You were dragged to a sex store by Izzy. A woman I vaguely remember from when I was younger…and much more wild. She dragged you to this store and talked you into purchasing toys to use in the bedroom and you went along with it because you wanted me to be happy with you?” His voice was quiet.

I mean, when he put it like that it sounded kind of sweet. As opposed to creepy horny desperate, which was how I was feeling. “Yes?” I squeaked.

“Cat…” The quiet exasperation had me peeking at him. “You are adorable. And sweet. And I’m going to have to try each of these on you until we find out what works for us. And don’t think I’m not looking forward to it, either. Because I am. But, and I want you to listen to me, ok?” I nodded at him and he smiled, “You don’t have to do anything new, anything weird, or anything kinky to keep me happy. And I can’t believe you let her talk you into a harness and dildo.”

I groaned. “I knew it was stupid. I should have just…”

“Oh no. It’s brilliantly wonderful. We’ll have to have kink night. Once a week. Explore a new fetish. See what lights up your life.” He was laughing now, his face bright and happy and amused.

“Maker,” I mumbled, “Did I tell you I have a job on the coast and I’m bringing Fenris?”

“Mm…” Anders just dipped his head and kissed me. A sweet kiss, gentle and tender and warm. I sighed against his lips and he responded by rubbing my nose with his. “I trust you, sweetheart. I’m not worried. When do you leave?”

“We hit the first group tonight after eight.” I relaxed under him, biting my lip. “You aren’t mad? I thought you wanted to slow down and then I brought you…sex toys.”

“Question.” He pressed a kiss to each of my cheeks and one to my nose. “What do you really think about using that dildo on me? Honestly.”

I swallowed, “It, ah, has some, um…it sounds…I wouldn’t have bought it if I didn’t think we’d both enjoy it.” I bit my lip again and tried to look at anything but him, “And I thought you wanted to try…that…with me so Izzy helped me pick stuff out to, you know, let me get used to it. Stuff. Things. I’m not good with talking about this.”

Anders released my shoulders and cupped my face in his hands. His body pressed me into the bed, a comforting weight over me. His fingers smoothed over my skin and pressed his forehead to mine. “When you get back from your job, we’ll discuss it. Ok? And birth control, not that I am fertile, but you should be on it.” He pressed another soft kiss to my lips. “You have a few hours. Stay here with me for a bit? Since you will be leaving? I just want to be with you.”

“Really?” I wrapped my arms around him and found myself squeezing him gently, holding him against me. “You aren’t mad and you’re…ok. Yes. I’d like that.”

“One step at a time, sweetheart. Let’s get you comfortable just being with me as your boyfriend. And…I have a secret.” He rubbed his nose against mine again, “I haven’t had a girlfriend that wasn’t in the Circle. Or a boyfriend for that matter. No relationships beyond friendship while free. So I’m adjusting as much as you are. I just happened to have had some long–term relationships in the Circle. But dating? Going on dates and just…I never. Ever.”

“Oh…” That made me hold him tighter. “Well then. I guess we can learn together, right?”

“I’d like that, Cat. I really would. Now, tell me all about this job. Who are you after? And where do you need to go? What’s the Prince like?” He slid off of me to cuddle against my side and I rolled to face him. He smiled as I talked, listened to me. Asked me questions.

It was…nice…


	14. Chapter 14

Kirkwall isn't exactly the quietest city at night. Beyond the average citizen out doing normal evening things, the City Guard likes to have an active presence and the hunters come out en mass to look for apostates trying to flee the city. You have your normal drunks loitering around the bars, prostitutes loitering around the drunks, mercs looking for work, bandits coming out to harass the citizens, and your average blood mage nutters who like to work when it's dark. All of this insanity lingers around the bars in Lowtown, the waterfront flop houses, and the high priced whore houses in Hightown.

Because of this normal night hubbub, we waited for night to fully settle before we ventured out. We wanted the drunks to be drunk and the swindlers to have already found their marks. Aveline had been apprised of our job and she had routed a guard schedule away from the quiet nook claimed by the mercs in the Docks to give us time to get in and get out. You would think this constituted some under the table bribes on our part, but really, Aveline was just happy she wouldn't have to deal with some merc company shenanigans.

Mercs in the Docks tended to be rough, violent, and angry. They were really just one step up from the bandit mobs.

The Haze had recently taken out a bunch of the street lamps in the Docks, and the city had yet to replace them. The Docks were gloomy and the shadows hung thick. We waited at the base of the main stairs , tucked into a cozy nook and nearly invisible from the street. Izzy had gone ahead to scout, disappearing into the gloom like a wraith. I was checking my potions when she materialized next to me, scaring me slightly. She laughed quietly and leaned forward to whisper, “It's a decent sized group, somewhere around twenty. No mages that I could see. A lot of them are sword and board fighters, no metal armor. Saw some archers and at least three with guns, the idiots.”

I looked around us and sighed, “Haze is thicker here than up the stairs. They fire those guns they're going to burn their faces off.”

“What's the plan?” Varric asked as he primed Bianca. “We go in hot?”

“Twenty you said? We don't want to go into that dead end with twenty armed mercs. Let me draw them out. It's nice and wide right here. Fenris, you come with me and stay in the shadows. Izzy, stay back here with Varric. When the mob hits the open area, Fenris you cut them off. Izzy, confuse them. Varric...well...just have fun hitting things.”

Fenris watched me pull my staff from my back, “What is your plan to pull the mercenaries into the open?”

I grinned at him and let a wisp of fire dance over my fingertips. “Mercs are like ferrets. They like shiny objects. Let's just say I'm going to light up their world a bit.”

Fenris eyed the fire flickering over my fingers and gave me a flat look, “Is it wise to conjure your magic? You did just tell us the Haze is thick.”

“Don't worry, Fenris. I know how to control it. We won't have a repeat of the Bone Pit. Now, let's go. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can get some sleep. We're heading out bright and early.” I shot Fenris one more glance and then calmly walked towards the alley entrance.

***

  
There's an art form to conjuring fire. Pull too hard and the mage will set too much on fire. Don't pull enough and all the mage gets are some pretty sparks and a warm sensation. I didn't want to flame the entire company dead in the alley. Well, I did, but it would have resulted in property damage. We were trying to make money here not lose it. No, what I wanted was to entice them to come out.

I pointed at a spot just to the left of the alley and watched Fenris take up position there. Then I gripped my staff and called forth my fire. It twisted around me lazily, an incandescent snake writhing over my arm and down my body. I concentrated, pulled a bit on my magic to settle the coils of fire, and then strode into the alley.

The alley opened into a small covered square. Gas lamps had been hung from the walls and a small fire pit burned near the center. All the comforts of home if you were a merc not wanting to draw attention to yourself. The mercs were all pretty much headed towards drunk town. This time of night, with nothing better to do, drinking and gambling were the time-wasters of choice. I calmly stopped in full sight of their sentries, the men starting to straighten at the sight of a woman carrying coils of fire, and smiled.

The fire unfurled from my body, coalesced into a ball, and rolled into the room lazy like, because like I said, I didn't want to burn down the city block. It settled on a table holding bottles of booze, and well, booze is flammable. I laughed when the bottles exploded. It had taken mere seconds to walk into their territory and set their shit on fire.

They were pissed.

And I kept egging them on. They were scrambling for weapons, yelling to get me, and I laughed at them and changed it up a bit, casting a wave of ice to slow them. Then I ran. Because while it's fun to bait mercs in their den it’s stupid to stick around and let them catch you.

I shot out into the open area at the base of the stairs with angry mercs on my tail, skidded to a stop, summoned a fireball, and lobbed it at them. They scattered. Quite a few scattered into Fenris' sword and found themselves cut down before they could even counter. The rest were being harried by Izzy. She ghosted into the group, sliced into the men, and disappeared into the shadows. The twang/whine of Varric's crossbow joined the sounds of combat and men fell from well-placed bolts.

I swung my staff in an arc in front of me, the blade on the front slicing into the mercs stupid enough to try to attack me. I followed with either a ball of flame or a wave of ice. The ones iced were taken out by Fenris' sword, his attacks shattering the frozen body parts with little problem. I slowly eased back towards Varric, disengaging from the melee to allow Izzy and Fenris room to work. When I was far enough back, I raised my arms and yelled out a warning.

Fenris and Izzy dodged out of the way as the storm of ice hit. Freezing wind whipped through the alley and hit the remaining mercs and flash-froze them in place. Those on the periphery were slowed as the wind buffeted them. Ice chunks rained down and pelted them knocking some unconscious and injuring the rest. I lowered my arms and sagged a bit, watching as Izzy and Fenris finished the group off.

It had taken us less than ten minutes to decimate twenty armed men. I looked at the bodies, listened for any hunter calls, and then nodded at my group.

We were gone before the first guard showed up to see what had caused the ruckus.

***

  
I had turned down Izzy’s request to bunk with her and shot Fenris a look when he opened his mouth. Hands tucked into the pockets of my pants, I slouched my way home. I was trying to decide what had me all twisty. The job had gone spectacularly smooth and well-ordered. No injuries, no fuss, the mercs were dead and we were alive and ready to go get their friends.

But I was antsy.

The sight of my Uncle’s condo had me hunching my shoulders. I didn’t want to be here, I realized. I wanted to be with Anders. I sighed, castigating myself a bit for my lack of will power. It was only a couple of nights. We weren’t joined at the hip. I didn’t need to spend every night over there. I screwed up my face and headed inside.

And immediately wished I hadn’t.

Mother and Uncle were yelling at each other again. Rufus was sitting under the table and whining. I should really bring him with me more; he hates these fights. The fight stopped at my appearance and then ramped right back up. Uncle was yelling at mother about needing money and how we were bleeding him dry. Mother was screaming back at him that I worked non-stop to provide for the entire family, him included, and that Uncle was an ungrateful bastard.

I watched them fight for a moment and then gave in to my urges. I wasn’t sleeping here tonight. I was going to Anders’. I just hoped he wouldn’t mind.

I snagged my pack, shoved clothing into it, ransacked the kitchen for basic supplies, and grabbed my tent and sleeping bag. I was so used to doing these overnight camping jobs that it barely took any time to pack anymore. I kept camping food in a box with my canteen in the kitchen. My tent and sleeping bag were always prepared to be snapped onto my pack. And the clothing, well, I’d mostly need my leathers for the fights and then something to change into at camp. Simple. Easy. And I was packed in about fifteen minutes.

I whistled for Rufus and headed out the door. The poor dog needed a break from the drama. I didn’t know if Anders was a dog person. He was from Ferelden…we were all dog people in Ferelden. Rufus could always sleep in the clinic, I figured. He’s pretty easy-going for a war dog.

My name being called had me stopping on the stoop. I turned and saw my mother standing at the door, her face a mask of worry. “Rinnie. Where are you going?”

“To Anders' for the night, and then I have an overnight job out on the Coast. I’ll take Rufus.” I frowned a bit at her. “Why?”

Mother exhaled and stepped out on the stoop with me, closing the door quietly. “I’m sorry, Rin. Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ve stuck all this on your shoulders and you work non-stop. All the time. And then you come home to fighting.” She clenched her lips and wiped at her eyes. “I just…I miss your father and Bethy. And your Uncle, he’s…”

“An oily bastard.” I put down my pack and rubbed at my face, “It’s ok Mom.”

“No, it’s not. I’m your mother. I should be handling all of this. Not…not languishing here in this hovel. If only…” A quiet sob escaped her and I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. “I just miss home. I miss Ferelden. I didn’t think I would, but I do. And your father. Oh…how I miss him. He’d…he’d know what to do. The past few years without him…if he was still alive, Bethy would be alive.”

“Mom, none of this is your fault. Father died of an illness. And Bethy was killed by the spawn. And Uncle…well…he’s just an idiot.” I squeezed her tightly. “It’s ok. I’m not mad at you or anything. I’m just…well…” I shifted against her, “I just want to see Anders.”

“You’re really getting attached to him, aren’t you?” My mother stepped back and smoothed my hair away from my face. “My feisty little girl isn’t a little girl anymore and is falling in love. I guess I can’t blame your choice. You do follow in your parents’ footsteps. A mage loving a mage, I can understand. Your father had that something, that spark.” She gave me a small smile, “I looked at him the way you look at Anders. And it scared me when I was your age. Scared me senselessly.”

“To fall in love? I thought it was love at first sight.” I shuffled a bit. “It wasn’t?”

“Mm…it was something at first sight. Now go on. Good luck on your job, sweetie. And I love you.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Come home to me.”

“I will. A group of mercs isn’t enough to stop us. And I love you too, mom.” I picked up my pack and patted Rufus’ head. “It might be a couple of days.”

“Just be safe.” My mother went into the condo and quietly shut the door. I stood on the stoop for a minute and stared up into the sky hoping that I could make the money needed for the expedition. My mother deserved better than sharing a room with her snake of a brother.

***

  
My mother’s words followed me as I headed towards Anders’ clinic. We didn’t spend much time together anymore, my mother and I. I was always working and she was still mourning over Bethy, still in shock over the loss of the family fortunes. It had been a while since she had hugged me and said she loved me and I felt…happy. A little spark of happy. It made the work a little more bearable knowing that she wasn’t sitting at home blaming me for Bethy.

My thoughts slithered away when I saw the lantern and the clinic door. The lantern was shining brightly, a bright and welcome flame in the gloom of Darktown. My stomach fizzed and twisted at the sight of that lantern. Just knowing Anders was in made something in me loosen, made heat curl up my body. I wanted him, I realized. I didn’t just want to sleep next to him tonight.

I wanted to touch him, hold him, feel him against me. Feel him inside of me.

I ordered Rufus to follow and let myself into the clinic. It was empty and I headed past the empty examination rooms looking for somebody, anybody. It wasn’t until I reached the back of the clinic near his apartment door that I found signs of life.

Anders sat in a small room next to the apartment. He was bent over his desk and writing, his hand moving feverishly over the paper. He looked intent on his work, focused, and I wondered if I should leave him alone. Rufus sneezed and Anders’ head popped up, his eyes swirling blue before he recognized me.

“Cat,” He sounded surprised. I felt pleased at surprising him. Pleased and aroused. His hair fell over his face and his shirt was partially undone. I could see his chest hair and my fingers itched to touch him. “What are you doing here?”

I couldn’t seem to get words to form. I let my pack drop to the floor, my leather jacket following, and I just looked at him, took in his features, and yearned. I wasn’t even sure what I was yearning for except that I knew part of it included touching him and having him touch me. I started when I realized that he had moved over to me, that he was standing in front of me.

“Cat? Sweetheart, are you ok?” Anders’ eyes slid down my body looking for injuries and then slid back up to my eyes. “You look shell-shocked.”

I was. Stunned by the knowledge that mom had been right, I was falling for him, that this wasn’t just infatuation or lust but was the slow burn of something stronger. And he was mine, I realized. Mine to touch and hold, to laugh with and cry against. That thought, that…acceptance that I wanted to be his as much as I wanted him to be mine had me reaching for him and pulling his head down so I could kiss him.

I let my lips and tongue say what I couldn’t. Let my hands slide into his shirt to touch his chest hair, rake my nails over his skin, find one of his nipples and pinch it, tug it, roll and worry at it as I tasted him.

I wanted more. I ripped my mouth from his and licked at his neck, moaning softly when his hands gripped my hips. He laughed, his laughter turning into a heated moan when I bit down and sucked. I was grinding against him, tugging at his clothes, and making soft, desperate noises against his skin when he grabbed my wrists and pressed them behind me, held them firmly in his hand. I strained against his hold, reached for him, and found myself frustratingly held away.

“What’s this, then?” His voice was rough with arousal, “Not that I’m complaining but I would like an explanation.”

“I…” I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth, at his reddened lips. “I want you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I didn’t want to be at home. I wanted to be here. And I saw you working and…feelings. Please Anders. Just let me touch you.” I tugged at his hold and groaned when he didn’t let me go.

“What do you want, Cat? Tell me what you want.” He was watching me closely now, his eyes nearly black from arousal. “You have to say the words. You can’t just come into my office and maul me.”

“I want you to fuck me, alright? I want you to put your mouth on me. I want to touch you and lick you. I want…” I tugged again at his grip. “Maker Anders, I want you. Please.”

He released my hands and I lunged at him, tore at his shirt so I could bite down on his collarbone. He spun me and pressed me down on his desk, his papers scattering. I laughed a little at the sight of the papers fluttering to the floor. Rufus gave a whine and I shook my head, “Out Rufus. Guard the door.” My dog gave me a look, huffed softly, and turned to sit in the doorway. I had a moment to feel amusement at my dog looking at me as if I was a hussy and then Anders was tugging my pants down, ripping away my smalls, and sliding his fingers into my cunt.

And Maker above, I stopped thinking. Everything else – work, my mother, Carver, the hunters – it all disappeared in the stroke and press of his fingers, in the sudden jolt of electric pleasure that spiked through my body. I bit my lip to hold in the scream and he did it again, that bright spark of heat that made my body press back and my hands slap at his desk.

“Scream for me, Cat. Let me hear you.” Anders was right there, bent over me so he could whisper in my ear. His fingers pulled out of me and pinched my clit. He tugged and sparked his magic again and this time I couldn’t hold it in, I wailed his name as I writhed. His purr of pleasure was satisfying, almost as satisfying as the feeling of his thick cock pushing into me and his weight pressing me flat to his desk.

It was fast and hard. He hadn’t even pulled his pants down and I could feel the brush of his trousers with each thrust. His fingers gripped my hips, bruising me, and he moved with tight snaps of his hips. I couldn’t do anything but pant and whimper. I tried at one point to pull myself up and found one of his hands pressing me down between my shoulder blades. He held me there and fucked me until I came again, sobbed his name again, and then he let himself go.

I was limp and liquid, my body so loose that I was afraid I’d just slither to the floor if I tried to stand. I lay against his desk and panted, my mind empty and my body sated. Anders tugged me up and turned me, pulling me into an embrace. I sagged against him and sighed. “Hi,” I mumbled against his chest.

His chuckle shook me, “Hi sweetheart. Let’s get you into the apartment, ok? Did you bring the dog? He’s huge.”

“My mabari, Rufus,” I mumbled. “Rufus, Anders. Be a good boy, yes?” Rufus woofed quietly and stood, his eyes watching down the hallway. “Mm…my guard dog.”

“Well, he can sleep out here. I’m not much a dog person. I prefer cats.” He gave a soft laugh at the statement and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Come on, sweetheart. Up you go.” He picked me up and I didn’t even yell at him. I just clung to him and yawned. “You don’t need to tell me now, but eventually you will need to tell me what prompted this.”

“Mkay.” I said as I nuzzled closer. “I missed you. And I wanted you. And…you are important to me. Mine.” I felt his arms squeeze me closer and I purred. “I’m falling for you.”

“Are you?” He got the door open and set me down on his bed, tugging off my shirt and breastband. I looked up at him and found him watching me. “Are you, then?”

“Is that ok?” I was so tired. The fight, my mother, the walk…the over the desk sex…it was all combining into one big swirling weight of sleepiness that was dragging me under.

He gently tucked me under the covers and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “It is, Cat. I’ll go close up. You go on to sleep. You look exhausted.”

“Mm….” I pressed my face into one of his pillows and sighed happily. “I’ll be here.”

He smoothed the blankets over me and patted my hip, “Good. Because there isn’t anywhere else I’d want you to be. Sleep Cat. I’ll be back in a moment.” I heard him get up and then I was slowly sliding under.


	15. Chapter 15

It was still dark when I woke. The soft buzz of the alarm clock pulled me from sleep and I grumbled slightly. I was sprawled over Anders, his face tucked against me and an arm wrapped firmly around my waist. This was becoming a common theme, me waking up being held by him. His fingers lightly flexed and he pressed a kiss to my shoulder as he slowly surfaced.

“Mm, sweetheart. Good morning.” He slid his hand down to cup my ass and bit down on my shoulder. I wiggled, inhaling when he started dragging his fingers up and down my cleft. “Yes, a very good morning.”

I pressed my face against his chest and mumbled against him, gasping when his fingers settled over my tight pucker and rubbed. “What?” I wasn’t even ashamed anymore of my lack of verbal skills around Anders. I had given in and accepted that I would always sort of gibber when he touched me.

His response was a chuckle and to gently move me off of him and onto my stomach on the bed . He sat up and ran a hand down my back, smiling when I arched into the touch. “Your cat-like ways are showing, love.” I wiggled again and he squeezed my ass in response. “Just stay there.”

“You’re bossy first thing in the morning,” I complained, biting my lip when he spread my legs and knelt between them. “Bossy.”

“Is that a complaint? Do you want me to stop? We can get up and get going…” He ran a single finger down my spine and I pressed my face into the pillow and shook my head. “I won’t see you for what, two nights? I want to hear you this morning, sweetheart. Is that ok?”

I nodded, my eyes closing tightly at the feeling of his lips sliding down my spine. Tingles spread as he worked over the swell of my hip. I was going limp when he slid his tongue down my cleft and pressed it against my pucker. That made my eyes pop open and my head rise from the pillow.

He laughed a bit at my expression, slid his hands up my legs to push my thighs up and open, and proceeded to lick me from ass to clit. And I…just…came undone. His tongue was wicked and teasing and he never stayed in one spot long enough for me to actual crest. By the time he was done I was shaking and moaning his name, begging for him to take me. My brain flashed to before the Bone Pit job and I wondered if he would have actually done this to me in the tent.

I was so befuddled, so lost in sensations and memories, that I barely realized he had rolled me over until he slid between my thighs. His hands slid down my arms, wrapped around my wrists, and moved them over my head. I inhaled at the pleased look in his eyes, at the sensation of being held down. My brain was whirring and worrying at this new development when he slid into me. My thoughts scattered. The friction, oh Maker, the feeling of him in me made everything clench and tighten. I was skating along that edge, teetering on the precipice, chanting the word “please” like a prayer. And he brushed his lips over my ear and just said, “Wail for me,” And I did.

I may have swooned a bit, I’m not sure. The pleasure was intense, mind-numbingly overwhelming. When I came back to my senses, I was tucked against him and he was running his hands over me and cuddling me tightly against his chest. I am not, exactly, sure what made me orgasm so hard. The feeling of him, his voice…the words…the feeling of being restrained…I just knew that some combination of what he had done and what he had said pushed me over and hard.

“Cat…sweetheart…” Anders cuddled me a hair closer, “Are you ok?”

“I think you broke my brain,” I mumbled. “It’s all foggy.”

“Ah,” His face was pensive and then he smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “You’re sure you don’t need me for this job?”

“Yeah,” I blinked and tried to get my brain to focus, sighed, and gave up. “um…”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He was scraping his hands up and down my back and I relaxed further, “I can tell you’re trying to think about what we just did.”

“Er…” I frowned slightly, “Bossy.”

That made Anders laugh. “Yes, I do enjoy being bossy in bed, as you put it. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.” He sighed softly, his hands smoothing over my flank, “But I think you enjoyed what we did as much as I did. Or am I wrong? Did you not enjoy being held down? Was I too rough? I love pleasuring you, making you orgasm.”

I scrunched up my nose, took a long look at myself, and flushed, “Er.” That was the best I could do. As I’ve pointed out before, talking about intimacy wasn’t my strong suit. I tried again, “Liked it.” That was better. That was two whole words there. Practically a sentence.

“Did you then? Well, perhaps when you are back from the job we’ll try a toy. Or two.” His hands settled on my lower back, his fingers teasing over the swell of my ass. “If you aren’t too nervous, of course. I want you to feel comfortable with me.”

I squirmed slightly and peeked at him, “Well, ok. Ok. Maybe you can think of something…not too…weird? While I’m working?” I flushed a bit and forced myself to relax, “I know you worry about going too fast, but we don’t have to, you know, give up sex.”

That made Anders laugh some more, a happy sound, and he sat up. “We should get going. You need to be at work and I need to open the clinic. I’ll miss you.”

That made my innards twist and fizz, “I’ll miss you, too.” Maker, was that shy breathy sound MY voice? I started mentally punching myself and shook my head, “You’re making me sound…”

“Like a woman falling in love.” Anders finished for me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before rolling from the bed. “And I love it.”

I may have growled just a tiny bit, enough to make Anders laugh and make another cat comment. Then I, too, rolled from the bed and staggered to the bathroom for a quick shower. As I stood under the spray of hot water, I pondered last night and this morning and decided that there were worse things in life than slowly falling in love with a slightly possessive, entirely sweet, and very physical apostate. Things like being alone, or being with a person who didn’t understand magic. I pushed the thoughts of romance to the side and started reviewing the job I had coming up.

I wanted to get this job done as efficiently as possible. The sooner it was done and we were paid, the sooner I could be back with Anders. Not that I…needed to be with him. At all. I just…oh hell.

***

  
Isabela was leaning against a wall outside of Anders' clinic when I emerged. Unfortunately for me, Anders was with me – he had insisted on walking Rufus and I out. He said he needed to light the lanterns. I knew he was a lying sack of shit and he wanted to kiss me one more time. Which was totally fine – except Isabela was leaning on the wall nearest the lanterns.

I glanced at her, glanced at Anders, and turned bright red. Anders saw my blush, looked around, and spotted Izzy. I glanced at him again and it was to see him arch a brow at Izzy, give her a lazy smile, and then turn that lazy smile on me. Damn it, my knees started knocking together.

I gave him a quick head shake, as if hoping he wouldn't kiss me right in front of Isabela, but he just laughed softly and pulled me to him. I was becoming intimately familiar with that look on his face. It was amusement and tenderness wrapped together. He tilted my face up to his and just looked at me for a moment and that look, that sweetness in his eyes, made me melt against him.

I forgot Isabela for a moment, watching him just smile at me. He was waiting to see if I was going to let him kiss me or if I was going to pull away. Some part of me knew this was important, an important step in our relationship. People in relationships were ok with expressing their affection for each other. Was I ok with him expressing his affection for me in public?

He cocked an eyebrow, his smiled widening. I flushed a hair redder, making him chuckle. “You're over thinking it, sweetheart,” he murmured to me. “Can I kiss you good-bye?”

I licked my lips and nodded, sighing as his lips covered mine. For a brief moment, the kiss was light and then he slid his hand over my cheek and back around to cup the back of my neck and he took the kiss from light to intense. I clung to him as he made love to my mouth, moaning softly when he bit down my lip and sucked. He lifted his head, his eyes dark with want, and pressed his forehead to mine, “Be safe, sweetheart. Ok? For me? Be safe.”

“I will,” I whispered, befuddled from the kiss and from my sudden urge to drag him with me. “I'll miss you.” The words poured from me before I could stop them. They made him hum with pleasure. “I will.”

“Mm...I'll miss you too. Now get going. And yes, I do want you to come by when you are back. And don't forget your dog.” He chuckled and stepped back. He glanced back over to Isabela and gave her a friendly nod, “Watch out for her for me?”

Izzy gave him a big grin, “Oh I'll watch her all right. Don't you worry about that. Nice to see you still have your touch.”

Anders just shook his head, slid a finger over my cheek, and walked back into his clinic. Rufus woofed at him and sat down at my feet. “Hey Rufus. Did you sleep alright in the clinic?” He yawned and whined, rolling over to show me his belly. “Well, I'm sorry I didn't bring you into the apartment. It's Anders' apartment, not mine.” Rufus moaned and wiggled. I sighed and patted his tummy. “Come on, you big goof. Izzy's waiting for us.”

***

  
“So...” Izzy was walking next to me, her eyes straight ahead. “That was some kiss.”

I scratched at my nose and pondered Rufus plodding along next to me. He glanced up at me and gave me the canine equivalent to a shrug. I sighed, “Um. Yes.”

“And you spent last night with him?” Izzy was still walking next to me nonchalantly, her tone of voice casual.

I fidgeted slightly and wondered where she was going with this, “Er, yes. I did.”

She hummed softly and reached out to snag my arm and pull me out of the crowd. “And?”

“And what?” I glared at her. “I stayed with him last night.”

“Did you try out any of the new things you got?” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

“Um, no. No we didn't. He saw them and...I...um. He saw them.” I tugged at her grip and sighed. “What now?”

“You didn't use any of them?” Her face had fallen a bit, “Did he not like them? We picked out good ones.”

I stared at Izzy in shock for a moment, “Are you...were you worried about me?”

She sighed and pulled me into a small alley, frowning slightly at the musty smell, “Look. Yeah. I was. I sent you to him with a bag full of sex toys and I knew...knew you were nervous and...”

“Isabela, he wouldn't force me. Did you think he would have forced me?” I was gawking at her openly.

“I was hoping he didn't get too enthusiastic, that's all. I saw how he kissed you, sweet thing. He had some tendencies when I knew him...he liked to be in control. I just don't want you to be hurt.” She surprised me by hugging me. “I like you. You helped me, you're nice to me, you hang out with me. You don't call me a whore.”

“You're not a whore!” my voice was indignant. “Who called you that? I'll set their ass on fire!”

“See! I'm not used to that. To this. You aren't sleeping with me. You don't even want to sleep with me. But you treat me so...so...” Izzy fumbled, her eyes growing damp. “I don't want you hurt, Rin. Ever.”

I was shocked, flabbergasted. I had had no idea Izzy felt like this. I mean, I knew Aveline called her a slut sometimes – something I always got onto her about. But Izzy always returned the favor by calling Ave a prude. But, she was hit on a lot. And I knew that most people thought she was loose. Easy. And I knew that wasn't true.

“Look, Izzy. Ok, geez. You know hard it is for me to talk about this? Fine. Fine. Yes, I went to Anders' place last night. I...um...I sorta...tried to jump him in his office.” I blew out a breath and swayed, “He took over and it was...amazing. And then this morning...he...he...” I bit my lip and shook my head.

“He what?” Izzy reached down to scratch Rufus' ear and watched me, “He what?”

“Made me nearly pass out from an orgasm. Held me down during sex. He...Maker Izzy...all he did was tell me to wail for him.” I was full-on fidgeting now, my swaying resembling some horrible slow dance. I glanced at Izzy's face and swallowed. She was looking quite pleased.

“And did you?” She leaned back against the wall. “Well? Did you enjoy it? Him being all forceful?” She gave a little shiver of delight. “There isn’t anything wrong with enjoying it, Rin.”

“Yeah...I enjoyed it. And yes, I did…you know…and then nearly passed out.” I slumped a bit. “There. Now I've talked about sex twice in two days. Do I get a cookie?”

“Why is it so hard for you?” Izzy wondered, “You have no problems being a hard-ass. But you turn all...flustered...when sex is brought up.”

“It's just not something we talked about, ok? I never had...never...” I hopped a bit.

“Had a friend to talk about it with,” Izzy finished. She watched me rock, my face a mask of misery and sighed, “I'm sorry I pushed. I won't push again. Tease yes, but push? No. Will you promise me something?”

“Um...sure...” I relaxed a bit, “What?”

“If he crosses a line with you and won't listen, promise me you'll tell me. Ok? So I can help. Promise me.” Izzy reached for my hand.

I glanced at her, sensing a story there that perhaps she wasn't ready to touch yet. “Yeah Izzy. I promise.” I squeezed her hand. “You up for killing mercs today?”

“Sounds like fun. Not as much fun as dragging you back to my room and having some fun...but I'll take this.” Izzy gave a laugh, relaxing with me.

I shook my head, “Well, I aim to please...some of the time. Let's go get Varric and Fenris. Sooner we kill these mercs the sooner we can be back in town and away from tents.”

“Mm...how much do you want to bet that I get Fenris into my tent on this trip?” Izzy swung my hand with hers as we rejoined the crowd.

I laughed, “I'm not stupid, I refuse to bet against you.”

“You're too smart, Rin. Too smart.” She chuckled, giving my hand another squeeze. We stayed that way till we reached the office, holding hands and exchanging teasing jokes. Neither of us brought up the conversation we had just had.

But I tucked it away in my memory for later.


	16. Chapter 16

The Wounded Coast is a jagged coastline riddled with rocks and ship debris. The ocean doesn't whisper here. No, it wails and crashes over shipwrecks and boulders, it hisses and seethes at the land. The wind is constant along the shoreline, the currents unpredictable. The ships that handle the trade routes here, that run from Ferelden, Orlais, and Antiva, run with sonar and detailed maps of the depths.

As can be expected, the Haze swirls restlessly here as well. The Coast has long been a haven for runaway slaves, apostates, blood mages, mercenaries, and bandits. It's dotted with unmapped caves and most people don't know the back country well. If you are traveling from Kirkwall you take the Coastal Lines – a coal-run rail system that runs from Kirkwall to Ostwick. From Ostwick you can rent a car to drive. Luckily, the Haze doesn't spark as much on coal and we've only had one major rail accident and that hadn't been Haze-caused. No, a bandit group decided to try to rob the rail.

Unfortunately for the bandits, the rail hires mercs and pays them very well.

We didn’t need to go as far North as Ostwick. No, our merc group was hiding in the hills of the Coast. We had a pretty good lead on where they were – some hideaway just outside of Kirkwall. We had met up at the office, checked our maps, set out a detailed plan of attack, and left. It wasn’t a far walk and we wanted to hit the camp before they really had a chance to get going for the day.

It was mid-morning now and Fenris, Varric, Rufus, and I were nestled in a group of rocks just at the base of a trail leading up into the foothills. We had been there for about ten minutes waiting on Izzy to finish her scouting, and I was getting antsy I was worried about Izzy and wondering if we were going to have to go in blind when she appeared.

“Not as big a group – fifteen tops. No guns. No mages. Lots of sword and board fighters. They were discussing a new job when I showed up. No word on their Docks group having been taken out. Means they don't keep tabs on each other. Stupid of them, good for us.” Izzy settled down next to me and gave me a grin. “They're in a nice, big open area too. Lots of rocks on either side and almost no vegetation. You drop one of your firestorm spells in there – or an ice storm – and they'll be sitting ducks.”

“Really...” I let my gaze settle on the Haze. “Not too much Haze right now. Could be different over by their camp but I'm willing to give that a shot. I'd say an ice storm – stun them. Then Varric lets loose. While he pins them down, you and Fenris go in and mop it up.” Rufus whined at me and I laughed, “You too, Rufus. You're in charge of any that try to escape. Got it? I give us fifteen minutes tops to get this group handled. Then we'll start the trek to Sundermount. We'll camp there and hit up the last group tomorrow morning. Any questions?”

Everybody shook their head. I stood and stretched, tugging my staff off my back. Izzy and Varric nodded at me and slunk off to go take up positions. I patted Rufus and made to leave, stopping at Fenris' hand on my arm. “Rinnie,” His voice was quiet, “Be careful.”

I glanced at his face and nodded. “I'll get back as soon as the spell is cast. Rufus will be with me. He'll keep them off me.”

Fenris looked like he wanted to say something else and sighed, “I...trust your abilities, Rinnie.” He glanced down at Rufus and then headed out of our hiding spot. Rufus and I exchanged a shrug and followed.

***

  
I stood at a curve on the path that led down into an open bowl in the foot hills. Rocks rose up on either side of me and limited my sight. I inhaled and swallowed down the sudden spike of fear and anxiety. These were the worst type of jobs. Hemmed in by walls or stone, unable to easily see the target, and on unfamiliar ground, it would be easy for me to walk out too far and get shot or stabbed. I thought of Anders waiting for me back in Kirkwall and shoved the fear and anxiety down into my core and used it to help me pull on the fade.

The Haze around me blossomed and swelled, my call of power causing it to react. I closed my eyes and concentrated, blocked out the sudden croon of demon promises, and tapped the ground once with my staff. Rufus huffed at me softly and moved in front of me. I pulled on my magic and summoned a shield that swirled around both Rufus and I. I tapped my staff again and we both moved forward, our feet shuffling against the bare dirt as we inched towards the voices in the distance.

There were two sentries posted on either side of the path just before the rocks spread open into an almost perfect circle of dirt and rock. The saw me and yelled a challenge, both of them pulling out crossbows. I tapped my staff twice, two swift staccato beats that had Rufus perking up and charging. He dodged the first bolt. The second one ruffled his fur and drew a line of blood across his back. We both snarled at that, at the sudden blossom of blood on my war dog. I narrowed my eyes and barked a command, Rufus changing course at the last moment to take down the shooter who had wounded him.

He took him in the throat. It was a quick struggle. The man didn't win.

The other guard was panicking, his crossbow coming up to fire again when I hit him with a spray of ice. Rufus dodged my spell and then leapt at the frozen man, bringing him down and tearing out his throat. We had seconds before the rest of the group responded. I rushed ahead, headless of danger, stopped right at the mouth of the camp and threw my arms up.

The ice storm swirled into the bowl of earth and rock and disoriented the mercs. I kept it up, Rufus howling to let the rest of the group know it was time to attack. Varric moved up to stand in front of me and started firing into the ice storm. His bolts took out the ones closest to us. I lowered my arms, let out a whistle, and stepped to the side as Fenris and Izzy charged into the mass of mercs. I gave them a couple minutes of get into their fighting groove and then I walked in behind them, fire flaring from my left hand and my staff held before me in my right.

Not quite fifteen minutes later and we were leaving. Every last merc had been taken down. And one of them had been wearing a very incriminating piece of evidence – a locket with the name Vael inscribed on the inside cover. I tucked that away to give back to the Prince. He had said he didn't need evidence of completion, but this could go a long way towards giving him peace.

I had Rufus down a healing potion – nagging at the mabari to drink it. Izzy was nagging at Fenris, who had received a nasty wound on the shoulder. I waved her away and just handed him the potion with a look. He drank it, grudgingly. Everybody healed, we headed out.

  
***

  
Our goal had been to reach our camp by mid-afternoon to give us time to scout out the remaining camp of mercs so that we could hit them before first light. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. We were traversing the back paths, trying to avoid both the rail traffic and the random encampment of bandits, when we hit a snag.

The snag was a dwarf and a couple mercs being harassed by giant spiders.

Now, I am not a fan of the giant spider. First, it's a spider: eight-legged and creepy. Secondly, these spiders are the size of my mabari. Rufus isn't fond of these fuckers either. They hiss, they spit poison, they bite, and they really enjoy landing on the unsuspecting passerby's head.

I took one look at the swarm of giant spiders and immediately started setting them on fire. Because the only good giant spider is a charred husk. And I didn't stop to ask if the dwarf and company needed help. The dwarf was sort of wheezing in terror and the mercs were nearly running in circles.

It didn't take us long to get the spiders put down. I looked out over my group, made sure nobody was injured, and then went to check on the shaking dwarf and his companions.

'You guys ok? Gotta be careful out here. The spiders like to make nests and then attack random travelers.” I held out my hand and tried to not look like an insane apostate, “I'm Hawke.”

“Javaris Tintop at your service. That was masterful. Amazing.” He shook my hand energetically and gave me a beaming smile. “It's so hard to find good help these days.” His mercs grumbled slightly and looked peeved at that. “What brings you out this way?”

“We're on a job. You?” I leaned on my staff and eyed his mercs. One of them shifted towards his sword and I gave him a wide smile with lots of teeth. The man pulled his hand back and glowered at me, making me chuckle. My mind prodded the name Javaris, connecting it with the name I had seen asking for help in the paper. “You put up an advert looking for help?”

“Er...yes. You saw that?” The dwarf blinked in surprise.

“Yeah, we were going to contact you once this job was done. We should be back in town in tomorrow and should be free the next afternoon at the latest.” I glanced back at Varric, “That's Varric Tethras, my boss and the owner of Tethras Detective Agency. Don't let the name fool you, we take on all kinds of hard-to-handle work.”

“Oh! Well, ah. How can I reach you then?” Javaris started patting at his pockets as if looking for pen and paper. “I usually have something...huh...where did it go?”

Varric stepped up and produced a business card. “Here is our information. How about you come by in a couple days? We'll discuss what needs to be done.”

Javaris eyes Bianca and then Varric, nodding and putting the card in his pocket. I hoped he didn't lose it, though I still had the article with his contact information. Varric offered Javaris a professional smile and they shook hands. The handshake was brisk, efficient, and fleeting – a sure sign that Varric didn't trust him. I gave Javaris a nod.

“We'll be back in town tomorrow. Contact us in two days and we'll discuss what you need done.” I gave his mercs a quick smile. “Be careful out here. There're scarier things lurking around than just spiders.” I chuckled as the mercs narrowed their eyes at me, whistled at Rufus, and fell in behind Varric.

Because, you know, I get lost easily so I don't do the leading.

***

  
Because of the Javaris incident, it was late when we hit our campsite. Not so late that we had to set up after dark but late enough to mean a shorter scouting run for Izzy and less time for us to discuss the job. Luckily for us, Izzy had no problems finding the mercs' camp.

It was the smallest one yet with not quite a dozen men. But, Izzy said, it looked like their leader was here. She figured it had to be the leader because he was issuing orders and cuffed one of the men. As a general rule, only the head honcho gets to smack around the men. I asked if there were any mages and she said no. All sword and board fighters or archers – which I found strange.

Most merc companies had at least one apostate – somebody they could send into sticky situations to “even the odds.” It was why the Red Iron had been so hot to hire Carver and I. My magical talents brought considerable firepower to the group. I wasn't complaining, but I was suspicious. The few merc groups I knew about that didn't have apostate members were filled with men who had washed out of the templars. Religious fanatics that refused to allow a mage in their ranks. I wondered if that held true for this group.

I pondered that as we settled in. Groups that were anti-magic tended to have a member or two who could negate magic. Usually they were the leaders. The rest of the company may carry mage bane, but there would be at least one person who could nullify my abilities. We had hit the other two groups so fast that perhaps they hadn't had a chance to get up their defenses. It was a sobering thought, and one that had me planning alternate strategies while agreeing to take first watch.

I sat just out of the firelight on a small rock near some bushes and pondered my options. I could hear Varric and Izzy heading to bed, my mind tracking the noises even as it held up strategies and discarded them. So I was surprised when Fenris materialized next to me and took a seat. I patted at my chest, his appearance having made my heart nearly stop.

“I apologize if I scared you,” Fenris' voice was pitched low. “I wanted to talk.”

“No, it's ok. I'm fine. Just...was busy thinking about the job tomorrow. That's all.” I inhaled, held it in for a heart-beat, and then slowly exhaled. “What's up?”

“Rinnie, I wanted to apologize.” Fenris' head dropped a bit and I watched him picked up a rock and rub it, his movements restless. “I have flirted with you, kissed you, and been uncomplimentary towards you.”

“Where is this coming from?” I wondered aloud. I frowned, realized Fenris couldn't see it, and slid off my rock to sit next to him on the ground. “What's going on?”

“When I saw you that night, I was enamored. You were so in control, so confident, so beautiful.” Fenris glanced at me, “And then I saw you casting magic and I attacked you. You were injured from helping me and instead of offering you aid, I castigated you. My emotions were conflicted. You were a mage. But you had selflessly helped me.”

“Ok...”I pulled my legs up to my chest and watched him, “What has this to do with anything?”

“Rinnie, do you know what my life has been like? I was owned as a slave, bound to a high-placed Magister in Tevinter. My entire existence revolved around his needs, his wants, his desires. Even my very skin was his – tattooed with lyrium to help him power spells, to help his apprentices power spells. My every thought was how to please him. But I hated it, so I found a way to run. To escape. And when I did, he pursued me. Any who helped me found themselves a victim of his anger and cruelty. I have never had a life that was not as a slave. I have never felt love or affection, friendship...freedom...” his voice was vibrating with emotion, quiet but pain-filled.

My eyes traced the outline of his tattoos from his chin down his neck. Slowly, I reached for his hand and pulled off his gloves, smoothing my fingers over the long lines that ran down each finger and coiled over his palm. “These were done to you by your…master? To help him do magic?”

“Yes,” his voice was rough. He cleared his throat and looked from me, “They cover me. From neck to toes, the lyrium was embedded in my skin. It was…painful. The pain took my memories from me. Who I was before…this…I do not know.” He watched my finger trace over his tattoo on his hand and he shivered, “They pulse and breathe in me. Magic makes them come alive.”

“And I’m a mage,” I murmured, “That explains why you were so…upset.” I glanced up at him, his face hard to read in the shadows. “I wouldn’t be healthy for you.”

“You are an amazing woman, Rin. For you I could…” He tugged me to him, pulling me against his chest. “I would learn to accept magic.”

“Could you?” My breath ghosted over his face, “I am everything that hurt you.”

“No,” He drew me closer, settling me on his lap. I let him, unsure why except perhaps he needed to see, needed to know firsthand what being with me would be like. I thought of Anders then. As Fenris’ fingers smoothed over my face, I thought of Anders and wondered what he would think because of course, I would have to tell him.

“Fenris…” I placed a hand over his mouth and closed my eyes when he pressed kisses against my palm, “I’m falling in love with Anders. I am. I can be myself with him. I don’t have to hide my magic, hide what I am. He understands. We’re both apostates, both living under fear of the Chantry.”

“You would not have to hide it around me.” Fenris said. “I could learn to live with it.”

“Could you?”I wondered aloud, “It’s not something that would ever go away.”

His hand skimmed over my hair and then down to cup my cheek. He hesitated a moment and then drew me into a kiss. I stiffened slightly, unsure, and then relaxed against him. His lips were firm against mine and he opened my mouth and tasted me, nibbled at my lips and sipped at me till I sighed into his mouth.

He was good at it, good at drawing out my pleasure with slow strokes of his tongue and hands. And the pleasure slowly built between us as he tipped my head back to lick down my neck. A part of my mind was clamoring at my body, trying to remind us that we were falling for Anders, that he was what we wanted. But part of me wanted to know what Fenris would be like. He was so beautiful, so fierce. What would it be like to be with a man like him?

I inhaled when his hands slid under my shirt to stroke at my back, the feeling of his hands hot against my skin. When he slid off my jacket and drew my shirt up, I gave a soft moan and arched, panting as he kissed over the slight swell of my breasts. The feeling of his lips traveling over my breastband was making me dizzy and I gripped his hair and tugged, whimpered slightly when he bit at a nipple.

There is a moment when a mage loses themselves to passion, when their magic shimmers over them in its most primal form. Most mages learn to suppress it, pulling themselves back a hair to regain control. Fenris’ mouth on my breast, the feeling of his erection rubbing between my thighs, it tipped me right over, and I let my magic shimmer over me as I writhed in his arms.

When Fenris lifted his head and saw my magic, he flinched a bit, and we both knew that anything physical between the two of us would require me to dampen my power. Maybe not forever, but for a long time. He was still gripping my hips, still pressing up tightly against my wet heat, but I could see the understanding flit over his face.

“This is who I am, Fenris. I don't want to hide it forever. And being with me...at least right now...it wouldn't be good for you.” I let out a soft sigh and settled against him. “And that is ok.”

“How could my inability to accept you be ok?” Fenris asked as he tugged down my shirt and settled his arms around me. “You taste amazing. You feel amazing. But when I see your magic...”

“I can appreciate your past, Fenris. I can. And not hold it against you.” I smiled slightly. “I'm not the only woman out there, you know.”

Fenris grumbled, “I do know, thank you.”

“Izzy is very interested in getting to you know you.” I offered on a chuckle. “Oh, don't make that noise, she is a dear friend and a wonderful person. I know her reputation is that of a slut but I promise you, she isn't one. She's not good with commitment but...there are...reasons. Anyway, I think you should let yourself get to know her.”

“Hmm. I am not sure.” Fenris leaned against the rock and settled me against him. “She is not you.”

“No, but she is worth getting to know.” I smiled when he brushed a hand over my hair. “Look at how cuddly you are.”

“Quiet. I wish to enjoy this moment with you. If I cannot have you as a lover I would have you as a friend, Rinnie. If you can let me...” His voice was hesitant.

I levered myself up so I could look in his eyes, “Fenris, you’ve been one of mine since I helped you. Anybody tries to take you or harm you, they go through me. And Varric and Izzy and anybody else I work with. We've accepted you. We've just been waiting on you to accept us.”

Fenris' face slid from surprise to shy happiness, “Well then. I did not know that. I think...” And he let his lips curve up into a small smile, “I think I am very pleased to know that. Now, shall I sit with you during watch?”

“Oh, well. If you're offering to help keep me awake through telling bad jokes and stories...then yes. Yes I would love to have your company.” I grinned and settled back against him. “Why did the apostate cross the road?”

Fenris shook his head, “I have no idea.”

“Because he had just set a hunter on fire and his corpse smelled. How many hunters does it take to change a light bulb?” I asked without stopping.

Fenris gave huff of laughter, “I do not know.”

“None, they turn a mage tranquil and make them do it.” I snorted when he tickled me. “What?”

“Hush, we are on watch. Where did you hear those terrible jokes?” Fenris poked my side again.

“My father had a book of them.” I hummed and settled in. The night grew darker and I stared out into the shadows, content that Fenris and I had settled whatever it was between us. A smile tipped up my lips. “Hey Fenris. Two hunters walked into a bar...

Fenris grumbled, “Rinnie, I said be quiet.”

My laughter rang out into the night.


	17. Chapter 17

The sun hadn't quite hit the horizon when we broke camp. I was tired from yesterday, from the long hike and the magic use. I knew that I needed to take it a little easy today or risk overextending myself. And that could lead to forced bed rest.

And I hate bed rest.

So after we had finished packing our tents I had Varric pull out the map and Izzy go over again the placement of the mercenaries' camp. If you could call it that. The ground was craggy and open. There was plenty of cover for the mercs and not much cover for us. It would be a tactical nightmare for me to walk in there and try to grab their attention.

So we opted for a different plan.

Izzy was going to sneak in the back. We'd give her five minutes and then Fenris was going to storm the front with Rufus. I had no qualms about sending my dog in with Fenris. Rufus knew how to handle himself and Fenris was patting my dog's head like they were best pals. Varric and I would stay back until the mercs showed themselves and then we would join in.

We grabbed our gear and headed out right after that. I found myself walking next to Fenris. It should have been awkward. I had been grinding against him last night while he kissed me, had felt the way we would fit together if we were lovers, but it wasn't awkward at all. Fenris had given me a shy smile and then started asking questions about Rufus.

Andraste be praised, he was trying out being a friend. I grabbed on to this offering with both hands and told him how Rufus had been the runt of his litter. Told him how my father had done some work for one of the Banns by making some poultices for an injured family member. How I had gone with him and had seen the puppies and had fallen in love with Rufus. And how because he was the runt, the Bann had been expecting to need to put him down. Instead, he had given Rufus to me.

Course, the big lug wasn't so runty now. He was a barrel-chested brute with the temperament of a lap dog. He had been with me ever since; my only friend during all the upheaval of my childhood.

Fenris smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back, nabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. I flushed a bit at his look but didn't drop his hand. “You ready to kick ass and go home?”

“Well, I don't know if I'm ready to go home, so to speak. I am squatting in that house.” Fenris eyed my hand and slowly relaxed. “Though I guess it's more home than I ever had.”

“Hmm. When I get back from the expedition, I'll see about helping you with that.” I laughed a bit when Rufus bumped my legs and then went to chase a bird. “If you want.”

“I...think I would like to fix it myself. But still, thank you Rinnie. That is...very generous of you.” Fenris flushed. He tugged me a little closer to him. “Thank you for last night. I have thought about what we talked about, thought about what we did. And while I know I will always be attracted to you, I can understand why the two of us may not work...together...right away. Still, I wish to get to know you more. And if, in the future, something happens to change my view of magic, and should you be available, well...” He squeezed my hand. “I am honored to have your friendship, Rinnie. And should the opportunity ever arise, I would be honored to have your affection as well.”

I bit my lip and blushed, I couldn't help it. “Thank you, Fenris. I'm not sure what else to say but thank you.”

We were interrupted by Isabela sliding her arm around my waist, “What are you two up to? Holding hands and whispering to each other? Varric, look at this. What do you think happened last night after we turned in?”

“No idea, Rivaini, but I hope Rinnie is planning on spilling the beans.” Varric sped up to walk with us, a big grin on his face.

I sighed, “Maker, we were just talking. And I held your hand yesterday Izzy. I can hold his hand. He's a friend.”

“Oh sweet thing, is that what he is? Is that all he is? I hope so, Anders isn't the sharing type.” Isabela purred a bit and winked at Fenris. “I, however, am available for things other than hand-holding, should you need more than that Fenris.”

I glanced at Fenris and bit my lip. He shook his head and sighed softly, “Isabela. Perhaps you would like to walk with me for a while? I believe Rinnie wishes to talk to Varric.” He nodded at me, squeezed my hand, and took a step away from me. He raised a single eye-brow at Izzy and held a hand out to her. I watched her laugh and take his hand, her eyes widening at me before she moved to walk with him.

I moved back to walk with Varric, a happy smile on my face. Varric looked up at me and gave a low whistle, “You responsible for that?”

“Maybe.” I said on a hum.

“Rinnie,” he grumbled, “Spill.”

“I may have let him kiss me last night. And I may have let my magic show a bit when I did. And I think he understands now why we wouldn't make a good couple. But friends? We can be friends. And I may have told him that Izzy was interested and actually a lot of fun.” I grinned at Varric. “And before you ask, yes he is a good kisser. No, he isn't better than Anders. Yes, I still prefer the skinny apostate.”

“You going to tell him you let him kiss you?” Varric glanced up at me.

“Worried?” I asked, my hand slipping out to nab Varric's.

Varric chuckled and squeezed my hand, “Yeah. I am, Rin.”

I swung our entwined hands for a moment and then smiled at Varric, “I think he'll understand why I did it. I think he'll be annoyed with Fenris for not being able to handle my magic. I think he'll take it upon himself to remind me that we are dating. And I'm ok with that.”

“He seems a bit possessive, Rin.” Varric warned. “Is that safe?”

“He's been alone like I have been, Varric. He had people in the Circle but...that's the Circle. And the Wardens, well. He's afraid he'll lose me. And I'm just as afraid of losing him. He's my first real relationship, you know? And I'm falling for him hard. If he wants to be a little possessive, well, that's fine. Because I feel the same way about him.” I exhaled and sighed, “Look at me being all adult about this.”

“About time, too. I can understand, Rin. I can. But you know I worry about you. You're not just my partner, ok? You're family now. Just know I'm here for you.” He gave my hand another squeeze.

We walked the rest of the way to Sundermount like that. It was amazing.

***

  
It’s an understatement to say that I hate waiting. I really do. It's one reason why I enjoy barging into combat at the front – no waiting. But since that wouldn't work today, I was stuck standing with Varric and trying not to go insane. Varric took it all in stride. He was well used to my jitters and anxious babble. He just checked Bianca and watched me bounce on my toes, a smile on his face.

Finally, after what seemed like forever – but was really only those five minutes we gave Izzy, Fenris, and Rufus, it was time to charge in. And oh boy was I glad I hadn't hit the group first.

They had split themselves, probably due to terrain but also maybe to enhance ambushing unsuspecting travelers. A big chunk of the group was up the hill and doing battle with Izzy. The much smaller group was down facing Fenris. And my curiosity as to why the leader was in the smaller group was satisfied when I felt the cold brush of mage-suppressing abilities. He was a Maker-dammed ex-hunter.

I let out a yell to focus on him and backed away, backpedaling to get out of his sphere of influence. The bastard saw my staff and let out a laugh, turning towards me and gesturing with one hand. He was a powerful fucker. I could feel the smite from across the battlefield and my vision went grey and my heart stuttered as my mana was sucked from me. I gripped my staff and fought off a wave of vertigo, waving a feeble hand at Varric to shoot. Fenris saw me sag and gave a yell, his tattoos lighting up.

He damn near berserked on the mercs. He was a dervish, his blade spinning around as he danced through their swords. Varric saw that he was handling his group just fine and turned to help Izzy, who was nearly pinned down by her group. The whine of Bianca was followed by a loud cracking noise and then a short explosion. He had pulled out the exploding bolts for this job. I sighed slightly as dead merc rained down around us. Now I was low on mana, in pain, covered in gore, and my temper was flaring hot.

Fenris had backed the leader into a corner, his sword coming up to pin him through the shoulder. I knew what would happen next, but I didn't want Fenris to be the one to kill him. I yelled at Fenris to stay his hand and rushed forward, dodging bits of merc and one of Izzy's small bombs she liked to throw into combat. Fenris glanced back at me and frowned, but stayed his hand.

“Rinnie,” His voice was gravely with adrenalin and worry. “Is this wise?”

“You Fucker!” I screamed at the merc, “You Maker-dammed fucking hunter shit!” I was beyond mad. He had smote me. SMOTE ME. I pulled back my fist and punched him in the face. “Stealing children for the Chantry. Telling us all we're nothing. That we are destined to hell because of how we were born. That the Maker has turned his eyes from us. You can tell the Maker yourself that we don't need his gaze.” I grabbed a vial off my belt, drank it in a single gulp, and grinned at the merc. The lyrium hit my system and I didn't even bother to hide the power curling back through me. I held out my left hand, felt the cold start to build, and threw the ice spell at the merc.

I froze him solid. Then I swung my staff and shattered him.

No matter how satisfying it is in the short term, killing up close like that is gross and makes my soul feel just a tiny bit soiled. Siding to the ground, I felt my anger ease off and I gave in to the roiling pain and nausea and vomited. I heaved up breakfast, growing more nauseous when I realized I was puking into the melting bits of the merc leader. That made me dry heave even harder.

I felt hands gently pull me up and then I was being lifted and carried away from the gore. I mumbled about my staff, reaching for it weakly. I settled when Varric placed it in my hands, my fingers gripping the wood tightly. I was stretched, worn, my magic jittery from being drained and then refilled in such a short period of time.

Fenris set me down on a rock and shot Varric a worried glance, “Will she be ok?”

“Yeah. Shit.” Varric moved to me and took one of my hands, “Hey beautiful, you ok?”

“Yeah Varric,” I croaked at him, “Just trying to not dry heave. Stupid lyrium. Stupid hunter.” I gripped my stomach and slid off the rock and started heaving again. In between the clenches of pain, I ground out, “It'll pass. Dad told me what happens when a hunter drains you and if you can get lyrium into your system.” I panted and punched at the ground as my body clenched and cramped. “Dammit this hurts.”

“We're going to head back to Kirkwall, Rin. You need to get to Anders' clinic. Get checked.” Varric brushed a hand over my hair.

“Fuck!” I growled again and then curled up in a ball. “Fuck it hurts.”

“She ok?” Izzy had finally made it to us. “Sweet thing, what happened?”

“Fucking ex-hunter smote her.” Varric kicked at the boulder next to him. “Can you carry her back, Fenris?”

“Yes, it will be no problem,” Fenris said, “Come now, let me hold you. We will take you someplace safe.” His voice was soothing and I let him pick me up, whimpering slightly when my stomach pitched and roiled. “Hush now. We have you.”

I tried to relax against Fenris as he started walking. Izzy nabbed my pack and walked next to me, her hand reaching out periodically to touch my hair or shoulders. Varric walked on the other side of me, patting at my feet. Rufus ranged around us, his eyes finding me now and again. I had never felt so...cared for. Safe.

Safe enough to finally pass out and sleep.

***

  
I was able to finish walking into the city on my own – a small blessing as I did not want to be seen carried through the streets. It would get back to my mother and Carver and I'd never hear the end of it. Instead, I had Fenris put me down when we were close to the gates. I told Rufus to go with Varric and then I slowly limped my way to Anders' clinic.

I was rung out and exhausted, my body felt stretched thin, and my magic still jittered. Dad had never told me how long it would take for everything to settle after being smote, but I had the feeling it would take more than a day.

By the time I reached Anders' clinic, I was dragging. My insistence on walking had resulted in me using the last of my energy, so I'm pretty sure I was a sight when I pushed into the clinic. Anna was at the front desk and her eyes grew wide when I stumbled through the door. I didn't even get to say anything before she was rushing back, Anders' name being yelled.

I sighed and slumped, landing on the floor, and thought that this might have been what happened when I first showed up here and I fell into the clinic. I sat with my back and head resting against the wall and gave thanks that the room wasn't spinning this time.

I did not black out this time.

I was fully conscious when Anders came rushing into the waiting room. He took one look at me and settled, his face tightening into what looked like anger but I knew was most likely worry. He knelt down and tilted my face to his, “Cat, love, you look like hell.”

“Nice to see you too, Anders. The blood isn't mine.” I mumbled at him.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, “Oh?” His voice was pretty even and I flinched slightly. “Then what seems to be the problem?”

“Um, the leader of the merc band was an ex-hunter.” I tried to turn my head and Anders pinched my chin and held it still. I closed my eyes instead. “He, ah, smote me.”

There was silence and then Anders’ hand pressing over my forehead, “So why is your magic unstable?”

“I drank a lyrium potion, froze him solid, and smashed him apart with my staff?” I peeked up at him in time to see him shake his head and sigh. “I was very angry. I even punched him in the face.”

“Fair enough. Come on then, sweetheart. Up you go. You're going back to the apartment for a shower and some sleep. You'll be alright. You just need rest.” He lifted me in his arms, waving Anna away. “I let you go out without me and you come back like this. Sweetheart, we need to talk.”

“Oh, now that's just what I to wanted to hear,” I muttered, clutching at Anders' lab coat and burying my face against his shoulder. “I missed you.”

“Mm. Come on sweetheart. Let's get you settled.” He walked through the door to take me back. Once he was out of the waiting room he pressed his face against my hair, “I missed you too.”


	18. Chapter 18

I slept the rest of the day cocooned in Anders’ bed. He woke me up once to eat, nagging me until I sat up and drank some broth that, happily, stayed down. I was just surfacing from my last nap when the apartment door opened, and I hoped that meant food because my stomach was growling.

It was Anders and he was carrying a bag, but it wasn’t filled with food. The fool man had gone to my Uncle’s condo and had packed up clothing for me and then had stopped by a drug store for a toothbrush. He told me this as he stared at me with a set face as if daring me to make an issue out of it.

“So…I'm staying tonight?” I sat up and stretched, blinking owlishly at him.

“You’re staying for a few nights, sweetheart. Until I know your magic has settled at the very least. Your mother is worried but seems ok. Your brother was upset that you hadn’t brought him with you on the job.” Anders set about unpacking my things, putting my smalls in a drawer with his and taking pants into his small closet to hang up.

I wondered if I should tell him about Fenris now or later. Now would mean getting it over with. Later would mean he might be in a better mood. But did I want the knowledge that I had kissed Fenris hanging over me as I slept next to Anders? No matter what my motivation had been, the fact was that I had kissed Fenris. And punched an ex-hunter. That second part might actually be the sticking point. So I screwed up my courage, tugged the blankets up to my neck, and cleared my throat. “Er, Anders?”

“Yes?” He poked his head out of the closet to look at me. “Are you about to explain to me why you can’t stay here? Is there some oh-so-important job going on tonight that requires your attendance? Hmm?”

“Er…no? I…need to talk to you, though.” I squirmed a bit as he gave me a look. He took a seat next to me on the bed and smoothed a hand over my hair. Sighing, I tried to not melt into his touch, reminding myself that I needed to get this handled. “So, I spoke to Fenris while we were camping and…I think I got him to understand why a relationship between me and him wouldn’t work.”

“Oh?” Anders slowly pressed me back on the bed, following so he could cuddle me against him. “How did you do that? Did you tell him it was because you were falling in love with me?”

I swallowed, rolled, and pressed my face to his shoulder. “Um, yes. I did tell him that. He didn’t believe me. It, ah, ended up turning into a small make-out session and, um, my magic may have flared just a tiny bit.” I held myself perfectly still, barely breathing against his skin. Oh Maker, what if I had done too much stupid on this job and I’ve broken my relationship? My brain started smacking itself.

Anders huffed a distinctly annoyed sound and then sighed. “Let me get this straight. You go on a job out to the Coast and Sundermount. You bring with you a man that you know has feelings for you. You camp and allow this man to make out with you. And then you probably scared the pants off of him by flaring your magic. Then, the next day, an ex-hunter smote you, you punched said ex- hunter, drank lyrium right after being smote, and killed said ex- hunter.”

I winced. I mean, yeah, it sounded bad when put like that. I sounded a little deranged. I pressed my face against his shoulder tighter and squirmed. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, something horrific: yelling or cursing or him kicking me out.

But he just sighed and cuddled me closer. “You never do things the easy way. Alright, so Fenris. How does he feel now? It wasn’t right to scare him.”

“I…didn’t…” I grumbled, “He’s a little upset, or was. I mean, he was pretty worried after the whole hunter incident. But he understands now. He told me as much.”

“And how did you feel while he touched you?” His hand smoothed down my back and then back up to rub at my neck. I relaxed against him, wary but enjoying the feelings.

“Ahh…I enjoyed it. He’s a very good kisser. Not as good as you but a good kisser. And, um, if I hadn’t met you I would find him tempting.” I squirmed more and tried to roll away. Anders tightened his arms around me and held me against him. “I’m sorry. I’ll just…”

“What? Go? Oh you silly, silly Cat. I don’t like what you did, and I am a tiny bit mad at you right now, but I am not ending us.” He pushed me to my back so he could look at me, an action that had my eyes closing. I know. I’m a coward. I just couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. Anders seemed to sense my recalcitrance and moved over me, “Cat, look at me.”

I shook my head and bit my lip. Anders huffed in annoyance and nuzzled under my chin. I closed my eyes tighter and pinched my lips together.

“Cat, love, look at me please.” His breath feathered over my skin and he followed up his request with a gentle kiss. I worried at my lower lip and shook my head again.

“No,” I mumbled. “I refuse to.”

“Ah.” Anders said, “Stubborn? Afraid? Both?” He chuckled and bit down on my neck. “Mmm…mine. My Cat. Acting like one, too. I don’t share, ok? Fenris is very attractive, yes. He’s got that something. And I can understand you being attracted to him. I can. I’d be tempted to flirt with him myself if I wasn’t so invested in being with you...well, and carrying Justice around. But I don’t share. Not anymore.”

I peeked at him and that made him smile. “He needed to see, to understand. He’s not a bad guy, Anders. He’s very sweet,” my voice held a tiny note of pleading.

“And is this the last time we’ll need to deal with this? No more surprise make-out sessions? You’re sure you want me over him?” He rubbed his nose against mine and pressed a kiss to the tip of it.

“I’m sure. Positive. I want you, and Fenris and I are going to try to be friends. And Izzy is interested in him. He’s agreed to talk to her, get to know her.” I relaxed under Anders. His weight felt good, safe. I felt safe with him. “I don’t want to be with him Anders. Not like that. I feel very…safe with you. Accepted. It’s nice…different. To know I can show my magic and you won’t judge me.”

That made him beam at me, “Well, and now I’m not even mad. Are you hungry? I bet you are. I happen to have leftovers from Johnna’s. I went by while you were gone and not only did she feed me, she sent me home with food and refused to let me pay. I’m glad I didn’t hand out a bunch of the leftovers.” He nibbled at my chin. “I need to get up and heat up the food.”

His obvious reluctance to move was, well, adorable. My stomach growled and we both laughed, Anders tickling me a bit. “I’m sorry. I guess I am hungry. Can I call Varric and let him know I’m ok? We need to get paid tomorrow…think I’ll be ok to do that?”

Anders slowly slid off of me and sat up, brushing his hair back and scrunching up his nose as he thought, “I’ll go with you. Your magic is still unstable. If it tries to flair, I can help you with it. But then it’s back here for rest. You’ll be ok the next day to work but I…I just want you here.” He quieted after that, looking down at his hands. “It’s hard for me too, Cat. This sudden need to protect you, to tuck you away with me, to have you here. I don’t want to push, but I can’t bear to be without you for too long. You…help. The compulsion to overwork quiets, Justice quiets. I feel like I’m using you.”

He stood at that, walking stiffly into the kitchen area. I watched him pull out small cartons of food and arrange them on the counter, turning on the oven to heat. He just stood there, his gaze down on the food, and his shoulders slumped. I slid from the bed and went to him, not caring that I was naked or should be resting. He looked sad, a little defeated, and I wasn’t sure why. I slid my arms around him and pressed against his back, “Anders, it’s ok.”

“Is it, then?” He turned in my arms, his coming down to hold me gently. “You aren’t running yet, so maybe I’m not screwing this up.”

“You? What about me? I’m a nightmare.” I goggled at him. “I think I’ve nearly given you two heart attacks already.”

His arms tightened around me, “Ah sweetheart. We are quite the pair. I’m lucky to have you. Never think otherwise. Now, back in bed with you while I heat up this food. And yes, you can use the phone. What a question. Of course you can.” He turned me and gave me a gentle push, patting my bum and chuckling when I grumbled. “If you get enough rest…perhaps we can do more than cuddle tonight.”

That had me sliding under the covers with his phone pretty quickly. Dinner in bed? More than cuddle from Anders? I could lay here and rest.

***

  
I eyed Anders’ phone when it started ringing. I had made exactly one phone call earlier – to Varric to let him know that I was alive and fine. He had been thrilled to hear my voice, happier to hear that I would be coming in for a bit tomorrow. He had promised me he’d set-up an appointment with Vael and call me back. I just knew that was him on the other end of that call.

Anders picked up the phone, his fingers tapping lightly on the small end table. He grunted slightly at the caller and handed the phone to me, confirming that it was, indeed, Varric. “Yeah? Varric?”

“Hey Beautiful. I have good news and bad news. Which do you want?” Varric’s voice was light and friendly, a sure sign that somebody was standing in the office with him.

“Um…surprise me.” I said, eyeing Anders as he sat down on the bed next to me.

Varric coughed slightly, “Well, we will get payment tomorrow morning. So if you can be here around opening time we’ll get that handled.” Varric paused slightly and I felt a frisson of worry spark over me, “Ah, Sebastian is standing here in the office and refuses to leave until he can come see you himself. He is a bit upset that you got hurt on the job.”

I groaned. “Varric, I’m in Anders’ apartment, in his bed, naked. I do not want to see Vael right now.”

I heard Varric’s voice and the answering burr from Sebastian. “He wants to speak to you.” Varric said.

I tried to tell him no when I heard more noises and then a distinctly not-Varric voice was on the phone, “Rinnie. Varric says you were severely injured during this job.”

“Oh…ah…Sebastian. No, not severely. Just a little…um…mauled. I’m fine. Fine. And will be there tomorrow to report what happened.” I swallowed and watched as Anders’ eyes started to swirl blue.

“I wish to see you.” Short…blunt…to the point. I had to give it to the Prince, he was learning how to give orders pretty quickly.

“I’ve already retired for the evening. I’m well enough to meet with you tomorrow.” I tried to keep my voice friendly. See, Chantry Prince Man, I’m totally fine. “I'm sure you don't want to traipse all over Kirkwall to get to me when I'm already in bed.”

“I really must insist on seeing you. I hate the thought of anybody being injured due to this job.” His voice had gotten rather direct, the burr a little more noticeable. What was this guy's deal? I grimaced, my mind racing.

Anders reached over and plucked the phone from my hands, startling me. “Hello? May I ask who is on the phone?”

I watched as Anders' face settled and smoothed. I swallowed a bit, worried about what he must be thinking. He rolled his eyes at me for a moment, the blue receding completely, “I don't care if you're the Grand Cleric, you may not see her tonight. Why? Because she is my patient and she needs her rest. I'm Doctor Anders. Yes, a doctor. Her doctor. Yes, I have seen her before. You can confirm with Varric that I treated her after she got stabbed on a previous job.” He stood up and started pacing, frowning slightly and then sighing. “The best I can do is promise she can meet you in the morning. I promise you that she is doing much better, but seeing her tonight is out of the question. I have given her a sleeping draught and she is in bed. Yes, you may speak to her.” He handed the phone back to me and I tried to not pout, turning my gaze up to the ceiling.

“Yes?” I sighed slightly. I really didn’t want to deal with this right now.

“I apologize, Rinnie. I thought that you were at home and not getting treatment. I will let you go and see you in the morning. Are you sure you are well enough to come in?” Sebastian's voice had quieted. I bit my lip.

“I'll be there,” I said, my breath catching when Anders pushed me forward and slid behind me on the bed. His arms wrapped around me and cuddled me back against his chest. “I'll be ok to go in tomorrow morning for a little bit.”

“Then I will bid you good evening. See you in the morning.” The phone went dead and I shook my head.

“I don't know what his problem was.” I snuggled back against Anders, pleased that he was naked and holding me. “Never had a client wig out on me like that before.”

“You said he was a Brother in the Chantry? That's guilt talking, sweetheart. He sent you off on a high-risk job and now has to deal with the fact that you got injured. It’s not your problem.” He took the phone from me, placing it on the floor, and then returned to holding me. “Mm...my Cat.” His hands smoothed down my torso and he drew my legs up and over his thighs, spreading me open. “I told you we might do more than cuddle, but maybe you are tired. Do you want me to stop?”

My breath had caught at the feeling of being exposed, at the light brush of his fingers up my thighs. “No...no no. I'm good.”

“Mmhmm.” Anders murmured as he nuzzled against my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access and let out a little gasp when he licked and bit me. His fingers had drifted higher and he hummed a bit as he slid one up my slit to rub at my clit. “Already growing wet for me.” His fingertip circled around my clit, teasing me lightly. “What do you want?”

I swallowed and pressed back against his chest, “I don't know...” I did know, I really did. I just wasn't sure how to ask.

“You know, sweetheart. Just tell me. There’s no wrong answer. If you want to play, we can play. If you want to just have sex, we can have sex. If you just want to touch, we’ll touch. Or we can cuddle. It’s up to you and how comfortable you feel.” Anders’ finger brushed lightly over my clit and traveled back down to press against my opening.

“What we did...you know...before the job out of town.” I tried to squirm and his hands moved and held me still. I let out a noise of discontent and he laughed against my neck. Dammit, he was going to make me say it. “For you to hold me down and tell me what to do.” There...got it out.

He gave another laugh, a rougher one, and wrapped my arms up and around his neck. It left me wide open for him and made me blush. “Don't let go,” He whispered into my ear, and returned to teasing me. His hands drifted over my body, feather-light touches that aroused but didn't satisfy. Anytime I moved my arms, he stopped, making me grumble and return to clutching back at his neck and shoulders.

It didn't take long for him to have me begging, my body splayed and loose and shuddering as his fingers ghosted over every inch of skin. I hadn't realized my waist could be erotic, or the underside of my arms. Every inch of me tingled and I was chanting the word please like a mantra, moaning when he finally gave in and cupped a hand over my cunt and squeezed.

I nearly came, was just on the cusp of coming, when he pulled my hands down and tipped me forward, splaying me over on my knees. He slid a hand down my back and then back up to press down between my shoulder blades. “Arch your hips up for me,” his voice a whisper behind me. I did and he slid into me.

I didn't last long. His thrusts were long and languid and I just orgasmed, spasmed around him and moaned his name over and over. And Maker, it didn't stop. The pleasure just spiraled higher and he wrung it from me until I was limp and he finally came, finally filled me and shook.

Afterwards, wrapped in his arms with his hands stroking over my back, I tried to think of why I had needed that. My brain refused to bring up any sort of coherent though and I sighed, nuzzling closer to his chest. “What is it?” He asked me as he cuddled me a hair closer.

“Why do I enjoy that? I hate being told what to do. I like being in charge. I am co-owner in a business for Maker's sake! Why do I like it when you boss me in bed?” I could hear the slight panic in my voice and tried to quell it.

Anders pressed a kiss to my forehead, “For the same reason why I enjoy being bossy. You need the release, the ok to be let go and let somebody else be in charge. I need to be in charge in some way. I spent too much of my life being hemmed in, being held down, being told how to think and how to live. I...can't Cat. I can't surrender like that again. And I love taking care of you, giving you pleasure, making you relax and smile. Is that so bad?”

I thought about his words, thought about how wonderful it was to not have to be in charge for once. How safe I felt with him. And of course, I did enjoy the pleasure and the cuddling. “No, not bad. But…we don't always have to though, right?”

“Of course not.” His arms tightened around me, “You're a rare and precious gift, sweetheart. I know you're falling for me. I'm falling for you too. It's a mutual thing.”

I sighed and tried not to think about it too much, allowing myself to relax against him. “Well...ok. I guess. I think.”

Anders chuckled at that, “Get some sleep Cat. I've got you. You're safe.”

Those words made me relax further and I yawned. “I supposed I could sleep. Anders?”

“Yes?” He tucked the covers around me and pressed another kiss to my forehead.

“I...thank you.” I hesitated and then settled. I wasn't ready to say words yet. But I think he knew. His arms held me as I fell asleep and I think...he knew what I was close to wanting to say to him.


	19. Chapter 19

It was a beautiful day in Kirkwall, just this side of summer with Fall slowly seeping in. The air was glorious, warm but not hot. It would get hotter as the day progressed but for now, it was warm and soft. Late summer glory. I was walking through Lowtown with Anders, my hand nestled in his. I tried to not think about how much I had changed since I met him. It had only been a few weeks. A few weeks and I was already mostly in love.

Either I was delusional or this fell into some sort of fantasy romance storyline plot. I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t care.

I had woken up to gentle kisses from him – just little brushes from his lips over my face. He had insisted on showering with me, coddling me a bit. Then he took me for breakfast. The place had that greasy-spoon feel to it. Aptly named Eggs N’ Things, it was a small nook just inside of Lowtown that served decent coffee, good eggs, and toast made from homemade bread. For cheap. I was full, relaxed, and feeling pretty good.

I’d be feeling great if my magic would just settle. I hadn’t had a flair recently, but it still coiled unpredictably, like some sort of cranky snake writhing around in the back of my mind. Anders told me that was normal and after another day or so it would settle. When I asked him how he knew, he got quiet. Then told me that the Wardens wasn't always a haven for apostates – and any hunters that joined would sometimes release their Smite too close to the mages.

I couldn’t fathom that. I couldn’t fathom living like that.

But for now, I was happy and feeling pretty good. I was going to get paid and then I got to go back to Anders’. I didn’t need to fabricate a reason to see him or ask him on a date. I was staying with him for at least another two or three days. I was happy.

Anders smiled down at me, his eyes taking in my smile and squeezed my hand, “You look so pleased with yourself.”

“I’m full. I’m holding your hand. I’m going to get paid. What do I have to be upset about?” I nodded to a local shop keep that I knew and blushed slightly when he winked at me. “Er, yes. Plus the weather is lovely this morning.”

“What do you want to do this afternoon?” He stopped just outside of the office and brushed back a stray tendril of hair from my face.

I blinked up at him, “You have patients. I’ll be ok. Watch some tv or nap. And then you’ll be done and we can get dinner.”

“Really?” His voice betrayed his skepticism. “You plan on behaving and staying in bed?”

I hummed and grinned, “Or I was going to look through the toy bag and see what looked fun.” I couldn’t help but giggle at Anders’ face. “What?”

He pulled me into the shadows of the alley that ran alongside the office and pushed me gently against the wall of the building, “Oh?” He bent down to press his forehead to mine. “Do tell.”

“About what?” I wiggled slightly, inhaling at the look on Anders’ face. His eyes had a shimmer of blue around the edges and he looked…hungry. Focused. Predatory. And I was the one he was staring at. A frisson of fear unfurled in my belly and joined the sudden spike of heat and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run and flee him or if I wanted to run and have him catch me. Certainly, this was new for me. “Um…Anders?”

“Mm? Yes sweetheart?” He had started nuzzling down my neck, his hands wrapping around my wrists to hold me still.

“You’re, ah…we’re in public and I’m…a tiny bit scared.” I exhaled and slapped the back of my head against the building.

Anders rubbed his fingers over my wrists and then released them, taking a step back and a deep breath. “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Did I ruin your good mood?”

“No.” I watched him for a moment, “I just…felt funny. Aroused but scared. I wasn’t sure if I liked it. Was it my fault?” I was so uncertain, so out-of-my-depths.

“What? No!” Anders shook his head and cupped my cheek, exhaling softly. “Cat, sweetheart, you did nothing. I took your flirting a step too far, and I’m sorry. You did the right thing telling me you were scared. I’m glad you are setting boundaries with me. It doesn’t make me mad. I’m sure Izzy would tell you the same thing. When you play, you set rules. You don’t want me doing it in public, I won’t. No questions, no worries, no problems.”

I bit my lip, “But at home?”

“At home?” Anders’ eyes sparked a bit, “Ah…at home, if you wish to play, we can. As much as you want.” His fingers flexed over my cheek, “You said home.”

“I meant your home.” I panicked slightly. “Ah…”

Anders bent and kissed me, just a simple press of lips, and smiled, “I liked it. Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can head back.”

I took his hand again and stopped him before he moved too far away, “One question.”

‘Only one?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Did the thought me looking through the toys really get you that riled up?” I blushed slightly and scuffed my shoe against the ground.

Anders laughed, “Yes it did.” He shook his head and pulled me away from the wall and led me into my work.

***

  
Sebastian was waiting for me. He was sitting in a chair by Varric’s desk and talking when I walked in holding Anders’ hand. He took a look at me, let his eyes linger on my hand entwined with Anders’, and quirked an eyebrow. “Good Morning, Rinnie.”

Anders squeezed my hand and went to sit at my desk. He nabbed today’s paper, leaned back in my chair, and propped his feet up. I shared a look with Varric, one that clearly said “cheeky bastard” and then tried for a smile, “Morning, Sebastian.”

The Prince…Brother…Sebastian…stood and came to me, his eyes examining me from the tip of my head to the top of my shoes. I could feel the blush starting somewhere around my ankles and surging up my legs and tried to not fidget. I glanced at Anders and noted he was watching Sebastian with a narrowed look. That made the blush spread faster. It hit my cheeks and Sebastian grinned, “You look well. I was concerned.”

“Oh…I have a good doctor. He’s…right over there. That’s Anders.” I went to move and found myself pined in place by Sebastian’s eyes. “What?”

“What happened to you? Varric was very vague.” He slid a finger under my chin, tilted my face up to his, and looked at me. I swear to the Maker’s children, Anders actually growled. I cut my eyes over to him and noticed the very distinct blue in his eyes. I wondered if praying would help. It never had in the past, but there was always a first time. Sebastian must have seen my panicked look at Anders and he frowned, “If you are concerned,I am still a Brother in the Chantry. What you tell me will not leave this room. What happened to you?”

“Why do you need to know?” I stepped back and scooted around him to stand next to Varric. “Injuries happen on the job all the time. If the job is deemed risky, we increase our price. This job was deemed normal. I got injured. It’s no big deal.”

Sebastian took a step towards me and sighed, “Rinnie, it was my fault. I hired you and your team to attack mercenaries. Murderers. But they are still men. And I should have been able to turn the other cheek.”

“What? What kind of…fucked-up reasoning is that? They murdered your family. We took care of them for you. End of discussion. Now, we should go into the conference room and settle payment.” I shook my head.

“Is it because you are a mage? Is that why you won’t tell me?” Sebastian’s voice rang through the suddenly quiet room. I swear, the Maker has a horrible sense of humor and he likes to use it on me all the time. “I saw your staff. The way you reacted to me. There are rumors of a mage working for the Tethras brothers. It fits. You are an apostate and fear being discovered. Your secret is safe with me, I assure you.”

I gritted my teeth and waved at Anders, “The leader was an ex-hunter. He smote me. He’s dead. I’m recovering. There.” My chin jutted out stubbornly, “Why keep my secret?”

“Why take the job?” He watched me with a calm face.

“I need the money. I’m helping to finance an expedition to the Deeps. The money made on the expedition will go towards my Mother and brother. We used to be nobility here and my goal is to repurchase our estate and give them the life they should be leading. Plus I have obligations to some of the refugees, people who helped me when I first got here. The money would help them. And yes, help hide me easier.” I clenched my hands into fists. “You tell anybody in the Chantry what I am and my life is forfeit. You have to know I’m too old to simply be put in the Circle. They’ll probably make me Tranquil.”

“Too old or too stubborn,” Sebastian wondered. “But I was serious. Your secret is safe with me. You did me a favor. I will return it.”

I wondered if that meant I wasn’t getting paid. Maker on a cracker, not two jobs like this. I patted at my pocket and pulled out the locket we had found. “We found this on one of the mercs. It has your family name on it.” I held it out to him. He took it, his face growing sad as he rubbed his fingers over it.

“This was my grandmothers. Thank you…this is…” He opened the locket and touched the picture inside. “I have no photos of them…my grandparents. You didn’t try to sell this? It would have brought good money.”

“Please. I’m an apostate, not a thief. It’s yours.” I walked to the conference room and stood in the doorway, “Well?”

“No need to do anything formal. I brought your payment and a bonus. Hazard pay, if you will. Since you may need to miss a job to recover.” He handed a check to Varric and I watched Varric blink at the number. “I also have an offer. I am leaving the Brotherhood. I am unable to do my duty to both the Chantry and my Country. As I wait for things to be finalized, I find myself at a loss. I wish to offer you my services.”

“Your…services?” Now I was blinking. My mouth was probably hanging open. “We don't...normally...need a priest...”

Sebastian laughed, a gloriously full and musical laugh. That made me gawk even more, much to my chagrin. I sighed at the thought of yet another handsome man joining my motley crew of...whatever we were...and figured we should think about a name. Hot Stuff or maybe the Sexy Detectives. Izzy was going to love this.

“I wasn't always in the Chantry. And I do have some talents of my own.” Sebastian grinned at me, “Care to hear about them?”

That sounded like a come-on. I glanced back over to Anders and noted him watching me. I made eyes at him, trying to say “not flirting” and probably failing miserably. I watched Anders turn back to Sebastian and take him in, his eyes traveling down the not-quite-a-Brother's body before returning to look at me, winking and giving me a naughty smile. I fought back the squirm and sighed, “Please share.” I tried to not bash my head against the door when Sebastian laughed.

“I was trained with the longbow and am more than proficient. I also have tracking skills. I would be an asset if you must leave Kirkwall to hunt down...jobs.” He gave me a smile and moved to take my hands, much to my dismay and Anders' apparent annoyance. “Allow me to repay your aid by helping you. Please.”

“Oh...fine. Fine. We're all a bunch of heathens, though. So no preaching. And I'm unavailable, so stop flirting.” I tugged at my hands and frowned when he held on and smiled at me. “Maker...I said I was dating.”

“I took vows, Rinnie. Vows of chastity. I won't be giving them up. At least not yet. Not that you aren't a beautiful and very interesting woman.” His smile went from teasing to smoldering and I stiffened my legs. Get a hold of yourself, woman, I lectured my brain. He's just a man. A sexy smoldering man. My brain held up several naughty ideas involving Anders, me and Chantry boy and I started mentally punching myself. It was sort of helping.

Anders, oh dear Maker, Anders had stood up at that and moved around Sebastian. He glanced down at our joined hands and then gently wrapped his arm around my waist, “What she means is, she is spoken for and will be for a long time. Please, drop her hands.”

Delightful, now we had possessive Anders, a rather stubborn looking Sebastian and...was Varric taking notes. I squinted at my boss over Sebastian's shoulder and he waved at me...son a nug. He was taking notes. “Varric, quite writing down this embarrassing scene and get your ass over here. You're the boss. Fix this.”

“This is all yours, beautiful. I'm not touching this problem at all.” He grinned and waved his paper at me, “This will be great to recount at the Hanged Man.”

Son of a...the only thing that would make my life more interesting would be if...oh...well. Nevermind. Fenris walked in the door, stopped, and glanced at Varric, “Who is the man in the ridiculous armor and why is he touching Rinnie?”

Thank you, Maker, for adding to my life of joy and sweet peace. Anders was still staring daggers at Sebastian and I really wasn't sure what all was going on. “Fenris. Hi. This is Sebastian. Sebastian, meet Fenris. Help.”

“Right,” Fenris moved over and bodily pushed himself in front of me. Sebastian dropped my hands and frowned slightly. “I am Fenris, one of Rinnie's companions. It is a pleasure. Rinnie, how are you feeling?” He turned slightly to look at me, his eyes traveling over my face. I gave him a weak smile and he nodded, “You look...rested. I suppose I should thank Anders for that.”

Anders tilted his head at Fenris, looked thoughtful for a moment, and gave a small smile, “I just nagged her into resting. She needs more rest and I'll be taking her back to the clinic once we are done here.”

Fenris nodded, his eyes cutting to mine. I smiled again, this time a little wider and Fenris returned it, “I...stopped by to hear news about you. I am meeting Isabela for lunch.” He looked mildly embarrassed. “I asked her and she...ah...seemed incredibly excited.”

“Take her to that Antivan place. She loves it.” I said, moving out of the doorway and away from the crowd of good-looking men. “Their fish chowder is good.”

“The place we went on our first date?” Anders asked, moving back to sit at my desk. “It was a nice place.”

“That's it.” I nodded. “I'm glad you're getting to know Izzy. She's great.”

“She is...” Fenris looked at me for a moment and then flushed, “A handful. I seem to prefer my women that way. Seeing as how you are better, I shall leave. It was an honor to meet you, Sebastian.” He gave a nod and moved quickly from the office.

I rubbed at my face, gave Anders a look, and sighed, “I think I need a nap.” Anders jumped up at that, tucked the paper under his arm and went to me. “Sebastian, talk to Varric about what we do. I'll be back in for a full day tomorrow.”

“Rinnie,” Sebastian glanced at me, “I apologize. I don't know what happened there.”

I shrugged, “It's no biggie. Just...in the future...be aware that Anders is who I am with and I'm quite happy with him. Right? Right. Ok...I'm...leaving. Varric? Deposit my money and I'll be in tomorrow.”

“Gotcha beautiful. Javaris will be in tomorrow morning to discuss the job. I'll have Chantry boy sit in with us, sound good?” Varric glanced at Sebastian and grinned.

“Perfect. Ok. See you then.” I nabbed Anders hand and rushed from the office. I didn't want to stick around and find myself in another tug-of-war between...whatever that was.


	20. Chapter 20

I looked up from my book when the door to the apartment opened and Anders walked in. He gave me a smile before turning to lock the door behind him. Humming a hello, I went back to reading and making notes, wanting to finish my page before doing anything else.

I was on my stomach on the bed, dressed in one of Anders’ shirts, and legs kicking aimlessly while I read one of his books on healing. I had never been trained to cast a healing spell – Papa had declared that to be a little bit more advanced than I was ready for and I would have to wait till I mastered my elemental magic. But then he had died and any chance I had of learning healing had disappeared.

Unless I joined a Circle, of course. Which wasn’t going to happen in this lifetime.

So when I found that Anders had a pretty good collection of books on magic, including books on healing, I had jumped at the opportunity to learn more. I had stacked several next to the bed, opened the one that seemed the most elementary, and started reading.

I looked up again when I felt Anders’ hand brush over my hair and then down my back. I smiled up at him, “Hi.”

“Whatever are you up to, Cat?” He sat down next to me and looked over my shoulder at the book. “Reading up on healing magic?”

I closed the book and put it on the stack next to the bed. “Papa never got to teach me any. I got excited when I saw your collection of books and figured I had some downtime so now would be a good time to start learning.”

“You’re teaching yourself from a book?” Anders smiled and patted at my ass, his gaze turning to ponder my posterior. “Are you not wearing smalls?”

“That’s a yes to both questions,” I said on a laugh. I rolled to my side and held out one of my hands. Closing my eyes, I felt along my connection to the fade and tugged gently, opening myself up. I felt the warmth run down my arm and coalesce in my hand, a small ball of glowing light that pulsed weakly but still…was there. Summoned. The most basic of healing spells. One designed to be used on general wounds. I held it briefly and then let it go, exhaling at the sudden exhaustion swamping me. “Oh. That takes a bit of concentration.”

“Mm, yes it does. Good job, though.” He held out his hand and I watched as a blue glow filled it. He made it look effortless, the healing spell flickering over his fingers like a warm fire. He placed his hand near my cheek and let it wash into my body. It filled me with warmth and well-being, a gentle shower of energy that pulsed through my veins and soothed the slight kink in my back I had from laying on my stomach. “It takes practice to do. And it’s easy to pull too much mana while healing. Easy to drain yourself. Much easier than when casting an offensive spell – but the benefits are huge. I’m proud of you for trying.”

I blushed at the praise and squirmed a bit. “Thank you. Ah…Anna brought back a couple sacks of groceries. I put them away.”

“Oh?” He bent down to press a kiss to my cheek. “That was nice of her.”

“She said you probably had no food and she didn’t want me to starve.” I bit my lip. “You had no food.”

“Ah…well…I’m not good at stocking up. Or feeding myself. I should have thought of this yesterday.” He frowned slightly and then shook his head. “Is this what you did all afternoon?”

“Maybe,” I said and rolled back to my stomach to press my face against the covers.

Anders chuckled, his hand toying with the hem of the shirt. He slid his hand under the shirt and smoothed it over the back of my thighs, “What else did you do, sweetheart?”

I squirmed, his hand a warm weight against my skin. He slid his fingers between my thighs and I relaxed my legs, pressing my face tighter against the blanket as he toyed with my inner thigh. “I may have gone through the toy bag.”

He pinched my inner thigh lightly, chuckling when I squeaked. “Oh? You said you would.”

“I put some things out on the bedside table.” I fought the urge to go lock myself in the bathroom. I had been incredibly aroused while picking out the toys but now…now I was just embarrassed.

Anders gave a hum, patted my ass lightly, and shifted on the bed. I heard his low chuckle and then he was standing up. “Ah.” Was all he said. I didn’t hear anything else and it made me turn my head to see what was going on.

He had the toy bag back out and was rummaging in it. “I like your initiative, love. But you chose the wrong thing. This,” and he brandished the butt plug at me, “is for use once you’re used to everything. Izzy had you buy a starter kit, see?” He pulled out a box and opened it, pulling out a much smaller plug. He smiled at the slight relief on my face. “We’ll eat first. Relax. See where this evening goes. I won’t force this.”

I squirmed again, “And if I want you to?”

“No.” Anders went back to sitting next to me, his voice forceful. “Not tonight. Not to try that. No, that toy will be used while you are relaxed and me not giving you orders. Not yet. Not for a while.” He slid a finger over my cheek, “If we try it, I will make sure you are fully pleasured. It’s too easy to hurt a partner during anal sex, Cat. You will be honest with me and you will tell me if you need to stop. No questions, no worries.”

“You’re being rather bossy now.” I muttered, sitting up to wrap my arms around him and lean against his back.

“I’m setting the rules before one of us can hurt the other. Ok?” He placed his hands over mine and squeezed. “I think you’ll enjoy yourself, but I refuse to pressure you.”

“Well…” I relaxed against his back and sighed, rubbing my cheek over the fabric of his lab coat. “Thank you. Want me to cook dinner?”

“You cook?” His voice was teasing. “Or is your plan to poison me?”

“I cook.” I said on a laugh. “You just wait and see. It’ll be tasty. Now go change.”

***

  
Anna had packed basics in the sacks: breakfast and lunch items as well as a collection of easy-to-handle dinner staples. I had laughed a bit when putting everything away. It wasn’t much different than what we buy for our larder. So while Anders changed out of his work clothes, I pulled out some chicken and spaghetti, humming under my breath as I turned on the oven and started deboning and slicing the chicken. I turned my head and smiled when Anders moved to lean against the wall and watch me.

“What are you cooking?” He watched me pull out the loaf of bread and remove a few pieces, starting up the small toaster to get the slices nice and done.

“Oh, well. She brought pasta and chicken and some other stuff. I have a recipe that makes this spaghetti chicken dish. It’s…a poor person’s hybrid dish. You can use leftover chicken and vegetables and you mix it with spaghetti and a sauce you make from broth, a little flour, butter, and cheese. It’s easy and filling. We usually have the ingredients for it.” I smiled at him as I browned the chicken.

“And the toast?” He arched an eyebrow at me as I pulled out some mushrooms and started slicing them, tossing them in with the chicken.

“Breadcrumbs to go on top. Go sit down, you’ll enjoy this.” I grinned at him and went back to humming, starting the water for the pasta.

Thirty minutes later and we had chicken spaghetti. It wasn’t quite as good as when I make it at home – I was missing a few seasonings that I liked to add – but it was pretty good. Anders seemed to think it was very good, going back for seconds and making happy eating noises. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, knowing I had cooked him a meal. The man barely ate when I wasn’t around – so watching him eat his fill now was nice. Good.

I went to put away the leftovers, noting that there was probably enough for lunch tomorrow. I could stretch it with a side of something…what I wasn’t sure. Or I could stop and get a sandwich and let Anders eat the leftovers. That sounded more appealing and I made a note to tell Anna to make sure he ate.

Anders joined me as I started filling the small sink with water. “What?” I asked as he frowned at me. “Dinner wasn’t good?”

“No, it was good. Great. I liked it. I don’t really know how to cook so…that was amazing. No, you’re doing the dishes. Why?” He tried to nudge me out of the way and got smacked by the hand towel for his efforts. “Cat,” he warned.

“I made the mess, I’ll clean it up. I’ve been lounging around all day. I can scrub a few dishes. Shoo. Go away. Go…I don’t know…do something.” I slapped at his hands and grumbled when he trapped me against the sink.

“Cat,” he whispered as he tilted his head down to press a kiss to my neck, “You need to go rest.”

“Nope. I feel fine.” I stubbornly picked up a plate and started washing it, sighing when I felt Anders’ hands wrap around my waist. He hauled me back against him and he made a tsking noise against my ear.

“Go rest, my love. You cooked. I’ll clean.” His breath was warm against my skin and I squirmed. “For me? Please?”

“Why don’t we do it together?” I inhaled when his hand slid up to cup one of my breasts. “They’ll get done faster that way.”

He tugged lightly on my nipple and then chuckled, “Alright. Give me that towel so I can dry them, you minx.” He took the towel from me and with a twinkle in his eye, rolled and snapped it at my bare legs.

“Oh…now see…now I’m obligated to retaliate.” I said with a laughing huff. I splashed water at him and he snapped the towel at me again, making me shriek and laugh harder. “Stop! Dishes! We need to do dishes!”

He chuckled and held out his hand for a plate, “Fine, fine. Dishes. Such a taskmistress.” He winked at me and dried the plate I handed him. “So…bossy.”

“Oh shut up,” I mumbled, much to his amusement.

***

  
There was something terribly wonderful and relaxing about the whole evening. I had cooked dinner and we had cleaned up together. Like a couple. Then, to add to the awkwardly amazing domestic scene, Anders had pulled out the book on healing again and had sat down to talk about it with me. Yes, we sat on the bed and he started teaching me healing magic. It was so...normal. So close to what I had had with my Dad back in Ferelden. Quiet nights after dinner, the dishes done and the house put to rights, Mom sitting in her chair with a book, Carver looking over some website on fighting techniques, and Dad, Bethy and I at the kitchen table talking magic theory and spells. Much like Dad, Anders was a show and tell teacher. He liked to breakdown the magic and then demonstrate how the spell worked. It was an effective method of teaching.

Plus, watching him summon healing magic was incredibly sexy.

I must have started zoning out because one minute I was sitting next to him on the bed and the next I was being tugged onto his lap. I blinked up into his laughing face and scrunched my nose, “What?”

“You weren't paying attention sweetheart. I was talking and you were staring fixedly at my fingers.” His voice laughed at me and I flushed. “It's ok. We can take a break.”

“No...no need. I don't...”I started to argue with him and was silenced with a kiss. A breathtakingly tender kiss that not only made me forget what I was saying, but had me melting against him. “Oh...” I murmured against his lips. “Oh...”

Anders gave a pleasured hum and slid his hands into my hair and just watched me for a moment. His eyes caressed my face and I flushed under the scrutiny. His lips curled up a bit at the hint of color on my cheeks, causing my flush to deepen, and then he was laying his lips over mine and kissing me.

It was sweet and tender, each kiss sipping at my lips. His hands smoothed through my hair, nearly petting me and then caressed down my back. It was slow...a slow burn so different from our normal heated touches. It was...loving and soft. Warm. And every touch and kiss made my body smolder just a hair more.

When he laid me back and opened my shirt, I just watched him. His fingers slid over my skin with light touches, delicate brushes that made me arch and moan his name. Made me pull him down to kiss him and pull the tie from his hair.

We had never had slow sex. Fast sex, rough sex, playful sex...sex where he dominated...but never sex that was made up of slow touches and hot presses of lips. Never had he explored me quite so thoroughly, every inch of me kissed and stroked until my hips were arching off the bed to press my cunt tightly against his mouth. His hands entwined with mine as his lips and tongue tasted me and it was glorious. There was no sudden spark of magic or heat, no whispered commands – just the feeling of his mouth on me and his fingers tangled with mine.

He left me there writhing and stood, watched me with desire-filled eyes as he pulled his clothes off and reached for the small plug on the night stand. I bit my lip, my arousal ratcheting up higher as he nabbed the small bottle of lube and then resettled between my thighs. He kissed each thigh as he pushed my legs open and then looked at me, just looked, and waited.

And I nodded, understanding that he was asking for permission. His smile made my stomach fizz and he bent his head to press kisses across the top of my mound before nibbling down my slit. He returned to lapping at me, his tongue dragging over my clit with long, slow sweeps that kept me right there on the edge. Kept my hips rolling up to meet each stroke.

The press of his finger was sudden and caused me to gasp and then relax. He just rotated it over my pucker, pressed gently, and kept licking at me until he had breached me. The feeling of his finger stroking there...it was...no words. No words to describe the feeling of his mouth, the feeling of his finger. And then, slowly, of the plug being pressed into me.

Full. That was a good word. And one I rolled around in my brain right before he slid up my body to take my mouth in another long, languid kiss. Full and surprisingly pleasurable. I tugged at Anders' hair and he laughed softly into my mouth, his lips nipping gently at my lower lip, “Impatient, my love. Impatient,” he whispered against my neck. “Does it feel ok?”

I arched my hips and rubbed against him, his erection teasing me. “Yes...oh Maker. Why haven't we tried this sooner?”

He gave another laugh and rolled us over, wrapping his arms around me and grinning up at me. “Mm...straddle me?”

I wiggled and did, rubbing over his cock with a groan. “I want...”I whimpered. “Anders...I need you.”

His hands gripped my hips as he thrust up into me. I inhaled sharply at the feeling, at the extra friction caused by the butt plug. I rotated my hips and let out a long moan, tugging at his arms so I could sit up. Instead of releasing me, he sat up. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and pressed open mouthed kisses to his neck as he rocked me over him.

Maker, the intimacy of him holding me as I rocked and rotated my hips, of his forehead pressed to mine. The soft words of affection he whispered as his hands slid over my body, as I clenched around him, made the pleasure curl tighter. One hand drifted down my back and pressed over the plug and I arched at the sudden pressure, my body tensing and then shattering. I road out my orgasm as he held me against him, and then nuzzled against his neck as he came in me.

After, he gently removed the plug and gathered me against him. Secure in his arms, I settled and nestled against his chest. “That was...amazing...”

“You're amazing.” Anders brushed a hand over my hair. “Wonderful. Loving.”

I blushed a bit and pressed my face against his chest. “So are you,” I murmured against him.

“Ah sweetheart. I think you enjoyed that. Did you?” His fingers rubbed at my scalp.

I nodded and pressed a kiss to his chest. “I did. More than I had thought.”

“Want to go shower?” His arms tightened around me. “It would feel good.”

“Yeah...” I rubbed my cheek against his chest. “And then we can cuddle?”

“All night, sweetheart. I promise.”


	21. Chapter 21

I left Anders working in the clinic. It had been hard, I had wanted to stay in bed and read more on healing magic, eat lunch with him, maybe grab a mid-day cuddle...but work called. Or more importantly, a meeting for a new job called. So I got up, dressed, kissed Anders good-bye, and headed to work.

I had forgotten that Chantry Boy would be joining us. So when I walked in carrying a cup from the local coffee joint and devouring a powdered donut, I was rather surprised. It didn't help that I was covered in sugar and sticky. I gave a tiny sigh and ignored Varric's snort of amusement. “Morning,” I mumbled as I headed towards the bathroom. “One moment.”

A couple of minutes later I had scrubbed the sugar from my face and joined Varric and Sebastian. Varric was busy with the newspaper, and Sebastian was sitting next to Varric's desk and polishing a vary large bow. “Alright. I'm decent. Morning.”

“You were decent before, Rinnie. Adorably covered in sugar, but decent.” Sebastian's voice laughed at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. “Oh, now that's mature.”

“Get used to it,” I muttered. “What's hanging, Varric?”

“Well, not much in the paper. But Chantry Boy here says he may have a lead on a job for us.” Varric slapped the paper on his desk. “Javaris will be here soon. It'd be nice to have something on the books for after.”

I plopped in my seat and checked my messages, frowning when I saw I had none. “Good paying?”

“Should be. There's a missing Templar recruit. I heard from the young man's sister that he's been missing for a couple of days. She doesn't have much money but the Order would pay for his return.” Sebastian leaned back in his chair and watched me. I'm sure what he was watching was the various shades of red my face was turning. “What seems to be the problem?”

“A Templar or a Hunter recruit?” I gritted my teeth.

“Hunter. Does that make a difference. It's a missing young man.” Sebastian's response was mild.

I snorted, “Oh sure. Let's have the apostate embroil herself in Chantry business. Sounds like a great way for me to stay under the radar. Are you insane?”

“Now Rin, this could be a good paying job. And what better way to hide than in play sight? Do a good deed for the Chantry and they won't look twice at you.” Varric stood and went to me, “I understand your reticence.”

“Do you? Do you really? Because I'm still recovering from a fucking smite, Varric.” I said mulishly. “How well paying?”

“Well paying enough to shorten the amount of jobs needed. And if I say I suggested you, it'll smooth over any questions. I am still, technically, a Brother in the Chantry.” Sebastian smiled at me.

“Fucking....fuck. Fine! Fine. I'll tap Anders to see if he can come. One good thing is that he's used to being fried in combat. Unlike me. We'd better include everybody. Fuck. Shit. I need another donut.” I put my head down on my desk and stomped my feet on the floor. I felt Varric's hand press between my shoulder blades and I sighed and relaxed. “I'm fine, Varric. I feel fine today.”

“Do you? You look a little tense, Beautiful. Bartrand isn't worth your life. He isn't.” Varric's hand was a warm weight against me and I arched up into the touch. He rubbed gently and sighed, “Maybe it's a bad idea to take the job. I was just figuring...we'd be closer to the expedition.”

“No,” I sat up and looked at him, “No, it's ok. I trust you. You say we can do it and I won't get caught, we can do it. Get us some info, Sebastian. Who's missing, the name of the kid's superior, where was he last seen...that sorta thing. Then let us know. The less we have to go kicking around at the Gallows, the better.” I gave Varric a small smile. “Anders is just going to love this.”

“Isn't he?” Varric said with a laugh.

***

  
Fenris walked into the office a half-hour before our meeting with Javaris. I watched with interest as he took Sebastian's measure. If any of my friends were likely to be bosom buddies, it was these two. Not that Sebastian had started on any anti-mage rants. That I had heard. I just had a feeling that if push came to shove, he'd happily turn me over the Hunters. Or maybe not happily – maybe dutifully. He'd dutifully turn me in to the Hunters and then spend some time praying for my soul and his guilt.

Not that I'm bitter about him hanging around. Because I'm not. Much. Everybody was entitled to their opinions – a stance I reminded myself repeatedly of when Merrill started talking about her wonky mirror obsession or Aveline had an attack of conscious when we were mid-job. Come to think of my buddy Ave, I wondered what she'd think of Chantry boy. She had been married to a Hunter but she wasn't exactly a Chantry-lover herself.

I sat in my chair and watched Sebastian grill Fenris on religion and slavery and being an elf and zoned, my mind worrying over each of my companions until it circled back around to Anders. Then I sat at my desk and mooned for a bit, catching myself when Varric tossed a wad of paper at me and told me my googly eyes were weirding him out – the ass. I was just about to toss the paper back at him – maybe frozen a bit to make it hurt a tad when it hit his big head - when the door to the office opened and Javaris walked in.

“Ah, Messere Tethras and Messere Hawke. So pleased to see you both.” Javaris fairly oozed when he spoke. He definitely had that used car salesman routine down...or the used weapons merchant. Maker save us all of Dwarven salesmen. They would sell you your own mother – and make you damn glad you had taken their “deal.”

“Just Varric and Rinnie. Come in. Please.” Varric stood and motioned to the conference room. “Shall we go sit and discuss this job and how payment works?” That's my boss. It's not the job so much as the method of payment. Half up front. Half when the job was done. And if you screwed us, expect the Carta to be on your ass.

I motioned for Sebastian and Fenris to join us. It would be good for Chantry Boy to see how we operated and Fenris was shrewd. Plus, they rounded us out to four mercs for hire. A respectable showing. Even better as we were varied in skills and appearance. I followed behind them and closed the door, taking a seat next to Varric and offering my “professional smile.”

“So, what can we help you with?” I asked as I leaned forward.

“Well, as you know, the Qunari have been in town for a few weeks. Fascinating people. They have a secret recipe for a weapon called gaatlok. It causes an explosion with no magic. It's some sort of powder! Imagine. A stable, reliable method of causing explosion. This could revolutionize Kirkwall's mining operations. It could solidify our naval presence!” Javaris leaned forward and beamed at us.

I glanced at Varric with confusion, “We have a naval presence?”

“Not that I know of. Ok, so they have this exploding powder stuff. What seems to be the problem?” Varric asked, his eyebrow raised.

“Well, I went and asked their Arishok about the recipe. He had me thrown out! Heathen. I need to gain prestige with them. The easiest way to do that is to kill some of their...what are they...Tal-Vashoth.” Javaris eyes me and smiled a smarmy smiled, “That's where you come in to play.”

“You wish us to hunt the Qunari's outlaws to help you get the secret to gaatlok?” Fenris' voice was filled with skepticism. “Are you sure they will give you the recipe?”

“They would have to! The Arishok said the Tal-Vashoth were causing problems and they needed the gaatlok to fight them. Obviously, if they were taken care of, the Arishok would have little need for their supply and could share. It would be beneficial for everyone involved.” Javaris said enthusiastically.

Fenris snorted slightly, “The Qunari are not known for sharing.”

“And what would an elf know of the Qunari?” Javaris scoffed. “You let him sit in on meetings? What kind of business is this?”

“One run by Varric Tethras of House Tethras. This is one of our most valuable employees. If you don't like it, you can leave.” Varric sat back in his seat. “But from the sound of it, you need us.”

“You know where these Tal-Vasoth are located?” I asked, butting in to the tension.

“Er...the Wounded Coast.” Javaris said, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Fenris, what do you know of them?” I glanced at Fenris and offered him a smile.

His returned smile was small but happy, “Outlaws of the Qun. They like to fight and drink. They hold no laws and answer to no man.”

“Tough in a fight?” I tapped my pencil on the table.

“They are. And they'll have Saarabas with them. Qunari mages.” Fenris glanced at me. “Powerful but only if you underestimate them.”

Sebastian leaned forward, “Heathens from both their own religion and the Chantry?” His voice sounded a little eager. “And apostates to boot.”

I ground my teeth slightly and then pulled on my game face, “We'll head out day after tomorrow. We'll want to bring the whole group. We may not need everybody, but better to be safe than sorry. We'll plan the day to get out there, a day to clear them, then a day to get back. So four days for the job. Half up front plus the hazard kicker due to needing a larger group. The rest when we return. With trophy. No payment if we don't finish the job. You run out on us instead of pay and we put the Carta on your ass. Deal?” I stared holes into Javaris. “We'll take out these renegade Qunari for you.”

Javaris glanced at the four of us and then nodded, “Deal.”

***

  
“He's smarmy,” I said to the room at large after Javaris had left. “He'll try to keep from paying us.”

“I agree,” Varric said with a nod. “I'm going to set up the Carta runner now. Just as a precaution. Would hate to miss out on payment. Good addition to the talk, Fenris. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure,” Fenris said with an inclined head. “How are you today, Rinnie?”

“Better. I can still feel a little residual twinge but the magic is stable. Looks like the rest did it.” I flushed a bit. “How was your date with Izzy?”

It was Fenris' turn to flush, “She is a fascinating woman. It was an enjoyable time. Courting her is a small adventure.”

“That's one way to put it,” I said on a laugh. Sebastian's throat clearing had me glancing at him, “Yep?”

“I apologize for the statement I made about mages,” he said. “It was, perhaps, not the best statement I could have made.”

“Just try to keep the apostate commentary to a minimum. I'm not the only one in the group.” I glanced at Fenris. “You don't have to like us, but you do have to be respectful.”

“I did apologize,” Sebastian said with a smile. “You are quite prickly.”

I gave him a frown and shook my head. “Alright. Javaris is handled. Let's do some research on this Hunter job you say is out there. Maybe we can get a lead on it before we do anything else.”

***

  
I sent Sebastian off to grill people at the Gallows for information on this missing hunter recruit. There was no way I was stepping foot at the Gallows until some sort of trail had been uncovered. I had given Chantry Boy the orders, watched with mild annoyance as he confirmed it with Varric, and then went to find lunch.

Fenris joined me. Which was a mild surprise. I hadn't thought he would want to be with me alone after what happened out on the job. But when I stood and asked if anybody wanted me to bring them back a sandwich he just got up and moved to my side. I didn't question it. We were trying out this friendship deal. Friends had lunch together.

Or so Isabela told me frequently.

I went to the deli down the street. I could have hit up the coffee shop again but I didn't want to risk another kissing episode. Besides, the deli had the best hot sandwiches and this rockin potato salad. I could do with some potato salad – maybe get a carton to take...home...to Anders.

Take home.

Home. To Anders.

My brain started circling around the words as I ordered on auto-pilot, my mouth obviously spitting out a proper food order because nobody gave me the crazy look. Fenris was looking at me with a raised eyebrow though and I gave him a sheepish smile and took the little number-flap-thing to a table and put it on the little hook deal they had near the condiments. Fenris joined me a few moments later and leaned back in his chair, an amused look on his face.

“What had you turning pale so suddenly?” He watched me closely and I flushed. “It was something Anders related, wasn't it?”

“Oh look. You're calling him by his name!” I responded brightly, trying to deflect. It didn't work and Fenris just gave me a look. I sighed. “I was thinking I should buy some potato salad to take home.” I deadpanned the response.

“Alright...”Fenris was obviously confused. “Why would that cause problems?”

“I was thinking of home as in Anders' apartment.” I started tracing patterns on the table. “It sorta...freaks me out when I think about stuff like that.”

Fenris fidgeted with his napkin and then turned serious us to me, “I understand. I, myself, have never had a relationship. All of my experiences were colored by being a slave. Slaves do not fall in love. Slaves do not date. Slaves do not marry.” His hands curled into fists and he closed his eyes. “Perhaps this is why I mangled my attempts with you.”

“To be fair, I’ve never had a normal relationship either,” I said as I scratched at my chin. “Anders is my first actually boyfriend. So…huh. I’m his first real girlfriend. What a bunch of…” I pondered my word choices, “Outcasts.”

Fenris glanced at me, “Does my past bother you?”

“No. Silly. It bothers me that there are mages out there that act like that. Tevinter has no excuse. None. Fucking blood mage morons, all of them. I swear to you, Fenris, if your magister shows up here in Kirkwall I will personally shove a fireball up his ass for you.” My eyes blazed at the thought of anybody coming for my friend. “And I’d freeze his balls off.”

The waitress cleared her throat as she delivered our food and I gave her a sheepish smile. She just shook her head and went to check on another table. Fenris reached across the table and touched my hand, a tentative brush of fingers. “Would you really?”

“In a heartbeat, Fenris.” I said, my face flushing at his touch. “We’re friends. Right?”

He sat back and pondered me, “And friends do this sort of thing?”

That made me stop and ponder, “I don’t know. But I do. If that makes a difference.” I reached for my sandwich and took a big bite, enjoying the roast beef. Swallowing, I waved my sandwich at him, “Haven’t really had friends either. So I take them seriously.”

Fenris had a funny little smile on his face, as if he wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. “Rinnie,” his voice was rough with emotion, “I have also never had a friend. I…am…beyond honored to have your friendship. I wish to apologize, again, for pushing you to date me. For acting inappropriately. I may not trust all mages, but I trust you. And your friendship is dear to me.”

My sandwich dropped to my plate, my eyes tearing up, “Oh quit. Look, now I’m all teary. Shit. If Sabastian sees me like this he’ll try to hug me or something. Fuck.”

“Your language degenerates when you are emotional. iInteresting.” Fenris took a bite of his sandwich, swallowed, and gave me a wide smile, “Tell me. Does Anders make you as flustered?”

My mouth gaped open, “I…I…you…have no…none of your business.” I took a bite of potato salad and made eyes at him.

He chuckled, “Perhaps I should get to know your lover, then. It would be prudent to be friends with him as well. You are prone to blundering into danger during jobs.”

“Keep this up, Fenris, and I’ll tell Izzy. Then you’ll be in trouble.” I waved my fork at him, mildly concerned about Anders and Fenris teaming up about anything.

Fenris just gave me a lazy smile and picked up his sandwich again, “Ah. Well, I do not fear Izzy’s wrath. She is…a joy…to deal with when worked up.”

I, honestly, did not wish to know what he was talking about.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and I am back to writing! I wanted to get a play through of Inquisition done before I returned - and I am now back to it.

There’s a certain level of diplomacy that needs to be utilized when doing any job that involves Chantry types. Especially when it involves the templars or hunters. That’s why I never took jobs for the Chantry. I’m not good at stroking egos or making small talk. I’m more concerned about being locked up for existing – which tends to make my personality a little bit biting. Add to that my oh-so-famous wit…and you have a disaster on your hands.

Which was why I was currently giving Varric the stink-eye. We were standing on the docks awaiting the ferry to the Gallows and watching the sun rise over the horizon. It was early. I was going to the Gallows. I had to talk to people that worked there. It was making me bitchy.

Sebastian had contacted the lost hunter recruit’s sister and gotten his name, Keran, and the name of some of his friends to talk to. They were, all of them, hunter recruits. Which made my entire day so much brighter. He found out that the recruits tended to be in the Gallows courtyard before doing their morning routine.

Why the sister of a recruit knew their schedule so intimately was weird. It pointed to Keran being one of those chatty types. Easy to manipulate. Probably friendly.

“You ok there, Beautiful? You're looking a bit pale.” Varric watched the ferry pull up to the dock, the ferryman tying off before ringing a bell. “You ok to do this?”

I sighed, “I'm fucking fantastic, Varric. See this smile? It clearly says this is the best fucking idea we've ever fucking had. I'm so fucking excited I'm about to jump into the water and swim my ass over to the Gallows. Then I'm going to strip naked, dance around, and turn myself in.” My smile was a tad bit bitter. “Is Chantry boy here? No. Did he talk to these recruits? No. He got the info and dumped it on my lap.”

“Tell me how you really feel, Rin.” Varric said as he shook his head. “It'll be fine. Quick. Get the name of a contact and get out. I could do this by myself.”

“I know. Shit. I'm just scared. Let's just...do this. Then I can go huddle at my desk for a while.” I squared my shoulders and stomped to the ferry. I glanced behind me and Varric shook his head again and followed.

I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to step foot in the Gallows. I was in my usual slacks and tank ensemble. But today I had left my staff in the office. I felt...naked...without it. There was no need to draw attention by carrying it but that didn't make me happier about not having it on my back. If the job went to hell, I'd be defenseless.

Staves were more than just enchanted pieces of wood. They provided physical protection for the mage – we could slam them into people and most had knives of some kind attached for jabbing. But more importantly, it focused our magic. Magic was...wild. Even more so here in Kirkwall. A mage without a staff had to mentally direct their energies. They had to take their spell, allow it to form, and use their own concentration to hold the spell in place. A staff took some of that burden from them. Through the staff, the mage could direct their energies more efficiently. They used less mana. There was less of a chance for backlash.

Which isn't to say I couldn't cast without the stick of doom. I could. I knew how. Dad had been pretty clear about us learning how our magic was formed and shaped. There was no reason to ever be defenseless, he said. No reason we shouldn't be able to throw a fireball without our staves. Bethy had just been learning when he fell ill. I could cast barehanded but...

The last time I had, my magic had gone a little wild. We had been running from Lothering, the Spawn closing all around us. Carver had been trying to keep the bulk from circling around us, Aveline charging into small knots to kill them. Bethy was back with Mom and Aveline's husband, Wesley, trying to keep them safe, and I was trying to place fireballs where they were needed most. A group got away from Carver and one of them hit me – hit me so hard I flew across the ground and dropped my staff. It rolled from me. I watched in horror as the knot of Spawn ran straight for Bethy and my mother. Bethy...she...

Damn it, why did I have to start thinking of this now? On the ferry to the Gallows...my thoughts made the Haze churn and snap. The ogre, Maker-dammit! The ogre came out of the knot of Spawn and Bethy. Oh Bethy...so brave...so...I lost control. My staff nowhere near me and I just...let go. I couldn't funnel my magic safely. But fuck it all, I took that ogre down.

It was the last time I went without my staff. The last time I had seen my sister's face. The last time I had been a girl from Lothering.

Varric was watching me closely, his hand moving to cover one of mine. His grip was soothing. “Thinking about Bethy?”

I closed my eyes and pulled myself together. “She'd be screaming at me for doing this.”

“I'm sorry, Rin. Want to stay on the Ferry? I can..”

“No, Varric. In for a copper, in for a sovereign. I can do this. But you owe me lunch.” I turned my hand in his grip and entwined my fingers with his. “I wish I had my staff.”

“Nobody's touching you today, Beautiful. You have my word on that.” Varric looked at our entwined fingers. “Rinnie...Catherine...”

“Shit...yeah, Varric?” I could feel the tears clogging my throat and tried to not sniffle.

Varric looked sheepish, a rare blush mottling his cheeks, “You're more than a partner, alright? You're family. We get this expedition handled and I promise you, I'll see your family in Hightown. I promise.”

I believed him. Varric Tethras may be a swindler and storyteller, but he was damn loyal, and when he gave a friend a promise, it was solid. For life. “I know, Varric. Let's just get this over with.”

  
***

  
I tapped my chin as the hunter recruit sang for me. I hadn't had to do anything particularly difficult to get him to sing this lovely song of rumors and half-information. I had just had to ask. Who knew hunter recruits were so...chatty? This must be why they had been given an express order to not talk. An order that this young man was clearly ignoring.

He also had one of the worst mustaches I had ever seen. A real monster of a hair caterpillar gracing his upper lip. I was only half-listening to him talk about some templar ritual deal the hunter recruits did to take them from recruit to full on hunter. I was more watching the mustache wriggle and writhe over his upper lip. It was fascinating in some sort of horrible way.

I was deeply glad I had Varric there to actually listen to the kid because I certainly wasn't fully conscious of what all was going on.

Mustache-man was interrupted by a much more...solid...recruit. The young man actually introduced himself – shook my hand – and then informed Paxley, or Mr Mustache-man, that he was obviously lyrium addled. “We really aren't sure what all is going around here, Messere. The Knight-Commander, she's...very dedicated to keeping mages in the Circle. We're all worried. Rumors of a new initiation ritual have been circling and some of us aren't returning from it.” Hugh looked at me with a worried face.

“That's not true,” A woman piped up. She was one of the recruits, and one who had been pretty adamant about not chatting – as much good as it did her since apparently the male hunters were gossip-mongers. “Wilmod returned recently. He left the city yesterday to clear his head. Said he needed time to himself. The Knight-Captain found out just a bit ago and went off on a tear. Said he was going to comb the coast till he found Wilmod. I think what is going on has nothing to do with us. Probably a mage problem – apostates. All of them blood mages, all of them out there to kill us.”

“Right,” I said and hoped nothing else came out of my mouth that would paint me an apostate. “So...the Knight-Captain?”

“Cullen. Knight-Captain Cullen. You'll need to speak to him. If he'll even answer your questions.” The woman eyed me and for a moment I worried that she suspected something. Then she sighed, “Though we could probably use outside help.”

“Thank you all for your time. I'm sure Keran's sister will appreciate knowing his friends were helpful.” I gave the three of them a nod, shot Varric a look, and forced myself to calmly walk back to the Ferry.

Maker's shiny smalls, I needed to get away from this place. The Gallows...and let's not discuss how welcoming a name that truly is...was looming over me. I could see Tranquil hawking potions and enchanted items. Hunters roamed the area, all of them fully armed. The recruits had been in a small alcove – easy to hide in and talk. But we were done talking and now I just needed to get my ass onto the ferry. Quietly. And with no fuss made.

“What do you think?” Varric asked me in a soft voice. “Sounds hinky.”

“Sounds like the recruits have gotten themselves into a mess of their own making. I won't know more till I get more information. Talking to those three was like talking to the local knitting circle – all supposition and gossip. Still...we have a direction now.” I rubbed at the back of my neck and offered a hunter a pleasant smile while my insides screamed to run from him.

Varric took my hand, nodded politely to the Hunter, and pulled me a hair closer to him, “I don't like the idea of talking to this Knight-Captain.”

“You and me both, Varric.” I said as I squeezed his hand. “Let's get back to the office and do a little poking around. Then we'll call everybody in. I think we can work both cases at once. Maybe killing Tal-Vashoth after talking to the Knight-Captain will help me burn off some steam.”

***

  
“Right and I'm sorry we're having this meeting so close to dinner.” I had had everybody called in for the meeting. I wanted to get it over with so we could leave early for the coast tomorrow. I didn't want to miss the Knight-Captain out there. If I did, I'd have to talk to him in his office and just...no. No. I watched the group fidget and then settle, Anders raising his eyebrow at me. I offered him a tiny smile and then waved to Varric.

“Shut up and let her talk.” Varric groused. “We get this done and I'll treat everybody to drinks at the Hanged Man.”

That got everybody to sit down and shut up. “So we have two jobs. And I thought I could give us a day to prep but we have a small window to get one of them done. So we're all heading to the coast tomorrow. Pack for camping and prep for fighting. Job number one is a Chantry job. Stop glaring at me Carver. Stop it. There's a hunter recruit missing. Name's Keran. His sister is desperate. I talked to some recruits today, Carver I am going to smack if you if you don't stop, and they said the Knight-Captain is out looking for a Wilmod – some recruit that went missing and came back. He was headed out to the coast to track him down today. I am betting we can ntercept him tomorrow – no matter how fast the Knight-Captain moves he wouldn't have been able to get out there fast like. Protocol and shit like that. So tomorrow morning we leave bright and early to track down Knight-Captain Cullen or even better – missing recruit Wilmod – and get the info on what all is going on. Yes, Anders?” I winced at the blue swirled in his eyes.

“Why are we helping them?” He leaned back in his chair, all careful control and focused intensity. I had a nasty feeling I was going to have to deal with him tonight.

“Um...because helping them puts me in their good graces and that's leverage I can use.” I gave myself a mental back pat. It sounded so reasonable. As opposed to saying “because I have a problem saying no to Varric.”

Anders tapped his fingers against his chair, his eyes narrowing on my face. I squirmed slightly, squirming more when Fenris joined Anders' in giving me the stink-eye. “Anders is correct. This is an unsafe job for you.”

Oh goodie. Tag-teaming. I squinted at Fenris, “Too late. Already went to the Gallows this morning.” I watched as Anders gripped his seat and Fenris' face tighten. “It was fine. Varric was with me. Nobody even looked twice at me.”

“Boys.” Varric's voice was mild, “The job's been taken. Leave it for now. Go on Rinnie and tell them about part 2.”

“Right. After we deal with the Knight-Captain, we'll be hunting down Tal-Vashoth. That's the real reason why you are all here. The Tal-Vashoth are violently aggressive and we can expect heavy resistance. They could have mages in their employ. Our goal is not to talk to them or bargain. We've been hired to wipe them out. Easy job if we don't all get skewered. How fast we find the Knight-Captain tomorrow will dictate how fast we hit the Tal-Vashoth. So plan for at least two nights out. We'll leave at first light. Any questions?” I looked around the group, praying there weren't any.

“Why can't your Chantry boy talk to the Knight-Captain?” Anders shot Sebastian a vicious look.

“I spoke to the Chantry.” Sebastian said mildly, “I don't have any direct pull in the Gallows beyond what I can get handled through Chantry channels. Rinnie's natural charm is a better bet than my standing in the Chantry.”

“I've got this under control Anders. We'll talk about it later. Alone.” I tried to give him a stern look, failing as my eyes met his. Something in his face had me stiffening my knees. I wanted desperately to drop to mine and beg for forgiveness.

And that shook me. The sudden urge to put my head on his knee and apologize. The sudden pressure in my chest – growing as I watched his anger swirl. I wanted to soothe him, hold him, touch him. My fingers curled, fists pressing against my thighs, and realized that the thought of him being upset hurt me. He watched me with those stormy eyes, tilted his head, and nodded. I blew out a breath.

“Any other problems?” I looked around the room, wincing at Aveline's face.

“I could send the guard out for you. “Aveline was watching the byplay with Anders. “They could find the Knight-Captain.”

“I wouldn't want to involve the guard. What if this is nothing more than a recruit running away? Valuable city resources and all that...” I watched Aveline give me a small smile. “What?”

“How about I send out one patrol. They can meet us at the gate and let us know if they found the Knight-Captain. It'll keep us from having to the comb the hills.” She chuckled, “Let me help you, Rinnie.”

“Oh fine. Fine. Yes Isabela?” I hoped she wasn't going to offer to take me shopping again.

“Man-hands here has a good idea. I can go out with the patrol and scout. I'm sure your guards are good guards but horrible scouts.” Isabela leaned back in her seat. “Let's just say I have an interest in keeping you from the Gallows, Rin.”

My heart melted just a bit at that. I glanced at Fenris and he gave me a brief nod, smiling when Isabela started sputtering at him. “I'm fine with Isabela going out.” He said placidly. “Stop sputtering, woman. I approve of you helping, what more do you want?”

“You APPROVE?” Isabela leapt up and started ranting about controlling elves and who did he think he was. I watched, my mouth slightly agape, as Fenris just stood, took her arm, and gave me another smile. “Hands off, elf.”

“We'll be back, Rinnie. Isabela and I must talk.” He gently turned her and led her from the room.

“I...ok...” I watched, wondering if I should go rescue Isabela. My brain prodded at me, visions of finding the two of them naked dancing around and I figured Izzy was a grown woman. If she had wanted to shake Fenris off, she would have.

“If there's no other interruptions? No? Ok. We'll adjourn to the Hanged Man for ill-advised drinking and possibly Wicked Grace.” I watched the rest of the group jump up and file out, Varric winking at me when Anders stayed back. “Er...Anders...”

“Mm...” His non-committal response was all the warning I got before I was shoved against the wall. “You've been busy today.”

“Ah...it sort of spiraled out of control. Very spiraling. No control....what...” I babbled slightly, flushing when I realized he had me effectively caught. “Anders...anybody could walk in and I don't...”

His lips covered mine, gentle and soft. Any thoughts I had on him being angry drifted away as his lips caressed mine. His arms tugged he closer to his chest and he cradled me there. “Ah sweetheart, I worry for you. I don't like you being near the Gallows. Near these hunters. But I need to trust you. So I will. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.”

“You'll come with me, right?” I clung to him, worried suddenly that he would leave me to deal with the Knight-Captain alone.

He smoothed his hands over my back and pressed his forehead to mine, “Of course. I won't let you go out without me again if I can help it.”

That made me relax. “What do you think Izzy's problem was?”

Anders chuckled, “Lovers games, sweetheart. She's always liked drama, liked to tease. Fenris knows it, too. Just as bad as I am with the control issues. Interesting that he's using my name and being so...polite.”

I squirmed in his arms, “Er...we had lunch together. He seems to think I need a keeper.”

“I wouldn't say you need a keeper so much as just people to...temper you,” Anders said, his voice mild. “And you have that. Me.”

“Er...” I blinked at him and blushed, “I meant...besides you. To help. Shit. He meant it to help...he likes Izzy...hell.” I drooped against Anders who just chuckled. “I am not cute.”

“Yes you are. And I know what he's talking about. I suppose having more eyes on you is a good thing. As long as it's just his eyes.” Anders tilted my chin up and took my mouth again, sighing softly. “Ahh...let's go have a drink with Varric. Then I'm going to take you home, strip you naked, and lick every inch of your skin until you're incoherent with pleasure.”

“Oh well...I mean...alright...what?” I flustered at him and wobbled. “Right. Drinks. Then incoherent babbling and....what?”

“Rinnie, sweetheart. You are a treasure.”


	23. Chapter 23

Isabela had met us at the gates of Kirkwall with welcome news: the Knight-Captain was still on the Wounded Coast and headed towards the missing recruit. The guard and Isabela had located both of them, thank heavens. If we hustled we could catch the Knight-Captain out here and skip office visits and inquiries and all that. Even better, maybe we could find Wilmod first and not talk to the Knight-Captain at all.

I rehearsed my questions as we walked, hoping my staff wasn’t too noticeable on my back since I wasn’t going to enter outlaw territory without it. Anders walked next to me, his hand brushing the back of mine as we made our way up a particularly winding path and into the back country. I wasn’t sure how Izzy had managed to find the recruit. Finding lost objects and people was about fifty-fifty with her. We were still looking for some missing artifact of hers…and it had been several months.

“You doing ok? You look worried, sweetheart. ”Anders finally took my hand in his, his fingers twining with mine. I flushed a bit, especially when Carver whistled, but nodded at Anders.

“We’re off to question a hunter. And not just any hunter, but the Knight-Captain. I’m so delightful it’s scary.” I sighed, “Seriously, I’m scared shitless. But it’ll work out somehow. Right?”

Yes it will. I’m here for you. And if he so much as gestures with one hand, I’ll put him down.” Anders’ eyes glowed blue for a moment. “They will not touch a hair on your head.”

“Now who’s worked up?” I squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

“Sweetheart…you mean so much to me.” He tugged me closer and pulled my hand up so that he could press a kiss to the back of it. “Last night was amazing. I’d like to do it again.”

I full-on blushed at that. He had tied me to the bed with those restraints I had purchased and had licked me from my collarbone to my feet. By the time he had finished with me, I had been incoherent. He got props for living up to his teasing. I had thought for sure my legs would be shot today. The merits of dating a healer – your legs are never shot after crazy sex, you never walk funny, and you never have to worry about bruising. I glanced up at him and noted the ring of blue around his eyes and the intense stare and blushed harder.

He chuckled and moved away slightly, “I apologize for that. It’s so easy to let that part of me take over. I just want you safe.”

“And tied to the bed,”I murmured, grinning when he laughed.

“I’m not arguing against it,” Anders said on a chuckle. “

“Would you two quit, my ears are melting off,” Aveline groused. Anders winked at me and started humming softly, his hand squeezing mine. Aveline just rolled her eyes and walked a little faster ahead of us. I would apologize later – it wasn't often that I made Aveline blush and roll her eyes. Usually she was cursing at me about some fool plan that was against the law. It was a nice change to just annoy her with sickeningly sweet talk – even if I did sort of want to melt into the path at the thought of anybody over-hearing it. Maybe I was getting more comfortable with this whole “relationship” business.

Maybe.

***

  
Two hours after we left Kirkwall proper, we hit the area Izzy had told us about. Winding pathways led to small alcoves in the rocks, each alcove situated on a “step” up the hill. You never knew what would be in the alcove of rocks and brush. Sometimes it was empty, sometimes there were spiders, and sometimes bandits. It was a little bit of a game: turn a corner and pause to see what would jump out at you.

Varric had just bet Carver that the next turn would lead us to another grouping of spiders when I heard the clank of armor and a yell. I held up my hand and motioned to Izzy to sneak forward, reading myself for something awful – like armored bandits or some shit. Izzy snuck around the path, was gone for a minute, and snuck back with two thumbs up. We had found the Knight-Captain. From the sounds of it, the Knight-Captain had found his missing recruit, Wilmod, and was enacting swift punishment via an ass-beating. I inhaled, exhaled, and moved forward purposefully but not too quickly. I didn't want to just leap into a confrontation, but I didn't want to stand around and listen to a fight either.

I motioned at Varric to join me and the rest of the group fell in line behind us, Anders directly behind me with Fenris next to him. I rubbed my hands on my pants and strode forward. We rounded the corner, a large boulder jutting out just enough into the path to make Varric have to slip between Anders and I, and then we were in a large open area. A young man wearing recruit gear was being held up by a tall, blond man in full hunter armor. The hunter shook the recruit, kneed him in the groin, and shoved him away. The recruit fell with a cry, folding in on himself. I wasn't going to say anything – I really wasn't – but then the hunter pulled his sword. Maker's balls, if I didn't say something the recruit could end up dead and our trail would be cold.

“If this is how you treat your recruits, I'd really hate to see how you treat an apostate,” My voice rang in the clearing and I could feel Varric's eyeballs rolling in their sockets. Carver groaned and Anders snorted. Fenris just sighed. “I get that he ran away and all but don't you think skewering is a bit...much?”

The blond hunter swung around to look at me, and I clicked my mouth shut. My mind held up a sign with a number 9 on it. We were rating handsome men now on a sliding scale of Anders to my Uncle Gamlen. Anders was a clear more than 10. Fenris was a 10. This guy rated a 9 with the possibilities of a 10 – provided he wasn’t in hunter gear and glaring at me. “This is Chantry business,” he growled.

I bit back the urge to mock him and swallowed. I closed my eyes and tried counting to see if I could manage something not blatantly anti-Chantry. “The Chantry lets you shank your recruits?” I glanced down at Varric and he gave me a look. I returned it with a “I'm trying here, what more do you want?” look of my own.

The hunter opened his mouth to retort when the recruit gained his feet and started laughing. This was a good old-fashioned cackle of a laugh. I mean, I've heard blood mages cackle and this was pretty crack-pot blood mage-y. If the laugh didn't tip me off to something wonky, the glowing eyes and sudden spike in Haze certainly did. “He's going abomination!” I yelled, yanking my staff off my back.

“Hunter's can't...” the Knight-Captain started in, stopping when the recruit started growing extra arms and backhanded him. Hunters. They think they know everything about everything…until they don't. Then they become demon food. Sadly, with Wilmod currently possessing four arms and bulging eyes, I figured the hunter was our next best chance at some clues for the Keran case. That meant I couldn't let the abomination eat the hunter.

I slammed my staff into the ground and fired off a hefty ice bolt at the abomination. All that did was piss it off. Great. The Haze was thickening and spells were going to become difficult to handle. “Haze is thickening. Watch your magic. Fenris, get up there and punch that thing or fist it or something. Shit. Anders. Back...farther back. Merrill – back with Varric. Carver! Ass to the front. Aveline – move it!” I dodged the abomination's fist and moved over to the hunter, summoning a shield. My team sprung into action with Fenris and Carver rushing the abomination, Aveline right behind them. Sebastian and Varric took up places on either side of it and started firing arrows and bolts at the beast. We looked like we had it contained when it gave a roar and...yes...summoned more demons.

“Split and attack in groups!” I yelled above the battle. I saw a demon barreling towards the hunter and spun my staff in an arc, a spray of ice halting its forward moment. Before I could do more, the hunter leapt forward and smashed his shield into the iced-over demon. I did not make eye-contact with the hunter. It was a frost bomb, sir. Totally was a frost bomb. Something in me jittered at the thought of casting next to the hunter – but that disapeared when a rage demon flared into life.

That's it, I thought. I've had enough of this shit. There was a rage demon, an abomination, two pride demons and...was that a desire demon over in the corner? An entire demon family had shown up, and it was pissing me off. I had a hunter to protect, people chasing demons, demon goo in my hair...enough was enough.

I stepped away from the hunter and whistled. “Back away from the big guy!” I yelled, and threw up my arms. If the hunter wanted to talk about apostates after this, well, I had enough people to shank him for me. The ice storm swirled into the center of the clearing and bore down on the abomination. It hit and the abomination screamed. Fenris took that opportunity to swing his big-ass sword, the edge cleaving into the nearly frozen abomination. It shattered.

After that, it was just mop-up work. The other demons went down quick, I didn’t even have to lift a hand for it. I leaned on my staff and watched Carver and Merrill harass the desire demon. I almost felt bad for the demon...almost.

The sound of harsh breathing behind me had me turning to face the hunter. He was pale – sickly greenish-pale and panting. His knees gave out and he collapsed with a groan. “I knew it. I knew something was wrong.” His voice was rough, strain obvious in his words.

I bit my lip and wavered. On the one hand, this was a hunter. On the other hand, this was the perfect opportunity to put forth some goodwill – which I could use. Plus, he looked seriously spooked – as if facing the abomination and demons was nearly more than he could handle. I sighed. This, I thought viciously, this is why being compassionate sucks ass.

“It’s over with. See…Carver just took the head of that desire demon. Are you ok?” I rolled my eyes up to the sky and then laid a hand on the hunter’s arm.

“I’m…I’m sorry. Yes. This is very unprofessional of me.” He closed his eyes, obviously trying to gather himself. “I’m Knight-Captain Cullen. That was my recruit, Wilmod.”

I pondered the melting puddling that used to be Wilmod and winced a bit, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I wasn’t going to really hurt him. I was just trying to scare him into telling me where he had been. He went missing for a few days. That happens sometimes – recruits don’t think they can handle the rigors of training. He did return but then he ran off again – a clear sign that something was the matter. When I tracked him down…it was just suspicious. Obviously more than just training.” The Knight-Captain blinked, obviously surprised that he had told me so much. “Ah…who are you?”

I squirmed under his gaze. I saw his eyes take in my staff and then move to the puddle that used to be Wilmod. Obviously he was putting two and two together and coming up with “apostate.” I waited for him to say something, but he just returned his gaze to me and lifted his eyebrow.

“Er…Catherine Hawke, please call me Rinnie. Not Catherine. Nobody does…call me Catherine that is. They use Rinnie. Or Rin…or Hawke…”my voice gave out and I gave him a weak smile.

He stood, sheathed his sword, and moved to me, offering me his hand. A trick or just manners? I worried over shaking his hand and then realized I was taking too long and grabbed his hand in a tight grip. I heard Anders growl a bit behind me and Carver groan. My smile went from weak to grimace. The Knight-Captain glanced over my shoulder at the group, gave me a look, shook my hand…and released it. I swallowed and tried to not rub my hand on my pants.

“I appreciate your help, Rinnie. May I ask why you are out here?” He tilted his head and I felt caught.

“Ahh…looking for you and Wilmod. We were hired by a recruit’s sister – Keran’s sister. Keran is missing and she’s deeply worried. I was hoping to get more information…see if anybody knew anything.” I bit my lip and shook my head. “Ah, I work for Tethras Detective Agency. That’s my boss over there, Varric Tethras.”

Varric moved up to stand next to me, nodding to the Knight-Captain. The Knight-Captain nodded back and watched me. “You’re here to…ask about Keran then. I’m afraid I don’t know much. That was one of the things I wanted to talk to Wilmod about. I do know that they…ah…ahem. Frequented the Rose.” He coughed at that, his cheeks pinking. “I tried to speak to the, erm…you know. The ladies. But they refused to talk to me.”

“I could speak to them. If they won’t speak to me, maybe they’ll speak to one of my companions. One of us can get answers from the prostitutes. Right Carver?” I shot a look over my shoulder at my brother and he gave me the finger. “Well anyway, I can speak to them.”

Those tawny eyes of his were on me again and I flushed. “Hmm…I could use the help. May I speak to you in private for a minute?” He glanced at Varric and then at the rest of the group. I could feel Anders behind me stiffening. If Anders lost it, well…we’d be short a Knight-Captain.

“Ah….sure. I mean yes…Ser?” I nodded at Varric and then looked back at Anders. I shook my head and smiled slightly, Anders frowning but nodding back at me.

Varric looked at me, “I’ll be right over there, beautiful. He lays a finger on you and Bianca will be talking with him.” Varric patted his crossbow and gave the Knight-Captain a very meaningful look before walking to Anders.

“Protective of you,” the Knight-Captain murmured. “Thank you for saving my life. If you can find Keran…well…find Keran and we’ll just pretend this entire incident was some horrific maleficarum-caused incident. Wilmod got involved with a blood mage and that was that.”

I pondered the Knight-Captain, “Find Keran and this just what…never happened?”

“The official report will show that I found Wilmod already dead – torn apart by demons. No mention of you or your group or your…unorthodox methods of dealing with this. In return, you find Keran” The Knight-Captain’s lips twitched, “Maybe assist with a few other minor jobs. All well-paying, all Chantry-approved. Nothing that would, ah, put you in a difficult spot.”

“Why? Why help me?” I glared at him. “How do I know I can trust you?”

That made him smile, “You saved my life. I am returning the favor. As for the trust, don’t make me regret this one moment of charity. I am not unreasonable.”

I squinted at him, “I’m taken.”

“I’m flattered that you would think you needed to tell me that.” His lips quirked up higher and he nodded. “If we understand each other, I will head back to Kirkwall. Keep me posted, Rinnie. I expect a full report on what you find.” He nodded to Varric and turned, slowly walking up the path.

I stood there for a moment, wobbled, exhaled, and slipped to the ground. My legs just gave out under me. I had dodged it…dodged the Gallows once again. The Knight-Captain knew and had just…let me go. I didn’t know how to feel, how to respond. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up to see Anders there. “I’m fine.”

“What did he want?” His voice was gentle. “You’re still here.”

“He wants me to find Keran. He said that he wants me to find Keran and he might have some more work for me. Nothing involving apostates, all paying jobs, all Chantry-approved.” I shook my head. “He said I saved his life and he was returning the favor.”

Anders was quiet for a moment, “I knew him. Back in Ferelden. He survived the Circle being taken over by abominations. It’s possible that you saving him from this made him more likely to want to help you.” He slid his hand over my hair and then bent over and gathered me to him. “I don’t like it but there’s nothing we can do now. I may…” He sighed. “I may not let you go back to your Uncle’s.”

“I don’t want to deal it right now.” I clung to him. “Don’t…don’t leave me alone. Ok? This scared me.”

“I won’t.” Anders looked at the group, “She’s fine. The Knight-Captain just wants her help.”

“Is he going to come back?” Carver’s face was a mask of worry. “Do we need to leave?”

“No. A one-time pass for saving his life. No follow-up, no hunter meeting later. We do this job and we’re even. He might even have more work for us. I’d like you to come with me to solidify that, Varric. You are the boss.” I watched Carver relax a bit. I wasn’t sure what had him worried more: me being found out or the thought of us moving again. Neither made me happy.

“We’ll get it nice and tight, beautiful. Don’t you worry. Now, I think we should find a space to camp and relax a bit. None of us are up for chasing down Tal-Vashoth right now.” Varric’s voice was calm. It calmed me.

I knew that taking a Chantry job would put me in the crosshairs of the hunters. I just hadn’t expected it to happen quite like that. I sighed and rubbed my cheek against Anders’ chest and glanced at the group. They were all watching me and I felt warmth blossom in my chest. “No need for a break, Varric. We’re kick-ass. We just took out an abomination, a bunch of demons, and gained the Knight-Captain’s favor. I say we go find the Tal-Vashoth and get them taken care of.”

Varric shook his head and laughed, “Alright. We’re following your lead. You heard the lady, gather up your shit. We’ve got big horned guys to chase down.”

I smiled a bit as everybody started joking, gathering up gear and making ready to head out. It felt good knowing that I had friends. Real friends. People who stood behind me. Anders squeezed me against him for a moment and then slowly put me down. I glanced up at his face and warmed further. I had friends…good ones…and a man who was obviously falling in love with me. I smoothed a hand over Anders’ cheek and then grabbed my staff. “First person who takes down a Tal-Vashoth doesn’t have to sit guard tonight.”

That really got everybody up and moving.


	24. Chapter 24

I stood in the middle of a large cavern and kicked at a pile of what appeared to be spare armor. The Tal-Vashoth had populated a small mountain pass that had led to this here lovely cave. The cave had been filled with yet more Tal-Vashoth and…you guessed it…spiders. Big ones. How the Tal-Vashoth managed to live with the spiders was beyond me. Maybe they had some strange cave agreement where the spiders got first dibs on all idiots that blundered into their hideout.

We had fought our way up the mountain pass, taking on close to two-dozen Tal-Vashoth warrior types and one really obnoxious saarabas – the Qunari…Tal-Vashoth…horned-men’s name for a mage. That fucker may have been weighed down with a giant metal collar, chains, and had their lips sewn shut but they had still zotted Carver twice before we could take the bastard down. Anders had done it. Bless his healer hide, he hit the saarabas with a lightning bolt in the collar. That had made the mage dance a slightly different tune…haha…dance…lightning.

I am funny, Maker-Dammit!

I took a few moments to look at the saarabas and wonder if this was inflicted on them by their Tal-Vashoth brethren or if this was a Qunari custom. A quick question to Fenris gave me my answer – Qunari custom. It was barbaric and even though the idiot had been fighting us – and got what he deserved for lighting Carver up twice – I still felt bad for him. This was proof that there were worse things than death for a mage. Qunari customs and tranquility.

Which left us to clean out the cave, tunnels and all, and left me standing in a cavern full of Tal-Vashoth bits, spider legs, and piles of loot. These guys had apparently set up quite a little sting operations and had taken down several very-well laden merchant caravans. Seeing as how some merchant groups ran giant caravans filled with goods that would be expensive to ship by rail, it stood to reason that their caravans would be marked as “easy prey.” And while they all had guards, the guards would not have been up for dealing with that saarabas.

So we gathered up what we could, earmarked the rest, and decided to let Aveline let the merchants, whose names we had found thanks to shipping manifests, know that their shit was sitting in a corpse-strewn cavern. Come and get it, bring spider repellant.

It had been good work. There had been some injuries but nothing life-threatening. Carver had been hit by two separate lightning attacks and then bitten by a spider, Varric had been spider-hugged until I got it off of him, Aveline and been hit by a rock thrown by a Tal-Vashoth, and Fenris had taken a nasty looking slice to the leg. Anders had treated everybody but Fenris, who was backing away from the healer with a decidedly unhappy look.

“No, I will be fine. I do not require healing,” Fenris was nearly bleating at Anders. Isabela was standing behind Fenris and making eyes at Anders – a face that clearly said “ignore the elf and heal him already.”

Anders was speaking in a soothing tone of voice, “That’s a very serious wound, Fenris. I can see bone. It will fester and you could end up needing extensive healing or even an amputation. If I heal your leg, you’ll be able to walk out of here with no problems.”

“I do not wish to deal with your foul magics!” Fenris finally yelled, his voice rising in a panic. “Stay away from me!”

Anders threw his hands up in the air, “There is nothing foul about my magic, elf! Stop being so hard-headed and let me help you!”

“You mages…” was all Fenris got to say before I marched over there.

“Fenris.” I nabbed his attention and nodded at Isabela. Isabela nodded back and took herself off someplace else – probably to loot a caravan’s treasure. Whatever, I didn’t want her to see me nag Fenris. “Stop, Fenris.”

“Rin. I…I will be fine with a bandage. Maybe a healing potion. I just…cannot. Magic and I…” He gripped my hand and turned wild eyes on face. “The brands. They hurt when magic is cast near me.”

“Let me see your leg.” I gently pushed him down on a rock and lifted the injured limb. The cut was deep – long and oozing blood sluggishly. I could, indeed, see bone. It probably wasn’t hurting because the nerves had been severed but given time, and Fenris’ adrenalin level dropping, the leg would become unbearable. I sighed softly, “Fenris, this is really bad. If we were in town, I’d force you to at least get this stitched. You'd be off work for Maker knows how long.” I glanced at him. “If Anders heals it, you’ll be back to work tomorrow after rest.”

Fenris rocked gently, his hands twisting. “Rinnie…I…magic…”

“I’ll hold your hand. I won’t leave you. See, hold my hand. You can grip it as tightly as you need to. Anders will be fast, right Anders? And then it’ll be done.” I took Fenris’ hand and winced at the grip. “We aren’t magisters. We aren’t here to torture you. A healing spell or two and it’ll be done. I swear it. No prodding, no torture, no nothing. It’s really bad Fenris. Really bad.”

His eyes were so wide they were nearly white, but he nodded and inhaled, closing his eyes tightly. I glanced at Anders and smiled slightly, noting his brief grimace before he let his hands glide lightly down Fenris’ leg. Anders’ hands glowed a deep, healing blue and as he slid his hands down, the skin on Fenris’ leg knit back together. Fenris let out a whimper and then sagged against me, his face turning to press into my shoulder. He shook, fear making his hand grip mine convulsively. I hummed a soft tune and smoothed his hair back, my heart hurting at his obvious distress.

Ten minutes later and Anders was done. He stood and wobbled, the healing having been hard. Fenris opened his eyes and looked at his leg and then up at Anders’ face. Anders’ skin was pale, his cheeks fever-red and eyes bright from latent magic. Fenris opened his mouth and Anders’ shook his head, “You’ll need rest tonight and food. It’ll be sore. Tomorrow, your skin will feel tender and the muscles might feel weak. Let me know if you have problems with it bearing your weight. Otherwise, it should be fine by tomorrow night.”

Fenris’ lips moved and for a moment, nothing came out. Then quietly, so quietly it was nearly non-existent, he said “thank you.” Just thank you. His head dropped and he sagged, sweat dotting his brow. I motioned to Isabela and stood, gently patting his shoulder. Isabela rushed over, gathering Fenris against her and murmuring softly. I nodded, patted Fenris’ shoulder again, and took Anders’ hand – pulling him away.

“Thanks, Anders,”I murmured.

“He’s so afraid of us. It’s…it’s hard to understand. Even bleeding and in pain, he’d rather suffer than let me heal him.” Anders’ looked sad, his hands shaking as he rubbed at his face. “I just don’t…understand it.”

“He was a slave in Tevinter. Those markings are from his supposed master.” I shook my head and then looked at Anders, “Are you ok?”

“Mmm?” he glanced down at me and for a moment, his eyes were hazy and unseeing, then he shook his head, “Yeah. Tired. That wore me out. How are you, sweetheart? Other than covered in spider ichor and blood?”

“Oh, you know, just ducky. Any job that ends with all of us still standing is a good job. Of course, we still have to get paid but – if Javaris stiffs us we have all this lovely merchandise to return – except for the things Izzy pilfered. She’ll take anything not nailed down.”

“It scared me – seeing the Knight-Captain talking to you. I’m glad we went ahead and did this job. I needed the violence to clear my head.” Anders wrapped me in his arms and cradled me against his chest.

“What does it say about us that it takes slaughtering a cave full of horned men and spiders to feel better?” I looked up at him, a smile twitching my lips. “Seriously. Most people go eat a piece of cake or head to the gym or…I don’t know…fish…”

Anders blinked and then threw his head back and laughed, “I don’t think we’re like most people, love. Not at all. Think there’s a stream nearby? Think we can go skinny dipping together?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Andraste’s knickers…you are always horny.” I grumbled. “Seriously. We’re covered in blood here and you want to see me naked.”

“Mm…I always want you naked, sweetheart. Naked, wet, and begging for me to satisfy you.” He tugged me up and whispered into my ear, “I think you’d look lovely on your hands and knees in the grass with that lovely ass of yours reddened from my hand and your pussy wet and ready for me but…I suppose that’s too much to ask for.”

My mouth worked as I tried to form a coherent sentence, finally managing to squeak out a “what?” at him. He chuckled and put me down, patting my ass gently. I blinked up at him and pointed, my fingers shaking slightly, “You…you…YOU!” I stomped my foot and stalked away.

I couldn’t think of a good comeback and I was left listening to him laugh as I went to find Varric and see if we were ready to go make camp.

***

  
Naked hijinks in the grass and surrounding countryside notwithstanding, we were all much too tired to get up to anything more exciting than stumbling to camp and eating some food. We weren't about to camp in the creepy cave, nor on the path leading up to the cavern of spider-death, so we all had to tromp back down the mountain to find a decent site.

I lagged back to watch Fenris, his face pinched as he walked next to Izzy. It worried me, the way I had nagged him into being healed. Up until now, all of our jobs had resulted in nothing worse than a few minor scrapes and bruises for him. It hurt my heart to force the healing onto him but it would hurt me worse if I didn't. If I had given in to his fear and not had him healed, he could have died out here from infection and...

It hit me. I absolutely adored the prickly elf. I was there on the precipice of romantic love with Anders, slowly tilting over the edge and into the abyss with him. And if that wasn't scary enough, apparently I had decided Fenris was damn near family now. I guess kissing can bring two people together...or maybe the knowledge that neither one of us had ever had true friends before. But it was scary all the same.

I looked at the group surrounding me and felt my innards warm. I loved them all – even my moronic brother. This was family, I thought. A really weird and blood-thirsty family but family all the same. It hadn't taken long for me to latch on to each person and I gripped Anders' hand tightly when I realized I would happily throw myself in front of a dragon for any of them. Even Sebastian. And while that had me wanting to smack my head on a rock, it made me giddy as well.

Anders glanced down at me and pulled me a hair closer, his look pensive and then gentling, “It's always a real punch to the gut to realize how much you love your friends, isn't it?”

“What?” I glanced up at him, startled.

“I had that same look on my face when I was first made a Warden. I was out on a job with the Commander, this really cranky archer named Nathaniel, and a dwarf named Oghren who could drink this entire group under the table. We had been traveling to Amaranthine, routine patrol type stuff. Look for Spawn, kill the Spawn, nothing spectacular. We were sitting at camp just shooting the breeze, you know – telling stupid stories and poking at each other – when it hit me that I really loved them. All of them.” Anders gave me a wry smile. “I mean, I had expected to love the Commander. She had saved my ass from the Hunters. She was this tiny little red-haired elf. She looked so sweet until she punched you and pulled out her knives. Maker help me, that woman could fight. I had expected to love her – not romantically, you understand. She was...ah...” He chuckled.

“I heard the King had an elven mistress,” I said thoughtfully. “Was that her?”

“I wasn't going to poke that story. I had seen how the King looked at her, and I had watched her take down a handful of spawn with just two daggers and her anger. I didn't ask, but I didn't need to. I trusted her. Implicitly. And...she...” He rubbed his face. “That woman...always watching us, her recruits, and making sure we were ok. She's the one who gave me Pounce. Said I could use a friend. And she gave me this coat.” Anders patted his coat and grinned.

“I've been meaning to ask you about that monstrosity. What's with the feathers?” I prodded at said feathers and shot him an amused look. “You look like an angry pigeon.”

Anders rolled his eyes and then chuckled, “So when I joined the Wardens, I was in this Tevinter robe get-up. Feathers on the shoulders, all these buckles...showed off my chest. Sexy little number. I was, ah...haha. I was entertaining in a brothel at the time and the robes fit. Pre-Justice, back when I was young and stupid and crazy. Brothels were good places to hide. I could make a little coin doing something fun and I got free room for healing the other workers. Anyway, great robes but terrible for Spawn hunting. The Deep Roads can be drafty and cold in some parts. And exposed skin is a no-no. So the Commander shows up one day to my room to tell me we're going spelunking for Spawn. Oh goodie, right?” Anders started laughing. “And she tells me my woo-woo dress is great and all but perhaps I'd like to cover up for this job.”

I snorted and then giggled. “Your woo-woo dress?”

Anders was trying to reign in his laughter, “She told me with a straight face that I was causing certain wardens to be unable to work due to my...ahem...mode of dress. Not my fault I was a good looking man.” He winked at me and it was my turn to roll my eyes. “She pulled out this coat – this very coat – and Andraste help me, she had had the tailor put feathers on the shoulders to mimic the woo-woo dress. I've been wearing it ever since.”

I eyed his coat and the small patches and stitches that dotted it – obvious repairs made after battles. It was apparent that he loved the coat, cherished it in fact. “A gift from somebody who loved you.”

Anders sobered, “The first to give me something with no strings. Just...a gift to keep me safe, to protect me, because she cared. She cared about all of us. It's enchanted to help my magic – like a robe – but it's safer in combat and...and...” He closed his eyes, “Justice remembers her too. Eavan Tabris, the Hero of Ferelden. You'd think she'd be this imposing figure, a real hard-ass. She was a friend and I loved her as family. I loved them all.”

“Was it scary?” I lifted his hand to press a kiss to his fingers. “I think it's scary.”

“Scarier than a room full of ogres. Scarier than talking spawn. I knew they trusted me. ME! A runaway mage, a Circle fuck-up. I gave them everything and in return they protected me.” He wiped his other hand over his face. “She got called away – some job the big-wigs in Weisshaupt needed done. They sent a new Commander and he, void take me...he hated mages. Recruited a bunch of hunters into the ranks. And that's when it all went sour. Justice and I...we had already decided to join and when we did...well...”

I squeezed his hand, “You don't need to tell me.”

“No, I do. We joined and the hunters declared us an abomination and attacked. One of them stabbed me in the chest and Justice took over. When I came to...Maker...the blood was everywhere. I had decimated six hunters and had left nothing but bloody smears and bone shards. We ran. Came here to hide...to...do the work that we need to do.” He turned his head and looked away for a moment. “To free mages so that they can live as everybody else. It's not rhetoric, Cat. I'm an active participant. You should know that. I...haven't been honest but I am being now. I want you to love me...I see you with these people and my heart hurts. You're a missing link in my life, but I'll end up hurting you. What I'm doing – it could change the face of Thedas. That type of work it only leads to one ending...I knew that going in. Justice and I, we joined together to fix it, what the Chantry does. Being with me...it's not fair to you. For me to make you fall in love with me and then...I'd understand if you...you should think about it...about what I just told you.”

I watched him quietly, his words thrumming through my mind. This man with the gentle hands and sexy smiles had taken down six hunters alone. And he was working to free mages...actively moving against the Chantry. It would get him killed. It would start a war. Loving him meant loving all that and my mind cycled through where it could lead me. I glanced back around the group – these people who had become family to me – and knew it was too late.

“I don't need to. You're worth the risk, Anders. Just like they are. I never did want the safe and easy in life. What would I do with it? Set it on fire, probably. Besides, with the way I'm going it'll be a miracle if I don't get chucked into the Gallows due to a job. We both have our, ah, challenging jobs. Screwing with the Chantry is just a side-benefit.” I smiled up at him, my eyebrows waggling.

Anders looked at me and smiled slowly, “Ah...well then. You are, always, such a surprise to me. So giving. So wonderfully loving and open. I do not deserve you. I don't.” His eyes shimmered with tears and he shook his head, working to get past the obvious emotions bubbling up. I couldn't blame him, I was pretty shell-shocked myself. “So, how much farther do you think? I could really use a bath and some dinner. And some cuddling. Top of the list after the bath – a good cuddle.” He swung our hands and smiled, working to move us back onto a lighter footing. He started whistling a jaunty tune – but his hand was tight around mine.

My heart pounded as we walked, knowledge filtering through me. If I hadn't plunged over that cliff before, it was pretty apparent I was falling over it now. Maker help me but I loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eavan Tabris is my canon Warden and the one I use for all my stories. I'd write about a different Warden but I know she's find and shank me in my sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Morning saw us packing up camp and readying ourselves for the short hike back to Kirkwall. Fenris' leg was, as predicted by Anders, sore but fine to walk on. He had excused himself from camp before breakfast, finding a bit of clear space nearby for his morning exercises. I perched on a rock and watched him. Part of that was from worry and part because it was fascinating. He flowed from one pose to the next, his sword always a controlled partner in his deadly dance. Each spin, each lunge, each thrust was precise and steady. He never wobbled or winced, just took a moment after his routine to stretch his leg.

“How is it this morning?” I asked, watching his head pop up in surprise. I guess he hadn't realized he had an audience.

He gave me a shy smile and ducked his head, “Tender and sore but sturdy. Like I bruised the muscle or need to work out a kink. Anders was...he was correct in his assessment.” He clenched his hands into fists, his body shaking a moment and then relaxed. “I apologize for the childish display yesterday. It was unworthy of me to fear aid given after a battle from a companion.”

I hopped off my rock and approached him slowly, “Fenris, there's nothing to apologize for.”

“My response was yet more proof that you were correct about me. I am unable to handle magic. If I had pursued you for a romantic attachment, I would have forced you to close off part of yourself.” Fenris' face was a mask of self-loathing. “This hate I carry. This rage. It poisons me. It makes connecting difficult. I wish...”

“It's understandable.” I sighed softly, “I figured you'd be pissed at me.” My smile was wry, “I almost ordered you to allow the healing. I was that worried for you.”

“No. I am not angry with you. Angry with myself, perhaps. I hope my reaction did not make Anders too upset.” He looked chagrined now, “Not that I trust him overly much. He is possessed. Still, his only concern was my health and I can...” He laughed, a rusty sound that matched his nearly pained smile, “You are a remarkable woman, Rinnie. Only for you would I allow a possessed mage to heal me, to even cast magic near me.”

“Pft,” I waved my hands, a blush starting to form, “More like an unholy nag.”

“A delight.” His grin was sweet – which made me blush harder, “A true friend.”

I ducked my head, unsure of how to respond. Blasted emotional scenes. They made me antsy and fidgety. Was this the appropriate time to pour out my heart? Should I wait till we were back in Kirkwall? Did declaring to your friend that you thought of him as family constitute a breach in relationship etiquette if done before declaring love to your boyfriend? Did this require a gift? I waffled back and forth, chewing my lip as I worried.

The brush of metal under my chin had me glancing up and into Fenris' eyes. They were very close, very large, and filled with understanding. For a moment we stood there, both of us swaying, lost in our own emotionally stunted worlds of worry and angst, and then I snorted in amusement. “Some hard-asses we are.”

His face lit up, his lips curling into a wicked grin, “A delightful display of emotional maturity,” he added before giving a chuff of laughter.

I gave in and leaned against his chest and into a hug. He huffed softly and patted at my back. “You're family, Fenris. I won't let anybody harm you. Alright?”

“I don't remember family, Rinnie. But knowing I can rely on you is a boon from the heavens.” Fenris whispered, his voice thick. He cleared his throat and patted my back again.

“Mm...hey Fenris?” I squirmed slightly and pulled back. “I gotta say, your armor? While it is very impressive, it's very pokey. Just saying...”

He chuckled and released me, looked up at me from beneath his hair, “Well. I suppose I'll show up to work without it on occasion. Should the need to hug you strike. Don't tell Varric. He'll just...”

“Maker, write a flamboyant story and share it at the tavern.” I made eyes at Fenris. “Did you know Izzy writes friend fics?”

Fenris nabbed his sword and motioned to me to walk with him back to camp, “Is that what she scribbles on so diligently? I do not...ah...Rinnie. Slaves are not taught to read.”

“Want to learn? Not that I recommend her stories. Lurid is a good word for them.” I grabbed his hand, careful of his gauntlets. “I bet I can get my hands on some primers.”

“I would enjoy that. If you think I can learn it. I am rather old.” He squeezed my hand, tugging me over the rise separating where he was training and the camp.

I chuckled, “Fenris, you're never too old to learn.”

***

  
On the way back to camp we, and by “we” I meant the entire group, discussed the need to go to the whore house. Brothel. Place. Maker-dammit. Anyway, we discussed it. What started out as a reasonable discussion of when to go turned into a blush-inducing chat between Isabela and Anders with Sebastian alternating between telling mind-boggling stories and trying to melt into the pathway.

I walked next to Fenris and tried to block my ears. Isabela was telling a particularly juicy tale involving Anders, her, and two elves in Denerim. The descriptions were...vivid. Anders was laughing softly under his breath, the picture of calm assurance. I glanced over at Fenris, “This is what all of her friend fics are like.”

“Did Anders and Isabela sleep together?” Fenris was eyeing the two of them with some interest. I opened my mouth and closed it again. “From the way they speak, it was some time ago.”

I gathered my thoughts, “Er, yes. When he was younger and before he was a Warden. He's sworn to me that he has no designs on her. So you don't need to, you know, yank his heart out.”

The smile he gave me was filled with amusement, “Rinnie dear, I would never yank his heart out for sleeping with Isabela. A lot of people have slept with Isabela. He hurts you, however, and his demon companion will find himself homeless.”

Anders glanced back at the two of us and arched his eyebrow at me. I gave a weak laugh and waved, “Thank you? I think? For that...um....yes. Thank you...you sound more like my brother than Carver back there.”

“I have a thought about the brothel.” Fenris continued, giving Anders a small smile before turning his attention back to me. “Stop fretting, I'm not going to attack your lover. Attend Rinnie. Isabela and Anders seem to know their way around a brothel. I am very good at looking menacing. Take the three of us with you.”

“And me,” a voice piped up at my side. I looked over to see Varric next to me, a big shit-eating grin on his face. “Why does Broody here want to yank Blondie's heart out?”

“He...doesn't. Yes. At all. But why the four...I mean five of us?” I glanced at Fenris.

“Well, the four of us would appear to be two couples out for an evening of debauchery. Varric can meet us there, a friend who happens to be in the brothel. He can follow us to...whomever we must talk to.” Fenris nodded at Varric. “Provide us a look-out.”

I coughed a bit, “You want me to propose to Anders that we go to a brothel with you and Isabela to play at having a foursome?” My insides twisted in worry. “I guess...”

“We would need to find you suitable clothing. I am sure Isabela already owns clothes to wear for such an event.” Fenris was now openly smiling at me. Varric chuckled at my elbow.

“Oh hell no...hell and no. To the Void No.” I was shaking my head vehemently. “I'll wear my normal clothing.”

“Don't worry Rinnie, I'll take you shopping.” Isabela turned and grinned. “It's a fantastic idea, love. Fantastic.”

“I'll handle the shopping, Izzy. My girlfriend after all.” Anders turned and shot me a devilish smile. “I think I know just the outfit too.”

“Don't I get a say in any of this?” I whimpered at the three of them. At their head-shakes I gave a loud grumble. “Fine, but when I lose my shit and set the brothel on fire you'll only have yourself to blame.”

“You'll look so sexy while doing it too,” Isabela said with a wink before turning back around and grabbing Anders' arm. She leaned in to him and started whispering.

“I am going to regret this,” I mumbled at Fenris. His gentle pat to my shoulder did not make me feel better.

***

  
I had begged off of shopping with Anders in favor of the office. Isabela had simply laughed at me and said “we know what size you wear, the clothing will be at home waiting for you.”

There was that home word being thrown around again – as if I had permanently moved in with Anders. Not even his gentle kiss was enough to break me out of the worry-cycle I was currently on. Brain spinning like a top, I followed Fenris, Varric, and Sebastian back to the office. Where we contacted Javaris for our payment.

And we were told we’d have to meet him at the Qunari compound to get it. And oh, by the way, could we come now?

The urge to set the dwarf on fire was growing pretty steadily. I had a job for a hunter that involved me…Maker help me…wearing special clothing to a brothel and now I had to go talk to the Qunari about payment? Could this day get any worse? No…scratch that entire question.

With nothing better to do, and a deep desire to get paid, I informed Varric that we’d go over right then and deal with this. I mean, how hard could it be? We’d talk to a Qunari with Javaris, get our money, and I’d have time to go see if I could talk Anders into letting me wear my normal pants.

They, the Qunari, had been the victims of one of the giant storms that plague the Wounded Coast. Their ship had ended up mired on some rocks, and they had marched into Kirkwall and pretty much demanded aid. The Viscount, in a bid for diplomatic peace, had given them a block of dockside warehouses that formed a broad courtyard. The Qunari had promptly put up gates and posted sentries – making it feel like we'd just gained the first ever Qunari Embassy, complete with envoy. And while the Haze was thick in large chunks of the Docks, it hung thin and lazy over the Qunari compound. I wasn't sure why that was – a mystery for another time.

Sadly, my original question of “could this day get any worse” was answered with a resounding yes when we reached the Qunari compound and discovered that we weren’t talking to some nameless stooge to get paid. Oh no. No no. Nothing so simple. Haha…we had to talk to the Arishok.

Silly Rinnie. And you didn’t wear your really NICE tank top today.

So…much like one of Varric’s ever beloved stories…there we were in the Qunari compound: me, Varric, Fenris, and Sebastian. The four of us were standing next to the dwarf I was beginning to wish I had let the spiders eat, Javaris, waiting on the Arishok. I was casting murderous looks at the dwarf and gripping my staff a little tighter than absolutely necessary. Varric was trying to not laugh at the look of terror on Javaris’ face.

Into this tension strode the biggest damn Qunari I’d ever seen. And I had been up close and personal with some of their Tal-Vashoth yesterday. Big buggers. Very large. This guy was even bigger and with bigger horns. And painted red. He strode in like he owned the joint – which he didn’t but I wasn’t going to point that out to him – and took a seat on what looked like some mutant cross between a throne and a park bench.

“Ah. The dwarf has returned.” Maker, his voice was something else. I gaped at the Arishok, mildly unnerved to find his voice so damn attractive. The Arishok was leaning forward, arms resting on his knees, his eyes squarely on Javaris. “We still do not wish to discuss the gaatlok.”

Javaris had just opened his mouth to say something that would probably get us all killed when Fenris stepped forward, opened his mouth, and spouted something in a foreign language at the Arishok. This caused the Arishok to turn his gaze to Fenris and by default, us.

“The Qun from an Elf…” the Arishok’s face was the epitome of surprise. “Why are you here?”

Fenris glanced at me, and I cleared my throat. Varric was the boss! Varric! I He should be doing the talking, not me. I inhaled, hoped I wouldn’t babble, and stepped forward, “Javaris hired us to handle the Tal-Vashoth plaguing the merchant lanes outside of the city. I am happy to report that the rather large group was taken care of and several caravans of items recovered.” I gave the Arishok what I hoped was a professional smile.

“You were hired.” The statement had a vaguely “why am I not surprised” tone to it. “I do not understand how that involves me.” The Arishok leaned back and took my measure. “However, if what you say is true then I have more cause to do business with you than the dwarf.”

“Yes. Yes, I hired them to take care of your Tal-Vashoth issue. Now that I have shown my resourcefulness, I am ready to conclude our deal for the gaatlok.” Javaris stepped forward and tried to take control of the situation.

“We had no deal.” The Arishok refused to look at Javaris, his eyes on me. I swallowed slightly, recognizing the subtle challenge in the Arishok’s words. Maker on a cracker, what to do? I gave Fenris a slightly panicked glance.

“We humbly apologize, Arishok. If Javaris had no deal with you, then we were out of line in taking out the Tal-Vashoth.” Fenris inclined his head and gestured at the dwarf, “He has offered insult to both you and us. We could eliminate him for you, if you wish.”

Wait. What? Was Fenris offering to kill the dwarf for the Arishok. I turned my eyes to the now-blustering dwarf and thought about it. I mean, it did look like we would be left high and dry on this deal, and Fenris had been injured. And I did get wrangled into talking to the Arishok. “Mm. Seems like a fair deal. If you wish it, of course.” I added with a wry grin.

“He is not worth the efforts from one such as yourself.” The Arishok waved his hand in dismissal at Javaris. “Be gone. We have no desire to do dealings with one such as you.”

Javaris puffed up and turned, glaring up at me. “Fine. Heathens. And you! You’re fired!” He stomped once before stalking off, mumbling under his breath. I glanced down at Varric who winked at me. Right. Carta. Poor Javaris.

“And you. You all must leave as well. I have no need for mercenaries.” The Arishok said, his hand doing that waving thing again.

“Well then. Lovely to meet you and all that.” I gave Varric a look when he rolled his eyes. “You heard the big man. We’re leaving. Now.”

Fenris snorted softly and let out a low chuckle. Sebastian just let out a wheezing breath of relief and started mumbling a prayer. I looked down at Varric and whispered, “What a waste of time.”

“Not at all,” Varric said as he walked with me from the compound. “Those merchant goods we found will bring a hefty finder’s fee. We’ve made more money killing the Tal-Vashoth and returning the goods than if we had simply gotten paid by Javaris. Plus, we met the Arishok. A win in my book.”

“If you say so, Varric. And now…I guess I should head home. I have a brothel to get ready for.” I grimaced. “Quit grinning. We’ll see you there. A little after dark?”

“You all get there first. I’ll join you. Can’t wait to see what you’ll be wearing.” Varric said, his eyebrows waggling suggestively.

“I’m going to murder you. Slowly. And with much lightning.” I muttered. Varric just laughed and patted my back.


	26. Chapter 26

Anders was with a patient when I got back…home. Maker take me I was using the word regularly now. I waved at Anna and stomped back to the apartment, my brain pulling out the word “home” and setting it on fire. My brain cells were doing a little dance around the merry fire in my mind when I spied the bag on the bed. The fire went out, the brain cells stopped celebrating, and my lungs backed up.

WHEE! Lack of oxygen made the room spin for a moment and I had to remind myself to inhale lest Anders find me passed out on the floor. I could see how that conversation would go. “I was mentally incinerating the word “home” when I saw the store bag and passed out from sheer terror.” I’m pretty sure there would be laughter, hugs, and his face doing that tender look thing he could do that made my innards turn mushy. Maker’s breath, better to just open the bag and get it over with.

Muttering to myself about how a hard-ass merc like me could handle whatever was in that bag, I pulled out some tissue paper…why do they wrap EVERYTHING in tissue paper…and unfolded a long tunic and some leggings. I held up the tunic, my head tilting, and blinked in surprise. It was black and made of some kind of nubby silk and was a little sheer. It would cover everything but also leave tempting glimpses and hints of curves and skin. The leggings were also black, and tight, and leather…and looked like my ass-kicking pants had decided to get sexy. I wondered how the hell I would get myself into them.

I was holding the pants up to my legs when the apartment door opened and Anders walked in. I turned to look at him and was hit with a sexy smile and twinkling eyes. “Why hello there, love. Fancy seeing you home so early.”

ARGH! That word! The fire re-lit and the brain cells started back up with their fevered dancing as I stabbed the entire idea to death. I may have snarled a tiny bit. His laugh had me huffing in annoyance. “What?”

“It’s just so adorable. Anybody says the word Home in reference to my apartment and you look constipated.” Anders pulled the leggings out of my hands and threw them on the bed. “Mm…this is home whether you like or not. Your commitment issues won’t change the fact that you have clothing here and you voluntarily keep returning.”

“I…you…we’re not discussing this.” I said in a snotty tone of voice.

“Fine. We won’t discuss it. Right now. How was Javaris? Did you get paid?” He moved back to the door and put his staff away, his eyes still dancing in amusement.

“Javaris is a shit and if I ever see him again I’m going to set his ass on fire.” I groused, picking up what looked like kitten-heeled sandals that matched the rest of the outfit. Maker, he had me going in all black. But at least I’d be covered. And chances were good I could run in the shoes – or break my ankle…

Anders had started laughing and I turned to see him shaking his head, “What did he do to earn your ire?”

“Made me talk to the Arishok for one. And then “fired us” when the Arishok refused to give him the gaatlok recipe. Varric told me the merchandise we rescued would more than make up for the loss of payment but still. I had to talk to the Arishok – and that was one big man.” I placed the shoes back on the ground and sighed. “All around, a shitty afternoon. So I’m glad I’m…here…with you…” I was careful to avoid the word “home.”

Anders hummed and tugged me to him. His hands trapped me against his body as he started nuzzling under my chin. I tilted my head back before I could think about it and he sank his teeth into the skin just under my chin. The zap of pain/pleasure had me stiffening. “I’m glad you’re here too. We should talk about tonight. But first...undress for me, Cat,” he whispered against my neck.

I had my shirt off before I could blink. My face registered shock at how fast I had obeyed him, hesitation making me look up into Anders’ face. The naked lust I saw in his eyes had my entire skin going hot and I dropped my shirt and shimmied out of my trousers, leaving me in just my smalls and breast band. “All of it,” his voice was so damn quiet, a whisper of command. If he had ordered me in his normal tone of voice I probably would have balked but that whisper did something to me. Combined with the blue now swirling through his eyes I felt compelled to unclasp my breast band and let it fall to the floor, my smalls following.

I swallowed as he walked around me, his gaze on my body. “Maker, you are so beautiful. I’m worried about taking you to the brothel tonight, though I admit that part of me is very…aroused…at the idea of such a public venue. I know you don’t like to play in public so I thought we should discuss how tonight will go.” he kept his voice quiet and I felt my breasts tighten as arousal started pulsing up my body. Andraste’s tits, his voice did things to me. He stopped in front of me again and smiled slightly when he saw my tightened nipples. “The outfit would look better if you didn’t wear underclothing. Can you handle that?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it. My brain held up a picture of the tunic. Without a breast band I’d be giving a bit of a peep show when the light hit just right. The leggings would be tight and…oh Maker. “Ahh…”

“Can you handle public displays of affection, Cat?” He had moved back behind me again, his head tilted down so he could talk right into my ear. “Kissing?” He pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

“Er…I think so…” I babbled at him.

“How about touching?” He let his fingers graze the outside of my breast before running the back of his hand over my nipple. “Fondling?” He cupped my breast and squeezed before dragging his fingers down my torso to tease over the top of my mound.

“I don’t…” I pressed against his hand and whimpered softly.

“We need to set the boundaries now. Do you want to sit next to me and we enjoy the sights or do you want me to play with you…tease you… in public. Isabela will be there and so will Fenris. Can you handle them seeing you like this?” His fingers slid between my thighs and settled there, a warm weight against my wetness.

“What?” I fell back on the one word I knew I could manage when he touched me. I wiggled my hips but he refused to move his fingers. What was the right response to get him to continue? Did I want to be at his mercy at a brothel? In front of my friends? “What is Isabela doing?”

That made him laugh a little, his fingers tapping against my skin but not touching more. “She’s bought a very racy outfit, and she’s assured me that she plans on putting on a show with Fenris. You’re worried.”

“Why can’t we just talk to the front desk help?” I rocked my hips and his other hand slid down to grip my hip and hold me steady. “Why all the subterfuge?”

“Because we’re asking about Hunter recruits at a brothel and the front won’t want to anger the Order. The Order expects privacy. They are Chantry agents using whores…how do you think that would look to the faithful?” His voice was filled with scorn. “Oh, people know they go to the brothel. I’ve treated enough of the workers to know that. But they pay for privacy. The brothel owners won’t risk angering such a large client base. But if we’re there having fun, if we order some drinks and look the part, we can drop some names…say we know some hunter recruits who recommended a worker. And could they look them up we just forgot the name?” His fingers rubbed lightly over my skin again and I inhaled, hoping he’d slide one finger between my lips, but he stilled again and squeezed lightly. “I just want to know now how far you will be comfortable in going. I can sit and admire you, though I admit that my protective instincts might take over if you look too uncomfortable.”

“Anders…” I swallowed slightly and closed my eyes, “I trust you.”

“Mm…we’ll take it slow then.” He moved his hand and I let out a little noise of unhappiness. He chuckled softly at that. “But before we get you all made up…” he gripped my hips in both hands and bit my shoulder. “First I think I want to hear you scream my name in pleasure.”

“You’re a terrible tease. Horrible.” My grousing turned to wordless whimpers when he cupped both of my breasts and pinched at my nipples, tugging them until the whimpers grew louder and I was arching my back.

“On the bed with you, Cat.” He released my nipples and patted my bum, pushing me towards the bed. I glanced back at him as I moved my outfit off the bed, watching him pull off his clothing. “On the bed, love.”

I had just gotten settled when he joined me, sliding over and into me in one thrust. No warning, no further touching, just one smooth thrust and he was filling me and I was inhaling sharply at the quick, bright burst of friction and then pleasure. He settled between my thighs and drew me into a kiss. Two kisses. Ten…I lost count as his lips moved over mine and his hips moved with exaggerated slowness until I thought I was going to expire from the teasing friction, the rub of his body, the taste of his mouth.

When he settled back on his heels and pressed his thumb against my clit and rotated it, I didn’t even have to hear the command to orgasm, my body lit up and I screamed his name. He watched me writhe on the bed, my hips heaving, my hands scrabbling at the sheets as the pleasure spiked. My scream at the sudden burst turned into wordless gasping, my eyes wide and nearly unseeing. He groaned my name in response, his hips twitching as he came in me, words spilling from his mouth – incomprehensible at first.

I became aware of a quiet litany of “I love you” being murmured against my neck as he held me. Words that I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear yet – emotions brought to the surface by our orgasms. There was a brief moment when I felt fear shiver over me, but it was quickly followed by acceptance and I held him tightly and after a moment’s hesitation whispered the words back to him.

“I love you.”

Emotions that I hadn’t thought I’d find rose unbidden - a connection I had never expected, a need to be with somebody for a reason other than making money or survival. Acceptance and safety and shelter all wrapped up in a man who healed the poorest of the poor, who flashed sexy smiles and tender looks, a man who seemed incapable of being pushed away by my own insecurities…a man who I had not been looking for but who found me anyway. A man possessed by a spirit of Justice but also of a big heart that had been hurt more than I could imagine. I said the words back to him and he stilled.

“Do you mean it?” His voice was, for once, hesitant. Scared even. “Or is it just the high from the orgasm?”

“I mean it.” I exhaled shakily. “I do.”

He held my gaze for a moment before touching my cheek. “My Cat.” He chuckled softly. “I never thought I’d find love again. I know I shouldn’t encourage it but…”

“But.” I watched him closely.

“I’ll be dammed if I’m going to let you walk out of my life, Cat. I’m yours. For now, tomorrow…however long we have.” He closed his eyes for a moment and it felt like more than just words. It was a promise. A promise that made me warm and my heart thunder. When he opened his eyes again, he gave me a smile, “And that’s all I’ll say for now. Before you decide to pick this to death.”

That made me laugh a bit. “I’m still going to, you know. Pick every little word to death.”

“Mm, well. You can do that later. How about a shower? And then we get dressed to go out. I’m serious. Say the word Stop and I will. Say Slow and I’ll slow down. Good?” he kissed my nose.

“Yeah. I trust you, Anders.” I shook my head. “To be honest, the outfit is better than I was expecting. I thought you’d have me in tiny shorts or a tight dress.”

“This is a better choice because you can move and cast in it. Just in case.” Anders rolled off the bed and held out his hand to me. “Isabela wanted to put you in this bandage dress deal. I couldn’t even figure out how it went on. I thought you’d prefer the tunic and leggings.”

“Well you thought right.” I let him pull me up. “Alright…I guess I’m ready to clean up and head out. I hope Fenris doesn’t mind seeing my tits.”

“Cat, my love, I think I can safely say that all the men in Kirkwall will thank me for having you wear that tunic.” Anders laughed at my face as he pushed me into the bathroom. Maker, how many people was I going to have to set on fire after tonight?

***

  
For all of my time spent haunting the seedier sections of this fine city, I’d never stepped foot inside of the Blooming Rose. Carver had – until he had met Merrill. And Uncle Gamlen liked to spend part of our monthly budget here on booze and the cheaper girls. But I had never thought about coming here. I guess I had always figured if I wanted sex I’d find some merc to do a one-night stand. Why pay for it?

It was a classier establishment than I had been expecting.

I suppose tv had played a part in my preconceived notions. I had expected garish colors and the haze of smoke, women in racy underthings and smarmy men feeling them up in public. It wasn’t like that at all. Everything was tasteful, subtle, and understated. There were round tables near the bar for patrons to watch the help, but nobody grabbed or fondled them. The waiters…and I had not expected waiters for some reason…and waitresses wore snug-fitting smalls and nothing else. The last tidbits of my naivety and innocence waved good-bye as I watched an incredibly handsome elf press a soft kiss to the back of a handsome man’s hand and lead him away. I guess I had not put two and four together and gotten “the brothel is for everyone” idea. I had just assumed it would women servicing men. Somehow, it made me a little less nervous to know there was a mixed clientele – like I wouldn’t be taken as a worker simply because I was female.

My wide-eyed looks were making Isabela titter just a bit and Anders loom a bit more. I had forgotten for a moment that my entire chest was on display for the room, too distracted by the already bare breasts and hints of male erections. Anders’ hand sliding down my back woke me up to the fact that we were posed in the doorway and should probably sit down. Especially since I was garnering attention.

“Breathe love. You look like you’re about to pass out.” Anders’ voice ghosted to me over the din of noise and I exhaled softly. “Follow Izzy and Fenris, there you go.” He patted my bum…and I pretended like I didn’t notice…and I followed my friends to a booth situated against the wall.

The seat was a graceful half-moon and turned to face the bar area. Fenris slid in first and Izzy followed, ending up more on his lap than the seat. She was wearing a tunic…a wine-red tunic…and some black leather boots…and a big smile. The tunic brushed the top of her thighs. The boots almost met the hem of the tunic. Her breasts were barely restrained by a single button. I was afraid that if she took a deep breath the entire outfit would explode and her tits would knock me out.

And if I had gawked at Izzy, I had tripped when I saw Fenris. Dressed in black, the man had found some leather pants that fit snuggly…as in I was still trying to decide how he had gotten himself into them. In typical Fenris fashion, he had topped it with a t-shirt. Tucked in. Walking to the brothel had been torturous because he had walked in front with Izzy. I hadn’t known where to put my eyes. Izzy’s tunic fluttered every time she took a step, allowing me to get to know her better than I had the last several months. Fenris’ ass was a gift from the Maker and watching it stroll down the street had done things to my lower anatomy.

Anders was currently doing things to my lower anatomy as well. He had pulled out some very nice black slacks. And a button down shirt in a pale, pale blue. Classy…so very classy and he smelled good and my fingers itched to touch him. His hair was loose and it brushed over the collar of his shirt in ways that were distracting – even more distracting than watching Fenris sit down in those pants. Dear Maker I was going to expire just being near these three.

Anders slid into the booth and smiled at me, his eyes sparkling with good humor. I inhaled and slid into the booth and then squeaked when he pulled me onto his lap. I gazed up at the ceiling as the blush slid up my body, burning hotter when Izzy leaned over the table and exposed more of her cleavage. “Rin…I didn’t realize your tits were so glorious.”

And my night was made. My brain threw up its hands and scuttled away to hide. My skin felt so hot I was afraid I was going to combust. I bit my lip and tried to think of something to say…something witty…pithy…funny.

“Thanks.” My head drooped forward and I heard Fenris chuckle. I went ahead and let myself lean forward enough to thump my forehead to the table. Anders’ hand smoothed over my back and I grumbled about absurd outfits and obnoxious friends.

“I believe what Isabela was trying to say in that charming manner of hers is that you are ravishing this evening. Anders is a very lucky man.” Fenris’ voice slid across the table smoothly.

My responding “urk” was covered up by Anders’ chuckle. “She is lovely in this, yes. Sit up, Cat.” Blasted man let the order just drip from him without thought and like some wound-up automaton I sat up and straightened my back. I caught Izzy’s eyes as she widened them. I narrowed mine back at her and squirmed. “And sit still.”

“Rinnie, are you ok?” Izzy dropped the teasing. I could see the questions lurking in her eyes and she sobered for a moment. “You look petrified.”

“I’m fine.” I gritted out. “I’m in a top that exposes my breasts to the masses and dear MAKER there are a lot of naked tits in this room.” That last statement was said with resignation. “The things I do for money.”

Anders hands slid up my arms to knead at my shoulders. “What did I tell you before we left home.” I mumbled a little at his word usage. “Cat, love. What did I tell you?”

“To say if I was uncomfortable,” I said on a sigh. “I guess I just need a distraction from all this.” I waved my hand at the near naked servers and people appraising them.

Anders hummed and pulled me firmly back against his chest. “Right.” For a moment I feared he was going to start fondling – which would have been distracting but with Fenris and Izzy starting to neck I worried it would turn into a four person orgy – but he just waved at a server and then held me tightly against him. “I love you” he breathed into my ear a moment before the server appeared.

I honestly don’t know what he ordered or what I drank. His words reverberated through my head, knocked about my heart, and then spread warmth through my body. I looked at him with wide eyes and felt his fingers touch my cheek, slide down the skin and away – a wiping motion.

“You’re crying.” He explained, his finger smoothing over my other cheek. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” I whispered, finally feeling the tears. I closed my eyes and concentrated and blinked them back open, “I’m happy.”

The answering smile on Anders’ face was beautiful. Beautiful enough for more tears to spill down my cheeks. I was sitting in a brothel, nearly naked people all around me, and all I could see was this man’s smile and hear his words. Kirkwall could have gone up in flames and at that moment, I would not have cared.


	27. Chapter 27

We had been there for about a half-hour when Varric made his presence known to us. He had been pretty sneaky about the entire deal, taking a seat at one of the round tables and making a show of perusing the few dwarven ladies that worked the floor. I was curled up on Anders’ lap, snuggled tightly against his chest as I watched Varric chat up one of the workers. She had phenomenal breasts and more rippling muscles than I was used to on a woman – well, besides Aveline. Varric was doing a great impression of a lascivious client, leaning back against his seat and sprawling nonchalantly while toying with a snifter of what may have been whiskey. Maker, I hoped he didn’t go upstairs for a quick session. I didn’t want to spend the rest of night imagining my boss naked.

Finally, he turned his head casually and saw us, his smile turning bright. He said something to the lady, something that made her laugh, and then stood and sauntered to us. The worker watched him walk away, regret on her face, and I suddenly felt sorry that I had hoped nothing would happen. It was evident that they didn’t usually get well-spoken male dwarves in this place.

They probably got dwarves like Bartrand. Maker, what a downer of a thought.

“Fancy seeing you four here,” Varric was leaning against the table, his eyes sliding over us. He waggled his eyebrows at me. “Rinnie, your tits look better and better every time I see them. It really is too bad you aren’t a dwarf.”

“What? Wouldn't you prefer me more muscled and lusciously curved?” the words popped from my mouth unbidden. Shit, I sounded jealous. And now he knew I had been watching him chat up that female dwarf.

Varric raised an eyebrow and let his gaze linger over my chest, “Trust me, Rin. You ever get tired of Blondie here, you wouldn’t have to do much to convince me to try a human.” He let his eyes heat a bit and I tried to slide under the table from sheer mortification.

“Sorry to spoil your prurient fantasies, Varric, but I won’t be letting her go any time soon.” Anders tightened his grip on my arms and bent his head to nip at my ear. “She’s all mine.”

“I believe Rinnie is about to expire from embarrassment. Perhaps we could drag ourselves back on track and discuss how best to discover who has been luring away hunter recruits?” Fenris raised an eyebrow at Anders and Varric. I offered him a grateful smile and he winked at me. “I believe the attention makes her uncomfortable. Isabela, however, would enjoy being fawned over.”

Isabela pinched the tip of one of Fenris' ears and then winked at Varric, leaning forward and arching her eyebrow, “Hey Varric.”

“Andraste's girdle, don't bend over like that.” Varric said, eyes wide. “How are those things staying in that poor excuse of a dress?”

“Magic,” Isabela said on a laugh. “Let me get the information for you guys. I have...ways...”

I watched her shimmy off of Fenris' lap, make a big to-do about hugging Varric, and then saunter over to a server. Varric slid into the booth next to Fenris and we all watched her pose and gesture, her every move flirty and fun. The server, a well-proportioned female elf, winked and sashayed awat. Isabela turned and grinned at us before following the server.

“Ten silver says the person working the front swallows their tongue,” Varric said, leaning back against the padded booth.

“No way I'm betting against you, Varric. Nobody is. We all know better.” I said as I shook my head, scooting off of Anders' lap. Anders smiled down at me and brushed his hand over my hair. “What?”

“Just admiring you, love. Are you having fun?” His hand lingered on the back of my neck and he squeezed gently.

“Eh...actually...it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting.” I sounded surprised. “The drinks are decent and nobody has grabbed at me.”

“This place is Coterie run.” Varric said as he rubbed a hand over his chin, “They went all out on this place.”

“Hmm,” I pondered that. The Coterie owned a number of businesses in Kirkwall – mostly money-lending joints, bars, and brothels. I wasn't surprised that they owned the Rose, I was just surprised that it was a classy establishment.

My thoughts were interrupted when Izzy sauntered back to the table, a rather prim woman following behind her. “Hey guys, this is Viveka. She helps run the books up at the front.” The woman nodded and eyed us. “She has questions.”

“Mainly why you are asking for who the hunter recruits like to visit.” Viveka crossed her arms over her chest and flipped her hair. “We are paid a lot of coin to keep that kind of information private. The recruits and hunters do visit us. There is no denying that. However, it would be...unseemly...for us to pass on information about them. They are very generous customers.”

“I'm a friend of Keran's and he had mentioned having so much fun here. I was hoping to visit with the same person he did. He spoke so highly of her. But I forgot her name.” I scrunched up my nose, trying for friendly.

“Ah, Keran, yes. One of our regulars. Well, if he is a friend of your's...” Viveka looked thoughtful for a moment, “Look, just don't let on that I was the one who told you, alright? He likes to see Idunna, “The Exotic Wonder From The East.” She's so full of herself because quite a few of the recruits ask for her.” Viveka rolled her eyes slightly and pursed her lips.

“The exotic wonder from the east?” I blinked at Viveka, disbelief filling my face. “Are you serious?”

“Look sweetie, stage names are just stage names. She's free right now if you want talk to her. She hasn't ever entertained a group but she may still be interested. She's in room 205. Just knock.” Viveka glanced back over the table, caught Anders' eye, winked, and sashayed away.

“Well...”I rubbed a hand over my mouth and glanced at my friends. “Thoughts?”

“I bet she's Idunna from the East Side of Darktown,” Varric muttered.

Isabela snorted. “I say we go see what she has to say.”

***

  
Room 205 turned out to be one of the rooms in the back of the establishment. That was good news for us, just in case we had to create a ruckus louder than what was currently going on in room 203. We all shared a look at the loud, theatrical moans coming from the next door room.

“It sounds like a bad porno up here,” I kept my face neutral but still blushed when the woman let out a high pitched noise that sounded less like a noise of passion and more like very angry porcine squealing. “Let’s just get this over with before I ended up vomiting.”

Isabela was laughing so hard she was crying, her laughter a wheezing cough as she tried to breathe. “Did that sound like pig noises? That sounded like pig noises.” Fenris gave her a look and she quieted down to snickers and coughs, muttering about how this must be the cheap rooms.

Anders knocked at 205 and leaned up against the doorjamb, a wry grin on his face. The door opened a moment later and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, “Are you Idunna, Exotic Wonder from the East?”

“Hello handsome. What brings you to my door?” A sultry voice with a distinctive Ferelden accent floated out to the hall. “Come in so we can get acquainted better.”

Anders gestured to me and I slipped through the open door, a tight smile on my face. “Hiya. Hope you like groups.”

Idunna stepped back as we all slipped into her room, Varric closing the door and standing in front of it. “What’s this then?” She was small, smaller than I had been expecting, and wearing a sheer robe that showed off ripe breasts and a smooth, lithe body. Her long black hair trailed down her back, swishing as she moved into the room to give us space. Deep blue eyes took us in, calculating and hard, the eyes of a woman who had seen everything to offer in life and clearly didn’t put up with bullshit anymore.

“Just a few questions, no worry. Answer them, get some money, we leave.” I eyed her room, noting the spacious bed covered in purple and blue blankets and plush rug in front of the fireplace.

“Questions are boring, love. Why not come over here so we can really get to know each other.” Idunna tilted her head and licked her lips, her eyes taking in first me and then Anders. “Why not both of you? Do your friends like to watch? We can manage that.” She moved back to the bed and sat down, patting the mattress next to her. “I won’t bite. Unless you ask me to, of course.”

Maker’s breath. I shot Anders a look and sighed. “Keran. Tell us about him. When you last saw him, if he said anything about taking off…that sort of thing.”

“Now how do you know I was the one who saw this Keran last? Hmm?” Idunna’s gaze captured mine and I felt the room tilt. The air grew warm, heavy, cloying with the overripe smell of flowers and underneath that blood. It coated the back of my throat, clogged my nose, and made it hard to breath, hard to think. My world narrowed down to those blue eyes of hers, to the sound of her voice. “Who told you, love?”

The words were forced from me, expelled on a held breath, “Viveka.” My voice sounded weak, my whole body felt weak. Perspiration gathered around my hair line and slid down my face. I could see forming around Idunna a cloud of Haze, thick and dark, viscous. It curled around her body, caressing her skin through her clothes. She arched slightly at the touch of power, her breasts tightening, her legs falling apart slightly to let the malignant cloud slide between them. She inhaled and a thin ribbon of Haze was swallowed on a breath. There, beneath one breast, was a tiny cut. A single drop of blood hung and then slid down her pale skin. My heart clambered in my chest.

I realized she had been talking while I was zoned out, her voice sharp like tiny razors. “That bitch. I’ll flay her alive. No, I’ll twist her and send her to them. Yes. Another vessel. Or perhaps just meat for the offering.” Idunna stood, her pretty features twisted into something nearly demonic, “And you…must do one other thing for me love.” She held a knife in one hand, tiny smears of her blood on the tip, took my hand and wrapped my fingers around the hilt.

“Slice that pretty throat of yours for me. You know you want to do anything I say.” The Haze pulsed at her words, pushed at me.

I shook. I tried to break free, to exert my will over my body, but I couldn’t. The haze thickened more, a flavor on the air now – sulphur and rot combining with the blood. My hand inched up, my body shaking harder as I fought the compulsion. Idunna’s will leaned on me, twisting and snaking into my mind. I closed my eyes, felt the blade slide whisper quiet over my throat, and thought about Anders and his hands and the taste of tea on his breath, the sight of my mother, my goals, my sister dead to that ogre…Carver reaching for something he didn’t fully understand…green eyes set in dusky skin lit up by lines of power…teasing laughter, a hand in mine…

“You…will… stop this NOW!” I exhaled as my power butt up against Idunna’s , her compulsion breaking against the raw onslaught of my magic. My body lit with pale blue flames, the fire licking over my skin and burning away her taint. “Maleficar.” I spat the word, watching as my friends all shook off her spell.

“Oh…shit…” Idunna breathed out as she backed away, slipping and falling to her knees. “Shit. Don’t…don’t kill me.”

“Where?” I growled, the knife pointing at her. “Where are they keeping him?”

“There’s a tunnel that leads to rooms in Darktown. It’s…it’s trapped. Magical traps. Tarohne has set wards against prying eyes. She keeps them there. I just…ensnare them, send them to her. She’s the one to stop. Please.” Idunna raised tear-filled eyes to me. “Let me go.”

“What was that spell?” I shook, my body slowly regaining feeling.

“Desire and blood magic mixed. Tarohne taught me how. We’re just fighting back. You’re a mage, you should understand. They should bow to us. All should bow to US. Tevinter…” Idunna was pressing forward now, her face filled with fervent light.

I heard Fenris growl, a low sound, and stepped out of his way. “I understand nothing that you say, blood mage. You are weak. You are wrong. And now, you will be dead.” I turned away, the light from Fenris’ tattoos lighting up the room. For a moment there was shrieking and then nothing but the sound of Fenris breathing hard.

“She was wrong,” I whispered. “What she did was wrong. And anybody who agrees with that kind of logic deserves death.”

“I agree with you,” Anders said, his hands pulling me to him. “Andraste’s flames, I couldn’t stop her. But you did. She almost…I almost lost you.”

I let him hug me and then I stepped back. Isabela was rubbing Fenris’ back, murmuring to him. He was shaking, his head hanging low. “Magic…” his voice broke.

I moved to him, but didn’t touch him. “Fenris. You have to know we don’t think like that.”

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes anguished. “Are you alright?”

“Not even a scratch,” I lifted my chin so he could see my neck. “Are you?”

“Promise me this isn’t what you want. Promise me that you will never…that I will never have to…” He staggered and then reached for me. “To feel that again, the taint of blood magic sliding over my brands. It was…” He clutched me to him and I held him tightly.

“Want to go clean out an underground sewer full of blood mages? I’ll let you yank out all their hearts and dance on them,” I glanced over at Anders and he gave me a sorrow-filled look. “It’ll be fun. I’ll set them on fire and you can chase them down with your sword…”

He laughed, a hoarse sound, and squeezed me once before letting me go, “You always think of the best gifts. I would like that, yes.”

“And we can bring Anders in case one of us gets set on fire?” I asked, a smile overtaking my face.

Fenris glanced back at Anders and nodded, “He…may come too. You have made me soft, Rinnie.”

“Naw, you’re still all prickly.” I smiled at him, a full smile, and then sighed. “Shall we go get our gear and kick ass tonight? I’m afraid if we leave Keran there he’ll just…get demon-filled. Like a donut filled with jelly…oh…ew.” I made a face.

“Let’s do it,” Varric said. “I gotta say, when I see Chantry Boy next I’m going to smack him. This job had better bring in good money or else. This is way more danger than I had anticipated.”

“Told you Chantry jobs suck ass,” I said as nodded at him to open the door, “But nooo…nobody listens to Rinnie.”

“Oh yeah? And how did that job for Javaris turn out, hmm? And the Bone Pit?” Varric as ask I headed out of the room. “Because those were such fabulous jobs.”

“I’m sorry, who got us two do two Chantry jobs? The first one I got Smote. The second one I almost got my throat slit.” I poked Varric’s arm as we moved down the hall.

“I’d say neither of you should pick jobs. Rinnie should just stay home, naked, and in bed,” Anders voice came from behind me.

“I…you…no…” I glanced back with horrified eyes. “You don’t…it’s not…home…what? WHAT?”

Well, that distracted me from thoughts about sewers filled with blood mages, demons, and potentially possessed hunter recruits.


	28. Chapter 28

“Is there some reason why blood mages prefer to exist in sewage filled holes?” I grumbled as I slid on a disgustingly squishy patch of ground. We were in a side tunnel in Darktown. There had been a grate to climb down and then a small platform and then...an ick-filled tunnel. It was gloomy, it stank, and the ground made squelching noises when I stepped.

The group didn't have an answer for me – which didn't surprise me much.

We were moving ahead slowly, Isabela scouting a little further down. She hadn't popped back to talk to us yet, so I was assuming we were pretty safe. Other than the sewage and slime and smells. I was going to have to burn these clothes after we finished up here. No amount of scrubbing could ever get the smells out.

We had just reached a junction when Izzy popped back to us. “Lights ahead. No sounds just quiet and dripping water. I think we've hit the trapped section.”

My nose scrunched up, “Alright, Fenris will lead with you. I'll stand back with Anders and Varric. I'm betting magical traps which probably means demons or shades or shamblers or if we're lucky, giant man-eating spiders.” The group, as one, groaned. “We can retreat back to here if we get overrun – it'll make the baddies have to funnel down to meet us.” The group nodded.

Fenris and Izzy slowly moved forward, their eyes straining in the gloom. I waited for a five count and then moved up, flanked by Anders and Varric. We hit the open room just in time for Fenris' foot to brush over a tile that sat a hair higher than the ones around it. The tile lit up, the Haze snapped to attention, and then shades appeared. Well, it was nice that I had been correct on what to expect.

Shades are exactly as they sound – manifestations of power that resemble a person the same way your shadow resembles you. They aren't particularly dangerous, though in large quantities they can drain your life from you. They're energy fiends, attracted to the never-ending electric pulse put out by the living. Killing them generally involves disrupting their corporeal structure – another words, you cut them into tiny pieces and they stopped moving. Fenris and Izzy were making excellent progress in that department.

Before too long, the shades were gone and the room was back to just being eerily gloomy and squishy. We moved ahead together, our eyes peering into the shadows for the next ambush. Each room after that held demons or shades and in one instance, abominations. We slogged through each room, cutting down everything in our path. I had to hand it to this Tarohne character, they knew how to set up proper wards and traps.

There wasn't a single shit-covered room that didn't also hold some sort of demonic monstrosity.

About an half-hour into the tunnel crawl, we reached the end of the line. A clean door was set in a recessed alcove, a lamp quietly burning next to it. I guess the coven figured if you reached that far into their little hide-out then you probably were meant to be there. So why hide the entrance to the super-secret blood-mage cave? I nodded at Fenris, and he slowly pushed the door open. We all tensed up and then relaxed when the door quietly revealed a nearly-empty room.

Nearly empty because floating in a miasma of blood magic and Haze was our hunter recruit. He was naked, his skin covered in tiny cuts that oozed blood. The Haze was attracted to each cut, to each drop of blood, and pulsed sickeningly around him to what I was assuming was the beat of his heart. The blood magic was interwoven with the Haze to create some sort of self-sustaining prison. The cuts activated the magic which drew in the Haze which strengthened the spell...all powered by our recruit's heart-beat.

Shit. There was only one way to break this cage and it was to find Tarohne and kill her.

We were all staring at the horror cage, Anders and I sharing looks as we both tried to find ways to break this monstrosity, when a door on the far side of the room opened. A woman strode into the room, tall and rail-thin with lank hair and crazily-burning eyes. “Ahh...visitors.”

She actually lisped on the word “visitors.” Like some poorly written bad guy in a B-rated horror film.

“I see we have new volunteers. Welcome, welcome. Don't be shy. Were you drawn here by the promise of power? You. You stink of magic. Have you come to join us in freeing our minds from the Chantry's lies? Come to take back the power that every mage deserves?” Oh yeah, she was fucking nuts. Her words were punctuated by manic hand-gestures. I could see the old scars sliding up her arm, each thin line showing how long she'd been practicing this particular brand of magic.

I sighed in annoyance, “See, just once I'd like to run into some blood-mage who isn't a fucking loony. Merrill notwithstanding – and she's recovering – is it too much to ask that you all stop rubbing your hands together like crazed overlords? Let the little hunter recruit go and we'll kill you quickly.” I leaned on my staff and stared at the woman I was guessing was Tarohne.

“So blind! But no matter. You do not have to be willing to join our cause. We need meat to feed the spirits and your body will do nicely!” She gestured at me, the thin lines of a blood-spelled net spilling out to ensnare me. Anders took one look at those pulsating red lines and flared blue, Justice taking umbrage at the attack. The entire room inhaled as Justice's power swelled and then time fast-forwarded as combat was joined.

Shades and at least one Desire demon filled the room and provided ample targets for Fenris, Isabela, and Varric. I moved to stand near the recruit, flinging ice and fire as fast as I could, trying to keep the demonically summoned creatures from touching him. Anders was taking Tarohne on. She was bleeding heavily from both arms now, the Haze pulsating around her and bolstering her attacks. Justice was turning most of them aside, his natural immunity to the Haze providing Anders some measure of protection.

The fight could have been a long, protracted deal except Tarohne forgot one important lesson – you don't overextend yourself while covered in Haze. She sliced into her inner arm, blood spurting as she screamed out a new spell and the Haze suddenly flared so brightly I had to close my eyes. “Stop casting! Stop casting!” I screamed as the Haze grew so thick I could barely see through it.

Anders stumbled back towards me, driven away from Tarohne by the sheer power of the Haze spike. He wrapped his arms around me and tucked my head against his chest. I heard a scream, the pitch rising until it was a shriek of pain and terror, and then nothing. The Haze gave a final pulse and then slowly started to dissipate.

When I pulled away from Anders it was to find Tarohne nothing more than a twisted husk. Her skin had dried and turned brittle, her eyes seared away by the power of the spell. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, hands frozen into claws. The Haze had sucked her dry and left us nothing more than a shell. I swallowed back the sudden spurt of stomach acid, not wanting to vomit in the only clean room we'd found down here in the sewers.

A groan behind me had me turning, my staff coming up just in case it was a demon not quite finished off. It was the hunter recruit, Keran. Tarohne's death had released him from his cage and he lay on the floor, his body shaking as shock settled in. Anders touched my cheek and then moved to the young man, his hands glowing with healing power.

“Well then. That was some fucked up shit.” Varric said as he meandered over to me. “Never seen one have their life sucked out of them like that. Like a giant straw just...sucked her dry...”

“Thanks Varric,” my voice was wobbly. “And that's why you don't slice yourself up when the Haze is thick.”

“Think our little recruit is going to make it?” We both watched Anders speak quietly to the young man, his hands moving over Keran's chest as he healed him.

“Anders is healing him. He'll be fine. The bigger question is, is it just Keran or are we looking at a little hunter abomination.” We both shared a look and then moved to the recruit and Anders, Fenris and Izzy finishing a quick check of the room before joining us.

“He's fine. He needs rest and some food, but he'll recover. I heard your question, Cat. The answer is no, he's not possessed. We'd feel it. You'd be able to see it in the Haze.” Anders looked up at me. “Of course, your Knight-Captain may ask how you know that.”

“Piss on the Knight-Captain.” I grumbled before crouching down to look the recruit in the eyes, my voice gentling, “Hey, I'm Rinnie. How ya doin?”

“It's all...hazy. I remember...pain and then laughter and...a demon. Please. Help me get away. I...I can't be here anymore.” His hands reached out to grasp at my shoulders. “You're...you're a mage...no. No!”

“Shhh,” I shook my head at Anders, “It'll be fine. We stopped them. We killed them. You're safe. I swear on Andraste's ashes, I am not here to hurt you.”

“They wanted...dear Maker. They wanted to kill us all. Why?” He shook, his hands clenching spasmodically on my shoulders. “Why would they want us all dead?”

“They were delusional. They saw the Chantry as the reason why mages are hurt,” I bit my lip, “They weren't wrong, though their methods were. Blood magic tends to only be used by the desperate and the insane. I'd say Tarohne fell into the insane category.”

“I didn't become a Hunter to hurt mages. I just want to help. You have to believe me. There are so many people who would hurt you and I...I just want to...” His face crumpled. “But they hate us. You hate us.”

I stood there covered in shit and demon blood and Maker knows what else and watched a young man sob because mages hated being hunted down. I wasn't sure how to respond. I did hate the hunters and the Chantry. But...this young man wasn't some faceless, nameless arsehat in a suit of armor out to get me. This was a young man who was trying to make a difference. It made me sigh.

“Are you going to leave me here?” His voice wavered. “What will you tell the Knight-Captain?”

“We'll get you to your sister's place for tonight. You can return to the Gallows tomorrow. As to what we'll tell the Knight-Captain, I suppose the truth.” I said as Anders helped Keran up.

“He'll be forced to put you in the Gallows. You're an apostate.” Keran's eyes were sad. “I...I don't think you need to be there.”

“That's blood loss talking. A little bit of rest and you'll want to drag me to the Gallows too.” I said briskly, trying to ignore the overwhelmingly strong feelings of protection I had for this young man. Keran made noises of disagreement and I sighed. “Look, the world needs more hunters like you, alright? I'm sending you back to your Knight-Captain because mages should have people in the order who actually see them as...human.”

Keran closed his eyes and seemed to gather himself together, “I won't let the Knight-Captain touch you. You have my word.”

And really, after that statement there wasn't anything to do but help the young man out of the sewers and return him to his very grateful sister. I promised to meet him the Gallows the next morning, said my good-nights to my friends, and followed Anders home.

For once the word didn't make me want to cringe and cry.

***

  
“You ok?” Anders hands smoothed down my back, spreading soap over my skin.

“Mm...thinking,” I arched into the touch, a soft purr rumbling out of me.

We had made it home safely, probably because we smelled like sewage and no self-respecting bandit would want to touch that shit (haha). Our first order of business had been to strip and get into the shower. Our clothing was deposited in a plastic bag, Anders swearing he could get it clean. I had my doubts but kept them to myself. I didn't want to argue.

His hands slid from my back around to my front and over my breasts, pulling me flush against his chest. I leaned against him, my body waking up as his fingers smoothed down over the skin to find my nipples and slowly rub them. “I love you,” his words were punctuated by a soft kiss to my shoulder. “I do.”

Pleasure spiked at the words and I let out a breathy moan. “I love you too,” I whispered, my body going warm and limp against him.

“I never thought I'd find this again,” He turned me so he could look into my eyes. “Never thought I'd want to. But you changed that.”

“Getting sloppy on me?” I shifted and flushed, “All sappy like a couple of love-sick teenagers?”

“Do you have a problem with that?” His voice was filled with amusement. “I can't be sappy around you?”

“No. I mean yes. You can be. I just...” I traced a line down his chest, watching as my finger flattened his chest hair. “Why me?”

“Cat,” His voice oozed exasperation, “Fishing for compliments?”

I squirmed, “Just trying to decide why me. Because it's never happened before and...”

“You think it's a fluke?” He tilted my chin up and captured my gaze, “You reassured a hunter recruit tonight. You saved him, made sure he was safe, and offered him reassurance. You put your life on the line for somebody who needed saving despite the personal risks. I've seen you do it over and over again. You say it's to make money but it's really to save your family. You're selfless, giving, warm, wonderful...why wouldn't I love you?”

His words had me melting into a puddle of embarrassment and warmth. “I'm just trying to get by.”

Anders shook his head and smoothed the soap over my shoulders and down my arms. “You underestimate how much people love you.” His hands spread the soap over my stomach and back up over my breasts, his touch light. “How much we all look to you for help, for friendship...for companionship and more.”

I bit my lip, my back arching at the feather-light touches of his fingers. “I want you.”

His smile was quick, a flash of heat. “Do you.”

Before he could pull me to him, I pressed a hand to his chest and leaned up, nipping at his collarbone. “I do,” I murmured against his skin. I pressed open-mouthed kisses down his chest, kneeling as I trailed my lips over his stomach. He inhaled as I settled before him, my lips sliding over his hipbone.

“Cat...”His voice was strangled, his breathing harsh. I looked up at him and pressed one, gentle kiss to the head of his slowly-hardening cock. “You don't have to...”

“I want to,” was all I said before I wrapped my lips around the broad head of him. My eyes closed and I let my mouth and hands say everything I wanted to. Every declaration of love became a stroke of the tongue, a caress of my fingers. I let him fill my mouth, let him wraps his hands in my hair and move, and that little bit of submission made my entire body melt.

He kept his thrusts slow, his hands gentle, and I scraped my nails over the skin of his thighs, pinched at his hipbones, rolled and gently tugged at his balls. All the while, the slow press and retreat of his cock in my mouth, the taste of him spreading over my tongue, the warmth of my arousal spiraling up my body as he started breathing more erratically, started thrusting a little harder and deeper down my throat.

His cry of pleasure was coupled with his hands tightening nearly painfully in my hair and the spurt of warmth over my tongue. He pulled back, his cum smearing over my lips as he breathed harshly. It was beautiful seeing him like that, his eyes closed and chest heaving, his cheeks flushed from orgasm. His eyes opened and I licked my lips, tasting the bitter salt of him, and then leaned forward to lick the rest from his slowly softening cock.

He groaned when I slid my tongue over the sensitive head, his fingers tightening a little more. “Cat,” he rasped.

I grinned, “Yes?”

He shook his head at my grin and pulled me up and into a deep kiss, his tongue stroking into my mouth while his hands soothed over my back. “So giving,” he whispered against my lips. “Let me take you to bed.”

“Just hold me,” I whispered against his chest, “I just...want you to hold me.”

“Sweetheart,” He brushed my hair back before turning off the shower. “I promise I won't let you go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could have been a little longer but I am currently recovering from surgery and writing when my brain is coherent. And this was the most coherent I could get. Hah!
> 
> We're nearing the end of this romp with Rinnie. I'm toying with a few shorts to fill in some of the major Act 2 questlines before writing a part 2, long story again.
> 
> Thoughts on this idea would be welcome!


	29. Chapter 29

The Gallows, first thing in the morning, tends to be a quiet place. The tranquil that man the shops aren't out yet and the bulk of the templars and hunters are at the Chantry for morning Chant. It was the perfect time to head there with our little recruit, finish the job, and get paid. All before the crowds started.

I had put a call in to the Knight-Captain bright and early – as in I hopped out of bed and called him before the sun had even had a chance to get a foothold. I wanted to get this done and over with. If he wanted to try to back-out of our arrangement, I wanted the disappointment to hit nice and early. Not later in the day.

So it was still early when I made my way to the Gallows. I had nabbed Keran on the way over, handing the young man a cup of coffee. He had accepted the cup with a small smile and a quipped, “You save me from blood mages and demons and bring me coffee. You do realize that if you were looking to bribe me, you have managed to hit all the high points.”

Cheeky little bastard.

Anders, Keran, and I met Varric at the office. We also picked up Carver – because my lumox of a brother had gotten wind that we were headed to the Gallows, and he refused to let me go without him. Sometimes my brother has fits of sibling responsibility, and today was one of those days. So I introduced him to Keran and hoped for the best.

The sun was just flooding the courtyard when we reached the Gallows. I felt my pulse pick up as we crossed the large, open space. The Gallows loomed over us – a menacing prison bristling with wards and hunters and...I felt my brain seize up. Anders' hand settled at the small of my back and I exhaled quietly. He was there. He wouldn't let them take me. Carver wouldn't let them take me. Varric wouldn't let them, either. Maybe not even Keran. I could do this.

The Knight-Captain was waiting for us in an alcove off the main stairs. His eyes swept over us, stopped on Keran for a moment, and then skewered me, one eyebrow rising. I guess he thought I had been bluffing when I said I had his recruit and all in one piece. He moved out into the open, approaching us so that we met closer to the stairs.

“Serah Hawke,” He offered by way of greeting, his head inclining slightly. “Recruit Keran. Welcome home.”

“Knight-Captain,” Keran came to attention, his armor clanking slightly and making me grit my teeth. “I owe everything to Serah Hawke. Without her assistance, I would be...I...”

“He was kidnapped by a crazed blood-mage cabal. We stopped them,” I heard myself say. Wow, I sounded so damn professional and cool. My inner Rinnie was giving myself two thumbs up. “Permanently.”

The Knight-Captain had paled, one hand shakily wiping over his face. “Blood magic? What was their game? Or did you not find that out?”

“They wanted to infest the hunters with abominations. They would have picked off recruits one at a time, sending them back to you with a demon-rider. Their goal was, well, to bring down the Order from the inside out.” I watched the Knight-Captain swing his eyes to Keran, fear reflected in them. “Keran is clean. No demon-rider. We checked.”

“I hesitate to ask what type of magic you have in your arsenal that would allow you to figure that out,” The Knight-Captains' voice was knife-sharp.

Anders laid a hand on my shoulder, and I tried breathing slowly as I retorted, “Healing magic, if you must know. Nothing sinister at all. He was bled, but that was it. He's a good man, Knight-Captain. We need more hunters like him.”

“Please Ser, my family will starve if I lose my commission. And I've never wanted to be anything but a hunter.” Keran stepped forward, in front of me. “Serah Hawke is an apostate, yes, but one who is obviously doing the work of the Maker.”

“Alright Keran, stand down. I'm not going to have her carted off. Maker's breath, you're protecting her.” The Knight-Captain blew out a breath, laughing softly. “She is safe from me. But...we do need to come up with some way I can feel...certain...about an apostate running around the city.”

I watched Keran take a step away and turn to look at me. His eyes were compassionate. Maker-dammit. As if I was a danger to the city. I was only a danger to the people who I was hired to kill – and they were all scumbags. “And I am guessing you have an idea on that front? I won't let you bleed me, Knight-Captain. And I won't be your stooge.”

I heard a grumble of discontent behind me, Carver rumbling angrily. I twisted my head to tell him to sod off when he pushed forward, “I'll join the Order.”

The world tilted, spun. Carver stood in front of me, his arms crossed and staring the Knight-Captain down. “Carver...”

“No, you listen to me sister. I can protect you and find my own path. It's a good choice. I become a hunter, you gain protection. Finish the job. Go on the expedition to the Deep Roads. Get mother back into Hightown.” His eyes were on me, so clear...so...I swallowed at the sudden strength in his gaze. “I need to do this for you and for Merrill. I won't let them have her.”

“Carver...you don't need to...”I laid my hand on his arm. “I'm sure the Knight-Captain and I can come up with something.” Not my baby brother, my mind gibbered. Not him. “I would rather they take me than you be tied to the Order. What would father think?”

Carver's big hands gripped my shoulders as he held me steady, “I want to. It's a thought I've had for a while now – watching you dodge hunters and the Chantry. In this town, the hunter is respected. The Chantry holds power here. I know mages. I can help bring them in safely, carefully.”

“You'd turn mages over to them?” I could feel the anger swirling up, swamping the fear for him. “You'd turn into the very thing we hid from?”

“To protect you and Merrill? Knight-Captain, you need a way to leash my sister. I'm offering myself. Who better than her brother?” Carver let me go, turning to eye the Knight-Captain. “I was in the army in Ferelden. I fought at Ostagar. I can swing a sword as well as any of your recruits. And unlike them, I know mages. I was raised by one.” His chin tilted up, “My only requests would be that Rinnie not be brought in and my relationship with Merrill is not rebuked.”

“I don't know who this Merrill is, but your offer is...tempting. A good one. You understand that becoming a hunter is not something so easily turned away from when the going gets hard – and it will get hard. You will be forced to bring in children. Be forced to...sometimes...the apostate fights back.” The Knight-Captain's gaze was laser-sharp on Carver's face.

“I can do what needs to be done, Knight-Captain. Blood-mages don't bother me. And I know how to be gentle to the children. I do not agree with the Circle, per se, but there needs to be hunters that can be...gentle. Not everybody has a father who can teach them magic,” That last bit was thrown back at me.

Behind me, I felt Anders' anger and unhappiness swirl. If he lost control here. If Justice...I could lose him. Carver was looking at me, something like victory in his gaze, and I crumbled. “If it's what you want. I will...”

“Let me? It's not your call. Is it, Knight-Captain?” Carver's look gentled.

“No, it's not. I accept. Welcome to the Order. If you'll come back in a few hours we can begin the paperwork. After that, you'll report here in a week to start training. Recruits live in the barracks but get weekly leave to see family.” The Knight-Captain held out his hand. I watched in horror as Carver shook the hand. “As for you, Serah Hawke, please accept this payment for bringing back my recruit safe.” A bag of coins was held out to me.

I saw myself take the bag, the jingle of money in the bag making me feel like I had just sold my family to the Chantry. I felt hands on my arms, the bag of money taken, and I looked down and into Varric's compassionate eyes. He slid a hand over one of mine, twining our fingers, squeezing slightly. I nodded at him. “Thank you for the business, Knight-Captain,” Varric said smoothly, as if he wasn't watching me slowly fall apart. “Good day.”

I found myself led from the Gallows by Varric and Anders. I turned my head to look for Carver, finding him talking to Keran. He waved at me to go on and then turned back to the recruit. I watched him as I was led away, my body numb.

***

  
“Well, and that'll do it.” Varric's voice filtered to me from across the office. I was slumped at my desk and listlessly pushing papers back and forth. Anders sat next to me, his hand rubbing up my arm and back down, a soothing touch that was keeping me grounded.

“Hmm?” I lifted my eyes to meet Varric's. “What?”

“Fifty sovereigns. You did it with this last job.” Varric waved a sheet of paper at me. “You can buy-in to the expedition. We should be able to get the last bits together to start planning the entire deal now.”

I choked on the hysterical laughter, “And all I had to do was hand my brother over to the Chantry.”

“You didn't hand anybody over, Cat,” Anders' voice was quiet. “It was his choice. He made it.”

“Bullshit. I failed him.” I felt the hot tears slide down my face. One reached my chin and dangled before dropping to land on my hand. “And now he's going to be a hunter. A fucking hunter of mages. How long has he waited to rub my nose in this? How long has he planned – and I gave him the perfect fucking excuse...” I stood suddenly, pacing as anger welled. “How long as he blamed me for everything? For father. For Bethy? For the moves, the running...the upheaval? It was never Bethy. Never good, sweet Bethy. No...always my fault. Mine and my fucking magic.”

Which I was losing control of. I could see the Haze pulse in time with my words, growing and thickening. For once, I didn't care. What did it matter if I lost control? If I burnt out like a star? All this work and Carver had up and thrown in it my face. My anger flared hotter, skittering over my skin, purple flames limning my arms. One good excuse and I would immolate. I could feel it, my magic swelling in an uncontrollable wave of heat and emotion. The Haze pulsed again and I gripped at my hair as I teetered.

And then arms were wrapping around me. Anders' turned me and pressed me tightly against his chest, the cool wash of his own magic settling over me. And like that I calmed, was soothed by the blue wash of healing magic and Fade spirit. His skin was glowing softly with blue power, and I knew if I looked up his eyes would be filled with that electric-blue that meant Justice was holding sway. “You will calm down, Catherine. Now.”

I took a shaky breath and pulled my magic back, clutching at Anders' chest as the room spun a little. “I'm...”

“What Carver did was...upsetting. Justice would see him struck down for giving himself to the hunters. But I can understand better than a Spirit of Justice what Carver's goal is. He didn't do this to harm you, or because you failed. He did it to save you. And Merrill.” Anders smoothed a hand down my spine, “It hurt, I know.”

I let myself be led back to my chair, huddling against Anders' as he sat and pulled me onto his lap. “I just...”

“Shh...” Anders rocked me slightly and glanced over at Varric, “I think it safe to say that I will be going. You all need a Warden down there. We will need a good sword arm, too. Fenris would be the best choice. His lyrium will offer him some protection from the blight sickness.”

I listened as Anders and Varric started discussing what would be needed to explore the Deeps, what we could expect, and what kind of protections we should be looking at. I listened to them and slowly settled. And as I calmed, I realized that we had done it. Fifty sovereigns. We get this expedition going and...I could re-purchase the estate. I could move Mother to Hightown. She could retake her position in society. And with Carver a hunter, I was protected. My mind screamed for a moment and I pushed that aside.

Even better, I could add to Anders' clinic, help Fenris clean up his mansion, get Merrill some better furniture. Help Lirene more with the refugees and poor. I could do good with this money. And maybe even stop killing scumbags for a living. I lifted my head from Anders' chest and looked over at Varric. “We should celebrate.”

He looked at me a moment, and then smiled. “Damn right we should.”

“Hanged Man? Tonight?” I could feel the smile slowly curving up my lips. “Lots of bad ale. Maybe even some worse whiskey?”

“Hell yeah. But I'll have Corff pull out the good shit.” Varric rubbed his hands together.

“Varric, the good shit tends to leave us all rocking and seeing things.” I let myself laugh, putting aside the problem of Carver and the order to focus on the now. “Aw...why the hell not. I haven't puked my guts up in the alley in a while.”

Anders grumbled slightly, “You won't be doing that anyway. I can fix the nausea.” He tapped my nose and smiled at my pout.

The door to the office opened and Fenris staggered in, looking a little worse for wear. “Morning,” he rasped.

“Andraste's pyre, what happened to you?” I wiggled off of Anders' lap and swiftly moved to Fenris' side.

“Mm...nothing that I did not want to happen.” Fenris offered me a pained smile. “I left Isabela sleeping it off at the mansion.” He snickered a bit at that, wobbling and steadying himself against me. “She is not you but she is...something...”

“Oh hell,” I said on a laugh. “Come on and sit down. And we were just talking about getting shit-faced tonight in celebration. We have the money for the expedition.”

Fenris offered up a slightly tired smile and then collapsed onto the chair next to Varric's desk. Anders stood and approached the elf, “Will you let me heal you?”

“Why not? If it will stop the banging in my head, I will be willing to let you try,” Fenris waved his hand at Anders and wrinkled his nose, “But if you touch my markings...”

“Yes yes. You will yank out my heart, blah blah blah, mages are bad. I've heard it. Shut up and let me fix this.” Anders said with a sigh, his hand sliding just over the top of Fenris' arm. Blue healing power poured from Anders and over Fenris, making the elf's breathing hitch slightly before steadying. “There, you should feel better.”

Fenris inhaled and exhaled slowly, “Thank you, yes.” He straightened and offered me a slight smile, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks. I guess I should tell you, Carver joined the hunters. It's how they're going to keep me from being...taken in.” I twisted my fingers together in slight distress, forcing myself to relax. “We'll...tell everybody else tonight.”

Fenris pondered me for a moment, his eyes taking in my fidgeting hands and unhappy face before standing, “That must be hard to handle. It is a good idea, truly. But to know that Carver is a hunter must be...difficult. I am sorry I was not there to help you.” He touched my shoulder. “You are...” He looked mildly embarrassed, “not a danger to others. It is unfortunate the Order cannot differentiate between dangerous mages and those who do good.”

I blinked at Fenris. Anders was downright gawking. Varric chuckled, “Knew you were a good sort, Broody. Now, tell me how you feel about plundering the Deeps with us. We could use your sword arm.”

Fenris turned and gave Varric a half-smile, moving to sit and discuss the idea with him. I gazed at Anders in mild shock, the look being returned. We both moved back to my desk to sit next to each other, my head resting on Anders' shoulder. I watched Fenris and Varric talk, felt the comfort of Anders, and settled.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I toyed with not adding this job in - but Petrice will play a necessary part in the next story - and so must be mentioned.
> 
> I also toyed with just outright killing her. But I think leaving it this way will only add to Rinnie's absolute "done with all of this" attitude we'll see when she gets thrust into playing Kirkwall Diplomat.

Kirkwall is dangerous under the best of times. In the wee hours of the morning, buzzed off of quality hooch and exiting the Hanged Man? It's a murderous place to be. So when Anders, Fenris, Isabela and I staggered from the Hanged Man, it was with all of our eyes open and every inch of our abilities tracking the shadows.

Isabela had heard about this GREAT new dive a little farther down that served these drinks that could make you see the Haze. I could see the Haze – I didn't need a drink. But hey, what would a Haze-viewing drink make me see? Beyond the Haze? The Maker himself? I was curious. Anders was just this side of amused and willing to let me try to see into the next life via some cloudy green drink and sugar cubes.

We were doing a pretty good job of walking down the street. Nobody was listing too far to port, as Izzy liked to say, or cackling like a two-bit blood mage hopped up on Haze snuff and about to use his razor. So that's probably why the site of a Chantry Sister propositioning a thug...he was a straight up thug...and then going off with him to an alley made us slow to a crawl.

“Truly, there is a sucker born every minute,” Fenris muttered.

“On the one hand, letting random people get murdered in Lowtown just reflects poorly on my reputation. On the other, that's a fucking Chantry Sister.” I sighed the sigh of the martyred. “Shit. We can't let her get diced up. Come on. Eight to one it's a bunch of morons with pipes and perhaps one good blood mage. I could fry something before we drink more.”

Anders glanced at me, rolled his eyes, and pressed his hand into the small of my back. “I'll help but you'll owe me.”

“I'll owe you?” I glanced up at him as we crossed the road and headed to the alley.

“Mm...you will stay with me till the expedition leaves. And you stay in bed tomorrow. Naked.” His lips quirked up.

Isabela laughed, a wicked low sound, and turned to regard Fenris who gave her a flat look. I don't know what all goes on in their bedroom but her eyes lit up like, well, Anders does when Justice gets riled. Anders chuckled and the soft press of his hand turned a hair more proprietary. Damn man and his damn urges. I shook him off and tugged off my staff. “Fine. But first I want to go save the idiot from getting shanked.”

We got there in time. The small crowd of men was just beginning to surround the Sister – who didn't look nearly as concerned as she should. We didn't stop to ask questions or talk – we really should start talking before rescuing people by the way. It would save us so much stress and strain later.

I'd like to say the thugs put up a fight, but honestly – we had Fenris with us. It took, maybe, three minutes. Maybe. Not even the two-bit blood mage cowering in the corner nicking his fingers could do much against a fade walking elf armed with a greatsword. Add in Isabela and well...Anders and I just stood at the opening to the alley leaning on our staves and looking bored. I winced on occasion when blood splattered messily. I needed another drink. Or ten.

“That was most fortuitous,” The Sister's calm voice wafted over the violence-filled alley. “You four wouldn't be looking for work, would you?”

Oh Maker. Why me? “Look Sister. I don't think the early morning is the best time to be looking for mercs in Lowtown. Why are you even IN Lowtown?”

“I need help. It would pay well and be doing the Maker's work.” Her eyes were sharp on me. Delightful. “A matter of life and death, you could say.” Maker on a cracker, why me?

“Alright. I'll bite. I don't need to bite, and you're robbing me of my drinking time but I'll bite.” I said, trying not to kick a rock in annoyance. I reminded myself that Varric would take this job in a heart-beat. Something about gaining favor in high places. Fucker.

“Excellent. If you'll come with me, I think we can help each other.” She said with a slight smile.

***

  
The Chantry Sister led us to a ramshackled house two blocks down. Inside was...a templar. Why not? Why the hell not? If I opened the back room would she have the Divine herself shoved in there? Anders was giving me a look that said my punishment for dragging his arse into this was going to be more than me naked in bed and might include me doing...laundry...and scrubbing...floors. In his clinic. Ugh.

Fenris was glowering. Isabela was popping her gum. Loudly. We had walked in, been confronted by Clanker the Clanky templar, and she had rolled her eyes, pulled a stick of gum from somewhere in her cleavage, and promptly began chewing and popping. I let out a very annoyed sigh. “So what's this then? Cause if this is a set-up, I have news for you. I have friends.”

“Good for you,” The Sister said.

Isabela snorted. “Name?” Izzy asked.

“I'm sorry?” The Sister was looking at Izzy as if she was a bug.

“What's your name? We need a name to do a job.” Izzy popped her gum louder and gave the Sister a wide, toothy grin while fondling her daggers. “For putting on the receipt. We do run a proper business.”

“Oh?” Disinterest from the Sister.

I gave another sigh, this one slightly more quiet, “I'm the second owner in Tethras Detective Agency. Rinnie Hawke. You hire us, you've hired the best in Kirkwall.” I put out my hand and dredged up my professional smile – from my ass.

The Templar reached for his sword and I raised my eyebrow, but the Sister waved him off. “I am Sister Petrice. This is my bodyguard, Ser Varnell. We are on a mission of utmost secrecy. Can I count on you?”

I should have said no, but I didn't. I had just introduced myself all professional like. “You may,” I said after a brief hesitation.

“Good.” Sister Petrice gestured at the door behind her and Varnell opened it, letting in...well. Shit. That was a Qunari mage. A Saarebas. “This is Ketojan, a rescued Qunari Mage. Is it not absolutely horrifying what those beasts do to their mages? The Chantry would be horrified.”

From behind me I heard Anders mutter something about kettles and black and swallowed the titter of agreement, “It is horrifying,” I managed to choke out.

“We wish to free him. Certainly he cannot go back. Look how they've bound him.” We all looked at the Qunari's collar, shorn horns, and sewn lips.

“Have you asked him what he wants?” Isabela was eying Ketojan with compassion.

“He can't speak. We think they took his tongue,” Petrice said dismissively. “Certainly, you four are accomplished enough to get him out of the city.”

I slid my tongue over my teeth and thought, “Be mighty hard to get him through the streets. Even at this time. We'd need to get him to Darktown to sneak him out and all of those entrances are pretty crammed with people.”

“No need. There is a way to the sewers through this building.” Petrice smiled widely now. “Do this and return and there will be a bag of sovereigns for you.”

I wanted to tell her to shove her sovereigns up Varnell's ass. I'd say up her own but that pucker was so tight it was probably impossible. Maker-dammit. I couldn't leave this Saarebas in her custody. I found myself nodding in agreement, “We'll be back in a few hours.” I gave her my biggest shit-eating grin and motioned to Ketojan, “Alrighty, this should be fun.”

***

  
It was not fun. First of all, we were in the sewers. Sewers always stink. Always. Second, there were asshats in the sewers. Loud-talking, moronic asshats who actually thought confronting us would be a good idea.

“You have to be shitting me, Dog-Lord. We ain't letting you through without all your coin. Pay up and we'll only rough you up a bit. Kill your little Qun-dog you got collared.” The big man was smelly, obviously mentally defective, and thought he was frightening.

“The only thing scary about you is your ability to form coherent sentences. Andraste's flaming knickers, you are one stupid motherfucker. Get out of my way or I swear on everything you hold dear that I will set your dick on fire.” I was sorta yelling at him from a distance. I had backed up when he started talking. His breath smelled worse than him.

“You Dog-Lords are all the same. Think you rule everything. Well, this is my sewer!” He screamed.

“You can keep it,” Isabela retorted. “We'd happily leave it. Just move.”

Anders tried, Maker bless him, he tried. But he doubled over in laughter. “Shit. Cat, just set him on fire. This place reeks and we're all going to catch something just talking to him. The 'Spawn smell better and are less disease-ridden.”

Fenris actually looked like he didn't want to fight. “I do not want to touch that,” He deadpanned. “Even Fade-walking, his stink will stick.”

I shrugged, raised my staff, and blinked with Ketojan stepped in front of me and gestured. The men screamed, started dancing in a jangled jig, and then collapsed -fried from the inside out. There was a moment of silence, and then Isabela, bless her little heart, turned to Ketojan and said with a straight face, “Shocking.”

“Izzy!” I groused. “No. Bad. No.” I shook my staff at her and stepped over the still-sizzling corpses. “So, Ketojan. What was all that gesture and sizzle?” I glanced up at the Qunari.

He looked down at me and...grunted. I sighed. He shrugged and tapped his collar and then his lips. Right. What was I thinking.

After that it was just a short slog to a set of stairs, a door, and then blessed clean air, pretty view of the coast, and a group of about five Qunari. Wait a second...I stopped just outside the door and counted. Yes, five Qunari. All standing around waiting...as if...for us. Shit, we had been set-up. One of them had been crouched down and looking at something. At the sound of the door opening, he stood and turned to look at us. Shit.

The walk down to the group was short and tense. I could feel Ketojan next to us, his muscles tight. I wasn't sure, but I thought he might recognize the big Qunari we were approaching. I wanted to ask him, but knew he couldn't answer. But the way he held himself...it reminded me of mages around hunters. Tight, stiff. Waiting for pain.

“Ho there. Who are you? Be quick for we are looking for those who killed a patrol,” The big Qunari said as he looked at us closely.

“Look, we came through that door up there just now. You saw us. We didn't do this.” I said, angling myself a little better, in case I had to go for my staff.

“And how can I believe one who is with an unbound Saarebas. One without his Arvaarad.” He stared at Ketojan, his eyes hard.

“An Arvaarad?” I asked, watching him closely.

“We who hold the leash of the Saarebas and keep them from succumbing to the demons.” The Arvaarad said harshly.

“So you do this to your mages to what? Prevent them from hurting people? This man has done nothing wrong. In fact, he helped save us during an attack.” I narrowed my eyes on the Arvaarad.

“He is outside of his Karatamm and has probably already fallen to temptation. He knows what the Qun demands, do you not, Saarebas?” The Avaraad took a step closer.

“Are you talking about killing him? No. I can't allow it. His safety is my responsibility.” I stepped in front of Ketojan, unsure of why I was so appalled except that I truly believed I had found somebody worse than a Chantry hunter.

“You speak as one blind, and I do not have time to illuminate the truth to you. Give us Saarebas and return to your city of filth.” The voice was hard. If I said no, we would have to fight.

Which was fine with me. I wasn't turning any mage over to what amounted to a fucking hunter. “Go fuck yourself.” Right, that could have gone more diplomatically.

Ketojan got to make exactly one move, a step forward, before Arvaarad pulled out some sort of rod, pointed it at Ketojan, and froze him in place. My mind screamed at that kind of control. Behind me, I heard a bellow of absolute rage and I made a smart decision. I took a step away.

Anders was glowing hot blue. His eyes had flared, the electric power of Justice seeping from him. The Qunari took one look at him, Arvaarad screaming Demon, and then moved to charge. And were met by a blur of blue as Fenris ghosted into them. Isabela threw herself through the group, dodging attacks and coming out behind them. She spun and charged, hamstringing a warrior on the way back. And I? I raised my staff and pulled down a swirl of cold air, encasing feet in ice and slowing their advance. A moment later and Justice's power slammed into the group. The ones still standing from Fenris' attack went down as he cooked them from the inside out.

I rushed forward, looking for and finding the rod dropped by the now sizzling Arvaarad. I grabbed it and ran my fingers over it, finding a small button on the side. I slid a finger over the button and Ketojan coughed and stood, his hands going to his collar.

“Ketojan. Are you alright?” I held out a hand, unsure of what would happen.

“I am...unbound. Unleashed. Strange to not be controlled. To speak without command.” Ketojan touched his collar and then stared at me, stunned. “You...you killed him.”

“We can...we can try to get that off of you. You can...” I moved towards him, my eyes taking in the collar and looking for any weakness.

“I know what I must do.” He said. His voice was firm, but sad. “You are one worthy to hold my leash. One worthy to be Arvaarad. But you are not Qun. And I know what the Qun says.”

“No, no you have a choice. You don't have to do anything.” I couldn't believe it. We had risked our lives for him, fought for him and he was just going to what...give up. I hadn't realized I had been talking till a large, clawed hand touched my shoulder.

“That you would even think to offer me a choice is enough. But I am Qunari, not Tal-Vashoth, and I will die as I have lived. It is my choice, the choice I want to make. He was not wrong. I could have been infected by a demon and not know. I could, even now, be a danger. No, I do this willingly. That you would show me such compassion speaks well for you.” His hand squeezed my shoulder slightly.

“But...” I protested, trying to find the words, my eyes wide on his face. “But your freedom?”

“Is freedom so great? Do you even know who you are? Does this city even appreciate the work you do for it? In the Qun, you would have a place, a goal, a sense of self. Here...here you flounder. Freedom brings nothing but uncertainty.” He said firmly, “No, it is much kinder to have a place, to live it, to know it. To know you are part of something larger than you.” He stepped back and I shook my head, reaching for him. “Take this. You are worthy to carry it.” He held out a charm, a small thing.

My hands wrapped around it, and I felt arms enfold me, Anders. He held me as we watched Ketojan's magic flare, as the light from his eyes dimmed, as his body turned to ash. I clung to the small charm, the gentle pulse of magic warm against my palm, and sobbed.

***

  
“Petrice,” My voice was quiet when we gained the supposed safe house. “Sister Petrice? We need to have a word with you...about you setting us up.”

The small house was nearly empty, the sister standing in the front room while her templar shoveled papers into a bag. Her head turned at the sound of my voice and her eyes widened, “Ah...Hawke was it? I see you are back.”

“So surprised? You shouldn't be. I told you we were professionals.” I didn't have to look to see my friends spreading out behind me. “Tell me, did you know we'd meet up with that Qunari patrol?”

“Does it matter? Who will believe some gutter-snipe over me?” Petrice sneered. “You were supposed to...ah well. Your payment is there. On the table. Take it and begone.”

My hands were in her robes before I could blink, shoving her back hard against the wall, “He died, Petrice. Immolated himself rather than find freedom.”

“The Maker works in mysterious ways,” was her response. “And take your filthy hands off me.”

There was the clank of armor and then a quiet gasp. “Tell your man to back down, now, or he will be dead.” Fenris' voice from behind me.

I smiled, and my smile was not kind. “Indeed, Sister Petrice. The Maker does work in mysterious ways.” I took a step back from her, turned and looked at Anders. His eyes met mine and flashed blue...once. “Get out of my sight. And pray to your Maker that you never see me again.”

“You have made an enemy, Hawke.” Sister Petrice spat.

I glanced over my shoulder at her and bared my teeth, “You had best pray that I do not return from my expedition. Because if you ever cross my path again, I will kill you.”

My face must have reflected the murder living in my heart at that moment because Petrice paled, gestured to Varnell, and fled. I clenched my hands into fists. Death was not a choice over freedom. But living as Ketojan had...to be used...to be...I growled, a low sound, and felt Anders' hand brush over my back. “I'm fine,” I said finally. “I am.”

“I know.” His voice was quiet, gentle. “Let me take you home. Let me...let me take care of you.”

“Don't...coddle me.” my voice broke. “Don't...I...couldn't...”

“You can't save somebody who doesn't want to be saved,” he whispered against my hair as he wrapped me in his arms. “But you showed him that he was worth more than the tool he was used as. And that kindness was a gift.”

I broke again, worn by the fleeting tendrils of booze, adrenalin, and strain. Anders shushed me and held me close to him while Fenris and Isabela stood watch at the front door, their eyes turned to the night as I howled my anger. When I was done, when my tears had dried, I glanced at the group. “Still up for trying the Haze-viewing liquor?” I asked, my voice only a little wobbly.

“I think we've earned it,” Izzy said with a slight smile. “My treat.”

The sun was starting to color the sky with morning's pinks and golds. It didn't matter, the bars would still be open – still serving. Kirkwall sat quietly, a hulking brute of a city. Death clung to shadowy alcoves, the Haze misting lazily down the street. I wrapped my fingers around Anders' and squeezed, letting him pull me down the street after Fenris and Isabela and into a dive of a tavern.

Where I raised a shot to Ketojan, tossed it back, and tried not to think about his eyes the minute before his soul left his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is of note that we will be leaving for the Deeps within the next chapter. 
> 
> All aboard the train to Dramaville with exits for "Bartrand is a shit," "The Deeps Suck," and of course, "Anders Kicks-Ass."


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep Roads Expedition is a Go!
> 
> Pardon the sudden smut at the beginning of this chapter.

I strained against the cuffs holding my arms above my head. They didn’t budge, not even when I wrenched at them. My body twisted, pleasure coiling low in my belly as Anders thrust into me harder. I wanted to scream, to beg, but we were trying out the gag and the only sounds I could make were keening noises, desperate moans as he kept me right on the edge of orgasm. I was going to die from this, I thought hazily. They were going to have to put the words “Dead From Edging” on my tombstone. The thought made my next shriek a little hysterical. Anders bent down and pressed his lips just under my ear, his words soft and tender and at odds with the nearly violent thrusts, “You ok, my love?”

I nodded frantically, chewing at the gag. He chuckled, a hot rush of air against my neck, and brushed his lips over my ear, “Let go, Cat. Let go.”

White filled my vision as I seized, thrashed. My breath backed up into my throat and then released on a wail, the gag keeping me from speaking but not from screaming. He held me down, my legs pressed tightly to my chest as he thrust once more and joined me, his hips pressed tightly against mine. I felt him jerk, each pulse of pleasure echoing through me.

Limp, brain happily quiet, and body humming gently from the mind-boggling sex, I let him strip off the cuffs and peel off the gag. His hands moved gently, rubbing my wrists and slowly lowering my arms, and the entire time he murmured at me, asked me if I was alright, whispered how much he adored me. I wanted to respond but my tongue felt like a piece of felt – all fuzzy and warm and dry. A problem solved by a cup of water.

“I thought I was going to die,” I groaned. “You are evil.”

He chuckled at that, “So…no to the gag?”

“Oh. No. I liked it. I just...” I squirmed at the intensity in his look. I huffed a little and tried to get my legs to move.

“You just?” He hoisted me up and walked us both into the bathroom, setting me down long enough to turn on the water. “Well?”

I pressed my face to his shoulder, “You just kept me on edge for so long this time. It was...a little too much.”

“Ah,” He squeezed me. “I understand. I guess with us leaving tomorrow…I…” He squeezed me again, his face registering sheepish embarrassment. “I got carried away. I'm sorry.” He pressed me a hair closer to his chest. “We won’t be able to steal time alone for this down in the Deeps, Cat. No matter what you’ve heard, this isn’t some pleasure trip. We’ll need to stay vigilant, alert. The ‘spawn don’t care if it’s not your guard time. They’ll attack when they want to.”

I sighed slightly. I had heard this lecture several times over the last week. Each of us on the expedition team had done something to make Anders give us this lecture. We’d memorized it, the severity of the situation not lost on us, per se. More like drilled into us relentlessly. “I know, Anders. I know. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm,” he grunted. He gazed at me solemnly for a moment and then chuckled. “And I’m nagging. I’m sorry. I think we’re ready. I packed the medical supplies today. And you had your shots…all of them.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I kicked you. I was good with the tetanus and my birth control, but what was that last horrid shot?” I reached down and rubbed at my hip, the spot still sore.

“The blight inoculation. It won’t cure the blight sickness, but it will provide some protection. Still, try not to touch anything wet looking and don’t rub your face if you get squirted by contaminated blood.” Anders moved us into the shower, the hot water sluicing over me.

My mind held up my last view of Wesley, Aveline’s deceased husband. He had caught the blight sickness and hadn’t made it out of Ferelden. It had been horrifying to see, incredibly fast-spreading and potent. In a matter of hours his skin had gone from healthy pink to grey with black streaks. I didn’t want to catch it – especially since we were going down there to find treasure. I wanted to make it back in one piece so that I could spend my ill-gotten gains.

It had been a month since the night we celebrated getting the funding for the expedition. A month since Ketojan committed suicide. A month of planning, of assembling gear, getting permits, and watching my little brother head off to hunter training. A month of my mother first castigating me and then forgiving me – her fear of losing me making her set aside any lingering issues with Carver’s choice. A month of watching Merrill and Carver bicker about his decision, Merrill refusing to talk to him for a week. A month of Anders fretting over us, of Varric bitching at Bartrand, and Fenris and I just trying to stay out of everyone’s way.

But we were leaving in the morning, rain or shine. Which I guess didn’t matter as much since we were headed underground.

Anders was giving me a bemused smile while simultaneously rubbing soap over my arms. “Deep in thought?”

“Just thinking about us leaving tomorrow. I’m a little nervous about the entire “going through a warden outpost” deal.” I said, grabbing the soap from him and scrubbing at his chest. “Are you sure they won’t care that I’m an apostate?”

“They’re wardens. Not hunters. The wardens do what needs to be done to stop the blight – anything is a tool, anybody is welcome. It’s…” He stoppedfor a moment, something close to pain twisting his face. “For some it’s a calling. For others, a refuge. But no matter why or how you end up in the wardens, it’s a death sentence.”

“Anders…” I touched his chest. “If you don’t think you can do this…I know you left them because of bad blood. Hunters and Justice and…if you can’t…”

“There is no way I’m letting you head down there unprotected, Cat. You’ll need a warden. You’ve seen the maps. My personal feelings aside, I refuse to allow you to risk your life while I can help.” He went back to scrubbing himself, his face pensive.

I had seen the maps. Each known opening to the Deeps was manned by an outpost run by the Wardens. If you weren’t a warden, you had to have a permit to enter the Deeps. Each permit came with waivers that each member of an expedition had to sign. They said, basically, that if you got lost in the Deeps you were on your own. No search parties. No rescue. You find your way out…or you don’t. And if you come out with the blight sickness your options would be a swift death or a quick induction into the ranks of the wardens. No leaving for home. No seeing family. No returning to your life. Come out of there infected and it was either a new life or death.

Our opening to the Deeps was here in the Free Marches. We’d be moving down known tunnels for a while – tunnels with regular patrols and electricity. Somewhere down there, we’d branch off and start following Anders’ maps – warden maps. Maps that showed tunnels that hadn’t been retrofitted yet, that still contained ‘spawn, that lead to ‘spawn hunting grounds or areas where they multiplied. Bartrand’s map of the Thaig, an ancient Dwarven city, fit well with the warden maps – the warden maps showing an access tunnel that could lead us to the Thaig. Or at least get us close enough to start digging.

Anders was worried because this Thaig sat well off the main tunnels. We’d be traveling through side-tunnels that weren’t as well mapped. That meant an increase in ‘spawn and an increase in the chance of infection, of getting lost, of dying. But it also meant that this Thaig might be untouched. An untouched Dwarven Thaig…unplundered…filled with Maker knows amounts of valuable items. It was a treasure hunter’s dream. It was my dream. My way out of Lowtown.

I watched Anders rinse off, his face still set with worry lines. “Anders?” I waited for him to move out from under the spray. “Why is it a death sentence? To be a warden?”

He huffed a bit, checking to make sure I was free of soap before turning off the water. “Warden secrets,” he murmured.

“Come on. You can tell me.” I poked his hip. “Is it all the trips to the Deeps?”

He wrapped a towel around me, his gaze focused on his hands as he rubbed me down. I watched him turn to his towel and stop, his hand tightening into a fist. “I should tell you. I’m not part of that life anymore, and you should know who you love. You already know about Justice…and despite that you’re still here.”

“Anders…” I laid a hand between his shoulder blades. He tensed and then relaxed, moving away to wrap the towel around his hips. “What could be so bad?”

His face, when he turned to look at me, was somber. “Wardens can sense ‘spawn, Cat. We’re…immune to the taint of the blights as well.”

“Handy,” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. It sounded like a good skill to have. “Do they find people born like that, then?”

“We aren’t born wardens. We’re made.” He gripped the door jam tightly. “I won’t tell you everything, but I will tell you that to make a warden requires them to take the taint into themselves. If you survive the ritual, you become a warden. It’s for life. There’s no going back and no cure.”

I could tell my entire face had frozen. I had frozen. They took the taint into themselves? Willingly? Wesley’s faced flashed before my eyes again. To do that to themselves…voluntarily…knowing they may not even survive. “No cure…so the taint…”

“Slowly kills us, Cat. Eventually, our bodies are unable to handle the strain and we start to turn into the very things we hunt. It’s gradual. Most wardens have a good thirty or so years before they take themselves for one last run in the Deeps.” His hand tightened, blue skittering over his skin. Justice was close to the surface, Anders’ emotions too riled to keep him tamped down. “I’m young for a warden. We’ll have a good twenty-five years or so together.”

My breath caught in my throat. I knew life was no guarantee- we could all die on this expedition. But we could also come back rich. Heroes of a sort. And I had planned to rebuild my life – with Anders right there next to me. When had I started figuring he’d be right there with me till I grew old? But now he was saying he woudn’t…he couldn’t…I swallowed. “For as long as you have,” I whispered.

He turned his head to look at me. “What?”

“I’ll be with you for as long as you have.” My voice steadied. I would be, too. “And in twenty-five years, well.” I gave him a lopsided smile. “I might just follow you down there.”

I watched his eyes shimmer, watched the blue fill them and then recede. “You would, too.” He let go of the door jam and wiped a hand over his face. “Well then. I suppose I’ll just need to get you and your crew there and back safely.”

“I have no worries. At least about that.” I moved to him. “I..I love you. Alright? I love you.”

“I love you too. It’ll get easier to say,” he wrapped an arm around me and tugged me tightly to his side. “Ready to try to sleep? It’ll be our last good sleep before we’re stuck on blankets underground.”

“Ugh. Yes. We’ll be surrounded by dwarves. Snoring dwarves,” I muttered as I draped the towel over a chair and slid back into bed. “Are the Deeps smelly?”

“It depends,” Anders said on a soft laugh. “On how many ‘spawn are around.” He made creepy noises at me and I smacked him, making him laugh more. He wrapped me in his arms and nuzzled against my hair. “Sleep, Cat. I have you.”

Those words never failed to help ease me into slumber. Just knowing he was there, that I wasn’t alone…it helped. I still felt frissons of fear over my feelings, over him, over…us. But in the end, it helped to know that I was no longer doing this alone.

***

  
We said our good-byes the next morning. The caravan had assembled in the Merchant Quarter near the city gate, a large grouping of workers and chaos swirling around Bartrand, Varric, and I. Bartrand, an older and much more conservative dwarf, stood scowling amidst the hubbub. “I am still not happy with you over bringing in this human and her group.” His lush beard quivered indignantly. I offered him a sweet smile.

“Relax. You'll need her and her crew down there. You didn't bitch about taking her gold.” Varric interjected smoothly.

“Bah. Stay out of my way and don't slow us down,” he growled at me. I shrugged.

“Serah Bartrand. You did not come for your blight inoculation. I brought it with me,” Anders moved up, his voice all business.

“Bah!” He growled again, relenting when he saw Anders' clothing.

Anders was in his Warden Blues for the expedition. I had goggled a bit when he had pulled them out – the entire outfit was leather – pants, boots, some sort of jerkin, and gloves. It was topped with a blue reinforced tabard. He had pulled on his feathered coat over it, winking at me as he did. It was...if I hadn't been leaving that morning, I would have pulled him back to bed.

Anders administered the shot, waggled his eyebrows at me, and moved back to Fenris who was stowing our gear on a cart being manned by a stout dwarf named Bodahn. The dwarf's son, Sandal, was watching Fenris with wide-eyed enthusiasm. I had met them both a bit ago and hoped they would be ok. Bodahn seemed competent enough but his son was going to be a bit of liability. I resolved to watch them during the descent, especially since Bodahn would be handling the cooking and camp set-up for us.

Finally, the chaos resolved itself into something more...organized. The workers were arrayed into lines with our mercenary guard taking up post around them. Our goods were stored on wagons, dwarves at the ready to pull them. Bartrand moved up and surveyed everybody with a critical eye.

“Today we leave to find glory. Our steps will lead us through new territory, untouched by any dwarven hand. An ancient Thaig waiting to be discovered. Should we succeed, our names will be legendary!” He waved his stubby arms as the workers cheered. Varric tutted slightly and shook his head. “Move out!”

The entire caravan slowly woke and started moving through the gates. The crowd that had gathered to watch the proceedings cheered. I saw my mother off to the side, a tissue pressed to her face. Merrill, Aveline, Isabela, and Sebastian stood with her. The four of them had promised to watch over Mom for me. And Carver – even though the idiot was now learning how to be a Hunter. I was grateful for my friends. Grateful that they would be there for her. I glanced at Anders and he nodded at me and then my mother. “Go on, one last hug before we get out there.”

I raced to my mother, throwing my arms around her for one last, quick good-bye. “Be careful, Rinnie. Come back to me. I'd rather have you safe and alive than the mansion back.”

“I swear, Mom, I swear. I'll come back rich. You'll have the mansion and your title back. I love you.” I squeezed her tightly. “I swear.”

“Go on, before you get left behind,” her laugh was damp. “I love you too. Tell Anders I expect him to keep you safe.”

“Get going Rinnie. We expect you to come back with stories. And...watch the elf for me.” Isabela gripped my shoulder, her eyes filled with uncharacteristic fear. “Tell him I'll be...put out if he doesn't return.”

“I've got her, Rin. I and the guard will keep her safe.” Aveline nodded at me. “I expect to see you back. You understand me?”

“Oh! I'll visit her every day, Lethallan. And I'll keep and eye on Carver. I'll miss you.” Merrill gripped my mom's hand tightly, her big eyes shiny with tears. “Come back safe.”

“Maker's blessing, Rinnie. I'll pray for you and the expedition daily.” Sebastian nodded, his eyes serene.

“Thank you all,” I whispered, my voice choking. “Don't...don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone.” I flashed them all a smile and then jogged back to the group, making it back in time to stand with Anders. We all waved at my mother and our friends, even Fenris. And then we were walking through the city gates. The expedition was a go.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bandits and Wardens and Spiders - OH MY!
> 
> We're in the Deeps now - it is the beginning of the end.

I'd love to say that the trip to the Deeps entrance was boring, that we spent our days walking and chatting and our evenings playing Wicked Grace. But the bandit population along the road took one look at all the mercs in our group and figured we were ripe for the picking.

And if Bartrand had only had those mercs, he would have been - ripe for the picking that is. A bigger bunch of hacks had never been seen. I wasn't sure how they thought to survive the Deeps if they couldn't beat back a simple group of bandits. We had been hit ten times now. Ten. I was keeping count. Between Fenris' ability to be nearly everywhere on the field of battle, Anders and my magic, and Varric's wickedly accurate bolts, we had pretty much set ourselves up as the security team for the caravan.

It was the last group of bandits we dealt with that had me deciding that enough was enough. Their leader was a scraggly-ass man dressed in patchwork leather, teeth rotting from chew, and sword held ready. The man had been in mid-threat, his raggedy band ranged behind him, when the thought hit me that I couldn't handle one more group of idiots. This one particular idiot even had a mage with him – and that had made my eyes light up with unholy delight.

So, as Varric would tell it later, there we were on some mountain-pass in the arse-end of nowhere. A group of rag-tag bandits ranged before us, backed by a rather crazed-looking mage who was waving a dagger somewhat threateningly. The leader was spouting the usual threats against our bodily persons if we didn't pass over any and all goods to them. And I...I was tired of having to listen to him.

“Don't fuck with me! You don't fuck with me! You pass over that shit now or I let him cut himself!” The leader was spitting as he screamed – probably due to the lack of teeth. I made my way up to the front of the line and stood next to Bartrand, leaning a bit on my staff. “I'll fuck her too. We want her too!”

I could see Bartrand getting ready to open his mouth. He would start cussing back at that guy and we'd be stuck standing there all morning listening to the two of them try to out curse each other. Which wasn't happening. I was tired of these bandits, tired of watching the hired mercs run around like idiots, and I really was tired of fighting people who didn't understand the rules of hygiene.

“Get out of my road before I set your dick on fire.” My voice was level. The leader of the group laughed at that.

“You talking shit? You talking shit to me? Ooo. I'm scared. Whatcha gonna do, whore? Huh? I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya...” Maker, the man would not shut up. I raised my staff and set his dick on fire. Ok, I set his pants on fire – I can't hit a target that small.

So – as Varric would tell it – there we were on some mountain-pass in the arse-end of nowhere, a group of bandits now standing in shock before us as their leader screamed in terror and ran around flapping his arms because his pants were on fire. Anders stepped up next to me, gave the blood-mage a rather toothy smile, and allowed Justice to come out and play.

We didn't have a problem with bandits for a whole three days after that.

***

  
“Papers?” The warden on duty was popping gum and reading porn. I tilted my head up and to the side to get a better look. The magazine cover advertised hot male action. The photo was of a beefcake in…I squinted…chaps. I sighed softly. Anders noticed what I was looking at and chuckled under his breath.

“You’d think he could find better reading material,” I whispered to Anders. Anders laid a hand along the back of my neck and squeezed – a warning to not speak louder. I wasn’t planning on starting a conversation – I was just pointing out that chaps were so cliché.

Bartrand was ignoring us, shoveling over a stack of permits and paperwork. The warden eyed the signatures, gave us a bored look, and sighed. “Says here you’re going to an unexplored section. This is your only warning – we don’t search for you if you get lost. And if you come out with blight sickness, you’re ours.”

“We got our inoculations,” Bartrand bit out.

“Yeah? Also says here you got a warden. Don’t see no wardens with you.” The man raised an eyebrow at Bartrand.

Anders sighed and shoved his way to the guard. “They’ve been inoculated. And they do have a warden. Maker’s arse, sit up straight and stop slouching. Does the Commander know you’re looking at porn on duty?” I was impressed. Anders’ had pulled his coat back a bit and was brandishing his staff at the guard-warden.

“Ahh…right.” The warden sat up straighter. “Don’t know you.”

Anders looked at him for a moment. “How long?”

“Pardon?” The warden was twitching a bit under the stare.

“How long since you joined? Since you took the taint into your body and lived?” Anders had pressed up closer to the warden, sniffing slightly. “Not that long ago. You’re young. Inexperienced. Just wait. The taint spreads. It spreads and then you can feel every warden in an area. There’re eight of you here, by the way. I can also tell how many ‘Spawn are in area. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, I can differentiate between the types.” Anders stepped back, his eyes hard. “Don’t bullshit me. Put the magazine away and do your fucking job.”

“Wow,” I mouthed at Fenris.

Fenris leaned over to me, “Our abomination does authoritarian well.”

“Yeah,” I was feeling dizzy. It was too bad we couldn’t have some alone time because Holy Andraste’s panties, I was wet. I guess the warden on duty was a little aroused too because he was trying to straighten his uniform while watching Anders.

“Sorry Ser. Sorry. Senior Warden, got it. You’re good…good to go. If you could sign here, Ser? Anything I can get you?” The man was practically groveling now. It made me want to go stand in front of Anders and assert that he was, indeed, mine.

Anders scribbled something on the outstretched paper, gave the warden a tight smile, and moved back to me. He slowed when he got a look at my face and an unholy gleam lit amber eyes. Shit. I had a moment to exhale and then Anders’ hand was sliding around the back of my neck and squeezing, his lips coming down to bite at mine. Briefly.

Fenris snorted and that made me flush. Dammit! “We good?” Dammit, voice was gone all breathy.

Anders just grinned and sauntered into the warden’s compound.

I had fleeting impressions of the compound – solid, utilitarian buildings arranged around a wide yard, a practice yard set up to the side, and the tall fence surrounding the Deeps entrance. The fence was electrified, topped with razor wire, and magically warded. Any 'spawn attempting to escape would be fried within seconds.

The entrance itself was unprepossessing – we had cave entrances back on the Wounded Coast that looked scarier. This looked like the entrance to a standard mine – electric lights on the walls and a small track made to run carts installed down one side. The fence gate was opened for us by two more Wardens, serious looking women who watched us with bored eyes. The caravan filtered past them and slowly started into the cave.

This was it. We were officially in the Deeps.

***

  
I am not sure what I had expected – maybe waves of ‘spawn, the smell of corruption, rodents. I had expected to see nugs and maybe rats. Maybe little bugs. We saw none of that. While on the known path, we saw electric lights and stone – that was it. The way down was clear, clean, and distressingly free of all things associated with 'spawn. Which I supposed was a good thing.

Not even a hint of Haze filtered through the area. We had left the last of the Haze clouds behind several days ago and I was both relieved and missing it. My magic was more relaxed out of the Haze, tamer. It worried me. I had gotten used to the hot flash of my magic, to the heady feeling of power singing through me as the Haze boosted my abilities. Would I be as potent? Would I be as dangerous? Could I fend off an attack as well?

Anders saw my worry and brushed a hand down my arm, “What is it?” His voice was a quiet rumble in the semi-gloom.

“No Haze.” I gave him a wry smile.

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes searching my face, and then understanding blossomed. “You worry about your ability to cast.”

Nodding, I entwined my fingers with his, “I am. What if my spells fizzle? What if my power is tied to using the Haze? Now would be a bad time to find out that I'm really a mediocre mage.”

Fingers tightening around mine, he shook his head, “You'll never be mediocre. Your magic is still as strong, still as potent. You'll have to pull a hair harder to get the same output but it's there. Nothing has changed, Cat.”

“I guess,” My voice sounded a little small. “I'm feeling very out of my depth here.”

“Well you should,” Anders huffed in laughter. “Nobody should feel comfortable in the Deeps. Even us wardens feel uncomfortable. After a while, it's easy to push that aside – but complacency is a killer. Being uncomfortable will keep you alert and alive. Trust me, you're more than up for this. I only fear because you catching the Blight sickness would...it would kill me, Cat. I would never wish my life on you.”

I peeked up at him and relaxed, “I wish I could...”

“Take it from me, I know.” He gave me a smile. “I love you. Even down here, you bring such light to my life.”

That made me snort, “Poetry in the Deeps.”

“Mm...yes. Well, it is a romantic place, no?” Anders waved his other hand expansively. “And just wait, in a few hours we'll be turning off this beautifully maintained highway and entering the more exciting parts. The romance will only increase.”

“You're a loon,” I said on a laugh.

“Keep laughing. It'll help when the spiders decide to attack.” He winked at me and moved to talk to Bartrand.

***

 

I hadn't believed Anders about the spiders. I mean, we had fought plenty of spiders while in Kirkwall. They seemed to infest everything from the sewers to the Wound Coast caves. Big, nasty, poison spitting spiders.

And then we encountered a pack of them in the Deeps.

We had been off the main pass for a day. One long day of backtracking and muttering at the maps and lighting electric torches and discovering that the Deeps did smell a little bit of corruption. Meaning sulphur. And that the nicely maintained main highway had settled us all into that complacency Anders had warned me about.

Because the little used portion of the Deeps consisted of broken highways, little to no light, dripping water, old carvering, moss, mildew, smells, and giant spiders. Big fucking spiders. I was currently calling them ogre spiders in my mind.

Suddenly the lack of nug and other rodents made sense. Hell, I bet these spiders could eat entire bronto herds. I asked Anders what they did eat and he said, in a very serious tone of voice, 'spawn. Those big fucking spiders could take out 'spawn...for lunch. They were upgraded from ogres to archdemon spiders.

Our ability to maneuver had slowed down to nearly nothing. Between the state of the highway, the random cave-ins, and the spiders – we couldn't move faster than a crawl. We had traversed pretty far the first day – able to move quickly because the main portion of the Deeps was so well maintained. Now, all of a sudden, we found ourselves overburdened – the caravan too swollen to move quickly.

After three failed tunnels, one backtrack, and another group of spiders, Bartrand called for us to set camp. It was clear that we needed to take a break. The mercs were jumpy, the workers were slightly panicky, and Bartrand had just punched one of his miners. On top of that, our little friend, Bodahn, was frantic.

His son had disappeared.

Bartrand was of a mind to leave the lad – because Bartrand was an asshat. But I looked into Bodahn's fear-filled eyes and thought of Bethy. Thought of how it felt to lose her. And I found myself turning to Bartrand with a decidedly stubborn jut to my jaw.

“We're going to go find him,” My voice was low and menacing. “We'll scout out for you, but we're looking for Sandal. And if you don't like it, you can return my sovereigns to me now and we'll leave. And the warden will be coming with us.”

Bartrand's jaw clenched, “We don't have the time for this.”

“Seems like you have nothing but time, brother. Your last three tunnels were blocked and we aren't going anywhere till you find a way around. We'll scout out that way for you. Maker knows, we're better than these pissants you hired as guards. And if we look for the lad, who's to care?” Varric said as he joined the discussion

Bartrand glared daggers at the both of us, “Fine. But you can't take the warden.”

“I believe I can do what I wish. I am here to aid you, yes. But my services were rendered by Cat and Varric.” Anders gave Bartrand a narrow-eyed look. “And if you think I would allow either of them to enter any of these tunnels without me, you will find yourself short a warden guide.”

“Stone take you, fine. I suppose your lyrium warrior will be going?” Bartrand was chewing the words out.

“I am here as a courtesy to Rinnie. Not you, Dwarf.” Fenris was delightfully short with the dwarf.

“Bless you, bless you.” Bodahn was nearly groveling. “My boy. He's a good boy but...addle-minded. Please, please find him. Anything...I'll give you anything....”

I sighed and laid a hand on Bodahn's shoulder. “We won't leave him out there, Bodahn. I swear it.”

He sagged under my touch, nearly sobbing with relief. Bartrand gave an ill-tempered grunt and stomped off. Varric sighed, “I guess I'll go get my pack. Sodding Deeps. I hate tunnels.”

“You're a dwarf, Varric.” Amusement colored every word. “Doesn't just this speak to your little stone-loving soul?”

“Yeah, it says “this is where you're going to die, you blighted nughumper.”” Varric grimaced.

“This is just payback for the Chantry jobs,” I said, only-half joking. “Come on. I don't like the idea of Sandal being left out here. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemies.”


	33. Chapter 33

“Duck!” Anders’ barked command had me diving for the dank stone floor, hands covering my head as lightning shot and hit the front ranks of ‘spawn. I peeked up, the smell of charred meat filling the air. Grabbing my staff, I scrabbled to my feet only to be knocked back by Anders.

He growled, skin cracking with blue light, and swung his staff in a wide arc that took down two of the smaller ‘spawn. Barely breaking his stride, he shot more lighting into the teaming mass of bodies. I gathered my wits and dropped a fireball on the back of the group, their piercing shrieks making my ears ring. The solid twang of Bianca sang behind me, Varric spitting death into the remaining 'spawn. Fenris waded into the remaining mass, his sword slicing through the ‘spawn as if they were cheese.

We had come across three hunting parties of ‘spawn so far. Each time, Anders had shoved me back and advanced, Justice pulled to the fore. He seemed to know when to swing his staff, when to attack with lightning, and when to pull out his ice spells. If I had ever had any doubts about him being a Warden, they were gone now. Every fight had him at the front – and it was unnerving.

I was so used to leading, so used to giving commands, that relinquishing that authority made me antsy. I had no trouble bending to Anders in the bedroom. But on the field of battle, I was used to standing strong. He was treating me as if I was breakable. And it had to stop.

Regrouping after the last assault, I reached out and tugged hard on one of the feathered coat sleeves, “Need to talk to you a moment.”

Anders' considered me and then smiled, briefly. “I think I know what about.”

“Oh do you?” I muttered. “I bet. I just bet you do.”

His laugh was low and rough, “Mm...you're about to tell me to back off. To stop pushing you behind me. To stop stepping up.” He crowded me back against a dank wall. I glanced around and noticed that Fenris and Varric had moved ahead, neither of them looking at us.

Fine, I thought, just leave me to deal with this. “Look, Anders. I'm the one who came up with the sovereigns...”

“And I'm the warden here.” His hand snaked out to tangle in my hair. “I know how to handle the Deeps. You don't. I know how to handle the 'spawn. You don't. And most importantly, I refuse to let you get killed because of your damn pride.”

My brain screeched to a halt. His eyes were sparking blue, face pressed close to mine as he whispered harshly. There was a brief urge to break his hold and argue. But it was brief – nothing more than a token argument. The rest of me was already acquiescing and for once I didn't fight it. Instead, I sagged a bit.

“You're right. You're right and I'm an idiot. There, happy?” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, falling back on old habits. “I don't like feeling useless or out of my depth.”

“Sweetheart,” his lips brushed my cheek and I shivered, “You are never useless. Out of your depth...maybe. But useless, no.”

Swallowing, I opened my eyes and met golden brown ones. I shifted, swallowing and dithering before finally giving in. “Alright. I'll just...I'll just...”

“Let me lead?” He brushed his lips over mine and then stepped back. “If I lead, we get out of here faster. Which means home faster. Which means you naked faster. I'm motivated.”

My breath stuck in my throat. Oh...and that was an idea I hadn't even considered. “You make a good argument.” I nodded.

From across the room I heard Varric huff a laugh and mutter, “Finally, she listens.”

“I heard that,” I hissed over at them.

Fenris chuckled, “The sooner we get out of here, the better. You are not the only ones who wishes to be home with somebody.”

“And just because I'm a dwarf doesn't mean I'm loving this underground shit. The 'spawn can kiss my ass,” Varric muttered. “Fucking dwarven ruins.”

“Careful, your surfacer is showing,” I teased Varric, trying to ignore my racing heart and the sudden uptick in libido. “Wouldn't want Bartrand to hear you.”

“Bartrand can kiss my ass,” Varric muttered. “I'm here for the treasure. And you, Rin.”

“Thanks Varric, such a sweetheart.” I finally gathered enough wits to slip past Anders. He dragged his hand over my waist as I moved, setting my skin on fire. My scowl met a teasing grin. Bastard knew what he was doing.

“I am, Rinnie. I really am. Heart of gold right here,” Varric was saying as we regrouped. “Scouting out dank tunnels and looking for lost kids.”

I chuckled and draped an arm over broad dwarven shoulders, “Think of the gold. We get the estate back and I'll throw a real ringer of a party.”

“Will Carver be invited?” Varric asked.

“Carver can kiss Bartrand's ass.” I grinned as Varric chuckled. “No hunters allowed.”

“My kind of party,” Anders said, tilting his head and concentrating. “No spawn ahead and it looks like the path curves. We may be on the right track.”

“Praise the Maker and Andraste’s fiery ass, let's go.” I muttered, “This place stinks.”

“The 'spawn don't take showers,” Anders said as we headed down the tunnel. “And when we're down here, we don't either. A good layer of stink protects us from hunting parties. Well, protects you. They can sense me. And don't I just feel special about that?”

I poked his shoulder and let him take point. On the plus side, I got to watch his ass as he led the group – a win in my book. Fenris nudged my shoulder and shook his head, eyes twinkling. “Shut. Up.” I muttered to him, making him chuckle.

Well, and if we could get Fenris to laugh in the Deeps, maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

***

  
We'd found Sandal. And by “found” I mean stumbled into him. In a room filled with 'spawn corpses and this crystallized ogre that had us all stopping and staring for a good five minutes.

Anders walked up to the thing and tapped it with his staff. It rang like a fucking bell. My first instinct was to figure out how to get that shit home. Could you image how much money we could have sold it for? But logistically – how would anybody drag a giant crystal ogre out of the Deeps? I mean, if we had Bartrand and his hot air...we coulda floated the fucker out.

I jest...sort of.

So...as Varric loves to tell it...there we were. Four fuckers walking the Deeps (his words, I swear), when we stumbled upon a room filled with mass death and one semi-coherent dwarf named Sandal.

The corpses seemed to radiate out from a single blast point. And when asked about it, Sandal looked at us and said with calm assurance, “Boom.”

To which Fenris started laughing and had to go sit down.

Anders asked the young man about the ogre and all we got was a very coherent, “Not Boom.” The assurance of that simple statement had Fenris choking back more laughter.

I had never seen the elf laugh so hard. Obviously we hadn't reached his murder quota before. Down here the Deeps it was pretty much slaughter as you go. We were all covered in blood and guts and other disgusting things. The more Fenris killed, the happier he looked. I was mildly concerned by this but figured a happy Fenris meant less brooding and less brooding just improved moral.

Finding Sandal improved moral – immensely. Discovering that the cave Sandal was standing in led us full circle back to the camp improved moral even more. I needed a hot meal and to sit my ass down. And a bath – but that wasn't happening out here.

***

We tromped into camp, only slightly worse for wear, and found ourselves being hailed as heroes by almost the entire camp. Except for Bartrand. Who told us we had taken too long.

The next time we had to go traversing through 'spawn filled tunnels, I was letting Bartrand walk first. Ass.

Bodahn, bless his soul, was in tears at the sight of Sandal. “I have no words, Messere, no words.” He groveled at me.

“Please stop groveling and just call me Rinnie. I was glad to help. Nobody should be left down here alone.” I helped the older man up, brushing off his coat and trying out a smile.

“You saved my boy. He means more to me than life. I pledge myself and my son into your service. From this day forward, we are your men through and through.” He saluted, looking at me with damp eyes.

Fuck me. I turned panicked eyes to Varric who gave me a wide smile. I tried looking at Fenris and he just shrugged. Anders stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. “Let's get out of here first and you and Cat can talk about this, ok?”

“Of course, of course. Very astute of you, Warden. Can I get you all some dinner? I have a nice stew on the fire. And we tapped one of the kegs…” he ambled off, hand firmly gripping Sandal’s.

“What am I going to do with two dwarves?” I glanced up at Anders. “We barely have room as it is.”

“You’ll have the mansion. You can, I don’t know, make him your butler. He seems to enjoy bustling about. I bet he’s shrewd when he wants to be,” Anders gave me a patient smile.

I muttered, “Fine, but he butles your things, not mine.”

“My things?” Anders was blinking at me.

“I am not moving into a mansion and leaving you in Darktown,” I poked Anders’ chest. “I move up, you move up.”

“Now wait just a minute…” His hand wrapped around my arm as he dragged us towards our tent.

“Sorry, not listening,” I said on a slight cackle. I slid into our tent and started pulling off blood-caked clothing.

“Cat,” Anders’ had followed me in and was watching me with narrowed eyes.

“Anders,” was my pithy response.

He huffed and sat down, pulling off boots and socks with a soft sigh. “I’m not living in your mansion.”

“Yes you are.” I was pretty confident I could win this argument. “See, this is how it works. We make it out of here with copious amounts of loot. I petition the Viscount for our ancestral home. Get it back because I am just that amazing. And then I move you in. The house is so big mom won’t notice and Gamlen’s not invited. And Carver can’t live there because he’s a hunter.”

Putting his boots down and pinching his nose, Anders gave me a patient look. “I’m a possessed apostate who runs a free clinic in Darktown.” I nodded and smiled. “I’m a Possessed Apostate…” he enunciated the words slowly.

“I know,” I responded, throwing my sweat-stained undershirt at him. “And you love me. So you’ll move in.”

“Andraste’s Flaming Nipples,” muttered Anders. “What about your mother?”

“What about her?” I pulled out a semi-clean undershirt and pulled it on. “She already ran off with an apostate. I don’t think she’s in any position to judge.”

The laughter coming from Anders was decidedly strangled. “You’re serious. You are asking me to move in with you while we’re in the Deeps.”

“It’s not a fucking marriage proposal,” it was my turn to mutter. “It just…I was going to talk to you about it after but the Bodahn thing and Sandal and…” I crawled across the tent and onto Anders’ lap. “I want you with me. I like sleeping next to you. I like knowing you’re there. I like waking up and seeing your smile.”

“Now you’re just playing dirty,” Anders groused, but a smile was starting to form. “You’d really move me in. That’s…a big statement there. You’re usually pretty timid about relationship statements.”

Pressing my forehead to his, I exhaled, “I know. And I’ve worried over this for a while now. But the truth is, I love you and I want you there with me. Nobody else. Just you.”

Blue flickered in Anders’ eyes, skittered over his skin, and he tensed and then relaxed. “Alright,” he murmured, “Alright. I won’t fight it. Just another reason to get out of this hole and back up into the sun.” His lips brushed mine, a gentle press. “We’ll find the Thaig, get the treasure, and then you can move me in. Never been a kept man before.”

That made me laugh. “Well, get used to it. If I have to get fancy new clothes and go to parties with nobles, you’ll have to join me. We can horrify Hightown together.” My heart felt so light, so happy. I wanted to hold on to that feeling, to the comfort of Anders’ arms and the safety he seemed to exude. Tomorrow we would push forward with the expedition – move closer to the Thaig. But now, now I could sit and just exist with Anders and even in the Deeps, being with him made everything better.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who has patiently waited for me to finish this - and it is finished. This has been, without a doubt, the most challenging, fun, easy, exciting story to write. And it's not over - not really. Because we still have Act 2 and Act 3.

The slam of rock against rock sounded more like nails in a coffin than a door closing. The sounds of Varric’s increasingly panicked screaming upped the “buried alive” visions by about a million. Fenris was cursing a steady stream in Tevene, his tattoos glowing brightly enough to light the entire room. Anders was quiet, head cocked as he listened to some internal voice – probably Justice. I hoped it was Justice and not the scrabble of ‘spawn.

“Varric…Varric!” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, wincing when Bianca smacked the side of my head. “Varric! He’s not coming back.”

Sagging against me, Varric shuddered and then inhaled sharply, a harsh sob exploding from him. “I knew he was a bastard but this? To lock us in? To kill us…”

“We aren’t dead yet,” I said calmly. “We have Anders. We can find a way out.”

“I’m so sorry Rinnie. I’m so sorry. If I had known he’d snap…I never would have brought you down here.” Varric babbled, his hands shaking.

“Brothers,” I muttered before wrestling Varric into facing me. “Not your fault. We’ll find a way out. Then we’ll track him down and set his ass on fire.”

“I told you to not touch that statue. It murmured wrong.” Anders was moving towards the back of the room with a sure step. “He’ll take it to Kirkwall.”

The thought of the Haze munching on that statue made my skin go clammy. I had felt the power radiating off the lyrium –a strange deep red lyrium that had pulsed and whispered. The Haze would love to get a taste of it. What would it do to the city? To a person possessing it? Maker, had we inadvertently let lose the equivalent of a bomb on Kirkwall?

Maybe he’d sell it before then. Get it out of the area and away from all the blood mage nut jobs. I could almost see a staff topped with that red shit. One good slice and we’d have an entire battalion of demons. I told my brain to stop thinking like that. There was a good chance Bartrand would get eaten before he got back to Kirkwall. Our job was to just get out of the Deeps in one piece.

Fenris sighed, “We must find a way out. How do our supplies look?”

I took a moment to open one of the few packs we had with us. A few glances told me that what we had wouldn't last us to the surface. Not if we ate like we needed to. I shot a look at Fenris and he resumed his cursing. It wasn't helpful but it did seem an appropriate response.

“We go this way,” Anders was on the far side, tapping a door. He had pulled out a bundle of papers from one of his numerous pouches, his finger tapping at a series of squiggles and notations made.

“What are those?” I pointed at the papers, hope starting to spiral up in my chest.

Anders turned a vicious smile in my direction, “Did you honestly think I'd let Bartrand carry my warden maps? He wouldn't be able to read them. They're noted in short hand and drawn for somebody who understands the Deeps. They’re also full of the notes I made on our trip down.”

“And do they show us a way out?” I had crossed the room, eyes firmly fixed on what was rapidly becoming our salvation.

“They show possibilities,” Tapping at a section on the map, Anders nodded at the door. “This is the only way out. And while this area isn't on any map, I had been keeping track of our trip through the Deeps, amending pathways. I've plotted where I think we are versus where the map shows and there is a possibility of an exit.”

“It's better than nothing,” I had reached him and turned my eyes up to meet his gaze. “Right?”

A strong hand slid over my cheek, electric-blue swirling over honey-brown, “I won't let you die down here, Cat. We'll get out. And then we'll find that statue and destroy it.”

“He takes it into the Kirkwall, we'll only need to follow the eddies of power. The Haze...” I choked off the thought of my mother and brother, my friends. “We can't late the Haze touch it for too long.”

“One disaster at a time,” Fenris' gravely voice joined us. He had Varric with him, an arm around the dwarf's shoulder. “Our goal is to get out. No more, no less.”

“Then let's get our stuff and get moving. The sooner we find a way out the better, right Varric?” I turned worried eyes on my friend. “Varric?”

“I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. And I won't use Bianca to do it, either,” the words were soft and vibrated with a promise. “I swear Rinnie, I'm going to kill him.”

“Varric's on board with this plan of getting out,” I extrapolated. “I'll grab the bags and we'll get walking. Maybe we aren't too far from an exit.”

***

  
Four days walking – or what felt like four days. We were rationing the food and water, Anders having found blight sickness in almost every stagnant pool we came across. All of us were hungry and dehydrated, low on power and low on sleep. The sleep was nearly more important than the water. Without sleep, my mana regenerated sluggishly, Fenris' sword arm was a hair slower, Varric's bolts a tidbit less accurate. The only one among us not dragging was Anders.

He stood straight in every battle, blue energy wreathing him as he took down ‘spawn and what we were learning were rock wraiths. Rock wraiths – monsters of the Deep, monsters of Dwarven legend. And these were all animated by red lyrium.

And if red lyrium could do this...could take dwarves that had been turned into cursed into living stone and profane their already profane existence more...then I feared what even one touch from a demon-created magical mist could do. Would do.

My sleep was marred by visions of red lyrium growing from buildings; Kirkwall citizens slowly turning to rock that consumed the city bit by bit. Merrill gazed at me with hungry red-tinged eyes, a shard of red rock clutched in one hand while a demon stroked her hair. My brother's skin was streaked red, his voice distorted and filled with menace. The entirety of the templar order brought to its knees, the mages corrupted, the city turned to rubble. The Haze turning on itself, writhing, growing, until it exploded. And I would wake covered in sweat and panting out Anders' name.

Four days and then we came upon a large room guarded by demon wearing a rock wraith, and that was when our fortunes started to change.

“Just listen to my proposal. I feel that we can both...benefit…each other,” The sibilant voice of the demon eerily slithered from the animated rock.

“Cat...” Anders nearly hissed behind me. “That's a demon.

“We do not make deals with such foul creatures,” added Fenris.

“Ask him if he's seen my brother,” muttered Varric, earning a glare from the other two men. “What? I'm just curious.”

“I can show you to your freedom, give you the very thing you ventured into the Deeps to find...all you have to do is listen to me.” The demon edged closer to me, close enough for me to see the pulsating red lyrium striations in its rocky body. “Help me and I will help you.”

Tempting. The first time I'd ever actually been tempted to accept a demon's aid...such aid as they were capable of. We were lost in the Deeps, supplies low, and running out of water. I was barely sleeping, was hungry, thirsty...tired...I wanted to be home. Home in Anders' apartment, wrapped in his arms and safe. Not bone-tired and lost in the dark.

Tempting. The voice of the demon slithered out but I didn't catch the words, my mind too caught up in my thoughts. Say one word and we'd have our way out.

A hand sliding down my arm broke into my thoughts and I turned my head, my eyes meeting solid electric-blue.

“He is lying,” the voice was deeper and power-tinged.

The demon nearly hissed at Anders, drawing back. “You dare bring one such as HIM here?”

“Be silent, demon. We are not interested in your words,” Justice's power, Anders' voice.

“I deal with her, not you, Spirit of the Fade. One who is perhaps more demon that he realizes.” The sibilant voice was wickedly cutting, lashing out to injure.

“I do not make deals with demons,” I ground out, my hand squeezing Anders'. “And he is not a demon. But you...you most certainly are.”

“You will never leave this place. I will crush your bones under my limbs. I will watch the life fade from your eyes. I will live off of your screams of pain,” The attack followed the words, a blast of power and then more wraiths filling the room and the demon was fleeing.

“You will be mine whether you will it or no!” the demon screamed a moment before he disappeared.

And then we were neck-deep in living rock, fighting to stay alive. Electricity shot from Anders' hands, stalling the front line long enough for Fenris to throw himself into battle. I followed suit, summoning ice to freeze limbs and slick the floor, the wraiths unable to find purchase and collapsing into easy targets for Varric's bolts.

We fought as if we were possessed, raining destruction down upon the wraiths until nothing stirred but dust and our own chests.

“He said there was a way out,” I rasped, coughing.

“Then we follow this trail and hope he wasn't lying,” Anders' hand slid down my back. “You did well.”

“I was tempted,” I turned pained eyes to him. “I thought about it.”

“You were tempted and said no.” Fenris moved to us. “You were given an offer while at your lowest and you said no. That shows great strength of will, Rinnie.”

“I...” I shook my head.

“Tempting is what demons do.” Anders soothed, “Saying no is the hard part. And you did it. And now you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and lead us down this path. Or follow me as I lead us down this path.” I choked out a laugh at that. “And we'll find the exit and go home.”

Find the exit. Go home. Pick myself up and try again. The Blight, Kirkwall, my brother...none of it had brought me to my knees. I wouldn't let the Deeps have that privilege.

***

  
I would love to say that the path we followed led to an easy exit. That killing that horde of rock wraiths summoned by the demon had solved our problem. But it hadn't. Rock wraiths harried our steps, attacking from corners and side passages. No sign of 'spawn haunted our steps. No, just wraiths and the laughing voice of the demon promising us that this would be our tomb.

We ran out of food. Then water. And then healing potions. I horded the last of the lyrium potions, afraid that if we ran out of them I would be unable to fight. Varric stopped laughing. Fenris grew even more grim, his sword notched and his hands blistered and battered. Anders and I looked like shadows of ourselves, each fight causing us to draw more and more on our own internal stores of energy. Our magic was eating us alive.

But we kept going. Damn straight we kept going. I wasn't going to let some rock-covered demon-spawn from the Fade bring me down. No, I was going to claw my way out from under these rocks, go back to Kirkwall, track Bartrand down, and get my money back.

Lying, thieving, backstabbing ass-wipe.

During our short breaks Varric and I would huddle together and discuss all the ways we planned to met out justice against Bartrand. Anders and Fenris would join in on occasion, but left the bulk of the spite to us. I asked Anders if it bothered him, our increasingly imaginative and horrific torture fantasies, and he said no, we needed the outlet.

I asked him what his outlet was and he gave me a dark smile and said that for a warden, being in the Deeps was an outlet of sorts. A place where he could let loose his magic with no consequences. A place where the healer was second and the mage-warrior came to the fore. Where his electricity, his fire, his anger could be given full license to flare.

Every wraith he saw took on the visage of a hunter and he cut them down gleefully.

Fenris agreed, surprisingly, with Anders. For him the wraiths took on the look of his old master. His rage propelled him into battle with more stamina and energy than I could muster even with my healthy amount of fear and anger.

For Varric and I, each wraith was just another obstacle between us and finding Bartrand and that possessed statue.

I wasn't sure how many days had passed when we finally stumbled into the cathedral-sized chamber. Varric looked around and slowly straightened, eyes widening. “The vault,” he whispered. “We've found their vault.”

“What does that mean?” I glanced at him.

“It means we won't be leaving empty handed,” He turned feverish eyes to mine. “Treasure.”

“Mmm, assuming we survive that thing,” Fenris was pointing to the rocks shivering together in the center of the room.

Slowly, the boulders slid together, meshed and melded, held together by a familiar red glow. The wraith towered over us, ancient and canny and backed by a demon's rage. He leaned down to glare at us with one wide, evil eye, and then attacked.

Lightning flew from it, a massive electricity story filling the room and touching every living thing. Dodging bolts and skirting around tall lyrium-lined pillars, I tried, desperately, to get into a position I could start casting from. My mana was low, no healing potions on tap, a room slowly filling with wraiths and one giant stony demon with a real hard-on for my death. It wasn’t the worst situation I’d found myself in…but it was up there.

I heard a yell and saw Fenris charge out of hiding, his sword held before him and tattoos flaring. The monster took one look at the elf and backhanded him. I heard a loud crack as he hit the far wall, head lolling on a limp neck. It spurred me out of hiding, spurred me to open myself up and pull down fire in a broad column, centered on the larger wraith.

The smaller ones circled me – circled us – but were being attacked by Varric's bolts. “Keep them off me!” I yelled, pushing closer to the larger wraith. I could do this, I thought. I could. The chances of me surviving were slim, but I could bring this fucker down. I wouldn't let them die because of this expedition.

Anders would not die in the Deep. Fenris would live to fight his master and gain his freedom. Varric would take care of my family. I could do this.

I heard Anders calling my name as I pushed harder against the wall of power being put out by the demon, like walking through shards of red glass it cut into my skin. My blood flowed down, coating my hands as I clenched them, scrapping at the bottom of my mana stores, opening myself up. More...more...I could feel my eyes burning, my brain mushing as I sucked more power into me. A little more, I saw Fenris shake his head and stand, eyes widening as he took me in. A little more...I could feel my blood boiling in my veins, my vision greying at the edges. A bit more…I just need to pull a little bit more…

My blood ignited with power and I screamed - the fire turning into an icy blast that hit the demon-backed wraith and froze it. I heard the grinding of rock...or maybe it was my bones as the power hit and I let go, snapped off my connection to my magic and felt it reverberate through my body. I couldn't breathe. I was falling.

I saw Fenris leap and then nothing.

***

  
Sunlight. It was annoying the crap out of me too. So bright against my closed eyelids. I tried to raise a hand and found myself unable to move. That caused me to panic and open my eyes and inhale sharply, afraid I was bound and captured...and found myself on a bedroll under a tree.

I watched the sunlight skitter through the leaves, sparkling and dancing. The wind was cool against my face, fresh smelling. I was alive. Alive and on a bedroll under a tree.

“Hey love,” Anders’ voice slid over me a moment before his face came into view. “Welcome back.”

“What...” I croaked, sighing gratefully as he helped me sit up and take a sip of water. “Where?”

“Mm...the exit was on Sundermount. We walked almost back to Kirkwall under the Deeps. Talk about Kismet. We came out and scared some Dalish nearly into the afterlife. They, grudgingly, led us to the camp. I've been keeping you in the sun for a few days. Marethari said it would help pull you back to us. I see she was right.” Anders was stroking my hair. “You promised me you would never do that again.”

“I wanted you to live,” I whispered. “It was the right choice.”

“Silly Cat,” his voice broke, “What's the point of living if you aren't there?”

“Sentimental...”I choked on the laugh.

“We're rich,” Varric's voice joined us and I turned my head to see my friend sitting next to me. “Rich, Rinnie.”

“What?” Now I struggled to sit up completely.

“It was the vault. And it was full of treasure. Rich. You'll be set for life,” He reached out to touch my face. “And I would have traded it all in a heartbeat for your life if you had died. Never again, you hear me? Never again, Rinnie.”

“You scared us all,” Fenris said, his hand settling on my foot.

I looked at each face, at each friend and lover and loved one...all of them loved. “Sentimental bastards, all of you.”

Our laughter wafted down the small rise to the Dalish camp below. We had gone into the Deeps, had seen sights no living person had seen in centuries, and had lived to tell the tale. We were alive and we were rich.

And we were going to go home.


	35. Chapter 35

**Epilogue:**

Six Months Later:

“Tada! The Amell Mansion – back in the rightful hands of the...Amell-Hawkes!' I let out a chuckle at that. “I had to amend the name on the register to include the Hawke name. Mother made me hyphenate it. Poor Dad. If he knew he'd be laughing.”

“Wow...” was all Anders could think to say.

We stood in a grand entrance – or what would be a grand entrance eventually. Broken tiles and peeling paint filled the large room. A graceful archway led further into the house. I headed towards it, eyes less on the destruction and more on the lovely bones of the old mansion.

“It'll be a job to restore, that's for sure.” I glanced around and grinned. “But worth it.”

“So...” Anders was looking around, obviously feeling self-conscious. “I guess this means you'll be moving out.”

“Mm...in a manner of speaking.” I took his hand and lead him up a wide staircase to a second level that looked out over the broad central atrium. The hall branched, but I kept straight on to the end of the balcony and double doors. Pulling them open, I gestured. “The master bedroom.”

Anders gave me a curious look as he entered the large room. “This is going to be lovely.”

“Yes it is,” I agreed. “And big enough for both of us, I bet.”

Anders turned to face me, his face blank. “I'm sorry, what?”

Swallowing the sudden spurt of nerves, I held out a key. “This is a key to the basement door. The one that opens just next to your clinic in Darktown.”

“A key?” Anders arched an eyebrow. “Not your key?”

“No...your key.” I smiled slightly at the remembered conversation from when we first got together. “This is my way of binding you to me.”

“Cat...you can't...” He started.

“I can. I want you here with me, Anders. I want to wake up next to you, I want to fall asleep next to you, I want to see you down in the library or sitting at the kitchen table. And don't try to use my mother as an excuse. I've already told her and she's fine with it. Not that she has a choice...it's my house.” I went to him and slowly wrapped his fingers around the key. “I love you.”

“Two apostates living in Hightown,” he murmured, amusement and something else in voice...something that caused his eyes to shimmer.

“Mm...and a former slave. I've already tortured Fenris this morning. Varric and I went by to tell him we bought his mansion, deeded it to one of Varric's corporation, and had a rental agreement for him to sign.” I grinned as I remembered the look of shock on my friend's face. “He started out by stomping around and cursing about mages, then stood and vibrated for a minute, and then had to go stand in a room alone for a while to get himself under control.”

“You...you bought his mansion? And rented it to him?” Anders didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry at the thought. “How much rent is he paying?”

“A copper a month.” I chuckled. “He signed the agreement and Varric is having builders start repairs. It's a good investment for Varric and a good way to hide Fenris.” I moved closer to Anders. “So...”

“So...” I watched golden-brown eyes gleam and a smile quirk up lips. Anders nabbed my chin in his fingers and tilted my face to his, “Where is your mother's room?”

“Down the other hall. She wanted her old childhood bedroom. I thought we could soundproof the walls and get a big four-poster bed.” I inhaled at the look filling his eyes. “Ahh...”

“Mm...Cat...my Cat...” he bent his head and ghosted his lips over mine. “And you'll be staying with me while the mansion is fixed up?”

“Ahh...yes...of course...” I laughed weakly.

“I accept,” the words breathed out before he overwhelmed me with his lips and hands. He walked me backwards and pressed me tightly to the wall. When he came up for air, I was trembling against him. “I love you. You've given me more than...nobody has ever...”

“Me too,” I whispered.

“What color do you want the walls in here?” He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled shakily. “I think maybe a blue?”

“Red,” I murmured, relaxing and luxuriating in the feeling of Anders against me. “Reds and browns.”

“Mm...come on, sweetheart. I want to take you home and make you scream my name.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and wrapped my hand in his.

“Sounds like a solid plan there.” I laughed, following him out of the dilapidated room and down the stairs to the basement. To home...which was anyplace Anders was…

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on Tumblr under Warriormaggie!


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